The Girl Next Door (Negan fic)
by TeamCarlisle
Summary: Pre-apocalypse and later post-apocalypse. Negan's new 23 year old neighbor, Nicole, becomes smitten with him after a seemingly innocent encounter with him after she returns home from college. Lemons, fluff included.
1. Butter and Beer

Nicole hung up the cap and gown that shimmered with a fresh royal blue to signify the primary color of Woodbridge University, a local college in Virginia where she'd spent the last four years studying her ass off to get a degree in criminal justice. She was twenty-three years old and after spending the last few years in a little off-campus apartment with some friends, Nicole was feeling both aggravated and nostalgic upon returning to her parents' house in the suburbs. They got along just fine, though the freedoms that had gone along with renting out her own place were now reeled in a bit tighter.

She was an adult and on the verge of possibly getting her dream job and kick-starting life after college, though she knew any night she preferred to be out on the town her mother's text would surely come in at midnight asking when she would be home. Nicole wasn't completely unappreciative. She knew her parents meant well and that they wouldn't completely hold her back. Still, she dreamed of the day soon when she would be able to move out and possibly buy a place of her own.

 _Maybe a little condo by the water_ , she imagined in her daydreams. Still, she had taken her father's advice in moving back home to save some money until that magical day occurred and some high-and-mighty supervisor shook her hand with the phrase, "We'd like to welcome you to our staff."

 _Soon_ , Nicole reminded herself. She glanced around her old bedroom and sighed. The nostalgic memories of the old days - high school and before- entered her mind in rapid-fire style and she couldn't help but smile. She remembered the sleepovers with her best friends in that room; getting ready for prom; sneaking in her old high school boyfriend once or twice...

 _Those were good days too,_ she knew.

Nicole smiled to herself and sat down on the edge of her bed. It all felt odd. Her former sanctuary felt slightly foreign and she couldn't wholly pinpoint why. Sure, some time had passed but it wasn't _that_ long.

She removed her phone from her pocket and began to shoot her friend Holly a text to see what she was up for the night. Spending just a few, lonely minutes in her old bedroom was already making her feel depressed and so she prayed that some friends would be around to go grab a drink with or maybe a bite to eat.

Nicole let out another sigh and wandered over to the window, flinging it open to let some air in as the late May air grew more humid as the day progressed.

Next door she spotted a man standing behind a grill as smoke filtered up above him in a faint, little cloud as he flipped what she assumed was a burger with a pair of metal tongs.

"Hey, honey."

Nicole jumped at her mother's voice and then snickered at her own jumpiness. "Hey." She pressed her eyebrows together and motioned out the window as her mother entered the room. "Who's that?"

"Oh, I guess it never came up in conversation," her mother said with a shrug, "That's our new neighbor... moved in back in January."

Nicole glanced back out the window and her mother followed her stare.

"I think he's married," her mother teased with a giggle from behind, "And a bit too old for you."

She whipped around and made a face. "I'm not... I'm not checking him out. I'm just asking why there's a stranger in the Wilsons' backyard." Nicole smirked and raised her eyebrows, "Maybe if my mother told me things I wouldn't have to play detective."

"Isn't that what you got your degree in criminal justice for?"

Nicole chuckled, knowing her mother could most certain outwit her in a verbal battle. "And I'm 23 years old. No one's too old for me anymore."

"Well, in that case I hear they just built a nice, new nursing home down the road with plenty of widowed men." She tapped her daughter on the back, "I can drive you there if you'd like."

"No thanks."

The two of them shared a laugh and her mother continued, "Will you be joining your father and I for dinner tonight? We were thinking of doing the Chili's and then heading to a play at the little theater downtown. The kids are putting on Grease."

Nicole smiled and felt her phone vibrate in her hands. She cleared her throat. "It's Holly."

"So, I guess the answer is going to be no," her mother suspected.

"Hmm... um..." She glanced down at her friend's message stating she was working until close at another restaurant in town. Nicole scrunched her nose in disappointment but replied to her mother, "Yeah, I think we're going to grab some appetizers and a few beers."

"Not too many."

"Of course not." Nicole rolled her eyes but smiled again and exchanged a hug with her mother. "I'll be around for awhile so we'll catch up."

"Alright." Her mother kissed her cheek, "Keep in touch."

"Okay," she agreed and then cleared her throat when she turned to go. "Mom, what's his name?"

"Huh?"

"The neighbor," Nicole went on, "I should probably introduce myself since I'm going to be a resident of 45 Harding Drive again."

"Negan," her mother replied, "His name is Negan."

...

Nicole wandered out to the back steps, sweeping her hair into a ponytail as her parents took off for the evening. She had waited for them to go before she popped open a beer - a habit she'd had on most Friday nights over the course of the last four years. Still, she felt a little funny drinking in front of them even though she was closing in on her mid-twenties.

The ice cold beverage tasted better than normal because of the incoming heat. She sighed and leaned her elbows back on the top step of the set of four that led from the back door into the oversized backyard.

As much as Nicole had wanted to have a night out with friends she felt completely content and relaxed on her own. It gave her time to think; to decompress; to become familiar again with her old surroundings.

For a moment she took it all in, sitting there silently as the sun completely lowered itself behind a row of trees that extended for miles beyond the edge of the back yard.

"Karen?" a deep, scratchy voice made Nicole jump for the second time that night. She put a hand on her chest and glanced off to the side when she realized a man had called out her mother's name.

 _The neighbor_ , she thought.

Nicole cleared her throat and rose to her feet, leaving the beer on the top step. "No... Nicole." She took a few steps in his direction though he met her just a few feet beyond the steps.

"Nicole?" His features became clear when he stepped into a small, back light beside the door. The man smiled wider revealing a set of perfectly white teeth and dimples making themselves known from beneath a trim beard. "Tim and Karen's daughter?"

She looked down sheepishly and smiled before lifting her eyes to meet his stare. "Yeah."

His eyes shifted to the beer and his grin widened even more before he extended a hand. "I'm Negan... your neighbor."

"Nice to meet you." Nicole gave a closed-mouth smile and took in his appearance, consciously telling herself not to stare. From beneath a white t-shirt she could see the tail of tattoos on either arm.

Negan cleared his throat. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's fine," she assured him and then cleared her throat, "Do you want a beer or something?"

He chuckled and gave a wink, "No thanks. I was actually just coming over to see if I could borrow some butter."

Nicole felt like an electric current had struck her body when he winked at her. "Oh, well..." She glanced over her shoulder at the back door and then back to Negan.

"You don't have to," he assured her, unable to keep the grin from his face. "You don't fuckin' know me yet so-"

"No," she laughed from his choice of words, "No, it's fine."

"Are you sure?" Negan's deep voice cut through her like a knife and he kept his eyes firmly locked on hers.

Nicole nodded, unable to look away for a moment and then waved him with her inside.

"Don't forget your brew here, doll." He reached down at scooped up the beer as she flung the back door open.

She smiled again, "Thanks."

Negan winked and followed her in, before glancing around at the modest but modern kitchen. "You, uh... you even old enough to drink this shit?" He motioned to the can.

Nicole rolled her eyes, "I can show you my ID if that makes you feel any better." She flung open the refrigerator, "I know my parents are going to treat me like I'm in high school again."

"Well... they're just trying to protect you," Negan informed her, toying with the beer can now. "How old _are_ you?"

"Twenty-three." She glanced over her shoulder at him, somewhat pleased to catch him staring - or so she thought.

Negan put the can down and switched his gaze to anywhere but Nicole.

"Here." Nicole removed a stick of butter and crossed the room to hand it to him. When the butter landed in his hand she decided to be bold and didn't immediately let it go, "How old are you?"

He chuckled before holding a wicked smirk and again held her captive with his playfully intense eyes. "How old do you think I am doll?"

She stared back, somewhat used to gaining control over the guys she had dated or been interested in in the past. This time she felt a bit outmatched and part of it was her instant attraction to him. When Negan took one step in her direction, Nicole swallowed hard and shrugged to give a random answer.

"Thirty-two?"

Negan laughed a little louder, putting a hand on his stomach. He ran the other hand through his slicked back hair and pointed at her. "You're so full of shit."

Nicole smiled at him, "I was thinking more of thirty-eight, thirty-nine."

He sucked his teeth and gave her one look up-and-down before smiled wide again. When he didn't say anything in response Nicole flat out asked, "Am I right?"

"Forty-one," Negan finally informed her after a long pause.

"Over the hill then?"

He snickered and then motioned to the fridge, "Ya know... I will have that beer if you don't mind."

Nicole smiled and laughed for a moment before making her way to fetch one for him. When she placed a bottle of Bud Lite in his hand he used the counter to pop the top rather than twist it. When the dented bottle cap fell to the floor and danced in circles for a moment she glanced back up to find him continuing to stare as he took a long swig from the bottle.

Negan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Your dad going to notice that a few of these are missing?"

"They're mine," Nicole informed him, "And I'm not-"

"A kid, I know..." Negan rolled his eyes now and the two of them shared a laugh, "Believe me when you're my age you'll love that someone will accuse you of being younger."

"I'm sure I will."

He reached down and scooped up the cap from the ground and then held it out in his palm. When she went to reach for it he closed his hand and decided to continue to tease her.

"I'll take it," Negan offered, "Don't want you to get caught drinking these things when your parents come home." He took another sip and Nicole rolled her eyes.

"You know, I could've guessed you were fifty."

He sighed after removing the bottle from his lips. "Smart mouth on you," Negan flashed his index finger at her with the hand that held the bottle, "I like it."

Nicole looked down and laughed again, feeling her cheeks grow hot from his remark.

"Anyway, I should be getting back." Negan continued to smile, almost triumphantly at her and winked again. "It was nice meeting you, Nicole."

"It was nice meeting you too... Negan."

He held her gaze for an extra second, forcing him to smirk a final time before heading out the back door.

"Thanks for the beer honey," he said casually, "I'll see ya around."


	2. Red Riding Hood

**8:15 a.m.**

Nicole's eyes flickered open and she squinted as she looked around the room. It took a moment for her to decipher where she was but only several seconds passed before she recognized her old bedroom.

 _Twilight Zone_ , she thought.

A beam of light filtered through the window, welcoming her to the beginning of a new day.

Nicole yawned and stretched her arms high above her head before glancing at the digital clock on her nightstand.

"Eight-fifteen," she whispered the time to herself and sunk deeper into the blankets for a moment, re-closing her eyes.

For a moment she laid there contently beneath the covers though her eyes snapped open when her sense alerted her to a conversation that was taking place somewhere else in the house.

"You didn't have to do that," her mother's friendly voice gushed. "What's a stick of butter these days?"

 _A stick of butter..._ Nicole's thoughts actively raced back to her meeting with Negan the night before and then she heard his unmistakable deep, scratchy voice coming from the living room.

"I wouldn't feel right if I didn't give it back right away." He chuckled. "I was just scrambling because we threw in a few ears of corn to go with the burgers and there was no butter in the house. Happy wife, happy life right?"

"You got that right," Nicole's father chimed in with a laugh.

Nicole tossed the covers off of her and tossed a long-sleeved T-shirt on over the cami she's worn to bed. She hurried to look in the mirror, frantically putting on the smallest bout of bronzer on her cheeks, running a brush through her hair and popping a mint in her mouth.

She stared at her reflection for a moment and abruptly removed the long-sleeved shirt so she stood in the navy blue cami and shorts. Several seconds went by and she contemplated heading downstairs in the more skimpy attire though shook her head and tossed the shirt back on over it.

"Well, thanks again," Negan's voice echoed in her ears.

"Shit," Nicole whispered to herself, sensing he was about to leave. She took one last look at herself and then flung the door open, taking the stairs as nonchalantly as possible to the first floor.

She felt her heart beating in her chest as she first saw Negan standing just a few feet inside the front door. He glanced up at her, fighting back a smirk and then Nicole's mother broke the ice.

"There she is! And before nine... impressive."

Nicole sighed and flashed her mother a smile before returning her eyes to Negan.

"This is our new neighbor," Nicole's father motioned with his hand.

"I know, Dad." Nicole tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I loaned him the butter last night, remember?"

"She's a sassy thing isn't she?" Her mother remarked, snickering as she did but narrowing her eyes at her daughter.

"Well, I just figured I'd replace what I took," Negan went on with a grin. "I wouldn't have come by so early but I saw you getting the newspaper outside."

"That's very kind of you but unnecessary," her mother told him with a genuine smile. "This is what neighbors are for."

"I appreciate it." He nodded and then glanced around the three of them when there was a short bout of silence. "Well, I guess I'm going to head back. Lucille is heading up to Maine for a few days to visit her sister."

"You're not going with her?" Karen asked.

He glanced subtly at Nicole but immediately returned his gaze to her parents and cleared his throat. "Work." He shrugged, "I can't get the time off still being fairly new here."

"Stop prying in the man's business," Tim shook his head.

"It's fine." Negan chuckled, "I think they need their girl time. I don't know if I could handle a week of giggling and inside jokes that I know nothing about."

"We all need a little girl time," Karen agreed with a nod.

Negan waved a hand in Nicole's direction, "Thanks for the help."

She felt her face grow hot when his eyes failed to leave hers. "Oh... um... yeah... anytime."

"Thank you," he echoed to her parents before heading back out the front door.

Nicole felt a wave of disappointment though simultaneously felt as if she'd been released from a trance. _He's married._ She almost pouted at the thought.

"Breakfast?" Nicole's father grinned from ear to ear, "I picked up some donuts from that place you love down the street."

She chuckled, unable to fight off her parents' attempts to make her feel back at home and she nodded. "Sprinkle?"

"Of course." He waved her with him.

"I'll put on some coffee," her mother offered and Nicole nodded.

"Please!" she put up a finger, "I'll be right back." Without another word she hurried back up the stairs and rushed into her room to look out the window.

Negan crossed back into his yard and in the driveway Nicole watched as a woman walked from the garage to a car in the driveway with the hatchback open toting a bag on one shoulder and wheeling some luggage behind her. From the distance she couldn't decide if she thought she was attractive or not, though she could see the woman was fairly petite and had dark brown hair tossed back in a ponytail.

"I've got it Negan." Her voice was shrill and loud enough for Nicole to hear.

When Negan put his hands out to the sides she could tell the two of them were involved in some type of argument.

Nicole crouched down, not wanting to be seen from her upstairs window but couldn't help herself; she had to know what they were fighting about.

"Lucille..." He shook his head now and she walked back toward the garage past him as if he wasn't standing there.

"I'll be back next Saturday." The woman's voice was just as fiery as the first time, "Go inside."

Negan had his hands on his hips now as he watched her load a final bag in the car before slamming the hatch back closed.

"Don't do this shit outside." He glanced around in all directions before attempting to wrap his arms around her, an act she denied with a hand against his chest before separating herself from him by hopping in the driver's seat. When he leaned in the car window Nicole could no longer hear their conversation but from his body language that they were arguing and no sooner than a few seconds later the vehicle backed out and sped away down the street.

Nicole let out a deep breath through her nose and watched for a moment as Negan stood there with his hands on his hips watching down the road until the car was out of sight. When he turned to walk inside Nicole exited her room and went down to join her parents for breakfast.

...

 **8:15 p.m.**

"Sorry I couldn't make it out last night," Holly said to Nicole. The two of them sat side by side at barstools down at one of the local bars in town. "My boss can be a real pain in the ass sometimes."

Nicole chuckled, "It's fine. I had the house to myself so I kind of just had some time to chill and binge watch some old shows."

"Sounds terrible."

She laughed and shrugged. "It was alright."

"Well, here's to... summer?" Holly raised her martini glass and Nicole tapped her beer bottle gently against it.

"To potentially the weirdest summer of my life."

"Why's that?"

Nicole shrugged, "I don't know. Being back home doesn't feel so 'at home' anymore."

"Give it time." Holly sipped her drink, "In a month it'll feel like you never left."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Hey, it's not so bad. I'm here." She smiled and raised her eyebrows, "Jill and Molly should be home within the week too. We can get the old crew back together before we all get real jobs and have to do shitty adult stuff."

"I'll drink to that," Nicole agreed, taking a longer swig of the beer. She sighed and began to peel at the blue Bud Lite label. Again, it drew her mind to the night before when she'd been indulging in conversation with Negan. She envisioned him snapping the cap off the top using the counter and a smile crossed her face.

"Ooohh... someone's checking us out," Holly commented, "Or maybe they know you..." Her eyebrows pressed together and she motioned using her head toward a table in the corner of the bar.

"Oh shit." Nicole couldn't contain her response but realized it must've sounded out of place.

"What?" Her friend asked, "Do you know him?"

"That's my neighbor," she informed her, "New neighbor."

Negan smirked and gave a wave but quickly entertained a conversation he was having with two other men at the small, corner table.

"He's kind of a babe... in a bad boy George Clooney kind of way."

Nicole snickered and shrugged, unable to take her eyes off of him. When Negan glanced back in her direction she looked away and quickly took a sip from her bottle.

"You think he's hot," Holly suspected with a laugh.

"What?" She shook her head, "No... maybe something like you just said but... no."

"Mm-hmm..." She continued to stare at her friend with playfully accusing eyes.

"Stop," Nicole joked, "I just met him last night."

"Last night?" Holly perked up, "And..."

"And what?"

"You tell me."

Nicole laughed again, "He came over to the house because he needed some butter."

"More like some sugar," she winked and glanced up toward a television that had a baseball game on in front of them.

"Shut up Holly."

"He keeps looking over here."

"He probably feels awkward, like he doesn't know whether to come say hi or not." Nicole subtly glanced back to the corner of the bar and this time Negan looked away and paid attention to a piece of paper on the table, tapping at it with his index finger.

"Is he in the mafia or something?" Holly joked.

"I think so," she teased back.

Holly's face lit up, "Or... he's like the vampire from Fright Night. The hot new neighbor moves in but he's secretly trying to eat all of the people around him. You didn't invite him inside did you? That's the kiss of death. Have you seen him out in the sunlight?"

Nicole began to laugh a little louder. "There's something wrong with you."

"I'm kind of funny."

"Yes... you are," she confirmed, continuing to chuckle.

"He's getting up," Holly whispered, stalking him for a moment with her eyes.

Nicole glanced over and felt her stomach twist in knots when he headed in their direction.

"So you _are_ over twenty-one," Negan cracked a wide smile and tapped the back of her chair as he continued to walk by.

"Twenty-three," she called after him, smiling wide.

He glanced over his shoulder, winking once before continuing on around a corner toward the bathrooms.

Nicole let out a sigh and Holly turned back around to her.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" her friend asked. Before Nicole could attempt to plead her case Holly went on, "He's hot... and he's totally flirting with you."

"He's _not_ flirting with me."

"That was a Frank Sinatra-worthy wink."

Nicole shook her head, laughing again. "Where do you come up with these things?"

"You're glowing Nicole. You're crushing on this guy. Who cares if he's your neighbor. Get on that."

"He's married," she lowered her voice.

Holly raised her eyebrows and glanced toward the doorway where Negan had just walked through before returning her attention to her friend. "You'd never tell by the way he just looked at you. And it wasn't in a gawky kind of way. It was... I don't know."

"Forget it." Nicole sipped her drink and tried to pretend like she was interested in the game on the television.

"At least admit you're crushing."

She turned to her and shook her head, "Fine... he's hot. Okay?" Nicole focused on the screen for as long as she could and tried to pretend not to notice when Negan rounded back into the bar. She let out a deep breath as he crossed behind her and felt a rush when he came up beside her to flag down the bartender.

"Another round?" the middle-aged man asked, already reaching for a beer.

"You got it," Negan said with a nod, "You can put it on the tab." He turned to Nicole, "Any interest in playing darts over here?" He nodded toward a dart board in the corner, "We're sick of drawing up football practice plans. These old bastards I work with can't focus for long."

Nicole chuckled and looked him up and down despite his eagerness to maintain eye contact. "Sure."

"Don't feel obligated." He forced her eyes back to his and continued to stare into them.

"I don't." Nicole felt that intense paralysis again and couldn't turn away so when the bartender came back with the round of beers for his table she felt relieved and let out a breath.

"Get these two what they want," Negan added to the bartender, "Next round's on me when you finish those."

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"It's fine. I owe you one from last night." He headed back to the small table with his friends and Holly finally snapped Nicole out of her daze.

"I thought you just gave him butter," she whispered with a giggle, "What was last night?"

Nicole swallowed hard and rose to her feet, prompting Holly to do the same. "I offered him a beer and he took it," she said, "It was nothing... believe me. If I had anything interesting to share I would tell you."

Her legs felt heavy as she crossed the dark bar that was scattered with only a handful of other people. While the two other men began collecting darts and erasing the chalkboard to the side, Negan stood staring with his elbow on the table. For a moment everything else was in the background and Nicole could only focus on his Negan.

 _Shit..._ Any wit she had going for her had betrayed her. The instant, intense attraction she had to him was completely clouding her judgment. Nicole felt like she was about to enter a wolf den, though she didn't at all mind playing the part of Little Red Riding Hood.


	3. Game Over

The anxiety-ridden feeling Nicole had had leading up to the game of darts diminished as the night went on. They'd swapped teammates several times, beginning with a 'boys versus girls' theme and then pairing off randomly when one game ended.

"He's going to fuck it up, you watch," Negan taunted as his friend lined up, closing one eye as he released the dart, only sending it clunking off the board and to the ground. "You didn't even hit the fuckin' board." His words drew laughter from everyone and the man that missed stumbled to retrieve it, chuckling as he went.

"I'm fucked up," Skip, the older robust man, remarked as he struggled to pick the dark up from the floor.

"Ya think?" Negan joked, continuing to sip on his beer.

"It's about time I get this man home to his wife and let her deal with him," the other man, Charlie, chuckled from behind a pair of alcohol-induced crimson cheeks. "Can't hold his liquor."

Skip huffed a breath and closed his eyes with a hand on his head. "The old lady's going to be mad at me. Especially when I tell her we've been hanging out with these lovely ladies." He motioned to Nicole and Holly, laughing at himself and making the others do the same.

"I'd leave that part out if you knew what was good for ya," Charlie informed him with another laugh. "Come on Skippy. It's past your bed time."

"Game over?" Holly asked Nicole.

"I guess so." She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Free drinks from the old men all night," she whispered, "Score."

Nicole chuckled and nodded.

"You two alright to get behind the wheel?" Negan asked, "You look like shit run over twice."

"It's just a quarter mile down the road," Charlie waved a hand. He smiled, "Good night ladies."

"Goodnight," the said at the same time before Holly turned to Nicole.

"I'm heading to the bathroom. Be right back." She raised her eyebrows, noting it would give Nicole and Negan a moment alone and Nicole tried to play it off coolly.

"Okay." She watched a moment as Holly made her way down the bar and around the corner.

"Hope I didn't kill your girls night," Negan said as soon as the two of them were alone.

"No." Nicole turned back to him and leaned an elbow on the table, "We were just bored. Had to get out of the house."

"Mmm..." He slid back down into a seat and Nicole took upon herself to join him as they waited for Holly.

"So, you're a football coach?" she asked.

"Yeah," Negan replied simply, "Just got involved with these guys here. They're alright."

"Yeah they were fun."

"For a bunch of old fuckin' men," he chuckled and leaned both elbows on the table to straddle the beer, "You're probably used to night clubs filled with young guys just dying to buy you a drink. This has to be fuckin' lame."

"I was over that scene by my junior year," Nicole told him with a laugh as she shook her head. "They were all the same with their cheesy cologne and gelled up hair."

Negan huffed a laugh and took a sip of his drink. "Sick of that shit huh?"

"Very." She mirrored his position and continued to sip on the beer she had been milking for the better part of an hour, "I'm kind of over the party scene... and the being at home scene."

"You've been home for one fuckin' day." He raised his eyebrows, "Get over it. You're saving money."

Nicole nodded, "Yeah... yeah you're right."

"I know I am." He smiled, a charming arrogance radiated out of him.

When Nicole's phone buzzed in her pocket she jumped and quickly removed it, finding a text message from Holly. She shook her head as she read the message silently: _I'm getting in my car. Snuck out the back. Have fun. You'll thank me later._

When she looked back up Negan was grilling her with his eyes across the table and Nicole wasn't sure if he'd managed to read the message or not. She cleared her throat. "Holly," she said simply.

"You guys need to go?"

Nicole opened her mouth to speak, still unsure if he had seen what her friend wrote but decided to chance it and lie. "She... got sick. She's on her way home."

"She need some fuckin' help?"

She shook her head, "No, she was embarrassed I think and just bailed." Nicole shrugged and took a sip to buy herself some time in case he asked her any more questions. When he didn't she tried to change the subject. "This place is dead."

"What's so bad about the college scene?" Negan asked.

"Huh?"

"The young guys, the night clubs..."

"Oh... nothing, I guess." Nicole cleared her throat feeling like he was trying to read her. Again, her face felt flush with heat and she continued, "They're just... all the same. There's no appeal anymore. When I was eighteen I thought it was cool sneaking in to bars and all that." She smiled and shook her head before looking him in the eye. "This is more my speed."

Negan stared back at her and didn't immediately say anything.

Nicole almost couldn't take the quiet stalemate. The sexual attraction for Negan burned in her chest and in that moment in the quiet corner of the bar it was hard to fight it. All the same, she felt like she had to be reading his body language correctly in assuming he was feeling something too. Still, the fact that he was married lingered in the back of her mind but she remembered the argument he'd had with his wife earlier as she packed her bags and stormed away.

 _Maybe they're having problems._ Nicole tried to justify her feelings in her mind but she knew it wasn't right. Getting involved with Negan would satisfy her instant craving for him but beyond that she knew it could only lead to making both of their lives more complicated, and even that was an understatement.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," she told him, when she couldn't contain her feelings any longer. It was the only thing she could say without leaping across the table and initiating a make-out session that played out animalisticly in her mind.

"You gunna disappear on me too?" he joked, though she could see there was a hint of seriousness in his piercing eyes behind the wicked smile that hadn't left his face all night.

"Not a chance." Nicole felt embarrassed by the bold nature of her words, but took a deep breath and made the long walk across the bar into the restroom area. When she pushed open the door she felt relieved that no one else was in there and quickly made her way to the sink to pat some water on her face. She let out a breath, leaning both of her hands on the counter and then took in her appearance to make sure she was satisfied with the way she looked.

 _I'm being ridiculous_ , she thought. _I'm too old to feel this out of control over a guy... or a man._

Negan was a man. He wasn't at all like the college boys she'd been surrounded by who loved to crush beer cans on their heads, brag about how many consecutive beer pong games they'd won and worst of all when they threw the cheesiest lines at her and her friends to try to get laid. Negan didn't have to say or do anything in particular. He could simply look at her in the right way and she was ready to obey any request or demand he threw her way.

She took in another deep breath and felt like she had the quick break that she needed to hold a sensible conversation with him without the constant interference of her out-of-whack hormones.

"Okay," Nicole whispered to herself and fiddled with her hair before pulling the door open to head back into the short, dark hallway. When Negan rounded the corner at the same time from the bar both of them stopped abruptly.

His eyes stalked the length of her body before finally re-settling on hers.

"Checking to make sure I didn't bail?" she joked, nervously laughing just after. Her tongue danced along her bottom lip and she couldn't help but look him up and down the way he had just done to her.

Negan swallowed hard, tipping his mouth up into a half-smirk before walking past the men's room door in her direction.

Nicole didn't have time to process all of the questions in her mind because he marched up and planting his lips against hers, immediately penetrating them with his tongue as his hands successfully shoved her up against the door to the women's room that opened a few inches beneath the force.

She felt an explosion of adrenaline filter through her body as she kissed him back even more savagely than in her daydreams.

Negan pushed the door all the way open, not separating himself from her as he gripped her ass with his free hand and pushed her hips firmly against his.

Nicole tangled a hand in his hair, kissing him back with a heated passion that she didn't bother to try masking now that he had initiated the fantasy that had been playing out in her mind since they'd met.

He moaned into her mouth before taking a breath and crushing his lips back against hers.

She felt her back against the cool, tile wall at the back of the bathroom and arched her neck as he began to ravage her, sliding a hand down the front her pants while gripping her face with the other and kissing her again.

It all was happening so fast and she struggled to try keeping up but couldn't process a conscious thought when his first two fingers slid inside of her.

Nicole bit down on her lip in a break in their kiss and spread her legs wider to give him more access.

Negan left a single kiss on her lips and spoke against them in a husky whisper, "Let it out honey," he kissed her again, "Let it out."

She knew the bar was nearly empty and there wasn't another woman that had been there. Even if there had been she didn't know that she would have cared and let out a moan when his fingers twitched, arcing perfectly in his technique to make her entire lower body shiver with pleasure that radiated down through her legs and up into her abdomen.

"Fuck Negan," she whined his name, desperate for his tongue to dominate hers again as he continued to finger her relentlessly until she felt like she was going to explode.

"I don't think you're ready to fuck yet," he whispered, playing on her words as he continued to take in her features as she writhed in pleasure beneath his touch. Negan's arousal heightened when he traced her lips with the thumb on his free hand, prompting Nicole to take it in her mouth as she continued to moan.

"Jesus Nicky," he closed his eyes relished in the feeling, pushing his fingers deeper into her.

She whimpered again, pleased by his nickname for her and attempted to reach for the belt buckle on his pants.

Negan swatted her hand away and chuckled wickedly against her lips. "How bad do you want this shit?"

Nicole forced his lips back against hers and Negan reciprocated her demands, kissing her in a wild, sloppy fashion.

She gasped out a response, "I want it." Nicole reached her hand back down toward his waist again and this time Negan didn't stop her. He removed his hand from her pants and placed his hands against the wall on either side of her as she managed to undo his buckle and shove his pants down off his hips.

Immediately Nicole dropped to her knees, taking in as much of him as she could making him moan and buck his hips once as he grasped the back of her head with one hand.

Negan leaned back now, closing his eyes and allowing her to have her way with him as she continued to go down on him like she might never get another opportunity to do so. "Fuuucckk." He drew the word out, encouraging her to continue as he grabbed a fist full of her hair. "Ohh shit..."

Had anybody walked by the door there would have been no way to mask what was going on. Negan didn't hold back and felt an additional jolt of pleasure when Nicole stroked him with her hand before quietly demanding him to come.

He opened his eyes, letting his mouth hang open as he glanced down, making eye contact with her as she engulfed him again.

"Jesus..." Negan's eyes closed again and he felt an unmistakable buildup brewing below his waist. He had intended on fucking her if she would have had him, but he couldn't deny that she was potentially giving him the best blowjob that he'd had in years. He couldn't ask her to stop, not when he was on the verge of exploding. "I'm gunna come." He shouted the words so loud that Nicole thought for sure that _someone_ had to have heard their encounter from somewhere in the bar. Still, she didn't let up and allowed him to push deep into her, gripping the back of her head with such force that she couldn't have separated her mouth from him if she tried.

He groaned, not attempting to hold back what he was feeling, alternating different curse words in between uneven breaths that ultimately left him panting as Nicole finished him off. With a final breath he released her hair, letting his hand drop toward her face as she wiped her mouth and slowly rose to her feet.

Negan stood there for several seconds, breathing heavy with his pants at his ankles and a hand on her face. When he finally came down off the high enough to speak, a chuckle left his mouth and ran a hand through her messy, dark hair. "Shit honey... you didn't get yours." He let out another breath and then retrieved his pants from the floor and straightened out his appearance.

"It's alright," she told him with a sly smile.

He huffed another breath and adjusted himself over his pants before regaining her gaze. Negan smiled and drew his thumb gently under her eye, "Mascara's running." He chuckled, "Sorry honey."

Nicole closed her eyes as he continued to wipe the stray makeup away from her face. When she reopened her eyes Negan still sported a hefty grin and he raised his eyebrows.

"Guess I fuckin' owe ya one."

She snickered, pleased to know that he wasn't at all expecting this to be their only encounter. "Yeah... you do."

Negan took a final, deep breath and winked. "Well... you know where to find me."

"Next door."

"Any time?" Nicole raised her eyebrows and Negan laughed lightly again.

"If you see me outside come on over to... borrow some butter or some shit."

"Butter..." She snickered and then swallowed hard when he took a step toward her and slid a hand back down the front of her pants.

Negan touched his lips to hers as he spoke and this time gently began to massage her. When Nicole's mouth twisted up in a smile and she closed her eyes again he grinned. He removed his glistening fingers from her beneath her panties held them out in front of him. "It's a shame this is going to go to waste. Too bad you're so damn good at giving a blowjob. I had all the intentions of fucking you but I could just _not_ ask you to fuckin' stop what you were doing doll."

"Damn," she said quietly, but smiled, praying he might have it in him to continue.

Negan smiled, reading the disappointment on her face. "I'll be in and out tomorrow," he claimed, "You see me and you feel like bringing me some butter-"

"I might definitely need some."

He looked down and made his way to the sink to wash his hands before turning to her with a smile. He ended the night the same way he had the night before, "I'll see ya around."


	4. Crazy

**Thanks all for reading and following so far! :)**

"Nicole, do you want some money for pizza?" The voice sounded like a distant echo. "Nicole... Nicole?"

She finally snapped out of a daydream and turned to her mother in the kitchen from the sink where she aimlessly washed dishes. "Huh?"

"Do you want some money to order a pizza or are you going to have something here?" Her mother waited for a response that was taking Nicole an extra long to give.

"Oh." Nicole cleared her throat and looked at the soapy bowl in her hands, "No... no I'll eat something here."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah there's... soup and stuff."

"Soup?" Her mother asked, "That's it?"

Nicole shrugged. "I had a big sub for lunch. I'm fine." She managed a smile, "What time will you and Dad be back?"

"Well the banquet starts at seven." She eyed the ceiling as she thought, "I can't see us being out much passed ten."

Nicole's father wandered down the stairs straightening his tie that completed a black suit, "How do I look?"

"Dapper dear."

Nicole laughed, "Dapper? Is that still a word?"

"Hey if selfie is a word," her father contested, "Then, yes, dapper is a word. And I'll take it." He kissed her mother on the cheek, "Are we ready to go?"

"Just about." Karen glanced at Nicole again, who smiled.

"I'll be fine." She shoo'd them with her hand, "You guys look great."

Tim reached into his wallet and handed his daughter a twenty. "Just take it," he ordered with a grin when she began to refuse.

"Fine." Nicole smiled and tucked it into her jeans and then kissed them each on the cheek. "Have fun."

The two of them waved and then headed toward the front door, locking it behind them and heading off for the evening.

She continued with the dishes, unable to put the events of the night before out of her mind. Nicole knew she had officially crossed a line - a big line. She had one of the hottest moments of her life the night before with her married neighbor.

 _Married_. The word cut her like a knife and Nicole's conscience plagued her because of the woman she had contributed to betraying. Still, she knew it wouldn't stop her from doing it again.

All day Nicole had kept an eye for Negan. Once she'd seen him outside water flowers in the front of the house and another time washing his car. With her parents quite literally over her shoulder it proved to be harder to pursuit his offers than she would have thought.

She turned off the faucet and dried her hands before making her way up into her bedroom. She had begun to feel like a stalker, staking out Negan's every move and looking for some opportunity or excuse to go over there to see him.

"Where ya headed?" Negan's voice filtered in through the open window in her room and Nicole rushed to the window to listen.

She swallowed hard, watching as he sat on a rider lawnmower shouting to her parents who hadn't left the driveway.

"Retirement dinner!" She heard her father shout, "Open bar!"

"Even better." Negan put his hands out to the sides and gave a wave. "Enjoy!"

Nicole took a breath and saw him kick the mower back into gear before continuing on down the yard. She couldn't take her eyes off of him and only did to watch her parents' vehicle vacate the premises with a friendly double-beep of the horn as they headed a few towns away to a fancy dinner for a friend.

 _Do I go over there?_ Nicole wondered. _Will I look too desperate?_ Her heart raced and all of a sudden she felt like she was in high school again - waiting for her parents to leave so she could talk to some guy she was crushing on. _Not just some guy_ , Nicole knew. He was more than she had bargained for in the best of ways.

With a deep breath she took a glance at herself and changed from the plain, pink t-shirt into the a fresh cami from the closet before reapplying some deodorant and giving a spritz from her best Victoria's Secret body spray collection.

 _I'll just go grab a beer and sit outside,_ she decided with a nod before ripping the hair-tie from her hair and letting it fall in a naturally messy fashion around her face.

Nicole darted down the steps, reached for a bottle of Bud Lite and headed out the back door to sit on the steps. Her heart was pounding now and flashes of memories from the night before continued to rattle her brain, sending electric currents to every part of her body. She didn't want their encounter to be a one-time ordeal and so when she saw him casually ride up and down in the next yard over she couldn't help but stare.

 _He's busy_. She didn't know if she meant what she was thinking or if she was just scared to go over there and talk to him.

Each second felt like a minute; each minute like an hour. Nicole adjusted from sitting to standing, to sitting again and then decided to pretend to check the mailbox, though she couldn't have cared less if there was mail or not. All she wanted was for Negan to notice her.

Like before, her heart thudded with each step as she crossed her yard and rounded the house that was adjacent to Negan's. His back was to her, and for them she cursed to herself but she continue the walk toward the driveway, glancing out of the corner of her eye as he put the mower in reverse and turned to face her. As her feet his the pavement she saw him glance over, letting his stare linger as she paced the length of driveway before reaching the mailbox.

Nicole swallowed hard, noting there was nothing to retrieve and then took a deep breath as she prepared her walk back. Again, his back was to her and Negan continued what he was doing, mowing perfectly straight rows up and down the lawn.

She sighed, noting it as only halfway done and the impatience that radiated out of her began to drive her mad. Still, next door Negan didn't falter. He carried on with a sense of patience and control that it almost made her feel crazy.

 _He doesn't seem to be in any rush, why should I?_

Nicole sipped her beer again and then reluctantly went in the house when Negan disappeared around the opposite side of his house. She scrunched her nose and turned on the television in the to try to pass some time, though opened up the living room windows so she could hear the hum of the lawnmower.

She felt herself growing weaker as she relived the moment in the bathroom. Nicole closed her eyes when she pictured his face a few inches from hers while his fingers explored her most sensitive areas. She imagined his inability to control himself in the midst of his climax that left him cursing and moaning with no regard for anything but the way she was making him feel. And his eyes; his eyes burned into her soul and made her submit to him in ways that she didn't know were possible. Never in her life had she been enamored so quickly or fallen so hard and fast for someone. It was all brand new and exciting.

 _It's driving me crazy!_

When the lawnmower went off she muted the television and listened, wanting to burst out the front door and run over next door. Nicole knew she couldn't do that - not if she wanted to look like she could handle the passion that was brewing between her and Negan. He wouldn't tolerate some clingy little girl. Nicole knew he needed a woman - a hot, young woman to satisfy him.

She tapped her foot and bit down on her fingernails until they were as short as they could possible go. As the world grew darker her hopes began to fade. Truthfully, Nicole didn't know if she had the balls to go over and knock on the door of his house. She was certain his wife wasn't home but what if she was? What if he was living in the moment and didn't actually want to deal with her anymore? What if he-

A light knock at the back door made Nicole spring to her feet and she began to rush through the living room but slowed herself once she got to the kitchen in order to appear like she had her shit together. She didn't; not even close. Still, she was addicted to the feeling and the suspense that went along with her short bout of time knowing Negan. If it was anyone else at the back door she knew she might lose it, and so when she flung it open and he stood there still in his yard clothes, Nicole couldn't help but smile as excitement and relief filtered through her body.

"Hi." She smiled at him.

"Hi." Negan's deep voice cut straight through her and she felt a familiar tantalizing chill.

Nicole stepped aside and held the door, prompting him to slowly ease himself inside. As if it was already a habit he removed his work boots and closed the door behind him, leaving them on a mat so as not to make a mess. The action made Nicole grin and she glanced up at him.

"You, uh... you cool with the shit that went down last night?" Negan asked, leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You sure?" The human lie-detector in him studied her features more intently now though he could tell from the smirk she was fighting off, her big excited eyes and the reddening flush in her face that she was being truthful.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Nicole nodded and Negan looked around for a moment. "My parents are... gone."

"Until when?"

"Ten."

His eyes landed on a clock that read seven-thirty-six and then he returned his gaze to meet hers. "Mail doesn't come on Sundays."

"What?" Nicole looked at him, "Yeah, I know..." Her voice trailed off and she felt her face grow a shade darker again.

Negan began to chuckle, "I was sure you did."

She shook her head and sighed, putting her hands on her hips for a moment before casting them out to the sides.

"You could've just come over ya know." He gave a closed-mouth smile accompanied by playful eyes.

"I didn't want to bother you when you were mowing the lawn."

Negan smiled, "I was fuckin' waiting doll."

"You were?" Nicole smiled a little wider, pleased to know that she wasn't the only one who felt the anxiety that went along with the cat-and-mouse game they were actively involved in.

"My dick's been hard half the day thinking of last night. Took some serious will power not to fuckin' take care of it myself."

She laughed again and leaned back against the counter across from him and began to twirl the blinds closed in front of the kitchen window, making him grin wider.

For a moment he stared across the room, taking every part of her in from where he stood and eyed each twirl of her fingers around the blinds. When she moved to the next window to assure their privacy he stalked her quietly, waiting for her to begin to close the blinds on the second window before moving in behind her to wrap an arm around her midsection.

She felt it again - the electricity. His touch shot currents through her body like she had never experienced and for the first time she acknowledged how truly scary that was. Nicole didn't care. She closed her eyes as he kissed her neck and whimpered as his fingers carefully undid the button of her jeans before he teased her by letting them dancing just an inch or two below her waistline.

Negan reached for her hand, placing it on the front of his jeans and began to nibble on hear earlobe. "This is what you fuckin' do to me," he whispered.

"Mmm..." Nicole moaned, keeping her eyes closed, "You already know what you do to me." She pushed his hand farther down her pants so he could feel the dampness that had lingered there since seeing him out on lawnmower.

He moaned against her, pushing his erection against her from behind and continued to ravage her ear. "I've been dreaming of what that shit feels like all fuckin' day." Negan continued to whisper, becoming more aroused by the second.

"You already know what it feels like," she whispered back.

Negan bit down on her ear and proceeded to undo her zipper and push down her jeans, "My dick doesn't know what it feels like honey."

"God..." Nicole pressed her eyes shut, her arousal spiking now just from his words. When she felt his hands sweep down over the thin straps of her cami she slunk her arms out of it, allowing him the access to grasp both of her breasts from behind. His hot breaths continued to land on her neck. When Nicole heard him undo his zipper she almost couldn't take it. She bit down on her bottom lip and reciprocated his advances when he bent her over in front of the back door so her hands were pressed firmly against it.

Negan dropped his pants, stepping out of them with ease and removed himself from the black boxer-briefs he was left standing in. With a swift move he shifted her underwear to the side and positioned himself so he could slide up into her.

Nicole let out a moan when she felt him fully inside of her, sliding in with ease from how wet she already was from the build up to that moment. His deep, desperate breath from behind her made her feel weaker in the knees, though when his big, strong hands clamped down on the outsides of her hips and he started thrusting she was taken to a whole new level of pleasure.

"Fuck..." she was barely able to get the word out as he pumped hard and relentless into her. Nicole surprised herself from the inability to keep herself from moaning, louder and more consistently as he carried on.

Negan closed his eyes, switching his hands from her hips to her shoulders and then continued to slam into her from behind. He tried to remain in control of the feeling, but everything about Nicole got the best of him. The way her back was arched in his direction; the way she moaned his name and at times couldn't even get it out because of the pleasure he was willing upon her with no intention of stopping.

He didn't have to tell her to let it out. She was making it hard for him to control himself. Negan prided himself on his ability to fuck a woman senseless - to keep her writhing with pleasure for him as he maintained a pace of his choice until she hit her climax, sometimes more than once, and begged him for more. This was a vastly different. Negan was the one who was overwhelmed with a desire so intense that he felt like he could come already at any second. It was why he was forced to pull out, replacing his dick with fingers and continuing to pound away while still securing her with a hand on her shoulder.

Nicole's moans didn't let up. Her fingers curled against the door and she widened her feet again to assure he could do whatever he wanted to her. When he removed his fingers this time he pulled her back to him, spinning her around to face him and then captured her lips with his.

Negan's tongue dominated hers and Nicole wrapped her arms around him. Both of them moaned as they took a breath in the kiss before he picked her up by the backs of her legs and set her down on the kitchen table so she faced him. For another few seconds he continued to kiss her before finally connecting himself to her again at the edge of the table.

Nicole met his half-open eyes as he continued to fuck her raw on the table. He appeared as if he was barely hanging on, though everything he was doing was effectively leading her to an orgasm. She locked her arms more firmly around the back of his neck as he held her in his hands against the table top as he picked up the pace.

Her eyes closed now and her fingers dug into the back of his shoulders. Nicole tightened her legs around him, the feeling of him pumping in and out of her masking all of her other senses and leaving her thighs burning with a hotness that left her with a powerful explosion that pulsed with such ferocity that Negan moaned from the recognition of her climatic moment.

"Holy fuck," he barely got the second word out and gripped her hips harder before exploding inside of her, complimenting her orgasm with a powerful one of his own. Negan jolted his hips forward, sensing Nicole was still in the midst of her own climax from the way her mouth hung open and her eyes were pressed shut amongst the continuous flow of contracts that left his dick pulsing and aching inside of her.

He continued to moan as the feeling lingered, grazing his lips against her and breathing his final breaths into her mouth before kissing her hard as he completely finished.

Nicole held onto him tight kept her lips pressed firmly against his. They separated only to breath, tough he leaned is forehead against hers as he still lingered dormant inside of her.

"Fuck," he whispered against her lips and pulled her hips closer to his, thrusting slowly into her once as if to assure she had gotten every little drop from him.

"Mmm..." She moaned again, keeping her arms around him and could sense he no initial intention of letting her go.

Nicole knew at that moment that she was in far too deep already. There was no way that she could just turn her back on the affair with Negan that was causing a fire inside of her. When he kissed her again, his lips lazily dancing against hers accompanied by the sensual swipe of his tongue, she felt the same electricity as he'd first entered the house. Nicole's new mission was not to fall in love.


	5. Amused

"Any of them college boys ever fuck you like that?" Negan asked as he buttoned his pants and let out another breath before peeling open the refrigerator door.

Nicole still felt hot from the moment. Her senses hadn't quite turned to normal and her face glowed a shade darker. "No," she admitted, sitting down in one of the kitchen chairs to compose herself. A smile took over her face and she ran a hand across the back of her neck with a sigh.

Negan held a beer up and she nodded as he removed two from the fridge and joined her at the table.

"Thanks." She watched as he used the table this time to pop the top on the Bud Lite and handed one over.

"What the fuck would your parents do if they walked in right now?" He smirked and slid in beside her at the table, lifting the bottle to his lips as he did.

"Right now... I think I could make an excuse." Nicole smiled and sipped her beer. "Five minutes ago..." She raised her eyebrows and didn't have an answer.

"Your dad have a shotgun?" Negan laughed to himself as she smiled and shook her head. He let out another decompressing breath and leaned all the way back in his chair. "Shit..."

Nicole pressed the side of the bottle to her cheek in a less-than-valiant attempt to cool off.

"Still hot and bothered honey?" Negan smiled, holding her eye contact as he swigged his beer again.

"Just a little." Nicole smiled and ran a hand through her hair and then finally found it in her to relax back in the chair.

All of it still felt a bit surreal. Negan was in her house drinking a beer after the most incredible sex of her life. For the first time ever Nicole didn't have a care in the world for what kind of consequences could stem from their actions. She was quite literally living in the moment.

Negan didn't take his eyes off of her. The lazy post-coital gleam in his eye was unmistakable and Nicole finally chuckled when he failed to look away from here.

"What?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Negan's face twisted into a smirk at first and then a full blown smile that made her melt. He motioned with his hand. "Let me see your phone."

"My phone?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, "Your fuckin' phone."

Nicole glanced around the kitchen, not wholly aware of where she'd left it and then reached over her should toward the counter when it finally caught her eye.

Negan waited patiently, still smirking to himself. "Punch the code in honey."

Nicole did as he asked and was tempted to ask what he was doing but ultimately decided she had nothing to hide and slipped the phone into his wait palm.

"What the hell was that friend of yours name from the bar last night?" He asked.

Nicole pressed her eyebrows together, a small bout of jealousy filling her body. "Holly. Why?"

Negan kept his eyes on the small screen in front of him, letting his tongue dance over his lips in amusement as his finger began to type away at the keys.

The anxious butterflies returned to her stomach and Nicole was dying to know what he was writing.

Negan sipped his beer, smacking his lips together and then a noise went off that indicated he'd successfully sent a text message. "Here." He tossed the phone back and crossed one foot over the other, waiting in anticipation as she read what he'd written.

Nicole's eyes scanned the screen and she couldn't contain an elated smile when she saw he had texted her parents claiming she was spending the night at Holly's house.

When her eyes lifted to meet his Negan held his infamous smile and waited for what she would say.

Nicole decide to tease him. "I'm not staying at Holly's house tonight."

"I know." He nodded matter-of-factly.

She snickered, knowing what he was getting at. "What about my car?"

Negan waved a hand again, requesting her phone again.

Nicole handed it over, smiling as he sent another message and this time he placed it back in her hand.

"Holly is on her way to pick me up," she read aloud.

Negan cleared his throat and then took a longer sip from his drink. Before they could say anything more Nicole's phone went off and he chuckled, prompting her to put her finger to her lips over an ear-to-ear grin.

"Now I fuckin' thought you were an adult and could do whatever you wanted." He winked and Nicole fought back a laugh as she answered the phone.

"Hi Mom." She made eye contact with Negan who she knew was gaining far too much amusement from the situation. "Yeah I'll text you when we get to her house... no we're not going out drinking."

Negan lifted the beer to hips lips and sent a snicker into the bottle. Nicole giggled but managed to hold the conversation with her mother.

"Yeah I'll get us some pizza with the money." She paused, "Okay, goodnight."

When Nicole hung up the phone she eyed Negan who continued to grin at her. "How will I get back over here without being noticed?"

He winked. "I've put all the pieces of this plan into motion. Time for you to be creative." Negan finished off the beer and sighed, tossing it into the garbage can and then slipped his boots back on.

Nicole watched him a moment, wanting confirmation for what he was implying even though she already knew.

Negan decided not to tease her as he had been and was completely straightforward this time. "I'm going to shower," he informed her, "Pack a bag. I'll leave the back door unlocked."

She sighed and nodded. Overwhelmed was an understatement for how she was feeling. Everything had happened so fast but she felt like a willing passenger of a wild tornado of events.

"Come over anytime?" Nicole asked.

Negan squinted his eyes and took a few steps in her direction, not saying anything until he stared down at her from a few inches away. "I think you being shy about this shit should have gone out the window the second my dick entered your mouth the other night." He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile.

Nicole could have pursued him again and was tempted to but he finally inched back.

"Come by whenever you'd like doll," Negan told her, "Or not at all if that's your choice."

"I'll pack a bag." Nicole couldn't even attempt to play hard to get. She knew he would have seen through it anyway.

Negan smiled, glanced down and then looked back up at her. "Then I guess I'll see ya in a few fuckin' minutes." He winked and reached for the door handle before disappearing back out the door.


	6. Door One, Two and Three

Nicole didn't know how much time to take and she felt completely out-of-whack from overanalyzing every little detail of her life as of late. She was second-guessing herself, changing her mind constantly and feeling a series of highs and lows that she didn't know what to do with. Negan had completely thrown a curve ball into her simple, little life and she had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

She frantically rushed around her room, reaching first for a backpack that was still full of folders and notebooks from her final few courses in college. Without caring she dumped the back out until it was empty and then began to search for the appropriate attire to spend a discreet evening next door.

 _Pajama pants?_ Nicole shook her head, glancing down at the light blue flannel pants that were in a ball on top of her covers and then looked around for something she could consider to be remotely sexy. It was more difficult than she had anticipated. _Fuck..._

She was sure Negan had had experience - lots of it; and not matching up to whatever and whoever he was used to was not an option.

Nicole scrambled through her underwear drawer and pulled out a thong she had just bought from Victoria's Secret within the last few months - a pair of pink, lacy panties and quickly stepped out of the ones she had on.

 _Maybe I should shower_ , she thought, though shook her head again when she thought back to only several hours before when she'd showered in anticipation for her parents leaving and the potential to see Negan. Still, she changed and then located a heavily padded pushup bra before tossing on her go-to summer dress that she felt was appropriate for both a dressier occasion and a more casual one.

"Okay." She took a deep breath and reapplied deodorant before tossing it in her bag before scrambling to round a hair brush, tooth brush, makeup bag and a small collection of other things.

Nicole looked back to the pajama pants and tossed them in the bag as a backup along with a pair of casual short, blue shorts and a cami. In the corner of the room were a set of plain, black flipflips. She tossed them on, sprayed her hair and then hit herself with a dash of body spray before finally feeling somewhat satisfied despite the shakiness of her hands.

In the mirror across the room her reflection stared back at her. Nicole knew she was doing wrong and in time had all the intention of digging deeper into Negan's life, particularly his relationship with his wife, though if she was being honest with herself she knew she wouldn't bring it up that night. Things were too new; too hot; too out-of-this-world to ruin with the wrong choice of words.

Nicole ran her hands though her hair, took another deep breath and slung the bag over her shoulder before locking up and slinking out the back door.

The night air was cooler than normal and it refreshed her heated cheeks as she began to cross the lawn.

 _Relax, relax, relax..._ Nicole repeated the word in her mind and as she crossed over the imaginary boundary line that separated her yard from Negan's she glanced around the immediate area.

The closer she got to the back door of his home the more she thought of his wife. Nicole knew she hadn't returned home - Negan had said she was with her sister in Maine for a week and their stormy fight in the driveway further secured that notion. Still, she about about to enter Negan's home; not only Negan's home but the home that belonged to his wife.

Way to get a conscience now, Nicole thought, scolding herself in her mind. She had already crossed the line. If the public sexual encounter with him in the bar bathroom wasn't enough then the animal sex on top of her parents' kitchen table certainly qualified.

Nicole's arms and legs felt heavy though her stomach still felt as if desire-induced butterflies had made their home in her stomach and sent a burning surge through her core.

When her hand grasped the vertical handle that opened the back screen door she took a final deep breath and flung it open. Nicole stopped a step inside the door, glancing around dark kitchen that was only illuminated by a pool of light that filtered in from the next room. She swallowed hard, hearing her heart rate pick up from the thudding in her eardrums and the consistent pound in her chest with each beat of her heart.

The house was a one-story ranch with an updated kitchen and new marble countertops and earth tone walls from what she could see. Nicole remembered coming in the home once as a young kid but couldn't hardly remember the layout.

Nicole contemplated shouting out for Negan but she felt silly in doing so. She almost felt froze, as if her legs were too chicken to continue on despite her brain, heart and other parts of her urging her on.

When Negan appeared in the open doorway where light was casting in to the kitchen she felt a rush of relief and took in a deep breath.

"Hey." He swallowed hard, appearing a bit off his game for the first time since Nicole had met him.

"Hi." She took in his attire - a pair of navy blue mesh shorts that topped Calvin-Kline banded underwear that barely stuck out the top of the shorts. For the first time she really managed to take in his physique. A scattered array of chest hair decorate his upper body, thinning out as it made traveled down his bulky torso. That tattoos she'd seen peeking out from beneath his sleeves were exposed along with another at the top of his chest. His dark hair was freshly slicked back from a shower and his eyes were burning into hers. Nicole found herself wondering how good he smelled freshly showered and hoped it wouldn't take her long to find out.

"You look good," Negan said simply, taking in her freshly changed clothes.

Nicole suddenly felt embarrassed that she had put so much effort in when she saw how casual, or less-than casual, Negan dressed. "Thanks." She let out a breath and looked around the kitchen. She was afraid to move past that point, not because of what would happen between them but because of what she might witness; more specifically, a home shared by two people, none of which were her. Would there be pictures of the two of them? His wife's nightgown on the bed? As excited as Nicole was to be invited into Negan's home she recognized quickly how much easier it had been when she had home field advantage.

"You coming in or what?" He put his hands on his hips and looked her in the eye.

Nicole smiled at him and turned to close the door behind her that separated the two of them from the world outside.

 _Can I really sleep in the bed he shares with his wife?_

Negan waited for her to reach him across the room and studied her as her eyes took in the living room piece by piece. Dark brown curtains were pulled over the windows in the big, open space that was littered with all of the typical fillers - a pair of couches, a television, scattered pieces of furniture. Across the room on a mantle above a fireplace there were several framed pictures and Nicole was thankful she couldn't see them clearly.

"You feel fuckin' weird being here?" Negan hovered beside her.

She lifted her eyes to meet his and tried to lie, "No."

"You can always call your parents and tell them your plans with Holly fell through or some shit."

Nicole shook her head and gave him a smile. "I'm sure you can make it feel... more comfortable."

Negan placed a hand on the door frame next to where she stood, eying her again for a moment before smiling and then leaning in and touching his lips once to hers.

All of Nicole's fears and insecurities left her body as her eyes closed and she lived in the moment. Negan's tongue massaged hers as he explored her mouth at a more controlled pace. When he pulled back for a moment Nicole was about to say something but he kissed her again and this time slipped an arm around her lower back.

"How's that for a fuckin' start?" he said quietly against her lips.

Nicole's eyes flickered open and she let out a breath into his mouth. When she saw him smiling just an inch or so away she couldn't help but smile back. "That's a little better."

"Good." Negan kissed her again once more chastely and then switched off the lone lamp that had been on in the living room before reaching for her hand and towing her down the hallway.

She couldn't take it - the way he kissed her, the way he looked at her and now the way his fingers intertwined with hers made her feel things she didn't know were possible. Nicole's eyes scanned a series of doors, all that hung open in the dark hallway, and she felt like she was a part of some game, wondering what was behind doors number one, two and three.

Negan's fingers subconsciously tightened around hers as they passed a steamy bathroom and Nicole let out a breath through her nose, dying in anticipation yet again. She couldn't wait to get her arms around him again; she just prayed it wouldn't be in the bed he shared with his wife.


	7. Not Even Close

There were two doors at the end of the hallway, one of which was open partway and the other closed. Nicole arched her neck to glance inside the open one where a light illuminated the corner of the room on a nightstand. She could see the bed was unmade and when Negan closed it all the way she felt a bit relieved. A second later and pushed open the other door and flicked on a light switch.

Nicole could tell right away that the two of them were standing in a spare bedroom. A bedspread was neatly pressed over the top of the bed and the space looked more like a modeled bedroom set at a store than a room someone would sleep in every night.

"Is, uh... is this your room?" she asked timidly despite already suspecting the answer.

"Guest room," he explained, taking it all in himself as if he hadn't set foot in the place in months.

Negan eyed the open set of curtains that gave a view of the front yard and crossed the room to close them. When he turned back to Nicole she let slunk the backpack off her shoulder and allowed it to fall gently to the ground against the wall.

For a moment the two of them just stood there, the silence piercing her ears. She couldn't take it - the silence; the tension. Nicole found the bold woman inside of her and crossed the room to where Negan stood. Passion consumed her mind and body. Without thinking anymore she kissed him, wrapping her arms around the tops of his bare, broad shoulders as his hands instinctively dropped to her lower back, urging her hips against his as they kissed.

Negan sighed and began urging her dress up over her head.

Nicole couldn't help it. She had never felt more sexually aroused in her life than when she was with Negan. "Fuck me," she urged him on, prompting him to moan and pull her back to him with more force, cupping her ass as he did and leaving the other hand gently against her throat as he kissed her again.

"Not yet honey." He kissed her lips gently despite the intense nature of the moment. Negan slid his hand up her face and kissed her several more times in a row before swiftly unclasping her bra with ease in a fashion that screamed experience.

She let out a deep breath when his lips left hers and allowed him to guide her to the bed. When Negan pushed her down on top of the comforter he peeled over her underwear and tossed it over his shoulder before burying his face in between her legs.

Nicole closed her eyes and felt the immediate shake in her legs as his tongue began to dance long the most sensitive parts of her while his beard grazed the innermost part of her thighs. She moaned and almost couldn't handle it when his hands locked her in place firmly against his hungry face.

"Holy shit!" She couldn't hold it in and tried to break free from his grasp in the midst of the pleasure that left her a prisoner to his physical demands. When Negan hummed a moan into her she whimpered again and roughly engulfed a handful of his hair.

Negan felt his dick twitching with excitement each time Nicole bucked her hips against him and the unmistakable shake of her legs against he sides of his face made his own body ache. He opened his eyes and glanced at her. Nicole's eyes were closed shut, she bit down on her bottom lip, alternating between that and crying out each time he hit the right spot. The muscles in her stomach clenched with each pleasure-drive lift of her hips as his hands still clamped down on the front of her hips.

"Fuck..." She gasped the word now and Negan replaced his mouth with his fingers, curling them up into her and pushing with a force that left her paralyzed by gratification as he began to move them in a circular motion inside of her.

"Don't come yet baby." He hovered above her, taunting her without letting up. A smile formed on his face when he recognize her inability to open her eyes as she clenched herself around his fingers. Negan grinned wider, feeling pre-come slicking the top of his dick beneath his shorts as he continued to tease her while finger-fucking her harder. "Don't come."

Nicole's hand latched firmly around his wrist and for the first time her eyes flickered open and they made eye contact. Negan was in full control, as his mouth twisted in an entertained grin while the pupils of his eyes were black with desire. She barely couldn't get a word out and her eyes closed again, not anticipating he would press on enough to finish her off given the early nature of the evening.

"I'm going to..." She gasped the words out, unable to finish the sentence and her knuckles turned white as she squeezed his wrist while he led her to an orgasm that matched the one earlier that night.

Nicole thought she might literally being seeing stars and felt a heat wave rush through her body. Her fingernails dug into his arm and she cursed amidst a series of moans. "Negan..." She managed to let his name out as her hips bucked up wildly both begging him to stop and continue as an orgasm filtered through her body and left her panting for more.

Negan felt her intense contractions against his fingers, almost getting off from the look on her face as he made her come for the first time that night.

Nicole rode the high and then finally let out a series of breaths before laying still on the bed. He gave her a moment to breathe before positioning himself on top of her on the bed. His hard pressed firmly against her through the fabric of his shorts and he brought his lips to her once, though Nicole found herself unable to kiss him back as the feeling still lingered in her core from the moment.

"That one was for the other night in the bar," he whispered against her lips before gently leaving kisses down her neck and gently biting the area around her collar bone. When he lifted his head again to meet her stare he grinned again.

Nicole swallowed hard and draped an arm around him, pulling him to her and breathing heavily into his neck as he accepted her post-orgasm embrace. She huffed a deep breath, "Shit..."

"You're cursing as much as I do lately." Negan laughed against her neck and then pushed himself onto his hands so he hovered above her again. When she didn't immediately say anything he let out a chuckle, "You okay, doll?"

She finally managed to tip the corner of her mouth up in a smile before giving the subtlest of nods.

"Good." Negan pushed more firmly up against her, making her both laugh and moan at the same time. "Because we're not even fuckin' close to finished yet."


	8. Restless

Nicole had all but forgotten her fears, doubts and every little bit of insecurity that had inhabited itself in her body when she set foot in Negan's home earlier in the night. They were replaced with lust and rejuvenation each time he bit down on her neck, kissed her or pulled her into a new position.

The night was like a whirlwind of pleasure and each time Nicole felt like she was unable to keep up, Negan touched her in just the right way to ease her mind and pull her back into the moment.

Nicole was tastefully exhausted as she laid beneath him. Their bodies were entwined in every way possible, though the two of them laid still in the dark aside from Negan's steady, deep breaths.

"Shit Nicky," he whispered and let out a breath against her.

"I like it when you call me that," Nicole admitted, tracing her fingers up and down his glistening back.

"Mmm..." Negan swallowed hard and continue to let out breaths without moving off of her.

She closed her eyes and imagined this being her life. She pictured coming home from a job some day and cooking dinner for the two of them; or cheering from the stands at one of his football games on a cool, autumn night.

And I wouldn't even have to really leave my parents, Nicole thought as she indulged in the daydream. They would be right next door...

She let the subconscious smile that had formed on her face fade away when her brain actively moved from fantasy to reality.

Nicole's inner voice was far different this time. It reminded her that he had a wife, that he was her neighbor, that no one would ever approve of them getting together if by some snowball's chance in hell they managed to have an actual relationship. The chances were bleak at best and Nicole knew that.

"You okay?" Negan lifted his head and stared down at her now.

"Yeah." She gave a closed-mouth smile.

"You fuckin' sure honey?"

Nicole nodded. "Yeah I'm sure." She wanted to ask about Lucille. It was on the tip of her tongue and she knew she had to know the answers to all of her questions. Still, she wasn't brave enough to let the words out.

Negan touched his lips to hers and Nicole felt like she had been pierced through the chest with Cupid's arrow. It was a feeling that was difficult to ignore and consumed her every time.

"I'll be right back." Negan pushed himself up and got out of bed.

Nicole laid there for a moment alone and ran a hand through her hair as she glanced around the room. As the minutes went by more questions arose in her mind, this time they revolved around whether Negan would return and sleep with her or would she be left there alone.

 _Why am I so insecure_? Nicole shook her head and got out of bed when she heard a car slowing down. Her stomach knotted up for a moment when she thought Negan's wife might be pulling in but as she pulled down at the blinds she quickly noticed the headlights belonged to her parents' car as they pulled into the driveway next door. A moment later they exited the vehicle.

A smile formed on her face for a moment and she imagined the conversation they might be having.

Even from a distance she could see their body language was happy. Her mother was probably smiling and her father reached for her hand on the short walk to the front door. Their interaction was vastly different from Negan and Lucille's.

 _He doesn't love her like my dad loves my mom_ , Nicole knew. _Can a marriage last if it's not real? If he's cheating on her with me... and other women?_

Nicole hated herself for digging up a new issue to be anxious about. She cursed her mind for challenging her decisions to continue on with Negan.

 _Why can't I just..._ She didn't know where the thought was going because the reality was that their actions stemmed from a place of wrong. Nicole knew she didn't deserve anything. She didn't deserve to feel at ease. She didn't deserve a relationship with Negan, and for that her mind was restless; relentlessly reminding her that what they were doing was wrong.

Nicole jumped when she felt Negan's hands gently clamp down on her shoulders and then relaxed when he began to kneed his thumbs into the muscles in her neck and upper back.

"What're you doing baby?" Negan continued to massage her, kissing the area just below her ear.

"Nothing." She closed her eyes and as he continued what he was doing.

"You getting all fuckin' homesick on me?" He laughed and then wrapped his arms around her from behind.

Nicole melted against him, letting her back tuck neatly into his bare chest as he hugged his arms perfectly around her. She chuckled from his question and felt his continued laughs against her.

Negan trailed his teeth and lips down her neck to her shoulder and stood there in silence for a moment before tracing her arm with his fingertips and grabbing her hand.

"Come to bed," he urged, "I have to fuckin' get up early."

Nicole turned to him. "Where are you going?" The sentence came out with a hint of desperation.

Negan tugged at the covers and pulled her down with him. "Some of us have to work doll." He winked, making her smile as he laid down flat with her partially on top of him. "I know you'd like to keep me all to yourself in this fuckin' bedroom all day but, uh..." He chuckled some more.

"And you wouldn't want to keep me locked in here?"

"Oh fuck yeah I would," Negan's arms tightened around her and he kissed her again, chuckling against her lips.

Nicole laughed with him for a moment as she struggled to maintain one of the many mindsets that were firing off simultaneously.

He pulled back and rested a hand on her face. "Try to get some sleep doll."

"Okay." Nicole kissed him a final time and then skunk to her side of the bed. To her surprise she drifted off to sleep in a matter of minutes despite all of the blissful uncertainties around her. The last thing she remembered was Negan's arm slinking around her midsection beneath the covers as the two of them fell asleep entwined with one another.


	9. Midnight Hour

Restless - that's how Nicole felt that night in Negan's house. There was nowhere else she would have rather been but even in dreams her subconscious willed her to the feelings of guilt and worry.

In reality Nicole had no idea what Negan's wife looked like up close; though in her dreams her mind created the perfect combination of beauty and wrath. Ultimately, Nicole knew that she could literally walk in the door to find them at any minute. She could have taken an earlier flight home without telling Negan in an attempt to catch him in a lie. She had a key. Certainly her second guess when she found their bed vacant would be to peek inside the guest room...

Nicole's eyes snapped open and she breathed heavily as she sat up in bed. A light sweat decorated her forehead and she glanced around the dark room. Next to her Negan slept soundly, seeming to have not a care in the world and Nicole suddenly wondered how that could be.

Maybe he does this more often than I think, she thought to herself. Nicole shook her head, scolding herself yet again for allowing her mind to wander so furiously in a hundred different directions.

She let out a quiet, deep breath and carefully edged her way out of bed toward the window. After a collage of nightmares that left her mind plagued with "what-if" scenarios, Nicole needed confirmation that Lucille's car wasn't in the driveway.

Only the balls of her bare feet touched the cool, hardwood floor as she tiptoed to the window and peeled back the blinds.

The world outside was dark; quiet and illuminated only by scattered street lights. The driveway was empty. Bugs chirped in the late spring night and all was peaceful. Next door she could see the outline of her parents' car that sat alone after their night out.

Nicole let out a breath and let her hand fall away from the blinds. When she turned back around her eyes landed on Negan.

He laid peacefully still on his side facing her. Even in the darkness he looked as good as ever, and watching him sleep gave him an angelic appearance that wholly complimented his edgy ways.

Nicole took a moment to admire him, noting to herself that she might never see him in that near-perfect way again. The thought made her body feel heavy; her core feel numb. Still, she couldn't look away.

For several seconds she just stood there, though quickly crossed the room back to the bed and shifted the covers to slide under them.

Nicole felt selfish for what she was about to do, though that was a feeling that had been weighing her down since the start of it all.

"Negan..." She whispered his name and slipped an arm around his mid section.

Nicole was aware that he had to be up for work early in the morning and in that moment he slept so soundly. Still, the rush of emotion she felt from watching him lay there gnawed at her enough to wake him up.

"Negan." Nicole said his name a little louder this time and ran her hand up and down his back.

This time he stirred in the darkness and sat up abruptly, looking around in all directions. "What?" Negan cleared his throat, still in a subconscious, delirious state. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." She shook her head and waited for him to look at her once he settled down from being woken up.

"Are you alright?" He took in her body language and then looked back up to meet her stare.

Nicole nodded. "Yeah..."

Negan's eyes moved side to side, reading deeper into her expression. Before he could take a guess at the two or three things that entered his mind, Nicole leaned in and kissed him.

When she pulled back briefly she immediately went back in for another, this time kissing him harder.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against his lips as he finally reciprocated and pulled her back to him. "I know you have to wake up for work." The last word was smothered into his mouth as he grew more aggressive in his pursuit of her.

Negan moaned into her mouth and urged her completely on top of him. "You can wake me up any time if it's to ride my dick baby," he whispered, pulling her face back to his.

Nicole loved making out with Negan, especially as they had sex. With no barrier between them she straddled him and positioned herself so he could easily slide up into her with a subtle lift of his hips.

Negan guided her back, securing his hands on the outsides of her hips as she sat upright on him. He moaned when she moved in the right way and stared lazily up at her. "Go ahead honey," Negan bit down on his lower lip and his eyes finally closed when she jolted her hips forward.

Nicole's fingers dug into his chest as she pushed off of him, feeling every inch he had to offer as she moved in a consistent, fluid fashion on top of him. "God Negan..." The headboard slammed into the wall and she closed her eyes when she felt his hands grip her harder.

"Fuck, baby." Negan groaned as she carried on, allowing her to have full control for the first time. He bucked his hips up once, making her moan louder as he pushed up into her with extra force.

She moaned again when he repeated the motion and this time he pulled her back down to connect his lips with hers again.

"I want you to come on my dick," Negan whispered into her mouth. He kissed her sloppily again and then laid flat, clutching her hips again as he thrusted into her from below again and again.

Nicole couldn't control herself. Each fluid movement he made left her body aching with pleasure. She begged him for more through a series of moans before finally pushing back off his chest again into an upright position.

When his hands reached up to engulf her breasts she covered them with her own, locking her fingers through his as she continued to ride him more forcefully.

"That's it." His aroused, husky whispers encouraged her to continue. Each heavy breath he let out let Nicole know that what she was doing was effective for both of them.

Negan hummed her name now, dropping his hands from her breasts to take in the image of her on top of him. "You're so fucking... " he moaned again to end the sentence and then felt the dominant part of him take over.

He sat upright, pulling Nicole's face to his and kissed her again as they were now chest to chest.

Without warning he pulled out of her and pinned Nicole on her back in the center of the bed. Immediately he re-entered her, securing his lips back against hers as he began to fuck her harder.

Nicole whimpered into his mouth and allowed him to hook one of her legs up into his shoulder.

Negan parted his lips from hers and groaned in such a way that Nicole was sure he was close. She felt it, too - the intensity; the build up.

His face buried into the nook of her neck and Nicole's mouth opened when she felt his teeth graze her skin. "I'm going to..." She barely got the words out. "Negan..."

Nicole's eyes pressed shut harder when he moaned again. The sound of the headboard hitting the wall became louder and more consistent, urging him on as he never let up.

Again, an explosion of warm pleasure filtered through Nicole's body and she knew that Negan could feel the pulsing sensation against his dick that radiates out of her.

The desperation of his orgasmic lament superseded hers and he let it all out, panting, breathing heavy and moaning as he finished into her with a lengthy orgasm of his own.

Nicole held onto him hard as he relished in the moment. His back heaved up and down as he attempted to relax and finally he laid still on top of her.

For a moment they laid their entwined in a mid-night exhaustion.

"Fuck Nicole." He kept her face buried against her. "I don't think I'm going to ever get sick of fucking you like this."

She let out a deep breath and held onto him harder. "That makes two of us."

Negan lifted his head and kissed her once, leaving his lips against hers for an extra second. He let out another deep breath and then finally moved off of her before reaching toward the night stand for his phoneZ

Nicole watched him fiddle with the device for a moment and then smiled when he turned to her with a grin.

"I just set my alarm to wake up a half hour early," he informed her.

She pressed her eyebrows together but continued to smile. "How come?"

Negan set the phone down and then laid on his back and let out several more breaths. "Because honey... there ain't no better way to start the day than with a good morning fuck."

Nicole snickered and he rolled onto his side to pull her toward him.

"And if it's anything like that," Negan went on, kissing her again. "Well then, shit, I'm going to have a good fucking day." 


	10. Met Your Match

Nicole awoke to the sound of a Negan's phone sounding off in the darkness. She felt her heart race as she crossed over from the realm of dreams to reality.

For a moment she had to decipher if she really was awake. Everything that had happened the night before could have easily passed for the sweetest and most erotic of dreams.

When the repetitive sound coming from the night stand came to an abrupt stop Nicole glanced over and saw Negan fiddling with the phone's screen. He then set it down and turned to face her.

A smile formed on his face beneath a sleepy stare and Nicole felt the rush of butterflies that had been a constant feeling as of late. She knew she was falling for him - fast and hard.

Negan's eyes never left hers as he tossed the covers away and held out a hand without saying a word.

Nicole took in his naked body in total in the darkness as he stood without reservation waiting with a head of messy hair. She continued to smile, unable to even feel a bit self-conscious because of his own comfortability in his own skin. Negan always appeared both confident and amused and the feelings radiated out of him into her.

She reached a hand up and Negan eagerly pulled her out of bed, chuckling when she laughed from the force of his action. Immediately their lips connected.

Nicole continued to giggle and looked down. "Well that didn't take much."

"You fuckin' do it for me doll." Negan kissed her again and smiled against her lips again as he spoke. "You're fuckin' hot as shit." His fingers squeezed against the lowest part of her back.

Nicole tried to keep the moment going but he parted from her and towed her by the hand toward the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked him.

Negan reached for the handle and pulled it open with his free hand. He glanced over his shoulder, still grinning. "I can't go into work smelling like I just fucked half the night." He raised his eyebrows and flashed a wink, "And I'm guessing you wouldn't want to go home in that condition either."

He pushed open the partially open bathroom door and turned on the less intense of the two lights though both of them squinted.

Negan removed a set of towels and then turned on the shower. "You, uh,"he smiled and pointed, "Need a second one for your hair?"

Nicole shrugged and then gave a subtle nod. He winked again and tossed the towel playfully in her direction, making her giggle.

He reached for her arm now, pulling her back to him hard and the two of them shared a laugh. Negan kissed her again, purposely letting his hands wander to all the right parts of her body in a teasing fashion as the water warmed up.

"Put your hands flat on the sink honey," Negan whispered into her ear before taking part in turning her around.

Nicole closed her eyes for a moment, anticipating him upping their intimacy. Her fingers tightened around the edge of the sink when she felt him enter her. When his hands slid up the front of her chest Nicole's eyes opened and she met his gaze in the mirror as he began to kiss up her neck toward her ear.

He thrusted once and her eyes almost closed, though she held his eye contact.

"Mmm..." Negan smiled wickedly when she grinned in the midst of the initial pleasure. He bit down on her earlobe as he thrusted gently into her, "I love it when you eye-fuck the shit out of me."

Nicole couldn't look away now - not after he said that. He continued to fuck her, alternating between glancing down to take in her figure and regaining her stare in the mirror.

Steam began to filter into the bathroom as the water grew warmer. Negan didn't want to stop; not when he could see every part of her body in ways that were impossible without the help of a mirror. He closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of her warmth as he carried on at a controlled pace so he could attempt to make the moment last.

Negan silently acknowledged that Nicole got the best of him. Already he felt like he could burst at any minute and had to consciously distract his mind from the moment to hold out. It wasn't something Negan was used to - not since he was a much younger man.

He let out a breath and covered her hands on top of the vanity, kissing along her neck down to her shoulders as he did.

Nicole loved and hated when he grew more sensual in their embrace. Each time he kissed her gently or locked his fingers with hers she felt the feelings she was beginning to for him increase, like a thermometer indicating the temperature was getting hotter - only she didn't know how to make it go down. She opened her eyes to see his closed in their reflection as his tongue danced along her ear.

"Come shower with me doll." His teeth latched onto her earlobe again and he opened his eyes to meet her pleasure-filled stare.

She didn't want to separate herself from him, though the thought of showering together was far too tempting to pass up. Nicole turned partway and kissed him several times in a row before Negan backed away and pulled the shower curtain to the side so the two of them could get in.

 _This is too surreal_ , she thought.

Negan reached for a bar of soap on the ledge and spun her around again, securing his arms around her and drawing the bar of soap across her breasts and down her stomach, gently caressing the areas as he lathered up her body.

Nicole closed her eyes and focused on every action he took. When his hands moved to her upper back, slowly moving the soap in a circular motions across the tops of her shoulders she shudder and smiled.

He dug his thumbs into her muscles, kneading the area upon placing the soap back down and then carefully encouraged her to bend over without stopping the sensual, soapy massage.

"You are too fucking much Nicole." Negan slid back inside of her, watching as beads of water trailed the length of her back, dropping off at the curves of her hips. He kept his hands secured on her shoulders, continuing to dig his fingers into the muscles of her upper back as he picked up from where they left off in front of the mirror.

"God Negan..." Nicole's hands fell flat against the wet square tiles on the wall. It immediately triggered the memory of their first night together in the bathroom at the bar. She let out a breath, feeling like she was injected with a shot of heroin. The warmth of the water crashing down on the two of them, the feel of his hands as they kneaded the tense muscles in her back and the perfectly matched pace of him thrusting into her made her legs begin to shake. Each time she felt like she'd been hit with the most pleasurable experience of her life, Negan did something else to surpass the time before.

When he abruptly stopped Nicole turned her head in an attempt to make eye contact with him, though his eyes were closed and his jaw clenched. A smile crossed her face when she recognized his inability to control himself and she was tempted to force him to continue to get some self-gratification that she held some type of power over him the way he did with her.

Instead, Nicole reached for the soap and turned around, finally making his eyes snap open.

"Give me a fuckin' minute." He swallowed hard, but managed a smile and watched as she began to draw the soap across his chest. Negan re-closed his eyes allowed her to continue as she returned the favor, soaping him up and massaging for a few seconds before reaching below his waist.

Nicole smiled to herself again, taking in his features.

"Easy there doll." Negan didn't smile this time. His jaw tensed again and he reached for her arm, tightening his fingers around her wrist as she began to have her way with him. He slowly forced her hand away and caught the other one when she attempted to grab a hold of him again. Negan chuckled and let his eyes flicker open partway, "You ain't gunna get shit if you keep doing that."

"I don't care." Nicole perched herself up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his once.

"I do." He tipped his mouth up in a smirk. "I like making a woman come."

"Well maybe you've met your match Negan." Nicole winked at him this time and Negan laughed a little louder.

"I think you're fuckin' right. I'm about to blow my load after two minutes like I'm fuckin' sixteen."

She laughed again, pleased to know what she did to him and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck as they continued to kiss again partially beneath the hot water.

Negan moaned into her mouth and picked her up by the backs of her legs, planting her back against the wall so she sat in his hands.

Nicole shuddered from the cool feel of the tiles in the midst of the steam and the heat and locked her legs around his waist as he easily entered her again.

"This isn't going to fuckin' take much," he whispered into her mouth, kissing her again with a hard enthusiasm.

"It's okay," she gasped the words out.

Negan secured his mouth to his, aggressively pursuing her tongue and her body at once.

Nicole held him tightly against her and lived vigorously in the moment as she had been for days. When she felt that he was close she decided to match the demands he typically made for her when leading her to peak of physical pleasure.

She broke their kiss to let her lips caress the center of his ear. "Let it out," she whispered, clutching a fistful of his wet, black hair as she did.

Negan felt a surge of arousal and he couldn't deny her; not in the heat of the moment.

 _I've definitely met my fuckin' match_ , he thought.


	11. Cold Shower

"Your, uh, your parents fuckin' left a few minutes ago," Negan informed Nicole as she finished drying off and getting dressed. "Two separate cars. You should be safe to sneak back over unnoticed." A smile formed on his face and Nicole smiled back, running a hand through her towel-dry hair.

"Thanks." She chuckled to herself, "I feel like it's like James Bond or something... sneaking around."

He snickered again and tossed on a t-shirt over a pair of black pants. "Well... thanks for keeping me fuckin' company."

"Yeah." Nicole nodded, feeling that sinking feeling again from the uncertainty of their unorthodox relationship. It was a weight that she felt each time she parted from him. Now that she'd spent a night sleeping next to him the feeling was magnified.

"You okay?"

She forced a smile, trying to focus on the amazing aspects of their night together rather than the depressing what'ifs that plagued her mind. "Yeah. I'm good."

Negan looked her up and down a moment and then waved her out of the spare bedroom with him.

Nicole reached for her bag and followed him down the hall into the kitchen where he began rummaging through a drawer filled with miscellaneous coupons, writing utensils, and post-it notes. He ripped a yellow post-it from the top of a short stack of them and then scribbled seven digits with a black sharpie and handed it to her.

"I know this is kind of the old- fashioned way to give someone your phone number," he went on, handing it over, "But, shit, I'm old."

She felt the butterflies again - a surge of positive vibes that overtook her worries as she accepted his number. "You're not that old."

Negan smiled. "Send me a text or some shit so I have your number too. Just..." He hesitated and attempted to find the right way to word what he was thinking. "Save me under a different name for now maybe."

Nicole nodded, the darker side of their situation now regaining control over the good side again. It was like a powerful game of tug-of-war.

"I know that sounds fucked up." He scratched the back of his head.

"No," she shook her head, "I get it." Nicole was tempted to ask a question about Lucille but she wasn't sure what to ask, or even where to start. All the same she didn't want to ruin the most amazing night of her life with an awkward, short discussion as they parted.

Negan stared at her a moment and then Nicole decided to offer to leave so he wouldn't have to ask her to.

She pointed over her shoulder toward the back door with her thumb. "I'll, um... I'll see you later."

He nodded and followed her to the door as she began to head that way. When she turned the knob and pulled it open, Negan pressed his hand against it and closed it again.

Nicole stared up at him and Negan opened his mouth to speak, though nothing came out. She waited, and saw he was visibly distressed, at least for a moment, as his eyebrows pressed together. It wasn't like Negan to be at a loss for words. Nicole knew him well enough by now to know that he often had plenty to say - and then some.

"I, uh..." He cleared his throat and paused for another several seconds. "I get out of work around three."

She wanted to smile, and inside her heart was doing backflips; but she was too overwhelmed by the look on his face and his unwillingness to let her leave to show it. "Okay," Nicole said simply. When, again, he didn't speak she continued. "My parents usually aren't out of work until about five, so..." She snickered, "I could probably easily get back over here... I just don't know how I would get back home."

"You could always sleep over your friend's house again." Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile, making her grin wider.

"They may send a search party." Nicole took it upon herself to bring her lips back to his, watching for a second as Negan's eyes closed firmly before closing hers.

He pulled her tightly against him, leaving the other against the door and kissed her harder before reluctantly letting her go. "I gotta go to work." Negan brought his lips back to hers once more and Nicole found herself craving him again. When her hands tightened around the fabric of his shirt he cursed against her mouth. "Fuck."

"Do you think..." she breathed, "Do you think Holly would care if I slept over a second night?"

Negan finally managed a full grin, continuing to alternate between playfully making out with her and having a conversation. "I don't think she'd fuckin' mind." He grunted and groaned, closing his eyes and roughly pressing his forehead and nose against her. "Fuck, I want to just pick you up and put you on the counter and..." He let out a sigh as he let the rest play out in his mind.

Nicole kissed him again, playing into the raw aggression he attempted to control by pushing his face into hers. She felt his hard-on pressing through his pants as their bodies collided again.

"It's not fuckin' healthy to fuck this much." He reached down, adjusting himself and moved away to regain some control. Negan kept his eyes closed again and tried to think of anything else. He knew if she touched him at that moment then he'd willingly be late to work because he would have to have her again. "I have to go."

Nicole knew she had been indulging in her own pleasures far too much and decided to take a moment to be fair to him. As bad she wanted to cross back into his personal space and take control of the situation she refrained, noting he was trying to contain himself.

"I'll call you," she told him.

Negan opened his eyes and looked her up and down before nodded. A smile finally crossed his face again and he laughed at himself. "I should have just taken a fuckin' sick day."

Nicole giggled and shrugged, this time opening the back door fully. "I'll go home before you change your mind."

He let out a deep breath and watched her a moment. "Keep that bag packed."

"I will." She smiled at him and looked around the house once more before opening the screen door. "See ya later."

Negan swallowed hard and nodded, watching as she exited his home.

The intense energy that had swept over him made him feel like a new man each time he saw her. Negan wasn't used to not being in control, though he openly acknowledged now that Nicole held some power over him. Their instant, intense connection had left him fantasizing about her long after they'd parted.

He crossed the kitchen and glanced out a window that gave a view of her house, watching as Nicole pulled open the back door. She gave a final look in his direction before heading inside and Negan turned away from the window, bracing himself against the kitchen table.

 _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ He couldn't deny that what he was doing was wrong, but also acknowledged that his stomach seemed to drop when Nicole disappeared inside her home next door. In the tail end of the same thought his thoughts were heavily contradicting. _I could be fucking her right now but I just let her walk out._

Negan closed his eyes and drew a hand across his beard. For a moment he just stood there in the empty house, letting his thoughts wander in rapid-fire fashion. Whatever was happening between him and Nicole had its hooks in him. She was a like a drug and he was heavily addicted. The hardest part was knowing he could walk across the invisible line that separated their yards, knock on the door and never look back. Nicole, he knew, was willing to do whatever he wanted. He was beginning to feel like that worked in reverse because Negan also knew that if Nicole was the one to coming knocking on his door, he wouldn't be able to deny her.

"Shit." He said the word quietly to himself and glanced at the clock. With fifteen minutes to spare he decided to try to make the feeling go away temporarily and walked down the hallway toward the bathroom.

Steam still lingered on the mirror and when he saw his lone reflection he immediately missed having Nicole there in front of him as she had been a short time earlier.

Negan stared himself down, shaking his head. _Get a hold of yourself you pussy._ He cursed himself for feeling the way he did, even if the feeling was purely sexual. _Mostly sexual._ He corrected the phrase in his head and shook his head almost angrily again before stripping off his clothes and adjusting turning the shower back on.

He shivered as he stepped in, purposely leaving the water cold and closed his eyes, teeth chattering, as he stood directly under the icy flow of water. Negan wrapped his arms around himself and was able to focus on the uncomfortable sting from the shower rather than the one that burned inside of him. He stood there enduring it until the top of his head felt nearly numb. Negan turned the handle hard, creating a loud thump as it clicked back into place and the faucet turned off.

Again, he took a deep breath and still shivered there alone for a moment before ripping back the curtain so he came face to face with himself again in the mirror. Negan took in his shivering body, his desperate eyes and chattering teeth. In that moment he felt he looked more like a scared child than the strong man he viewed himself as.

He shook his head again. _What the fuck did I let this woman do to me?_


	12. Waiting Game

The day was long and Negan had a difficult time focusing at work. The clock felt like it was stuck on the same number for hours on end and multiple times his co-workers had called him out on spacing out in the middle of a conversation.

"Son, what in the hell do you keep looking at that damn phone for?" Charlie walked up to Negan, who immediately shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Negan searched his mind for a lie, "My wife's away. I'm just..." He cleared his throat, "Waiting to hear back from her about something."

"What's she knocked up?" He laughed and Negan managed a chuckle.

"Nah. Nothing like that." Negan's smile faded a bit and he placed the hand on his pocket where the phone sat.

"Seems like something to me," Charlie went on, "I've never seen you so glued to that thing."

"She's... buying some expensive jewelry and shit," he explained, "I just don't want to be bankrupt when she gets back."

His co-worker chuckled, "Women."

"Yeah..."

"You get home alright the other night?"

Negan's head whipped in Charlie's direction but he replied casually. "Yeah... fine." He cleared his throat, "You?"

He nodded and then glanced around the field where they stood before blowing a whistle, prompting Negan to glance down at his watch.

"Beat ya to it," Charlie told him with a chuckle, before leaving him with a hefty pat on the back. "Let's get these kids inside. It's hot as shit out here." He shook his head, "At least we can pull them in during school hours. Our boys are going to die at practice this afternoon."

"Practice." Negan nodded to himself and removed the ball cap he had on, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

"Yeah," Charlie said matter-of-factly, "You know, that shit we planned out for hours on Friday night for spring practice. We have to toughen these kids up and weed out the weaker ones now so they cut themselves before we come back in the fall."

"Yeah." He nodded and began to walk back up toward the school where they worked, side-by-side with the older man.

"Everything alright?" Charlie asked again, "Are you fuckin' hungover or something?"

"I'm fucking fine Charlie." He reached into the pocket of his pants again, instinctually searching for his phone again to see if Nicole had sent him a text message or called. When he found the screen viewing nothing but the time he almost cursed aloud and jammed the phone back into his pocket. When he glanced back up Charlie was staring at him. "Yeah, I know. I checked my fucking phone."

A few of the students walking in from the fields glanced over and Charlie grabbed Negan by the arm, towing him to the side while shooing the kids in the direction of the building.

"You know how shit is nowadays," Charlie scolded him, "It's not like the old days where you could be a little tough on kids, or curse a bit. These parents will look for shit to pin on you and if some snot-nosed kid goes home and tells Mommy that he heard his teacher cursing, your ass is on the line."

"Well stop giving me shit then."

Charlie sterned up in a fatherly way, "Look... I like having you around. That's why I'm saying this shit." He glanced over his shoulder and then back to Negan, "So don't do something stupid to get yourself canned."

Negan scrunched his nose, wanting to come back with a snide remark but held enough respect for Charlie to bite his tongue. "Fine."

"And whatever the hell this is." He pointed toward his pocket and then directly at Negan, "You need to fix it."

...

Nicole finally decided she would text Negan when eleven o'clock rolled around. She didn't want to seem overly desperate by texting him too soon, nor did she want to interfere with the beginning of his day. Lunch time, she suspected, would be a good time to contact him.

She read the message in her mind as she typed, plopping down in the center of her bed as she did. _Hey, it's me... Nicole... I hope your day isn't going as hard as your morning._ Nicole squinted her eyes and then snickered to herself, not knowing if the message was too corny or forward. She hesitated a moment before finally hitting the send button.

A loud sigh left her mouth and Nicole rolled onto her back. Having the house to herself and no work to do she would have typically welcomed, though now it provided her with far too much time to daydream about Negan and all of the possibilities that went along with his abrupt, dramatic entrance into her life.

Nicole glanced down at her phone, noting the minute hadn't rolled over yet. Still, she already felt self-conscious in the fact that he didn't immediately text her back.

 _It's been twenty seconds_ , she reminded herself.

The television played mindlessly across the room and Nicole attempted to put her focus into a rerun of Law & Order with little success. Her eyes dropped to the phone again, this time at the exact second that the time switched from 11:00 to 11:01. It was almost like the device was taunting her; sticking out its tongue and willing her to believe that he, for some reason, ignored the message.

That was when the downward spiral of thoughts occurred in a perfect, timely fashion: _Maybe he's annoyed at me for waiting so long. Maybe he's playing hard to get. Maybe he's in the middle of class. Maybe a co-worker saw the message and now he has to explain it. Maybe he's losing interest. Maybe-_

The phone chimed off providing the instant remedy to Nicole's worries and she snatched the phone up into her hands. A smile decorated her face as she read his reply, warm relief spreading into her body from his prompt response.

 _Jesus doll... I was starting to think my fuckin' phone was broken..._

Nicole's fingers pounded furiously at the screen as she typed out another message, smirking to herself as she did. _Didn't mean to keep you waiting ;)_

She giggled, completely smitten with the brewing affair and glanced out the window toward his house. Nicole found herself counting down the minutes until three o'clock, or a little after, when she would see his truck roll back into the driveway. Her phone chimed off almost immediately this time and Nicole glanced down to read it.

 _I forgot I had practice until 5:30 tonight... so I may be the one to keep you waiting... you have my mind all clouded and shit! I almost fucking forgot about practice._

Nicole felt the simultaneous pull of emotions now that Negan wouldn't be home until later. Still, she felt satisfaction in the idea that she could distract him so heavily. It made the butterflies return to her stomach.

 _Sorry! :) Hope practice goes well... I have to find a way to sneak over now that my parents will be home... hmm..._

The predicament was real. Nicole wasn't sure how she would manage getting over to Negan's house without them realizing where she was going. She couldn't drive her car - they would see it in his driveway. She couldn't claim that someone was picking her up - they would see that no one was there to get her. Including Holly in the plan would let one more person in on the massive secret she and Negan had together, and even though that person was a good friend, it was still risky.

"Shit..." Nicole thought about it, distracted momentarily by nothing but bad ideas that she knew wouldn't work. A part of her wished she had a key to his house so she could get over there early and greet him in her best bra and panties at the door. _Until his wife walks in,_ she reminded herself of the big, giant elephant in the room that had yet to be discussed or even so much as mentioned. _Soon_ , she vowed, though didn't know what 'soon' actually meant.

When the phone sounded off again she couldn't help but chuckle and imagined what ideas were spinning around in Negan's mind. _I'll take care of it... don't even fuckin' sweat it doll ;)_

Nicole laid down flat again on her back and held the phone to her chest. "Why does he have to be fucking married?"

She closed her eyes and envisioned Negan in his entirety - the feel of his trim beard against her face as they kissed; his breaths as they landed against her neck; the sounds he made at the height of his arousal in the midst of their embrace.

The collection of thoughts made Nicole feel hot and cold; anxious and excited; and nervous but ready all at once. Negan had completely clouded her mind to the extent that she had no room for anything else.

I wonder what he has in mind. Nicole smiled to herself, enamored with the mystery of it all. She glanced down at her phone again, and given that it was only a few minutes past eleven, Nicole knew it would be a long day.


	13. Push the Limits

Nicole was thankful for the art of text messaging. Without it she would have been left with her collection of what-ifs.

The afternoon had dragged and now she eyed her backpack in the corner of the room that still had all of her things packed in it from the night before.

Night had begun to creep in, and when the sun finally set a little after eight o'clock she felt anxiety creeping in. As crazy as it felt, Nicole knew she couldn't be stuck in her bedroom staring at Negan's house all night. She had to see him.

The last message on her phone had come nearly a half an hour before. He informed her he was about to shower and included a little wink face to accompany it. It was enough for her to feel just a bit secure, though with each passing minute she wondered when he would jumpstart their evening.

Nicole's attention was drawn for a moment to the television when a reporter came on about an incident in Washington D.C. Her eyes widened a bit when a human stumbled dramatically across the road, growling like animal in pursuit of two police officers defending civilians. When they all disappeared out of the range of the camera the sound of gunshots sounded off before the camera cut back to the reporter.

"We were informed earlier that the attacker was said to be high on the drug PCP, which would explain the loss of motor skills and aggressive behavior."

Nicole's interest peaked for a moment, the criminal justice background in her was dying to burst out and look deeper into the case, if nothing more than for her own amusement. When her phone chimed her eyes urgently left the television and she smiled to see Negan's name on her phone screen. All he typed was: _Ready?_

She giggled and nodded as she typed, saying the word out loud, "Always."

A sigh left her mouth and she glanced in the mirror, fluffing out her hair a bit. Nicole looked down at her attire - a pair of girlie boxer shorts from Victoria's Secret and sports bra.

 _Time to change_ , she thought with a grin.

The phone went off again and this time when Nicole glanced down she continued to smile but now her curiosity peaked even more. She imagined Negan saying the words aloud that he typed to her: _Go down into the living room. Make sure your parents are there. Text me when you're there._

All of it was so cryptic, and made the uncertainties all the more fun. It was like a big game of cat and mouse. Nicole knew she could indulge herself in Negan's decadence in this way for a long time to come. She felt alive, and every part of her body felt like it was tingling.

Nicole giggled to herself again, unable to contain it. She felt like a kid ready to go to her favorite amusement park, though didn't know how she would get there.

Without another thought she flung open her door and rushed down the stairs, immediately catching the attention of her parents who were already there with the television on. Her father was fully reclined in what he referred to as his 'comfy chair' and was snoring away.

"Hey honey." Her mother greeted her with a smile.

"Hi." Nicole smiled and fiddled with her phone nonchalantly, responding to Negan with a simple, _I'm down here. What now?_

"Holly?"

Nicole's head snapped up and her face grew a shade darker. "Yeah," she lied.

"Your dad kind of conked out on me," her mother motioned to him in the chair, "We're supposed to be watching Survivor."

"That's still on?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course. It's one of the best shows on television."

"If you say so." Nicole chuckled and looked down when her phone went off again.

 _Stay there._

"You kids and your phones."

"Hey, you're getting hooked now that you have a smart phone, too." She eyed her mother, who managed a chuckle and yawned. When a commercial came on she rose to her feet, prompting Nicole to head in her direction. "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen."

Nicole glanced at her phone again and she bit down on her bottom lip. She wasn't sure what Negan was up to but she wanted to obey his requests. "Well... why?"

Her mother laughed this time, "To get a bottle of water. Is that okay with you?"

"I'll get it," she offered.

"Nicole..." Her mother narrowed her eyes at her.

"Mom..." She mimicked her mother's features.

"Are you hiding booze in there or something?"

Nicole laughed, "Hiding? Mom, I'll be twenty-four in a few months. I'm going to be a big-time detective soon." She raised her eyebrows, "I don't need permission to have a drink anymore."

"You do in this house." Her father sprung to life, grinning well before he opened his eyes as he teamed up with her mother to tease her.

Nicole couldn't help but laugh again and pretended to put her tail between her legs, "Okay, Dad." She glanced toward the front door and then back down at her phone. Whatever Negan had planned had her guessing like crazy now. When her mom continued her path into the kitchen Nicole went to stop her again, but she was too late. Her mother disappeared through an open doorway, only to return a few seconds later.

"You look like you're waiting for a bus," she said to her daughter as she plopped back down on the couch.

 _A big, sexy dark haired bus_ , Nicole thought in her mind. Her response to her mother was much different, "I was just coming down to say goodnight." She crossed the room and kissed her mother on the cheek and smiled when she noted her father was back asleep and snoring on the comfy chair.

"Already?"

Nicole nodded. "I didn't sleep well last night." _Lie._

Her mother shrugged, "Well, alright." She glanced at her husband, "You must take after your father because I could stay up until midnight sometimes."

She laughed and exchanged a hug, pleased that her phone had gone off again as she did. "Good night Mom."

"Good night." They exchanged a smile before Nicole glanced back at her phone for what felt like the fiftieth time.

 _All set doll. You can go back._

Nicole didn't understand. She shook her head, glanced back at her mother for a moment who was back to watching her show and then took the stairs by two up to the second floor. She began typing furiously back.

 _So... what's the plan? How will this work tonight?_

She sighed, hurrying back to her room with all the intentions of changing into something she felt was more appropriate and much sexier than her typical bed time attire. When she pushed the door open she screamed and immediately put her hand over her mouth, muffling a laugh just after.

Negan stood in between her open window and her bed. His face twisted into a smirk though he raised his eyebrows when he heard Nicole's mother shout up to her.

"What happened?" The television muted, "Nicole!"

Nicole's mouth hung open and she quickly exited her room when she heard her mother's footsteps approaching the stairs. "I'm fine!" she shouted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Why did you scream?" Her mother's footsteps were thudding up the stairs now and panic set in in her chest.

"Mom, I'm fine," she insisted, meeting her a step out of the partially open door. Nicole's heart was thudding in her chest as her mother looked at her skeptically, waiting for her question to be answered. "I... there was a spider. It was... on my door handle and I touched it when I opened my door."

"Yikes. Where did it go?"

"I don't know."

Nicole prayed her mother wouldn't try to enter her bedroom as her eyes began to scan the hardwood floors of the hallway.

"Mom, it's fine," she insisted, "I think I smushed it when I opened the door.

"I hate knowing there's a spider in here." She continued to tip toe down the hallway, reaching Nicole's door.

"It was tiny," her daughter insisted, strategically placing her body in between her mother and her room. The only way Nicole could have kept her mother out would have been to push her away, and she didn't have the heart to do something like that. With a deep breath the two of them entered the room.

Negan was no where to be seen and Nicole's eyes frantically scanned the area while her mother's scanned the floor.

"Mom, I'm fine... really." Nicole was panicking now as she had no idea where Negan had gone. "Please. It's dead. It was smaller than a dime." She took a deep breath, "They're going to vote someone off the island and you're going to miss it."

Finally her mom let up a bit in her pursuit and stood with her hands on her hips as if she'd just completed some grand mission. "Well... kill it if you see it. You know I hate those things."

"I will." Nicole was practicing stiff-arming her out of the room, though she softened up her tone. "I love you, Mom. Thanks for spider hunting for me."

She smiled, "Good night honey."

Nicole watched a moment, making sure her mother had retreated back to the first floor before closing the door to her bedroom and locking it. For several seconds she stood in silence, glancing around and only able to hear the sound of her thudding heart. When Negan slowly crept up from the floor in between the bed and the wall where the window was, Nicole put her hand on her chest and let out a deep breath.

"That was a close fuckin' call." Her grinned wide, speaking quietly.

"How did you get in here?" Nicole laughed, whispering the question to him. She was infatuated by every, little thing he did.

Negan nodded toward the window before kicking off his shoes and making himself at home in the center of her bed. "It's been awhile since I've scaled a house to sneak into a girl's bedroom."

"Is that a habit of yours?"

He chuckled, "Sounded a little fuckin' creepy now that I think of it. But, no... not since I was in high school."

Nicole bit down on her bottom lip and crossed the room, leaning a knee on the bed next to him. "You scaled the house?"

Negan smiled wider, "Being bad feels pretty good, doesn't it?"

She responded by swinging one leg across his body and straddling him on the bed before bringing her lips down to meet his.

He kissed her for a few seconds before latching his fingers beneath the band of her shorts. "You sleep in these?"

A day ago Nicole would have felt self-conscious, though now she could tell he was being flirtatious. "Sometimes..." She kissed him a little harder, "And sometimes nothing at all."

"Mmm..." Negan smiled as they kissed again.

"So... are we going to your place?"

He smiled, "How the fuck are we going to do that doll?"

"I can live dangerously too, ya know."

Negan drew a hand up to her face and twirled a strand of hair in his fingers, unable to keep himself from grinning. "Me too. That's why we're staying right here." He laughed, " I got this tingling feeling in my balls when your mom burst in here."

"I felt like I was going to be sick."

"How do you feel now?" He reached for her hand and held it in his own, smirking when he saw she was shaking from all the nerves. "Shit, doll. You're used to doing the right thing all the time, aren't you?"

"No, I-"

"I like that." Negan smiled wider and kissed her again. "But you are _certainly_ pushing your limits with me." His hand snaked up her back and he began to urge her out of the sports bra until she laid topless on top of him.

"It feels good to push the limits," she told him, closing her eyes as he began kissing her neck and cupping her breast with one of his hands.

"Only one way we're going to get caught fucking around in here tonight," he whispered against her neck.

"What's that?" Nicole arched her head back and moaned lightly.

Negan laughed and laid his head back down flat on the pillow. "If you can't be fuckin' quiet."

"No promises," she teased, purposely pushing back so he could view her upper body in its entirety.

"Mmm..." he moaned the sound again. "Well, if I'm too much for you baby." Negan reached for a second pillow next to where he laid, "Just scream my name into this."


	14. You Got Me

Negan opened his eyes, a damp sweat glistened his body and he had to consciously think about where he was for a moment. He swallowed hard, feeling the parched nature of his throat and then glanced at the clock on Nicole's nightstand.

It was just a few minutes past three o'clock in the morning and the only small bout of relief from the heat came from the open window that he had climbed through. Next to where he laid Nicole was sleep on her side with her back to him breathing evenly.

For a moment Negan just stared at her and a part of his mind began to wander to places he actively tried not to. If nothing else he was a realist, and Negan clearly knew all of the heightened emotions were a result of being in the early throws of infatuation. Still, he knew soon his life would swing back into the dull, suburban normalcy that at times drove him insane. He would be home at the same time every day, he would have overcooked chicken and broccoli and be given a look from his wife when he decided to have an extra beer or two.

Nicole made him feel alive for the first time in what felt like forever. He felt youthful and full of life whenever he thought of her, and that heightened whenever he saw her and sent the feeling through the roof whenever they got physical. Staring at her there in the dark knowing that their time was limited at best made his stomach twist into knots.

Negan sighed and ran his hands over his face and then glanced at the clock again. He knew it would be smart for him to go, given that her parents would be waking up for work within a few hours. He, too, had to be in and sneaking out once the sun rose would make the task all the more difficult. It had been risky enough sneaking over there, and one wrong move could have cost him the trust of his neighbors and marriage. Negan didn't care. There was a small part of him, somewhere in his subconscious, that wanted to get caught so someone else could hold the responsibility of throwing the curveball in his life that he was dying to take a swing at.

From the position where he laid he could see the very top of his roof through the window. The truth was he didn't want to go back hom; but he knew he had to.

"Nicole." Negan whispered her name at first and then he called her name a little louder, "Nicole." He gently placed a hand on her shoulder, prompting her eyes to flicker open. She turned to him with a smile and placed a hand over his, anticipating an intimate encounter given the late hour that he was waking her.

"Hey." Nicole's eyes began to adjust and she pulled him down to kiss her.

Negan reciprocated, making the task of leaving all the more difficult. He and Lucille had had marital problems for years, and Nicole hadn't been his first bout of cheating. Still, this was something different; something he wasn't used to.

 _Infatuation_ , he reminded himself, _chemicals in the brain._ Negan tried to rationalize it, but the logical thoughts grew foggy as they kissed and disappeared to nonexistent when her hands began wandered down his body.

"I have to go," Negan whispered, not wanting to part from her.

"No you don't," Nicole whispered back, pulling him back to her.

He kissed her again for a moment before pulling away. "I have to. Your parents will be up soon."

"What time is it?" She arched her neck toward the side of the bed where he slept and smirked, "It's only three-thirteen."

"I have to get home before the sun comes up doll." Negan smirked and kissed her again.

"Are you a vampire or something?"

He chuckled and touched her face before reluctantly sliding out of the bed.

"You're really going?" Nicole asked him, perching herself up on her forearms as she sat up in bed.

Negan reached for his pants and slid them on over his boxer-briefs.

"Who's going to take care of that for you?" She went on, motioning to his erection beneath the fabric of his pants.

He snickered, "I'll have to fuckin' take care of it myself."

Nicole scrunched her nose. "That's no fun."

"Mmm..." Negan placed his hands on the edge of her bed and touched his lips to hers. "I don't want to fuckin' go doll."

"I don't want you to go either." She kissed him a little harder and Negan, like the morning before, had to consciously force himself to part from her. When he reached down onto the floor for his shirt Nicole sat up completely and stared at him with disappointed eyes.

"I'd be getting up in a few hours anyway." Negan slipped on his shoes next and then reached onto the nightstand for his keys and cell phone. For the several seconds to follow he just stood there contemplating taking everything off and climbing back into bed with her. A part of him wished he hadn't woken up in the first place. Had the night just been a little bit cooler he would still be sleeping beside her.

"I know." Nicole looked down and managed a smile. "It's not like I should expect anything from this."

Negan's eyebrows pressed together and he looked down toward the floor. She was right, he knew, but he didn't want to admit to himself or to Nicole. "I'm, uh... I'm not just bailing on you here."

"Yeah, I know." Nicole knew he was being truthful; though she also knew he did have to go. If someone caught him in the confines of her bedroom there would be hell to pay from all angles.

Negan stared down at her for a moment and then let his eyes shift to the clock again. He cleared his throat and then recaptured her gaze. "Send me a text tomorrow."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Before eleven." He tipped his mouth up in a smirk. "I don't think I can wait that long again."

Negan's words made her whole body tingle. Nicole smiled wider and agreed to his requests with another, "Okay."

"Okay." Negan nodded and swallowed hard before carefully sliding up the screen on the window that separated them from the world outside.

Nicole got out of bed and hurried over beside where he shifted himself out. "Be careful," she said in a voice a little too loud.

When Negan leapt down onto a low-hanging roof he braced himself before glancing back up at her. "Put some clothes on," he said quietly with a smirk, staring up at her bare body as she hung halfway out the window. "You'll excite the fuckin' neighbors."

"I already did." Nicole giggled as she stared down at him.

"Shit." He shook his head, unable to look away for a moment and then carefully walked to the edge of the roof that was a manageable jump to the grass in the yard.

Nicole watched as he easily stuck the landing before turning back to face her. This time he didn't say anything. He just gave a simple wave and hurried in a stealthy fashion through the darkness toward his house next door.

She sighed, able to take in his figure all the way until he disappeared in through the back door of his home. The exciting parts were equally as toll-taking as the disappointing parts of their secret romance. For every high there was an equal low, and knowing that Negan had to go back to his own house because he lived a life completely separate from her was a depressing blow to her emotional state. It made the immorality of their affair all the more real.

Nicole ducked back into her room and closed the screen before plopping back down in her bed by herself. Rather than lay in the middle as she typically would, she laid on the side she'd been on when Negan was next to her, letting her arm drape across his side of the bed.

 _This part sucks_ , she thought. For the first time Nicole thought she might have it in her to cry, but she willed her mind to be strong. From the beginning of it all she knew there was no easy way out; no magical, fairytale ending. Still, it didn't make the feelings any easier to deal with.

Nicole tried to get comfortable there without him that night. She tried to tell herself that she was tired, or needed sleep, and even that it was crazy to think that she might be falling for her married neighbor, particularly so soon. None of it worked. She couldn't convince herself of any of it. Nicole knew there was only one remedy to the ill-feelings she was experiencing and that was seeing him; being with him.

The night air felt hot and thick now that she was laying awake being smothered by it. Even the slightest breeze that passed through her screen into the room was a tease. It reminded her of him. _Everything_ reminded her of him.

"Fuck it." She whispered the phrase to herself and climbed out of bed, throwing on a pair of shorts and a tank top with a pair of sneakers before flinging the window open again. Nicole glanced down at the roof below, which she acknowledged was an easy drop. As a teenager she and her friends had snuck out to sit on the roof, and so it wasn't something she hadn't done before. Still, it had been long enough where her stomach was in knots before she finally got the guts to leave the window ledge.

Nicole's feet his the roof shingles with a quiet thud, though she managed to hold her balance and brace herself before eagerly making her way to the second part of the little mission she created for herself. The jump down to the yard was higher than she thought, though it, too, was a doable leap. Without thinking, Nicole crept to the side, took a breath and leapt from the low room down to the grass.

A small surge of pain crept into the bottom's of her feet, trickling up her right ankle, though the pain wasn't debilitating. Nicole took a second to shake it off, rubbing the area on her ankle before marching across the lawn, into Negan's back yard and up to the back door.

She let out a sigh before reaching for the handle, only to be disappointed when it didn't fling open from her force.

 _Damn it..._ Nicole swallowed hard, noting in her mind that she had, for some ridiculous reason, suspected the door would just be left open as if Negan would have known she would be coming to him. Again, without thinking, Nicole's fist knocked at the screen door that sat as the initial barrier to Negan's home.

She felt the sweat in her palms as she waited with closed fists and a heavy heart. The pain in her ankle thudded with each beat of her heart, though she barely felt it when the adrenaline kicked up a notch. Before Nicole could knock again she heard movement from inside and then the locks on the big, wooden door twitched before it was flung open and Nicole was face to face with Negan again through the screen of the storm door.

He stared back at her, looking even better than he had a minutes before and clad in nothing but his underwear again.

Nicole didn't have it in her to stall. She reached for the handle of the storm door, tugging at it, though felt silly when she recognized it was the door that had been locked from the get-go.

Negan didn't hesitate. He popped open the lock and pressed the handle, allowing Nicole to burst through the door. Immediately her lips connected with his and Negan reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her with a hard, needy passion as if they hadn't seen each other in months.

Both of them gasped out a breath when the make-out session was prolonged with such an intensity that left each of them breathless.

He used his foot to kick the back door shut, before releasing her briefly to re-lock it and then pulled her back to him with force.

"Couldn't fucking wait until tomorrow?" he barely got the words out and exhaled into her mouth before kissing her several times in a row again.

"No," Nicole admitted.

"How the fuck did you get out?" Negan didn't let up in his pursuit of her body.

"Window." She laughed into his kiss, making him laugh back. Nicole moaned as his hard-on dug into her and it made her need him more by the second. "God... I want you." She was surprised by her own bold choice of words and acknowledged that later she might feel embarrassed. The love-drunk feeling that possessed her body, however, made her immune to any other feelings but lust and infatuation in that moment.

Negan held her tighter and then reached for her hand, tightening his grasp until it almost hurt and began to tow her down the hallway. "You fuckin' got me."


	15. Something

There was a beeping sound in the distance that grew louder and louder as Nicole shifted from dreaming to awake. When her mind caught up she knew it was Negan's alarm. When her eyes snapped open she glanced over to his side of the bed in the spare room.

Negan's snoring almost overtook the sound of the alarm, and Nicole finally reached across him to turn it off.

"Oh shit." She glanced at the time, noting it was a half hour later than the time he'd set the night before. Nicole suspected that Negan had hit the snooze button in his sleepy, half-conscious state.

"Negan." Nicole hovered over him, shaking him until he groaned and opened his eyes. "The alarm has been going off."

Negan stretched, appearing as if he could still sleep for days. His eyes were heavy and hair in a pillow-tossed fashion as he reached over to check the time with little interest.

"Fuck." He grumbled the words and ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

"Late?" Nicole asked him, giving a big yawn as she did.

"Yeah." Negan cleared his throat. "I have to fuckin'..." He slowly sat up and ran his hands through his hair again.

"What can I help you with?" Nicole asked him, "Coffee?"

Negan shook his head. "I have to fuckin' shower doll. You mind grabbing me some clothes out of the closet in the next room? Khakis are on a hanger in there... need to be fuckin' ironed."

She nodded, happy to play house-wife even if just for a moment. "Where's the iron?"

"Hall closet." He shifted out of bed. "And any of the polo shirts you see hanging in the closet in there. I don't give a fuck which one."

"Sure." Nicole nodded again and stared up S he turned back to her.

"Thanks." Negan winked and headed out of the room into the hallway.

She glanced around the room, eying the floor for her scattered clothing and got out of bed to get dressed. Nicole heard the shower go on, but felt that Negan was in no mood to be playful or he would have invited her in there with him. She decided to do as he asked and made her way toward the closed door that sat next to the one she had just walked out of.

She felt a gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach but decide to no prolong the mystery of entering Negan's actual bedroom and reached for the doorknob, pulling it open.

Nicole swallowed hard and glanced around the quaint, homey room. The walls were a light, sea-foam green surrounding a queen-sized bed with unmade sheets. A television hung on the wall facing the bed and on one side of the room was a bureau with an oversized mirror and a collection of perfumes, makeup and other like-items. The other side was a closet with a set of double doors that pulled open from the middle.

For a moment she stood there taking it all in, initially focusing on Lucille's things by the mirror and then to the bed. Nicole found herself wondering which side Negan slept on. Was it the side he slept on in the other room with her?

 _ _Irrelevant__ , she reminded herself and hurried across the hardwood floor toward the closet.

A heaviness hung in her chest as she peeled open the closet doors, revealing more proof of Lucille's existence. The right side of the closet clung with a femininity as it was strewn with dresses, silk tops, tight jeans and bottomed out with a collection of women's shoes. Nicole reached a hand up toward a mid-length, black dress that hung low in a 'V' at the chest line. She imagined Negan's wife dawning the sexy cocktail dress on a night out on the town with her husband.

 _ _They must look stunning together__. Nicole felt a wave of guilt and disappointment as she let her the fabric drop from her hand. She closed her eyes, placing a hand on the side of her face as a rush of heat filtered into her cheeks. A little voice inside of her head blocked out the beat of the water from the bathroom and all she could feel was heaviness.

Playing house-wife didn't feel as triumphant as Nicole stood there in Negan and Lucille's bedroom. It reminded her that his wife was real - a person who would be affected deeply if she found out about their affair. She was bound to Negan in ways that Nicole never would be. They were a couple; a family.

Nicole's eyes opened and she tried to push the negativity away though this time it barely faded as she stood there staring into another couple's closet. Her eyes shifted to the left and immediately she saw the khaki pants that Negan had described. She had all the intentions going in of sifting through his collared shirts and finding one with a smile that she thought would look the best on him. Now, she reached for a navy blue polo, the first one that she saw, and closed the closet doors.

Things were a little more real now. As Nicole exited the bedroom and made her way to the hall closet to locate the iron, the reality sunk in again. Before even attempting to search for the iron her eyes landed on a stack of old Christmas cards, the top one appearing to be a pre-made card the two of them had sent out to friends and family the year before.

Nicole reached for it, holding the image of the two of them out in front of her that stabbed her in the chest like a dagger. Lucille, sporting a wide smile, leaned an elbow on Negan's beefy shoulder, who smiled just a wide. She donned a traditional Christmas hat that made way to pin-straight dark hair and a set a of beautiful big, brown eyes to match with a long, red sweater-dress. Negan looked as handsome as ever and wore a modern green sweater. His arm was linked securely around her waist and at the bottom read, 'Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays' in a neat, swirly cursive.

 _ _She's gorgeous__ , Nicole thought to herself and then let her thoughts run deeper. _ _Why would he cheat on her?__

When the water went off, she almost jumped and replaced the card back on top of the stack before hurrying to locate the iron.

"Find it?" Negan asked, as if he could see her shuffling like a mad-woman through the wall.

Nicole cleared her throat and managed to sound confident; normal. "Yeah."

"Just use the kitchen counter," he went on, "If you don't fuckin' mind."

"I don't mind." She reached for the iron that had been perched on a higher shelf and then closed the door.

Negan exited the bathroom with a towel around his waist. "Thanks honey." He slipped an arm around her midsection and planted a kiss on her lips.

Nicole kissed him firmly back, enamored despite all of the reasons she had just discovered that should have sent her running in the opposite direction. The feel of his beard, his slicked hair, his nearly-naked body that had just the right touches of muscle tone and chest hair and now his scent as he came out fresh from the shower - it was all too much. Even the tone of his voice had the ability to send chills down her back and make her swoon.

"You're welcome."

Negan kept her close, studying her expression and moment and then kissed her again. "Sorry I'm in such a fuckin' rush."

Nicole gave a half-smile. "Let me get to these while you dry off." She held up the pants and smiled another time before heading down the hallway. To her surprise, Negan followed and watched as she set everything up, standing with a hand against the refrigerator.

"I would love to, uh, let you just stay here," he confessed, "But..."

"But you have a wife," Nicole finally acknowledged it aloud, "And I'm the neighbor." She glanced down, unable to look him in the eye as she said the words and ran her palm firmly on top of the left leg of his khakis.

Negan didn't say anything back initially. He did what he did best - he studied her body language, waiting to see if she would reveal something even louder than her words as she began to iron his pants.

"I hope..." Negan drew a hand across his beard, searching for the right words, "I don't want to offend you... Nicole... I..." He let out a breath through his nose and looked around the room.

"You're not," she assured him right away. Nicole shook her head, "You're not... at all. I just... I get it. I know what this is Negan. I'm not offended."

"I feel like I fuckin' owe you something," he went on, "An explanation-"

"No, you don't," Nicole said a little firmer, "You owe me nothing."

Negan stared directly at her now and Nicole couldn't pretend not to notice. She glanced up to meet his stare and felt the emotional wave she had felt the night before when he had left her bedroom. Tears threatened to stream down her face, though Nicole continued to find the strength to keep them locked away without falling. She, again, managed a small smile and then decided to distract herself from their intense, budding conversation by continuing to iron his clothes.

"I don't..." Negan took another breath, "I don't exactly feel that way."

"What way?" Nicole asked right away.

"I don't feel like I owe you nothing."

She tried to keep her emotions in check. "What do you owe me, Negan?" Nicole shrugged her shoulders.

"I, uh... fuck... I don't know." He grew visibly more agitated and said the next word a little louder than the rest, "Something."

Nicole flipped the khakis over and focused on smoothing out the fabric. She pushed hard into the counter, taking out the small bout of frustration, sadness and overwhelming guilt into the action. The feelings he had for him, however, were outmatching all of the rest. Had he approached her at the counter just then she would have happily submitted to him. It all was beginning to make her crazy and now she wished she had never gone into his bedroom, or worse - the hall closet.

She took a deep breath and finished ironing despite Negan's inability to let his eyes leave her.

"Thank you," he said as she removed them from the countertop, "For all this shit."

"Do you want me to iron the shirt?" Nicole held it up in front of him, struggling to hold it together.

Negan stared past the shirt she held up to her right and kept his eyes locked on hers. "I think it's fine the way it is."

"Okay." She gave a simple nod, unable to force a fake smile.

He let out a deep breath through his nose, and then took the clothes from her arms, placing them neatly back onto the counter. Without warning he pulled her back to him and Nicole found herself in the midst of a more tender, controlled embrace with Negan. His hands remained in place, not wandering as they typically did and his kiss was not overly aggressive though he didn't stop.

Nicole melted against him, all the wrongs being pushed away again as she allowed herself to become engulfed in every action he took.

"I'll fucking think of something," he breathed the words into her mouth.

"What do you mean?" Nicole opened her eyes and met his gaze an inch or so away.

"I owe you something."

"You don't owe me-"

Negan crushed his mouth back against hers, regaining control of all of Nicole's emotions. She didn't care about anything but the moment and decided to embrace it, as their time felt more limited by the day. When he parted his lips from hers he pressed the side of her face against her cheek and whispered in her ear. "I'm fuckin' sorry doll." Emotion hung in his voice, "I'm sorry."


	16. Ironic

**Happy Walking Dead Mid-season finale Day! :)**

* * *

Nicole tried to go about her daily routines that morning but her mind was racing. She thought of calling a friend to take a day trip to the beach but she knew laying down in the sand with nothing to keep her mind occupied wouldn't do much for the mental prison she had placed herself in.

A job. Nicole knew she had to get the ball rolling even though it hadn't even been a week since she had graduated from college. For an hour or so she dedicated some time to her lap top, browsing potential openings for jobs as a police officer in the area.

 _ _They're always looking for females__ , her mother had assured her.

Nicole knew this was true. In a male-dominated profession, hiring a young female officer fresh out of college was probably something a lot of departments were looking for. She thought of the different types of academies. Some were day academies, similar to a job with regard to hours, and Nicole knew she could come home at the closure of every day. Others, however, required their upcoming officers-in-training to stay over at a dorm for six months with the exception of weekends. Her mind drifted to Negan again and she shook her head as she studied the requirements and expectations of a job she was applying to in the next town over.

 _ _It's a sleepover academy__ , Nicole reminded herself, _ _that would probably fizzle this romance out quickly.__

Nicole put a hand on her forehead as her eyes scanned the screen. All of the necessary information was filled out and her resume was uploaded. All she had to do was hit the 'Confirm' button and the application would be sent it.

For several seconds she sat with her finger on the 'Enter' key, not wholly sure of what she wanted to do.

 _ _I've applied to four other towns__ , Nicole told herself. In the back of her mind she noted that the academies were all the type that allowed her to come home at the closure of each day.

Nicole glanced at the options at the bottom the screen again. Rather than submit her application she chose the 'Save Draft' option and closed the top of the laptop. It was that moment that she knew she had it bad for her neighbor - not that all the signs weren't there before in the back of her mind. She hated feeling out of control of her own life. Nicole actively acknowledged that she would make such a big sacrifice just for the chance that she and Negan would get a chance to see one another.

A part of her wished the feeling would wear off; die down. But the other part of her never wanted to lose the intensity of it all - the butterflies, the racing thoughts that kept her up at night. It was all very addicting; a rush that she never knew existed before she encountered Negan.

Nicole's eyes landed on the clock and she decided she had to leave the house. Aside from the distracted version of applying for jobs, all morning Nicole allowed herself to wallow in the emotion - the goods, the bads and everything in between.

Her eyes shifted toward the big picture window in the living room and she saw the mail truck arrive in front of the house. It was another trigger of Negan. _ _Everything__ felt like it was. Nicole's mind actively fast-forwarded through the events of pretending to check the mail while Negan mowed the lawn next door, her driving herself crazy waiting for him, the knock at the door and the insanely hot encounter that took place in the kitchen just after followed by a night well spent between the sheets in the spare bedroom at his house.

"It's the fucking mail," Nicole told herself, angry that she was so weakened by a feeling. She had never been so involved; so wrapped up in her feelings for somebody and now she was thankful that it hadn't happened sooner.

 _ _I got to keep my sanity for 23 years__ , she acknowledged in a private, unfunny joke in her mind.

Nicole crossed the first floor of the home and flung open the front door. She waited a moment as the mail truck moved on down the street before heading up the driveway toward the mailbox. Subconsciously, she turned her head to glance at Negan's house and felt her heart leap into her throat when she saw the car that Lucille had left in the weekend before sitting in the driveway. For a moment she was frozen, unable to look away as if she had seen a ghost.

It hadn't quite been a week since she had left, though Nicole told herself it was none of her business.

 _ _I wonder if Negan knows__. Nicole took a deep breath and was finally snapped out of the paralysis that the sight of the car had left her in. She pressed on toward the mailbox, dragging her heavy legs up the driveway. With each step she felt heavier.

Nicole's hand shook and she stared at the closed cap of the mailbox without attempting to open it. She couldn't help but wonder: what now? Lucille was back in town and Nicole knew that neither she nor Negan had had enough of their passionate string of encounters. Would it continue? Nicole didn't know. Should it continue? The answer was obvious but she pushed it to the back of her mind.

For whatever reason the one line from Alanis Morrisette's song Ironic came into her mind and Nicole almost sung it out loud - __It's like ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife; it's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife... and isn't it iron, don't you think?__

Nicole finally opened the mailbox, thinking of the simpler days when she and her friends used to dance around to the CD in her room.

A double-beep made her jump, almost screaming and she put a hand on her chest and turned.

"What's there a fuckin' snake in there or some shit?" Negan's truck rolled up next to where she stood and he smiled at her through the open passenger window.

Nicole smiled, glad to see he was a bit more carefree than how the two of them felt as they parted earlier that morning. "I was spacing out," she admitted with a laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked up to him. "What, uh, what are you doing home?"

"I thought we could fuckin' talk," Negan admitted, "I've kind of felt like shit all morning. That something I was talking about... the something you deserve... I think it should start with both of us being honest with each other about all this shit that's been going on. I know you have questions. I have some too." He looked her in the eye, the playfulness fading and his Adam's apple moved up and down once as he waited for her to respond.

"Yeah." Nicole nodded, "Yeah, I think that would be... good."

He nodded, managing the smallest of smile's before looking her up and down. Before he could say anything more Nicole intervened.

"Is... Lucille home?" she barely managed to get the short sentence out, and saw the initial puzzled look on Negan's face as he quickly turned to glance at his house.

Negan swallowed hard again when he saw his wife's car. His posture showed all the signs of defeat as his shoulders dropped, mouth hung open partway and his eyes closed for just a second too long.

Nicole saw his hands tighten against the steering wheel and he when he glanced back over at her it appeared as if whatever he had planned for the afternoon was suddenly ruined.

"I'll text you." Negan stared at her for an extra second and then floored the gas pedal of the truck the rest of the way to his house, barreling in the driveway just after.

The heaviness fell upon Nicole's shoulders again and she saw Negan glanced in her direction before disappearing inside the front door of the house.

 _ _It's starting to get real__ , Nicole knew. She stood there for another few seconds before retrieving the mail.

She felt it again - the emotion that left her body feeling like stone, and her feet as if they were stuck in molasses despite attempting to hurry from the top of the driveway to the front door. Nicole wanted to be sheltered from the world at that moment - she needed to. Her chest felt tight, her throat felt tighter and for a moment she thought she was getting dizzy.

A sense of relief came when she made it inside, throwing the front door open and slamming it behind her.

Nicole tossed the mail in front of her, letting it scatter across the floor and then sunk down into a seated position with her back against the door. For the first time she allowed herself to drown her sorrow and let it all out. Without reservation she dropped her face into her hands and began to sob.


	17. Five O'Clock

**For or some reason Fanfiction didnt send out a notification for Chapter 16... so if you haven't read 16 it is posted... not sure why no notification was sent :) Thanks for reading everyone!**

* * *

"You're home early." Lucille unpacked her suitcase, tossing her clothes into two separate piles on the bed. She glanced over to her husband, who stood in the doorway, leaning an arm on the frame.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat, "I could say the same about you. How was your trip?"

"Fine." She continued about her business and Negan watched a moment before turning to go. "How come you're come so soon?"

Negan cleared his throat again, giving himself just an extra second to pull something together. "Early dismissal. I have to go back for a practice at three."

"Early dismissal?" Lucille folded a t-shirt and then looked back up at him, reading his features in the same way that he often did to everyone. "For what?"

"The air conditioning stopped working in the building. It was too hot for the kids."

She continued to stare at him a moment and then went back to unpacking.

"You didn't feel like spending the whole week at your sister's?"

"No," Lucille said simply, "I didn't."

"Why?" Negan leaned his elbow back on the door frame.

"Because I wanted to come home, Negan." Her voice was a little firmer, ringing with a hint of annoyance, "I can see you're glad to see me."

"Fuck, Lucille. You just asked me the same fucking question."

"Yeah..." She walked across the room, brushing past him and headed into the bathroom.

"Why does it have to be like this with us?" Negan trailed her, flipping on the light switch, one that she immediately fought his hand for to turn it off. He clenched his jaw.

"Like what?" She replied coldly.

"Like _this_!" Negan flipped the switch back on, "You're pissed off at me the second I walk through the fuckin' door, grilling me like I've done something wrong because I'm home at twelve-thirty instead of two-fucking-fifteen."

"I guess I have _no_ reason to ask you that question!" Lucille shot back, "No reason at all."

"Jesus Christ." Negan shook his head and the two of them stared one another down. He took a breath through his nose and began to shake his head, "What the fuck happened to us? You should fuckin' miss me a little bit, I should miss you. We've been in each other's company for two fuckin' minutes and already we can't stand each other."

"I can stand you."

"Bullshit." He made a face and turned toward the door, "You fuckin' hate me Lucille. You have the same look on your face as when you left. You should've spent the week up there."

"You know what this look is from? Huh? Do you Negan?" She huffed a laugh, "Because my husband can't spend one night out with his wife without staring at another woman's ass, or make a comment to the hot, young bartender. That's why."

"Well, this is what I have to fuckin' come home to." The second he said the words he wanted to eat them because he knew it would take their argument up a notch to the next level.

"Sorry I'm not good enough for you anymore." Lucille's eyes welded up with tears and she reached for a tissue before pushing past him again.

Negan reached for her arm. "The way we fight; the way we treat each other... that's what I fuckin' mean. Not _you_."

She stared back at him through teary eyes, "Well... that makes me feel better, thank you." Sarcasm hung heavy in her voice and she tugged her arm out of his grasp and head into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

He stood there alone in the hallway staring at the bedroom door, the thud from the way Lucille slammed it still rang in his ears. His eyes then transferred to the spare room door and Negan ran a hand through his hair. He squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, tempted to drive his fist into the wall. He refrained and pulled the phone from his pocket before dragging his feet down the hallway toward the living room.

...

Nicole got herself together and rose to her feet from the ground. She took a breath and retrieved the mail she'd tossed before heading upstairs toward the bathroom. Immediately, she turned on the faucet and cupped her hands, letting water pile up before tossing it into her red, stinging face. She let out a loud sigh to decompress and then reached for a handful of tissues to dry her eyes and clear her sinuses.

 _I'm a mess_ , she thought to herself. _A fucking mess._

She needed a distraction - something to deviate her mind from Negan and the intense nature of their relationship. she began to wish she had just made plans with her friends to hit the beach. With Lucille back in the picture Nicole knew that her midnight romps with Negan were done, at least for a while. It gave her nothing to look forward to - not three o'clock, not five o'clock, not eight o'clock... Not knowing when she would see him, hear him or touch him again was enough to almost send her back into an out-of-control spin of emotions.

The chime on her phone went off, indicating she had a text message.

Nicole reached into the pocket of her shorts and held the screen out in front of her face. The fact that it was a message from Negan made the moment simultaneously better and worse. She could almost hear his deep, scratchy voice as she read it: _Sorry for bailing... complicated shit here... I'd still like to talk... if you can meet me at 5 up at the football field at the high school just type 'yes' back to me..._

The addiction gnawed at her stomach with full force and Nicole typed furiously back, fumbling on the letters several times before finally able to type a coherent 'yes'.

Nicole took a breath and dried a handful of stray tears that managed to sneak out and streak down her face. She glanced back down at the screen when he immediately responded: _Park near my truck_.

She started to type, _OK_ , but changed her mind and switched up the message to: _I will_.

For a few minutes she waited to see if he would reply, though when he didn't she decided to recharge her engines by taking a shower.

 _Five o'clock_ , Nicole thought to herself. She felt mildly content again in knowing there was a set time that she would get to see him.

Nicole turned on the water, stripped herself of her clothes and sat on the ledge for a moment as she tried to rationalize the situation in her mind. She told herself that what they were doing should have just been fun - a good time; a fling. Once or twice she'd had a fling with close male friend, but she never longed for their company or their touch so vigorously once the encounter ended. Inside, Nicole knew it wasn't the same. What she felt with Negan was far more real and intense than any other relationship she had in the past, and it scared her tremendously because it hadn't been overly long.

The secret was beginning to eat at her a bit. Nicole contemplated being honest with her friend Holly, who had asked her more than once if anything had taken place with Negan the night they'd all been out at the bar. Each time her friend asked, Nicole lied and brushed it off so nonchalantly that Holly appeared to have let it go all-together.

Nicole's mother was another person she felt she could confide in, probably more so than most young women her age. She knew what her mother would say; she would give her daughter the proper advice and have a completely new view on Negan. Both were reasons why Nicole decided her mother was an unusable resource to help deal with her distress.

She rose to her feet and slipped in past the curtain, letting the feel of the warm water sooth her delicate emotions.

 _I deserve to feel like this_ , Nicole knew, closing her eyes as the water fell over her head. Still, she couldn't help but feel that same flutter of euphoria in knowing that she would meet with Negan later in the day. For the moment, it helped her curb the otherwise inconsolable emotions and gave her something to look forward to.

Nicole opened her eyes and pushed the water away with her hands. _Five o'clock._


	18. Relativity

"Hey..." Lucille crossed into the living room as Negan shoved some things into a gym bag.

"Hey." He stood up straight and adjusted a baseball cap with the school's logo on it where he worked.

"I'm sorry," Lucille said to him. "You're right."

Negan cocked his head to the side, not sure of what to say.

"I was... a bitch." Lucille nodded. "I did miss you while I was away Negan. That's why I came home. When I saw you, all of the emotions of the things that happened in the past came back."

"It's my fault."

"No... not this time." Lucille shook her head. "I want to make this work. I don't want to fight constantly. I want to gain some of the spark back that brought us together to begin with."

Negan swallowed hard and put his hands on his hips as he eyed the floor. "I... uh..." he scratched his beard. "How do you want to do that?"

"I don't know," she confessed. "But we have to let the past be the past and try to move forward."

He stared directly at her now and then gave the slightest of nods. "Yeah... okay. I think shit can... get better."

Lucille nodded and then walked up and kissed him on the cheek and then once on the lips.

"What do you want for dinner tonight? I'll make it."

Negan tried to smile. "Anything."

"Tell me." She smiled and toyed with the hair that stuck out by his ear from beneath the hat.

He cleared his throat and just threw out the first thing that came to mind. "Spaghetti."

"Garlic bread?"

"Sure."

"Okay." She pecked him on the lips again.

This time Negan forced a big smile and shifted the bag up onto his shoulder. "I'll see you for dinner."

Lucille nodded and he returned the kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks," he said, still smiling as he passed her by. The second he walked by with his back to her his smile faded and the same sinking feeling he wasn't at all used to hung in the pit of his stomach.

With that, Negan exited the house and made his way out to the truck - his only sanctuary against everything that was going on.

He started it up, backing out of the driveway and glanced to his left to see Lucille standing in the door, watching him go. Next, he couldn't help by eye the window that faced his home - the one he had successfully snuck in and out of the night before; the gateway to Nicole's bedroom.

Negan was torn. He was tormented and unsure of himself. It wasn't something that had ever been an issue in his life before.

With three o'clock just around the corner he decided he would put all of it out of his mind for the next several hours and focus fully on football.

...

Nicole knew the driving distance from her house to the high school took less than ten minutes. It was why the last hour leading up to five o'clock felt so long.

Should I leave now? Should I get their early? Right on time? Something so simple as to when to hop in the car and leave had suddenly felt like some elaborate algebra equation.

When four-thirty rolled around Nicole couldn't take it anymore. Sitting still had become the enemy rather than a comfort. She snatched her keys from her dresser and headed down the stairs, feet pounding a mile a minute and she burst out the front door coming face to face with her father.

Nicole screamed, prompting him to jump back at first and then laugh.

"What are you doing, Nicole?" He continues to chuckle. "I'm about twenty-five pounds overweight. I can't take a shot to the ticker like that."

"I'm sorry." She managed a smile and then laughed as he gave her a quick 'hello' hug. "I'm just going to run some errands and maybe stop at the gym or something."

"You should take a run around the block. It's nice out."

Nicole nodded to appease him. "Maybe, yeah. I'm going to just check out some bathing suits. I may go to the beach tomorrow with some friends."

"You've got the life." Her father grinned. "Try to be back for dinner if you can. I think your mom is starting to feel lonely."

She smiled and nodded again. "Okay." Nicole kissed him on the cheek and then hurried back to her car, eagerly slipping into the driver's seat and starting the engine.

The distraction by her father had been a welcomed one and it has been the only sane-feeling part of her day. Now, she acknowledged, it was time to go back down that path of crazy, punch-drunk love as she made her way out of the driveway and toward the school where Negan would be waiting.

For the first time in perhaps her life Nicole didn't turn on the radio. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel with both hands and her jaw was tight as she drove. The thudding of her heart was almost unmanageable and it made her feel almost sick to her stomach. Neither she nor Negan had bothered to talk about the consequences tat went along with their actions, or even the potential feelings that were capable of evolving. All they did was act without thinking, and thus far it had been passionate and exhilarating liaison. Now, it was time to face at least a part of the reality of it all.

The ride to the high school was an easy one, typically; a quiet drive through wooded backroads and suburban houses lined in rows leading up to the building and fields that made up the campus. That day it felt like forever, though when Nicole's car cruised into the nearly empty parking lot she felt thankful and anxious all at once. It had been years since she'd set foot at the high school grounds and it was a bit surreal when she cruised over the black top toward the back of the school where the football field was.

Nicole found herself thankful Negan hadn't worked at the school while she was a student. She assumed he would have had the same effect on her then as now and that would have been an even bigger recipe for trouble, particularly because she wanted him so badly.

"Oh, God." She said the words aloud to herself when she spotted his truck at the far end of the parking lot past the field. Nicole wondered if he strategically parked away from everyone else and in the opposite direction that all the cars would have to travel to leave at the conclusion of practice - or if it was just where he chose to park.

Nicole glanced down at the time on the clock on the car radio and saw that it was only four forty-three. Out on the field she heard a whistle blow and the distant sound of one of the coaches yelling something to the players who responded with a collective, "Yes sir!"

 _ _Seventeen minutes__. Nicole huffed a breath and decided to cruise to the far end of the lot to park and wait. She was certain that Negan had no idea of her arrival due to the towering bleachers that blocked the view of the parking lot. It made her feel more secure about arriving so early.

Inside she knew that the seventeen minutes would feel more like an hour in the realm of relativity. Still, she decided to try to decompress, compose her thoughts and enjoy a few minutes alone as she waited for Negan to arrive.


	19. Fishing Spot

Five after five... six after five... seven after five.

Nicole had seen waves of high school football players jog from the field to the school with their helmets in hand, though none of the coaches immediately emerged. She told herself to be patient, and full-well knew that coaches and athletes, alike, sometimes ran over the typical practice time. In high school she had played multiple sports, though this was the first time in her life that she found herself annoyed by it.

There wasn't a bone in her body that was prepared to leave, though when five-fifteen rolled around and three coaches had already walked by, Nicole began to wonder if Negan was purposely stalling.

 _ _Relax, relax, relax...__ She closed her eyes and sat back in the seat for a moment, allowing herself thirty seconds to breath. As she was mentally ordering herself to relax again, though the opposite happened when she finally saw Negan strolling lazily in her direction, like an alley cat without a care in the world. His hat was pulled down low on his eyes and he slung a black Nike bag over his shoulder as he walked.

 _ _He looks good__. Nicole hadn't seen him in a baseball hat, though now she had a whole new version of Negan to engrain in her repertoire.

As he grew closer, her stomach grew tighter and any words she had planned to try putting into to coherent sentences had all but abandoned her brain. The feeling deepened when he approached the car and placed both of his hands on the top of the door and leaned in through the open window.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, doll." His gravely voice and term of endearment sent the same shivers down her spine as always. The feeling he gave her had not yet subsided. In fact, Nicole felt like it escalated every time they were together.

"It's fine." She smiled, "I have air-conditioning."

Negan tipped his mouth up in a smirk and stared down at her in the driver's seat. When he didn't immediately say anything Nicole almost initiated some form of small talk about his team, though finally he spoke.

"I, uh, had a million fuckin' things to say," Negan began, "But I can't think of any of 'em now."

Nicole swallowed hard, her smile fading from the way he stared at her. "You don't have to say anything." She wasn't sure what else to say.

Negan glanced over his shoulder toward the school building and the field before waving a hand. "Feel like taking a drive?"

She was more than eager to take a drive and nodded right away. "Sure." Nicole killed the engine to her car, grabbed her purse and then locked up the vehicle before following Negan to his truck in the next space over. "You sure this is alright?"

He nodded and looked at her in the eye again, "Yeah."

Nicole hurried toward the passenger side and hoisted herself up into the truck as he did the same beside her. The truck's interior hung with the scent that she often smelled when she was close to him - like whatever brand of soap he used, mixed with a rugged, outdoorsy fragrance that she assumed must have been a mixture of a number of things. Everything about him heightened the urges that she already thought about far too often.

Negan tossed the bag he'd been toting into the back seat and then started the car up.

Typically, Nicole would have asked anyone else where they were going. With Negan it didn't matter. He could have hightailed the truck to Mexico and she wouldn't have questioned it as long as they were together.

"Don't you want to fuckin' know where we're going?" he asked as if he could read her thoughts. Negan glanced over once when she didn't respond as he cruised the truck toward the exit of the school's parking lot.

Nicole shrugged. "Where ever it is is fine." She finally turned to him, intrigued now that he had brought it up, "Where _ _are__ we going?"

"Fishing spot I go to," Negan informed her without hesitation, "It's just over the border to the next town where I used to live. Been going there since I was a kid." He turned to her again, "It's quiet."

She nodded in agreement moved her arm abruptly when Negan hit the button on his side to open her window.

"Sorry," he said simply, though Nicole immediately let her arm dangle partway out, tapping her fingers against the side of the truck as he drove.

"It's fine." Nicole swallowed, thinking for the first time that the air felt thick between them. Their conversations were typically easy and loose. The ride to the fishing spot felt tense and neither of them spoke much. Like her ride to the high school, Negan's radio remained in the off position and he never made a move to switch it on. She didn't know if it was on purpose or if his thoughts were too loud for him to even think about putting on some music as a distraction.

Negan stared out the windshield and Nicole stared out the open passenger window. Each of them took turns, like a song in rounds, taking heavy breaths or sighs. Nicole suspected Negan wasn't the best at indulging in his feelings, and neither was she. Both of them would have been comfortable carrying on as they had been - carefree with big smiles for one another and blissfully content in each other's arms. Still, that wouldn't have been possible forever with all of the underlying issues and uncertainties swirling silently around them.

When the truck finally cruised past a sign indicating that they had entered a new town, Negan pointed up the way.

"We're a minute or so out."

"Okay." Nicole nodded, "This is where you used to live?"

"Forever," he explained, "Just one town over."

"Why'd you move?"

Negan glanced over at her now and then nodded toward the windshield, "We'll talk when we get there."

Nicole let out a deep breath she was unable to hold in and then swallowed hard. When Negan's truck finally rolled to a halt in a dirt parking lot over-looking a small lake with scattered cottages across the way she wasn't sure what to think or feel.

The lot was empty and surrounded by trees of all kinds. Picnic tables were scattered about and a small patch of sand bordered the water.

Negan killed the engine and then turned to Nicole immediately, extending an arm partway across the back of her seat and leaning the other against the steering wheel.

"What did you want to talk about?" Nicole took control. "Earlier today when you saw me out by the mailbox."

Negan's eyes squinted and he glanced down and then immediately back up. He has been taken off-guard by her decision to kick off their conversation but it was something he admired about her - Nicole wasn't afraid.

"This..." he replied simply, "Us."

 _Us..._ Nicole's heart fluttered from the way he joined the two of them. She let out a breath through her nose.

"Your wife," she went on, "She's back."

"Yeah..." Negan swallowed hard.

"What does that mean with regard to... us?"

"Well, that all fuckin' depends."

"On what?"

"On you."

Nicole's eyes widened a bit. "On me?"

Negan scratched his beard and let out a deep breath. "Look, I'm the asshole in all of this. I'm going outside of my marriage. You're young and free and able to do whatever the fuck you want. I should be fuckin' telling you to forget about all this shit but honestly, Nicole, I'm going to reinforce how fuckin' selfish I am." He sighed, "I don't want you to fuckin' forget about it. I love knowing you want my shit just as bad as I want yours. Since the night I saw you sitting out on that step in your parents' back yard I have been in the best damn fuckin' mood."

Nicole knew her face was filled with shock. It wasn't wholly what she expected when meeting with him that late afternoon. A part of her assumed he might break things off with her so when he didn't she felt relieved and flattered and even more enamored.

Like always, the small part of her brain that still a conscious, moral thought urged her to end it; though her heart and her hormones easily drowned out that voice and she flashed him a big smile. A flush of red rushed into her cheeks and she looked down as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Your turn." Negan waited for her to look back up at him, and when Nicole's eyes met his she couldn't help herself. Rather than respond she leaned across the truck to leave a long, needy kiss on his lips.

"A part of me feels wrong for all of this," Nicole admitted, separating her lips from his before going back in to kiss him again with more urgency, "But I don't think I'm ready to let this go."

"Does it bother you?" Negan asked, pulling her back to him by the back of her head so their lips connected again.

"A bit," she went on, deciding to be completing honest. Nicole pulled back for a moment, "Does it bother you?"

He cleared his throat and twisted his hat around backwards, looking her directly in the eye as he spoke. "A bit." Negan looked her up and down a moment, "But I'm fuckin' addicted to you honey. I look forward to shit like this. I haven't looked forward to anything in awhile... except fuckin' football." He huffed a laugh and leaned his head all the way back, putting his hands behind his head.

Nicole swallowed hard. Everything he said aloud she was feeling inside, and the boyish image of him with the backwards hat accompanied his otherwise manly features in a way that left her aching to act on all of her hormonal urges.

The two of them just stared at on another for a minute before Nicole finally took control and slid across the into the driver's seat, straddling him there so they were face to face.

Negan's hands immediately dropped to her waist, one snaking up the back of her shirt as their lips connected again. "I fucking love," he kissed her again, "...how you fucking take charge."

"How is this going to work?" she asked quietly as he began to kiss her neck before peeling off her shirt.

"We'll just have to be more fuckin' creative." Negan smiled and kissed her again, peeling down the front of her bra as he did.

Nicole closed her eyes as his mouth latched onto her breast. "Mmm... okay."

"You okay with that shit?" He continued what he was doing and slipped his pants partway down in the process.

She decided to speak his language and chuckled into his ear, "Fuck yeah I am."

Negan chuckled back and pulled away to look directly at her again. "That's my girl."


	20. Lies and Alibis

Lucille stared at the clock in the kitchen, a hint of impatience and disappointment hung in her posture as she eyed the pot of spaghetti that sat next to the stove. She had alternated between sitting and standing in between her failed call attempts to her husband that had gone straight to voicemail. A part of her was tempted to drive down to the school to see if he was actually there, though she knew he would somehow come up with an explanation to make her seem like the crazy one if she did that.

 _ _It's not worth the effort or the argument__ , she thought. Lucille glanced down at her phone and contemplated calling Negan another time, though decided to go about her evening as if nothing was wrong. With that, she helped herself to a plate of spaghetti, popped it into the microwave and finally put the garlic bread in the oven.

She stared for a moment at the numbers as they counted down from sixty and the microwave hummed, letting her know that her dinner would soon be back to the warm temperature it was supposed to be. Lucille then headed down the hallway into their bedroom, retrieved the luggage and made her way into the spare room to place it back into the closet they never used until the next time she, or they, went out of town.

The day had officially come to an end in Lucille's mind when dinner was prepared. She urged herself not to get mad, noting that she had no idea what Negan's situation might be. A fleeting thought that he might be hurt crossed her mind though she had serious doubts that that's what was causing him to be so late. Her eyes dropped to the phone in her hand.

 _ _Six-forty-three.__ Lucille shook her head, noting that she wouldn't have been so irritated if he had at least called and let know if something had come up with the length of the practice, or meeting with the coaches. That she would have come to terms with.

She closed her eyes and told herself not to be mad yet. _ _Just wait for him to come home__. Lucille shook her head and went to turn to go but a line on the wall caught her attention.

She squinted her eyes for a moment, noting in her mind that they had painted all of the rooms in the house upon moving in. The two of them rarely went into the spare room so there would be no reason for any part of the paint to be altered.

Lucille crossed the room, heading toward the bed and pulled it slightly away from the wall. For a moment she just stared, tracing her fingers across the original mark that had caught her eye. Just above it was another mark and another that overlapped partially with both of them.

Her eyes traveled the length of the wall behind the headboard the lines, the indents, the marks... they were consistent throughout, each matching up perfectly in a jagged line, stopping where the headboard did on both sides.

Lucille continued to trace her hand long the ridges and then drew her hand back when a gut-wrenching lightbulb went off in her mind. She shook her head and then covered her mouth with her hand, unable to take her eyes away from the wall.

 _ _No way__ , she thought. _ _That would be a new low even for Negan.__

Anger began to filter into Lucille's body and now her eyes landed on the bed itself. She studied the creases of the bedspread. Paranoia sank in heavily now and questions, in turn, poured into her mind. Were the covers wrinkled that way? What order were the pillows in?

Lucille pushed the bed back into place and then tossed the big comforter off the bed, anticipating seeing the covers out of place beneath the mirage that nothing was out of order. It was how Negan typically made their bed and it was a habit that originally she'd found cute and funny, though now it made her want to punch him.

A decompressing sigh left her mouth when she found that the covers were still made up in the perfectly neat fashion they'd been in the last time she had made the bed.

 _ _Maybe I'm being paranoid... overly paranoid.__ Lucille decided not to jump down Negan's throat when he arrived home. She would be strategic, greet him with a smile and even heat him up a plate of cold spaghetti. It was then that she would study his body language and attempt to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. Lucille knew she was no match for Negan in a battle of words; on a level of observation, however, she was a step ahead of him.

...

Negan's truck cruised back into the parking lot and he was pleased to see not a single car on the grounds aside from Nicole's out past the football field. The ride back was far more easygoing than the ride to the fishing area and Nicole couldn't help but smile at the music selection he'd chosen.

The only bout of disappointment came when Negan's truck came to a halt next to her car and he glanced over at her.

"Until fuckin' next time doll." Negan smiled and spun his hat back around, but called her to him and they shared a long, farewell embrace before Nicole reluctantly popped open the car door.

"Thanks for the ride," she told him, giggling from her own mild innuendo.

He smiled wider. "I'll see ya around the yard."

"Sounds good." Nicole raised her eyebrows and had to force herself to exit his vehicle.

"You don't want to leave."

"You're right." She hopped out and closed the door before hopping back up and leaning in the passenger window. "But I guess we both have to go."

"That's our story."

"Mm-hmm." Nicole nodded and then gave a wave as he continued to hold her eye contact.

"Text me tomorrow." Negan never lost his grin, "Before eleven." He winked and Nicole laughed lightly.

"I will." She hopped down off his truck and then rounded the front of it to make it back into her vehicle.

"Get home safe honey." He waited until she was in the car and it started up before giving a wave and rolling out of the spot ahead of her. Negan knew she would take a right to head back toward where they lived. That was why he went left out of the lot and cruised down the road in order to put some ground in between them. He was sure she was probably wondering where he was going and the thought made him smile. There was a sense of pride and satisfaction in knowing that Nicole was as wrapped up in the affair as he was. He liked it, all of it - a lot.

The sun shined down directly in his eyes and Negan pulled his hat lower to try blocking it. Despite the fact that it was getting later, the extended hours of daylight made it feel early. When Negan finally reached into the glove compartment for his phone he cursed to himself when he saw three missed calls from Lucille and several text messages.

"Fuck." He gripped the phone tightly and tried keeping his eyes on the road as he struggled to read each message word for word. Time had passed so quickly that he didn't recognize how much had actually passed. All Negan knew was that he was late for dinner, Lucille had already been in a mixture of contradicting moods and now there was nothing left to do on the extended ride home but to search his mind for a believable excuse.


	21. Time Bomb

"Hey, have a hot date?" Nicole's mother laughed to herself as her daughter burst into the house.

"What?" She raised her eyebrows, "No... I-"

"Kidding," she motioned into the kitchen, "We made you a plate. Heat it up in the microwave."

Nicole nodded, "Thanks." She began her trek through the living room and into the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" her father asked, shoving a tray to the side so he could stretch his feet out in the recliner.

"Yeah." She managed a big smile. "I'll be right in." Nicole escaped to the kitchen and threw her purse down before locating a plate of steak, potatoes and a mixed vegetables that she popped into the microwave. She leaned against the counter as the time began ticking down and closed her eyes with a deep breath.

Like always, she had to consciously break down the events of an hour ago. Nicole relived it in her mind - every touch, every kiss, every sound, every word. She knew she would never be able to think about fishing in the same way again. Negan's smile beneath his backwards hat was an image that she wouldn't soon be able to brush away. It made her crush on him deepen as more layers of him unfolded.

 _ _I wish I could just be with him__. The thought was too sweet for Nicole to indulge it because she knew the likelihood was slim to none. Even though there was an obvious strain in his marriage, the reality was that he _ _was__ married. People worked through issues all the time, she knew, and a reoccurring nightmare was that he would soon get sick of their fling or that his conscience would get the better of him and he would end it.

 _ _Stop, stop, stop!__ Nicole fought the anxious part of her brain and tried to think rationally for a minute; though she equally acknowledged that there wasn't much about her relationship with Negan that was rational. It was crazy... and exciting. It was what she had begun to look forward to day after day.

When the microwave beeped, Nicole opened her eyes and it snapped her out of the daydream that she could have stayed in for hours. When she wasn't with Negan, she was thinking about him.

"Are you going to watch some TV with us?" Nicole's mother shouted from the living room.

She cleared her throat and opened the microwave. "Yeah... coming in now." Nicole gathered up a bottle of water and some utensils before making her way back into the living room.

"Take my tray," her father offered, sliding it toward her.

"The hardwood floors, Tim." His wife gave him a look when the wooden legs of the tray scraped across the floor.

"Sorry dear," he said with sarcasm, but flashed her a wink.

Nicole laughed lightly and scooped up the tray with her free hand to sit on the opposite side of the couch as her mother.

"Happy wife, happy life. You remember to train your husband the way your mom has me trained."

The phrase triggered Nicole again as she remembered Negan saying the exact thing the morning he came over to replace the butter he'd borrowed. It sent her thoughts swirling in a spiral down that dark road, ending with Lucille, who she knew was collateral damage in the whirlwind affair. She glanced over her shoulder out the big, picture window as a car passed by and was displeased to see that it wasn't Negan's truck.

 _ _I wonder where he went__. She had watched him pull out of the school's parking lot and wondered if he was purposely creating distance between the two of them so his wife wouldn't have a suspicion about the girl next door.

"Nicole." Her mother waved a hand in front of her face, "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing." She whipped back around and immediately began eating from her plate, stabbing a collection of carrots and green beans before shoving them in her mouth.

"We may go see your brother down south next month. Would you want to go with us?"

Nicole cleared her throat and then nodded. "Yeah, sure," and then added, "As long as I don't have a brand new job by then."

"Fingers crossed," her father responded.

"Yeah." She glanced over her shoulder again upon hearing another car cruise by, but immediately turned back around this time when she saw it was an old Buick. With a sigh, she focused on the television and tried to enjoy a normal night in front of the television with her parents.

...

Negan had his alibi in place, and was dreading the moment he would walk in the door after disappointing his wife yet again. The home stretch of the drive was the most tormenting as his immediate future loomed in his face. He slowed the truck down as he passed by Nicole's house, taking an extra long glance in the direction so much so that he could tell what she was playing on the television through the window. It was just a few seconds of distraction from the negative thoughts that had buried themselves in his head from the second he saw Lucille's missed calls on his phone.

When Negan drew his attention back to the road, the two-second vacation ended and the anxious thoughts returned. He had texted his wife back with an apology, stating he and the guys had stayed after in the parking lot to talk about kids they planned on cutting in the fall and shared a few beers. Her nonchalant response of, _ _'no problem'__ left him with more questions. It was something he hated about text messaging. There was no way to tell what the person was actually thinking or feeling, though at the same time he had made the decision not to actually call her.

When his truck cruised to a halt in driveway he sat there for a moment and examined the interior of the cab. A fresh beer he picked up at the gas station sat in the cup holder and hopefully would contribute to confirming his story as he made his way into the home smelling a bit like beer, and less like he'd been with another woman.

Negan killed the engine, grabbed his bag from the back seat and headed inside the house through the front door. Lucille sat on the far end of the couch with the remote in one hand as she stared at the television.

"Hi," she greeted in a voice that was just cheery enough as she played the part of happy housewife to the best of her ability.

"Hey." Negan's eyebrows creased down just slightly and Lucille could tell that he was expecting her to lash out at him a bit for being late. "I'm sorry... I left my phone in the car. We just lost track of time."

"I know how coaching goes sometimes." She shrugged with a smile, "There's a ton of spaghetti left but the garlic bread you might need to pop back in the oven." Lucille rose to her feet, "I'll make you a plate. Relax."

"I got it," he insisted but she smiled wider.

"No. Go get changed and kick your shoes off." Lucille approached him and pecked him on the lips, "You've had a long day."

Negan cleared his throat, completely taken off-guard by her demeanor. Still, he complied with a nod and decided to go with it. "Okay."

"Okay." She hurried into the kitchen and began to fix his plate for him.

As Negan wandered down the hall he had a million things running through his mind. A part of him would have preferred her being mad at him. It would have complimented his own thoughts and actions much better, even if it made the moment all the more miserable. The fact that Lucille was being open, friendly and understanding made him feel all the more worse.

"Honey..." she made her way into their room where he had just kicked off his sneakers.

"Yeah." Negan raised his eyebrows and stopped what he was doing to give her his full focus.

"This weekend do you think we could make a trip to Home Depot?"

He shrugged. "Yeah... sure. Why?"

"Well... we have those old paint samples still, right?" Lucille went on, purposely dragging the moment on as she studied his features every step of the way, "The swatches that say what colors we used." She ran her hand down the wall of their bedroom.

"Yeah, they should be down in the basement," Negan informed her, "Why, we need paint?" His eyes scanned the room in search of imperfections.

"Just a little," she informed him, "The paint is chipping, it's the strangest thing."

Negan continued to look around in search of what she was talking about. "Where? I'll touch it up."

Lucille waved a hand, "Well, there was just a little corner in the living room," she lied, "And..." He trailed her into the spare room, which immediately made his stomach sink as he prayed there was nothing he'd left out of place.

"In here?" Negan made a face, "We rarely set foot in here."

"Yeah, I know," she agreed, shrugging again, but motioned to the wall before making her way toward the head board and tracing her fingers over the visible lines. Lucille turned to him, not giving anything away in her expression as she continued to play dumb, "All the paint is cracking here. It's like... I don't know."

Internally, Negan's body was growing hot with a level of panic that he wasn't used to experiencing. He cursed himself for not recognizing the marks himself as he straightened up the room and made it look as immaculate as it had been prior to inviting Nicole over. He was sure it was perfect, or close to it. Never in a million years had he thought to check behind the bed for marks on the wall. It wasn't something that occurred in his own bedroom when he was intimate with Lucille, so it hadn't even crossed his mind. Now, he could see just the thinnest bar of wood behind at the back of the headboard on the spare bed that was responsible for ruining his fool-proof plan. Negan even took a moment to mother-fuck the creators of the bed design in his mind, but he quickly straightened up and masked all of the emotions he was feeling.

"What a piss-poor design for a fuckin' head board, Jesus." He reached for the piece that was responsible for giving him away, and it was hard for Negan not to re-imagine his multiple romps with Nicole as he searched his mind for something that would make sense to his wife.

"I guess so." Lucille looked up at him and Negan stared back at her. When he didn't say anything more Lucille never backed down with her eyes as they burned into his, though she remained strategically passive and calm. "Do you mind touching it up this weekend?"

Negan cleared his throat and shook his head, "No, I don't mind."

"Thanks." Lucille put a hand on the top of his chest and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I was late for dinner," he said, not having any other conscious thoughts to say to her.

"It's okay," she assured him again, still smiling. Lucille turned back toward the bed and shook her head, "It's the strangest thing." She immediately turned back around, seeing the statue-like state of her husband but continued to play the role and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll go make that plate of pasta for you." Lucille rubbed the top of his chest as she passed by, leaving Negan standing in the spare bedroom feeling dumbfounded and lost. He stared at the far wall, barely able to make out the marks that were visible and closed his eyes for a moment.

If there was one thing that he knew for sure, it was that Lucille wasn't dumb. She was intelligent and was one of the only people who could see right through him. She was strong, smart and strategic. These were some of the qualities that had drawn him to her when they'd first met. Now, as their marriage crumbled a little more, Negan knew it was Lucille's best traits that would surely be what would bring him down. He knew that she wasn't as clueless as she made herself appear, and it was only a matter of time until the time bomb blew up in his face.


	22. Paper Trail

Nicole had been satisfied in meeting Negan at the fishing spot by the water several more times that week. It was enough to hold over her appetite for him, though like any type of addiction she wanted more.

Friday was a few degrees cooler than the rest of the week has been. When Nicole cruised into the driveway her hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as she saw her mother talking with Lucille at the line where their yards met.

What are they talking about? She wondered, knowing full well that her mother was likely to call her over so they could be introduced.

When her mother gave a wave, the suspicion was confirmed and Nicole felt her entire body grow heavy. How would she ever be able to look the woman in the eye knowing full well what she had been doing with Negan?

"Shit." Nicole whispered the curse word to herself when her mother pointed now in her direction. She knew the day would come sooner or later but she hadn't been prepared to meet Lucille right then.

"Honey," her mother waved a hand in their direction forcing Nicole out of the car as she challenged herself to act normal.

"Lucille, this is my daughter Nicole. I don't know that you've met." She smiled, "She just graduated from college and got back about a week ago."

"Hello." Lucille extended her hand with a smile, "I'm Lucille. We moved in over the winter."

"Nice to meet you." Nicole felt like she could throw up when their hands linked in a formal handshake.

"And I think she met Negan once," her mother went on, "The day he came over with the butter." She looked to Nicole for confirmation.

"Yeah." She nodded, a collection of thoughts and images running through her mind.

"I was just inviting them to our picnic tomorrow for Memorial Day."

"Is there anything we can bring?" Lucille asked, "An appetizer? Dessert?"

"Oh, don't be silly." Her mother began to insist but Lucille went on.

"I'll whip up some macaroni salad." She smiled, "We can't show up empty handed."

"Well, thank you. It's not necessary but if you insist."

Nicole glanced back and forth at the two of them feeling a bit third-wheelish but immediately reached for the pocket of her jeans when her phone sounded off.

"Sorry," she gave a closed-mouth smile and glanced at the screen seeing Negan's number with an accompanied text message that read: Up for some night fishing around 8:00?

Nicole's face grew hot and as bad as she wanted to write back she shoved the phone back down into her pocket. When her eyes rose both women were staring at her, forcing her to clear her throat and then smile nervously.

"She goes all out for picnics," Nicole attempted to carry on a normal part of the conversation. "And we always have a ton of yard games and stuff."

"Oh, I might have you and Dad put up a volleyball net for me tonight," her mother explained.

"No problem." Nicole smiled as her phone went off again. She raised her eyebrows and smiled again. "Well, it was nice to meet you." She smiled at Lucille.

"Nice to meet you too." She gave a wave as Nicole managed to wiggle her way out of the conversation. Much to her relief, her mother didn't attempt to call her back. As she rounded the corner she pulled the phone out of her pocket and began typing back to Negan.

Nicole was beginning to wonder what her boundaries were, if she even had them anymore. Most women would have turned to ran in the opposite direction after meeting the wife of the man they were carrying on with. Nicole couldn't respond to Negan's question fast enough, not only with a 'yes' but with a 'can't wait'.

She knew it wasn't right, that she shouldn't have felt that way; but that didn't stop Nicole with pursuing every available opportunity to be with Negan. It was messed up and wrong and absolutely hot. The fact that Negan and Lucille would be attending her mother's picnic together created a plague in the back of her mind. Still, she couldn't find herself to be upset or disappointed when she knew what she was in for in just a short time.

Night fishing... Nicole wondered why so late but it gave her more hours in the day to enjoy. There was something more passionate about the night that made his courting of her all the more intriguing. A part of her wanted to tell him that she has met Lucille, though she figured she would fill him in in person.

...

"So, you're supposed to be at a fundraiser?" Nicole asked. She laid naked on her back on a blanket in the bed of Negan's truck tucked away a bit in the woods not far from the lake.

"I went," he admitted with a grin, hovering above her, "Baked some fuckin' cookies, made a donation..."

"Left a paper trail... nice."

Negan continued to smirk and leaned down, touching his lips to hers before kissing along her collar bone and then finally shifting off of her.

"You could have continued," Nicole told him with a light laugh.

His chest heaved up and down once as he took a deep breath, letting one hand drape lazily against her thigh as he stared straight up at the stars through the collection of tree branches. Negan placed the other hand behind his head and just laid there for a moment.

Nicole mirrored his position and found herself feeling completely at ease for the first time in awhile amongst all of the other crazy, emotional days she had been experiencing regularly. At that moment there was a sense of peace and serenity that hung in the air; the late spring temperatures closed in around seventy-five degrees, the stars were scattered above them and the other noises came from the little bugs and creatures that tucked themselves away somewhere between the trees.

"I could fuckin' stay here all night doll." Negan spoke the words that she, herself, was thinking.

"Me too." She closed her eyes and felt him turn toward her. When she re-opened her eyes she turned to face him. "You're coming to our house tomorrow?"

"What's tomorrow?" Negan's fingers traced invisible lines up and down in her inner thigh.

"I pulled in the driveway today and, um..." Nicole cleared her throat, "My mom was talking to..." She couldn't speak her name, or even say 'your wife'. Apparently the sentence was complete enough for him to catch on. His fingers stopped what they were doing but he kept his hand against her.

"Lucille made plans with your mom?"

She nodded. "You have nothing to worry about... with all of this... with me."

"I know," Negan said right away. He tugged at her leg before urging her to lay on top of him. When they were face to face again he looked her in the eye. "I don't want to fuckin' think about tomorrow."

"Okay," Nicole agreed in a whisper, leaning down to touch her lips back to his.

Negan's eyes closed and he draped his arms around her. He deepened the kiss before resettling his hands on her hips and letting out a breath. "Any time you want out of this... let me know."

"You're going to have to be the one to end it," she told him, leaning back down to kiss him harder as he instinctively rose his hips to meet hers.

Negan switched his lips to her ear and whispered, "I'm not fuckin' capable."

Nicole closed her eyes, goosebumps traveling the length of her body. He latched his teeth onto her earlobe before beginning to kiss down her neck.

Giving in to what she was feeling came naturally. Negan did everything right when it came to the two of them, so she couldn't help but wonder what had gone so terribly wrong in his marriage to have gotten him to this point. She shook the thought away and acknowledged that it would take something of a higher power, much higher than the will power of either of them, to get in the middle of such a torrent, passionate relationship like the one they were completely in the throws of.


	23. Horseshoes

Nicole had helped her mother set up for the picnic all morning and had finally gotten around to showering and changing. She was sure her mother's quirky friends would be among the first the arrive, and with all the tension she was quietly experiencing she almost couldn't wait to engage in silly conversations. On top of it, her friends Holly and Steve were planning on attending so the crowd would surely provide a sense of normalcy.

Still, in the back of Nicole's mind she couldn't help but wonder when Negan and Lucille would arrive, how long they would stay and if she would be able to pull off the nonchalant body language when interacting with him.

"It's a picnic." She spoke the words aloud to herself before closing the door to her room and heading down to face whatever the day's events brought her way.

...

Guests had begun to arrive shortly after one o'clock and by two the back yard was filled with little groups of people talking, eating and soaking up the sun.

Nicole's friends had provided a good distraction as the three of them flung horseshoes across the yard, though weren't really keeping score. In the back of her mind, Nicole couldn't help but wonder when Negan and Lucille would arrive. It was the reason she kept peeking over her shoulder toward their house nonchalantly in the break of each conversation and in between each lazy toss of the horse shoe.

"So," Steve nudged Nicole, "You're going to be some big time cop soon I hear."

She chuckled and shook her head, "I have to get accepted to an academy first... not to mention the one-hundred interviews leading up to that."

"You'll be fine," he assured her, "They need chicks, and you've always been able to keep up with the guys in gym class."

"We'll see."

"Hey, maybe you'll even get thrown into the riots and all that weird shit that's been going on if you end up in a big city around here."

"What riots?" Nicole pressed her eyebrows together.

"Throw it Steve!" Holly shouted from the opposite side of the makeshift court.

He rolled his eyes and made his throw, sending the horse shoe onto it's edge, traveling in a big circle that wandered over toward a collection of people talking by an unlit fire pit.

"In D.C.," he explained, "And Richmond."

"I saw a few things on TV..."

"It's gotten more frequent," Steve went on, "People are flat out attacking people... biting people. One guy even was said to have chewed some homeless guy's face."

"The guy on drugs, right?"

He made a face. "I've never heard of that reaction to someone taking drugs. A lot of other messed up things, sure, but not that."

"Weird." Nicole shook her head and waved on Holly to toss. "But I guess it's kind of cool... from the mind of a wannabe detective." She chuckled, making him smile.

Holly let out a quiet cat-call style whistle and both of them turned to see her subtly pointing across the yard. "Nicole..."

She turned and immediately felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through her body when Negan crossed into the yard with Lucille at his side. Nicole didn't know what to do - should she greet them? Say hello? Re-introduce herself to the man she supposedly only met briefly once or twice?

"Lucille." Nicole's mother beat everyone else to it and a wave of relief washed over her.

"Sorry we're late," she explained, "We ran some errands this morning, you know, the grocery store, Home Depot." Lucille made eye contact with Negan as the last location left her mouth but she quickly returned her attention to Karen.

"I'll take the macaroni salad," she offered, "Help yourself to anything and everything."

"Thanks so much," Lucille said with a smile.

"Thank you," Negan echoed, draping an arm across her back as they wandered around to find a seat.

"Who's that?" Steve asked.

"My neighbor," Nicole informed him, prompting Holly to skip up happily to join in on their conversation.

"Her hot neighbor," she added, making Steve roll his eyes again with a laugh this time.

"And you say us guys are bad."

"Oh, no, we're just as bad," Holly admitted with a laugh. "We just know how to be a bit more discreet." She turned to Nicole, "Have you seen him since the bar?"

"Just across the yard," Nicole told her.

"You went out with him?" Steve asked.

"No," she informed him right away, "Me and Holly were out for a drink and he happened to be there." Nicole turned to Holly, "And she ditched me with some warped, crazy thought that I might hook up with him."

"Is that his wife?" he motioned to Lucille.

"Yes."

Steve laughed again and shook his head, "Good friend Holly, trying to set Nicole up with a married man."

"I wasn't," she said with a laugh, "But the story would have been hella good if it happened."

Nicole simply shook her head with a grin. She found herself more than a bit uncomfortable in indulging in a conversation that he jestfully toyed with the idea of her hooking up with Negan.

She let out a breath and Holly wandered toward the opposite side of the court again to resume their low key game of horse shoes. "Your turn!" she shouted, prompting both Nicole and Steve to retrieve the U-shaped metal pieces from the slightly overgrown grass.

Nicole focused this time, squinting her eyes as she eyed the spike on the ground across the way. "I suck at this," she murmured.

"Don't toss it so high," Steve instructed. He reached for her hand and gently moved it upward, "You're releasing here and it's sending the damn thing like fifteen feet in the air." He pushed her arm down a little lower, "Release about there and you'll be good."

"Expert?" she teased.

"At everything," he joked back, making her chuckle.

Nicole gave the throw her full concentration and took a breath through her nose before releasing the horse shoe the way Steve had instructed, leaving it with a loud thud in the ground a few inches in front of the spike.

"Not bad for a girl."

She snickered and shoved him hard, making him laugh before giving his own horse shoe a toss. It hooked smoothly around the pole, twirled and settled, prompting Steve to throw his arms in the air with a triumphant fist pump.

"Lucky!" Holly shouted back.

Steve continued with his mild celebration, making the girls laugh before he connected his hand with Nicole's in an enthusiastic high-five. "That's how ya do it!"

Nicole grinned and nodded before turning her attention away from the game to glance over in Negan's direction. He sat comfortably in one of her parents' Adirondack chairs, leaned back with a beer in one hand and his other arm outstretched across the back of Lucille's chair beside him. His eyes were locked on Nicole's, though he didn't attempt to say anything or motion to her. Beside him, his wife talked with a few of the other women that she'd been introduced do, completely oblivious of the way he looked at Nicole.

She wanted to leave the game and go up to talk to him, even if it was a type of fake conversation in the presence of mixed company.

When Steve reached around and picked her up around her waist, Nicole screamed and laughed all at once as she was pulled from the trance that Negan had put her in.

"Put me down!" she shouted, still laughing, "What the hell Steve."

"You're spacing out," he informed her with a laugh, putting her feet back on the ground, "I wish you had a pool because I would have gladly just pushed you in."

Nicole laughed and caught her breath, fixing her hair a moment before lending her eyes back in Negan's direction. She felt her stomach drop a bit when she saw him whispering something in Lucille's ear that made her smile before she leaned in and landed a chaste kiss on his lips.

The jealousy that burned up inside of her made Nicole's entire body feel hot, tight and ready to explode all at once. The carefree feeling she'd had just several seconds before was ripped from her body and replaced with a weight that made her feel anything but light-as-a-feather.

That's what husbands and wives do, she reminded herself. Nicole cleared her throat, unable to get the image from her head and then forced a fake smile to her friends.

"I'll be right back."

"Can you bring me back a Sprite?" Holly shouted.

Nicole gave a thumbs up and then hurried toward the back door, crossing by Negan, Lucille and everyone else that sat in their little group. Of everyone, Lucille was the one who she accidentally made eye contact with, prompting her friendly neighbor to wave and smile.

"Nicole," she greeted, "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she almost gasped the words out, "Thanks for coming by."

"We were happy to be invited," Lucille said honestly with a nod.

Nicole smiled and then shifted her eyes to Negan, who finally looked visibly uncomfortable; though he hid it quite well.

"You've met my husband, right?"

She cleared her throat, thinking to herself that if she'd just taken a sip of water she would have spit it out like some comical scene in a cartoon - only the reality of the current situation was anything but funny.

"Yes," Nicole said, "The time he came over to get some butter." She cleared her throat and allowed his name to come out like a question, "Negan?"

He extended his arm and Nicole looked down as he shook her hand. "Nice to see you again."

It was almost too difficult to fake, but she held it together and nodded. "You too." Nicole looked back to Lucille now, attempting to pull herself from the web of emotions she felt trapped in at that moment. The heat took over her body again and she felt as if her arms, legs and core began to ache. "I'm sure my mom already said this, but help yourself to anything out here... and there's a bathroom downstairs and upstairs if you need it."

"And yard games," Negan added, nodding toward her friends who still played horse shoes.

"And yard games," she echoed with a closed-mouth smile.

Lucille dropped a hand to his knee, "Any kind of competition this one is all for," she said with a light laugh, "We have a ping-pong table in the garage. He coaches football and keeps going on and on about a baseball opening the school may have next season."

"Baseball is more my thing," Nicole told her with a smile.

"Mine too," Lucille smiled back, "Football..." She shrugged, "I could take it or leave it."

"Looks like horse shoes is your game," Negan nodded, not breaking eye contact with Nicole this time, "You've got yourself a good coach over there huh?" He chuckled, motioning to Steve, who was attempting a trick shot behind his back.

"Yeah... he's a goofball."

"Well, I just wanted to say hello," Lucille said, still smiling, "We won't keep you. You looked like you were in a hurry to get somewhere."

Nicole waved a hand and shook her head, "It was nice meeting you... again."

"You too," the two of them said at the same time.

She wandered inside through the back door and made her way into the bathroom downstairs to compose herself for a moment. Nicole looked at herself in the mirror, staring down her reflection and shook her head.

"You're so weak," she whispered to herself. Nicole knew she should have gotten over it, all of it, and just enjoyed the afternoon with her friends. Still, as innocent as it was, she couldn't get the kiss between Negan and Lucille out of her mind, not to mention seeing all the little touches and subtleties that occur between a couple like the way she rested a hand on his knee, or how he whispered in her ear. They were lines Nicole would never be able to cross with Negan - not in a public setting. For the first time she the weight of the reality of it all. One day their unorthodox relationship would end, Negan would be with Lucille and she would be left with nothing but a heart in need of mending.

A knock at the door made her jump and she let out a quiet breath before responding. "I'll be right out." Nicole wasn't quite ready to leave the bathroom, though when the door knob turned and the door opened she stepped back a few feet.

"Sorry." Negan looked her up and down.

"What... what are you doing?" Nicole asked him quietly.

"I have to take a piss." He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smirk and pushed by her, closing the door behind him before unzipping his pants and lifting the toilet seat.

Nicole almost laughed, but she was still too wrapped up in her thoughts to let it out. "You're serious?"

"Yeah." Negan smiled wider as he began to relieve himself, amused at Nicole's elevated level of paranoia as she looked around in all directions. "Lock the door honey."

"You... you want to..." She swallowed hard and did as he asked, causing him to let out a quiet laugh.

"Here?" Negan grinned, "I'd fuckin' love to... but no."

"So, why-"

"Don't you think it'd look just as odd if someone walked in and you were watching me?"

Nicole couldn't keep up with her heightened emotions and how they pulled her in all directions. "Where's... where's Lucille?"

He smirked again, "Her and some lady named Beth went to play horse shoes with your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend."

Negan zipped his pants back up and then turned to face her. He looked her up and down. "Never?"

"Never?" Nicole cleared her throat and shook her head, "No, we've always just been friends."

"Better tell him that."

"He knows."

Negan narrowed his eyes a bit and smiled. "You've got a lot to learn, doll. I can see it a mile away."

Nicole continued to stare at him for a moment, not saying anything and Negan could see she was visibly bothered by the whole situation. He reached an arm out and pulled her to him, connecting their lips as she dropped her hands to his waist.

"Is this too much for you?" he whispered against her lips, toying with her hair with his eyes closed.

"No." Nicole kissed him again and rested her forehead on the bridge of his nose.

"Good." Negan ran his hand up the back of her shirt, massaging her back with his fingertips for a moment before finally pulling away and reopening his eyes. "It's just a couple of hours."

"Is it wrong to say I'm jealous of your wife?" she felt the words slip out of her mouth and immediately wanted to take them back.

"Is it wrong to say I wanted to punch that fuckin' kid in the face when he put his arms around you?"

Nicole finally managed a smile and Negan snickered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Negan reached past her and unlocked the bathroom door, tugging at the handle. "Let's get out of here before I do something to get us both caught."


	24. Our Spot

Sunday had dragged the day after the picnic. Nicole had been left fantasizing about the moment cut short in her bathroom downstairs and flattery that went hand in hand with Negan's jealousy over Steve. It had all but diminished her own burning jealousy that ate away at her core from watching him kiss another woman - even if that woman _ _was__ his wife.

Still, Sunday had dragged on without a call or a text message. Nicole had subtly kept an eye out to see if Negan was out performing any yard work, though he hadn't shown his face.

Monday morning had proven to be much sweeter, as she was awakened by a text message that was nothing but a wink-face as a text message. It was more than enough to jump start her day. The collection of dirty text messages to follow carried on into the late morning sporadically and each one made her smile wider than the next; though it made Nicole more impatient to see Negan again. All of the power was in his hands, with regard to when they would see each other again. She didn't at all mind that, except for the fact that she was left tapping her fingers with a racing heart as she anticipated and hypothesized when the next realistic opportunity would arrive.

A phone call from one of the many towns she had applied to with regard to a becoming a police officer was her only distraction, and she was forced to put all of her attention and focus into the conversation for a short time. After a collection of questions the woman on the other end of the line finally came out with the part Nicole had been waiting for.

"We would like to offer you an interview on Thursday at twelve-thirty." A secretary for a neighboring police department waited patiently for Nicole's response.

"Oh... well... yes." She smiled and looked in the mirror as she spoke over the receiver, "Yes, that would be great."

"Great, we'll pencil you in for that time. You can find directions to our department on our website. Please contact us if anything changes."

"Thank you." Nicole nodded to herself and hung up the phone with a smile. _ _First interview__ , she thought to herself.

Things would have been perfect if Negan had been a readily available man. She was enamored with him and their relationship, and now she was getting her first shot at an interview for the career she had prepared for over the last four years.

When her phone went off again she was pleased to see Negan's latest text message: __5:00... our spot.__

 _ _...__

"So will you get handcuffs when they hire you?" Negan asked, smiling from ear to ear as Nicole walked up toward the driver's side of his truck.

She snickered, " _ _If__ I get hired."

"Look at you." He continued to grin, letting his arm dangle out the open window, "If you're as smart on paper as you are hot they'll hire you in a fuckin' second honey... shit, even if you were dumb I'd hire you."

Nicole laughed a little louder, "I'm pretty smart."

"Well, then you're in."

"Let's hope."

Negan killed the engine to the truck and hopped out of the vehicle, staring at Nicole as he did. He then glanced around the immediate area, seemingly pleased by the desolate nature and nodded his head toward the woods.

Nicole followed, but couldn't help but ask. "Where are we going?"

"If I tell you I'll have to kill you, doll."

"Then I'll die happy." When he turned, Nicole grinned and Negan smiled back as he already began to peel off his shirt.

They only walked a short distance further before hitting a small clearing by the side of the lake. "This is where I usually come to fish." Negan turned his head and smirked again, "I've never crossed paths with anyone."

"Hmm..." Nicole let a smile spread across her face and then giggled when he tossed his shirt to the ground and began to undo his pants.

"What's, uh... what's the plan?"

"Take off your clothes."

She looked around the immediate area and then let out a loud, unexpected laugh when Negan pulled her to him, clad in nothing but his boxer-briefs with his pants around his ankles. When he almost fell from the lack of balance he chuckled and pulled her lips to his.

"No one comes here," he whispered against her, still grinning before kissing her a little harder.

Nicole couldn't deny him when he kissed her that way, or when he showed a playfully aggressive side that she couldn't at all resist. In fact it almost made her worship him further and without another thought she was pulling off her shirt.

"This is nice," Negan toyed with the strap of her bra. Before Nicole could respond he had the back of it unclipped and she easily let it slide off her arm.

He scooped her off the ground by the backs of her legs and Nicole's arms and legs immediately wrapped around him as they kissed some more.

"I've been thinking about this since Saturday afternoon," Nicole admitted, only breaking to his him for the several seconds it took to get the sentence out. Her censorship around him had begun to diminish as she got more comfortable being around him.

"Fuck, do you know how hard it is to hide how hard your dick is at a picnic?" Negan laughed and allowed her back down onto the ground. He stepped out of his pants, stripped down to nothing and didn't say another word as he headed into the lake.

Nicole stood grinning on the side for a moment, biting down on her bottom lip before braving the jump as he had and taking off the remainder of her clothes to join him.

Negan immediately pulled her body back against his and connected their lips again. "I thought you were going to fuckin' chicken out."

"Sometimes I just need a little push," she told him, reaching down below his waist. "Or a... big push." Nicole smiled when his eyes closed as she touched him.

"Mmm..." He moaned and allowed her to continue.

"What are we going to do when it gets cold outside?" Nicole smiled, continuing to stroke him beneath the water, but at the same time she was curious to see what his thoughts were on the semi-long term.

Negan kept his eyes closed, subconsciously running his tongue across his bottom lip as he did though gave a coherent response. "My truck has heat honey." He smiled briefly but immediately got back in the moment.

Nicole brought her lips back to his, pleased by his response and only stopped what she was doing when Negan grabbed her face hard with both hands as he kissed her more aggressively.

"Don't stop," he mumbled into her mouth.

She moaned into his mouth, attempting to grab a hold of him again though when he picked her up more easily again by the backs of her knees she clung to him in the water.

"Might be hard to fuck like this." Negan choked out the words but easily slipped inside of her with the aid of the water, groaning as he did. "Maybe not."

Nicole wrapped her arms around the back of his shoulders and sighed his name aloud.

"Ohh... you have no fucking idea," he whispered, digging his fingers into her hips as he moved her up and down on his dick.

She muffled a moan into the nook of his neck and grasped him tighter. "No idea what?"

Negan let out a louder moan this time. "You're fuckin' amazing doll." His eyes remained closed, "Fuck."

Nicole smiled, but immediately got pulled back into the pleasure of the moment, eagerly giving Negan all the appreciation she could through a series of moans that she found more difficult to contain as they carried on.

The more they were together, the less she cared about the consequences. Could they get caught out in public together? Yes. Could there be potential disastrous repercussions because of it? Yes. Were there 'safer' places to screw around? Yes.

None of it mattered. It was almost as if the high of the moment would make up for it, even if the worst possible scenario happened to occur. It being Negan's idea to hit his so-called discreet fishing spot made Nicole all the more confident in their security. Aside from the physical connection, she developed a trust for him and it shined through despite the obvious indiscretions in his own marriage. Logic had fizzled out and the feeling and emotion had completely taken over.

Nicole was beginning to feel like the initial infatuation had blossomed into something more; something she warned herself about many times over. She had no feeling close to compare it to, but Nicole couldn't help but acknowledge that she had fully and completely fallen for her married neighbor. She was in love with Negan.


	25. Flashing Lights

The week has been filled with good vibes for Nicole, though her stomach was fluttering with butterflies as she crossed into the building where her first formal interview would be conducted. She tried to remain calm, noting most people did not ace their initial interview and told herself at worst it would be a great learning experience. At best she would be asked in for the second wave of interviews.

Relax, she told herself, pushing through a set of glass double doors where two women sat behind a counter with computers.

"Hi," Nicole greeted them with a cheery smile and. "I'm Nicole Gardner. I have an interview with the police department."

The woman closest to her returned a smile. "You'll be called in shortly. Please have a seat just around the corner here. Someone will call you in when it's time."

"Thank you." Nicole nodded politely and rounded into a small waiting room where one other man sat in a suit with one leg folded over the other. He smiled politely, cleared his throat and toyed with the top of his tie before reaching for a magazine on a small end table.

She sat down stiffly a few chairs over and couldn't find it in her to even leisurely read. Rather, Nicole sat staring at the random paintings on the wall rehearsing answers in her mind to questions she assumed might be included in the questioning.

Questions about the town and the county. Town of Vienna...Fairfax County... 16000 residents... low crime rates...

A door opened at the far end of the waiting room and a tall, broad bald man with perfect posture stepped forward. "Evan Myers."

The young man in the suit immediately set the magazine down and rose to his feet. He adjusted his suit jacket and eagerly made it way across the room.

The two men shook hands and disappeared through the door.

Nicole let out a breath, noting the waiting game had just begun. Her whole life as of late felt like one, big anxious waiting game. Nothing was in her hands and it made her mind and heart race like never before.

I just want my life to be set, she thought, normal and consistent.

Nicole knew this wasn't something that happened to anybody over night. All things that were worth it took work, patience and time. Logically, she could put that much into perspective, though it didn't make the uneasy feeling in her stomach subside.

She let out a breath and waited, unable to come to an accurate conclusion about the time. Nicole had strategically left her phone in the car, designating a special text message to Negan to let him know she was heading into her interview so she wouldn't miss his texts. When he had responded "good luck" with a smiling emoji it was all she needed to feel content with that part of her life in order to focus on the interview.

Still, without a phone and no clock in sight, Nicole had no idea what the actual time was as she waited... and waited... and waited.

Finally, the door swung open and the same well-postured man called her name from the entryway. "Nicole Gardner."

Nicole rose to her feet, the butterflies escalating with each step she took toward the man. Questions began to filter through her mind in rapid fire fashion - are my clothes professional enough? Should I have worn a long skirt instead of a pants suit? Should I have worn my hair down instead of up? Do I have too much makeup on? Not enough? Is my jewelry too flashy?

Before she could process a coherent answer to any of it her hand was connecting with the man's in a firm handshake and Nicole looked him in the eye as practiced.

"Nicole, I'm Officer Ryan Matthews."

"Nicole Gardner." She smiled as he did and they two of them crossed through the door down a long hallway filled with door on both sides.

He led the way, coming to a halt at the third door down on the right and reached for the handle, motioning Nicole in ahead of him.

"Thank you." She nodded, continuing to smile though immediately let the overwhelming feeling escalate when a board of six other men and women sat behind a long table studying her as she entered.

Nicole swallowed hard, unsure of whether or not to introduce herself and then turned back to Officer Matthews as he instructed her to sit in the lone seat across from all of them.

She tried to come across as confident, masking a deep sigh she wanted to let out as she sat.  
 _  
Well, here we go..._ Nicole thought.

The questions to follow were somewhat as expected - what made you want to become a police officer? How do you think your degree in criminal justice could give you a leg up in the field? Do you prefer collaboration or are you content working alone? What attributes would make you a good member of our team? Strengths? Weaknesses? Scenario questions followed - if you pulled over a suspected drunk driver and it happen to be the town's mayor, what would you do? You're responding to another call but you witness a car accident in front of you; do you continue responding to the call or aid with those involved in the car accident?

Nicole spoke intelligently and with poise. She answered each questions thoroughly and completely, so much so that she felt at times she might be rambling. It was exhausting though her confidence grew with each question answered and before she knew it she was shaking hands with each of the board members, who seemed far less intimidating now that the interview had concluded.

"Thank you for the opportunity," she said sincerely to each one of them, smiling, nodding and shaking their hands firmly before Officer Matthews escorted her back through the door.

"We will be letting all of the candidates know one way or another if they'll be chosen for a second interview. You'll be receiving a call from us by the end of the week."

"Great." Nicole found herself able to relax after the long day, "I appreciate the opportunity."

"We appreciate you coming." He gave a brief wave and Nicole parted ways with the building, eagerly making her way back to the car.

Nicole removed the blazer she had been wearing, immediately relieved from the heat and turned on the air conditioning in her car as she fiddled for her phone. Her thumbs tapped at the screen and a small wave of disappointment hit her when there were no missed calls or texts from Negan. She had been expecting a text with some dirty innuendo about handcuffs or night sticks, or something else that she could imagine him saying.

She contemplated texting him, but she decided to give it some time. Nicole also acknowledged that she _had_ told him that she would be in an interview and she was sure Negan didn't want to interrupt the process for her.

 _I'm sure that's it_ , she thought.

Rather than dwell on all of the possibilities, Nicole threw on the radio, decompressed and decided to head to Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee to enjoy on the ride home.

When Nicole was less than five minutes from her home her phone went off, prompting her to take her eyes off the road for a moment, excited that it might be Negan. When she didn't recognized the number she scrunched her nose and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello Nicole," a man's voice echoed over the receiver.

"Yes."

"This is Officer Matthews. How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you?"

"I know we said we'd be in touch by the end of the week but we would like to offer you the opportunity to come back in early next week for a polygraph test."

Nicole's mouth hung open and she smiled to herself. Before an awkward pause was fully in effect she responded. "Yes... yes that would be great."

"Great. We're filling spots for Tuesday right now. Does ten o'clock work for you?"

"Ten o'clock... yes."

"Well then we'll see you Tuesday at ten."

"Thank you." Nicole almost chuckled into the receiver but she managed to hold it together as she hung up the phone.

She wanted to jump in the air, but instead just laughed to herself in the cab of her car.

"No way." Nicole said the words to herself and continued to smile, singing along to the final song on her ride home as her home came into view up the street. When she grew closer she turned the radio down and immediately her smile faded.

An ambulance sat with it's lights still on in Negan's driveway with it's back doors open close to the garage.

Her stomach dropped and she swallowed hard as she cruised into her own driveway. A number of possibilities were swirling about in her mind and for a moment she sat there silently with the car still on as she stared in the direction of her neighbor's house.

A man and a woman in paramedic uniforms wheeled a stretcher from the garage and Negan looked erratic side-by-side with it.

Nicole felt a dire need to know what was going on. Her lone positive thought was that Negan appeared to be fine, as he was on his feet talking with a man before hopping into the back of the ambulance. Still, Nicole's stomach dropped as low as it could go and she knew that something terrible had happened.


	26. It's Okay

"I'm so happy for you," Karen gushed over the news of Nicole getting a second interview as the two of them and her father sat at the kitchen table for dinner. When Nicole toyed with the piece of salmon on her plate and failed to respond her mother went on, "I wanted parmesan chicken but we didn't have any cheese or breadcrumbs."

Nicole managed a small smile and inattentively poked at the fish with her fork.

"Did you lie about the interview?" her mother blurted out.

"What?" Nicole finally sprung to life.

"I just... you don't seem excited about this. Did the interview go well?"

"Yes, Mom..." She shook her head and ate a small bite of rice.

"She's asking because you gave us this good news and you look like your cat just died," her father added.

"It's... just been a long day." Nicole rose to her feet and took her plate with her.

"You've barely touched your dinner, Nicole."

"I'm not hungry."

"Something's wrong," her mother suspected again, wiping her mouth with a napkin and then spinning around to face where Nicole was emptying her food into the garbage.

"Nothing is wrong," she snapped.

Her parents stared back at her and Nicole acknowledged how odd her behavior must have seemed. Between the ongoing secretive relationship with Negan, her interview and now the mystery that lingered around whatever was going on at Negan's house it was too much to take. She was so wound up and was finally snapping.

Nicole took a deep breath. "I'm just... stressed. I'm sorry." She sighed and leaned against the counter, sensing they weren't about to completely let it go. "What happened next door?" she asked nonchalantly, hoping to find something out.

"What do you mean?" Her mother asked.

"At Negan and Lucille's house."

Her parents looked at one another, neither having an idea.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Karen went on, "Why..."

"There was an ambulance over there," Nicole informed them, "A few hours ago."

"I'll have to give them a call tonight." She crossed the room and tried to peer out the window toward the neighbors' house. "I hope nothing's wrong."

"So the polygraph is Tuesday," Tim gave a hefty laugh from the table as he changed the subject without much thought, "Hope you don't have any skeletons in your closet, kid. They'll bring it out of you."

Nicole whipped her head in her father's direction. "Like what?"

"Stop scaring her," Karen crossed back to sit at the kitchen table. "He's kidding."

"I'm not," her father went on, "Kenny told me they ask some pretty invasive things. Better not lie, Nicole. It's like Santa Claus."

Her parents shared a laugh but Nicole couldn't find the humor in it. Would they ask her something that would reveal her relationship with Negan?

"I'm going to take a shower." She put her empty plate in the sink and began to hurry toward the staircase.

"Nicole!" her mother called after her, prompting her to stop in her tracks.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

"I'm sure." She nodded and a lightbulb went off. "I'm just... bummed that I won't get to go down to Florida with you guys next week because of the interview... but I'm happy at the same time."

"Is that's what's bothering you?" her father asked, "You're upset you can't see your brother with us?"

Nicole nodded. "It's fine."

"We can push it back," her mother began to insist but Nicole shook her head.

"This is like a four-part interview process and then the academy," she informed her, "No time will be a good time if things work out for me."

Karen nodded and Nicole finally managed to scamper away, hurrying up the stairs toward her room. With the world growing dark there were no lights on at Negan's house next door as she peered out the window. Whatever had happened was eating away at her. As bad as she wanted to text him she felt it wasn't appropriate, particularly if something serious had happened, as she suspected.

The question remained - how long could she wait to hear the truth from Negan before she finally caved in and texted him?

Nicole knew she had to be respectful of the situation, despite feeling like she had practiced little of that since meeting him. Whatever had happened, it was Lucille that went off to the hospital on a stretcher. Texting her husband that she had been sneaking around with would be the ultimate slap in the face.

 _ _I hope she's okay.__ Nicole meant it. She started to think that whatever had happened she was somehow responsible for.

She glanced down at the phone in her hands and the empty home screen stared her in the face. Nicole switched her gaze back to the window and looked at Negan's empty house. Again, she found herself waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

...

Cancer.

Negan unlocked the front door and walked Lucille into their home after receiving the news.

"What can I get for you?" he turned and Lucille looked at him with tired eyes.

"A bucket," she joked, "I already feel like I'm going to throw up again."

"Okay." Negan nodded, "I'm sorry Lucille."

"You didn't give me cancer." She touched his face and walked past him, "I need to lay down."

He nodded again and walked behind her into the bathroom, retrieving a small pail from the closet before joining Lucille in their bedroom.

Negan placed the bucket down on her side and then aided in tucking her in.

"Thank you." She laid down with her eyes closed for a moment and then reopened them to look up at him. "It's okay, ya know."

"What's okay?" His voice came out in just above a whisper.

Lucille let out a deep breath but was completely composed. "I want you to be happy."

"What do you mean?"

"I know," she went on calmly and honestly, "I know that there's someone else." Before Negan could even attempt to say anything Lucille continued, "I don't have a lot of time left-"

"Stop," Negan shook his head but Lucille overpowered him with her words.

"Let's be real Negan." She remained calm but in control, "For the first time in a long time..." Lucille waited for him to interrupt her though he didn't she went on, "When I die I don't want you to be alone."

"Lucille..." He ran a hand across his beard and closed his eyes.

"I forgive you," she went on, setting him free as tears welded up in the corners of his eyes. "It's okay. You don't even have to admit it."

"You're right." Negan sat down slowly on the edge of the bed, his voice cracking with his head in his hands as he began to sob. "You're right. I'm... you're right. I'm sorry."

"Stop crying," she urged him, her own voice remaining steady.

"I'll end it."

"No." Lucille shook her head, "Don't pick me. Don't pick the sick one. As hard as you pretend to be you're not a man who can make it alone. You _ _need__ a woman to keep you from being a complete shithead. And I have to say you've been a bit lighter on your feet lately."

"I'm a fuckin'-" Negan couldn't get the words out as he continued to cry on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry." He rested a hand on her leg over the overs and Lucille covered his hand with her own.

"Negan..." she paused and looked at him, waiting for him to calm down though when he didn't she squeezed his hand. "It's okay," she repeated with all honesty. "It's okay."


	27. Burned Cookies

Nicole had promised to call her parents after the polygraph test to let them know how it went. They had been leery about leaving noting her uneasy body language and melancholy demeanor, though she reminded them that she was an adult and that her behavior was mostly a result of adjusting to life after college. It was enough for them to take their scheduled flight down to Florida, leaving Nicole alone for the next ten days.

While she knew she would surely get lonely, the time by herself was something she immediately welcomed. It would give her space to suffer in silence, to be miserable alone and to indulge in her emotions without being questions. While it appeared depressing on the outside, Nicole felt it would be therapeutic.

The truth had come out about Lucille. She had cancer, and it was already at an elevated state. When Nicole's mother had come home after checking in with Negan and Lucille she had been in tears, ultimately gathering up a plethora of items in a cute, little basket filled with comfort food, blankets and a card to aid in bringing up Lucille's spirits.

Negan had sent Nicole a message, simply stating there was a lot going on and he wished to talk with her at a later date. Nicole felt guilty even replying, though she was cordial in her shortened reply: __I know. I'm so sorry Negan__.

In reality, she had no idea how to feel. Her feelings were pulling her in all directions. She missed Negan terribly and craved simply seeing his face again. She also felt somehow responsible for what had happened to Lucille. All in all it was a horrific twist of fate and nothing more; though Nicole's guilt let her mind justify somehow that she had caused Lucille to fall terribly ill so terribly fast. From what her mother had told her, the doctors didn't give her long to live - at best months, at worst weeks.

The day of the polygraph test made Nicole all the more anxious. With everything going on in her personal life she didn't feel the least bit prepared for someone to quite literally pick her brain. The questions began easy enough, asking obvious questions to establish a baseline about what town she was in, what profession she was intending on working in and what her name was. They escalated in topic very rapidly, and when the question of adultery was finally asked aloud Nicole faltered, and she knew the man conducting the test was well aware that she was lying.

"Have you ever been involved in an adulterous relationship?" the man had asked.

Images of Negan burned in her mind as she sat sweating in the chair hooked up to a bunch of wires as the needle danced behind her on the paper making the most subtle scratching noises that increased her heart rate even more.

"No." Nicole had answered, despite the growing hotness in her face. She remembered the cardinal rule told by friends and professors, alike. No matter how bad it is, don't lie. Nicole had admitted to drinking and driving once or twice, and that she had tried pot once in high school after the prom. According to trusted sources admitting such things, as long as they were not actively practiced habits, would not eliminate you from the process. Lying, however, would immediately black list a candidate.

Hours had past since the interview and a part of Nicole didn't care. She didn't know if she was emotionally ready to take on her career at that moment, and decided if she had blown it with the polygraph questions she would simply get a part-time job somewhere in town until the right opportunity presented itself.

Rain pounded down on the roof as she laid in bed feeling sorry for herself. The moment the evening turned into night the flood gates had opened. The weather complimented Nicole's mood, and she allowed herself to cry out all of her sadness and frustrations while mindlessly watching a movie in her room alone.

She felt so cliché, indulging in a big bowl of ice cream in her sweatpants, surrounded by tissues and hating her life more as she watched a romantic comedy. It was awful, but there was no other place she would have rather have been at that moment.

 _ _Except with Negan__. Nicole couldn't help but acknowledge it. She was certain that their time together was over, and she knew that was how it had to be. She felt selfish and wrong for wishing otherwise because of Lucille's condition and the pain she was in from the illness that was eating away at her already petite frame.

She took a deep breath and blew her nose, dried her eyes and took another big scoop of the cookie dough ice cream from the partially melted container. When a knock came at the door from downstairs she froze and glanced around in all directions.

Nicole listened hard, attempting to make sure that she heard what she thought she had. When a second knock came she was tempted to straighten up her appearance but she knew it would be too late and eagerly took the stairs to the first floor to see who was there.

Years ago she would have been a bit a spooked to have an unexpected visitor at such a late hour, though her emotions were so far out of whack that she actively didn't care what happened at that moment. Logically, she was sure a robber wouldn't have knocked on the door so politely.

When Nicole flung the door open her heart stopped when she saw Negan standing there soaking wet with a tray of cookies and a pale blue envelope that enclosed a card with her family's last name scribbled across the center of it.

"Hey." He looked down a moment and cleared his throat.

"Hi." Nicole ran a hand across the puffy, swollen area beneath her red-rimmed eyes.

Negan looked around the empty house. "Are your parents here?"

"No. They left for Florida this morning." She looked him up and down and waved him out of the rain. "Come in."

He stepped inside, drying his feet on the small carpet and Nicole took the tray from his hands. She looked at him with sympathetic eyes and swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," Nicole said honestly. Her eyes burned as she contained more tears. "God, I'm sorry Negan."

Negan shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded, looking down at the ground again. "We made these for your family... as a thank you for the basket." His voice was littered with somber undertones that matched his posture. "I fuckin' burned them I think. I can't even make fuckin' cookies."

Nicole gave a barely there smile and headed into the kitchen to put them down, feeling Negan at her heels as she did. For several seconds the two of them stood in the dim lighting, neither saying a word. When he finally spoke Nicole was thankful.

"Are you okay?" he looked her in the eye now, reading her more closely. "You've been crying."

"Yeah... uh..." Nicole took a breath, knowing there was no disguising it. "I had a rough day and uh... the damn movie." She motioned toward the ceiling with her hand and then felt herself unable to keep herself from breaking down.

"Shit, honey, don't..." Negan shook his head, closing his eyes as he bit his tongue and tears streamed down his face silently.

"I'm sorry." Nicole had nothing else to say to him. "I have no business crying. Not when... not when you're both going through so much." She took a deep breath and lost it again when she saw the damp streaks on his face.

Negan sniffed in once, not opening his eyes as if he would somehow be masked by doing that. He let it out just as fiercely, unable to keep his broad shoulders from bouncing up and down as he cried without reserve in the kitchen across from where she stood.

Nicole couldn't help it. She slowly crossed the room and leaned against his chest. Negan immediately let his arms wrap around her as her tears stained the front of his leather jacket. She leaned in tighter when his hand drifted toward the back of her head, cradling her against him even closer.

"Fuck, honey, I didn't mean for any of this shit to happen." Negan swallowed hard and let out a deep, heavy breath. He sniffed it once and dried his eyes with one hand before continuing to hold her in their dismal embrace.

"I feel responsible," Nicole admitted. She had to get the feeling out to someone.

"What?" He pulled back to look her in the eye. Their watery eyes met one another's and he shook his head. "This is... this is just a tragedy. A natural fucking tragedy."

"Is she... is she... uh... is she in pain?"

Negan closed his stinging eyes and shook his head. "She's on a lot of medication. That's why I had to be the one to fuck up the cookies." He opened his eyes again and looked down at Nicole in his arms. "I don't want you to feel... bad. This isn't your fault."

"I was just as involved in this as you," Nicole reminded him. She paused a moment before continuing on as truthfully as possible, "And I'm terrible for saying I don't regret it, Negan." Nicole began to cry again as she barely got the last sentence out, "I don't know how I should feel."

Negan pulled her back to him and left a kiss on her forehead, closing his eyes and sighed again as he was unable to keep tears from creeping out not matter how hard he fought them. "Oh, Nicole... I don't know how to fucking feel either."

Nicole held him close, tightening her grasp around him as he brought his lips back to her forehead.

"I love Lucille," he whispered, "I do. I think it's in a different way than when we were first married." Negan let out a sigh, "But then there's you, Nicole."

She closed her eyes tighter, tears continuing to make themselves at home against he leather of his jacket.

"I don't know what to fucking feel," Negan said quietly again.

Nicole pulled back and looked up at him. "I'm glad I'm not alone in that." His matching emotions were the only thing that gave her a sense of comfort.

Negan nodded and then brought his hand to her face gently and Nicole covered his hand with hers, linking their fingers in a hard squeeze before Negan brought his lips hard to hers in a long, closed-mouth kiss.

She embraced every second of it, engaging in as much of the passionate, desperate moment as she could and only pulling back when she quite literally couldn't breath. Nicole let out a loud sigh and then kissed him again several more times in a row, engraining the feel of his touch in her mind before hugging him hard against her again.

Negan held her tight, and again neither of them spoke for a moment. They simply stood there enjoying one another's miserable company before parting to face one another at the same time.

"I should, uh..." Negan cleared his throat, never breaking eye contact with her. "I should fuckin' get back."

"I know." Nicole reached up and touched his face, unable to look away. She wanted to savor every second with him in that kitchen as she had no idea if or when she would get to touch him again. When he failed to move she almost kissed him again, but he finally managed to make his way toward the front door in a slow, melancholy shuffle that made her feel as if her heart was being ripped from her chest again.

"Here." Nicole reached into a closet attached to the living room and handed him an umbrella. "Return it whenever."

Negan looked down and nodded, accepting it from her hand. "Thanks honey."

She continued to lock eyes with him as he stood by the door waiting to go back out into the stormy night. With a heavy heart she spoke the next set of words. "Goodbye Negan."

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes for several seconds before reopening them to respond. "I'll see ya later Nicole."


	28. Curfew

The days were hot and lonely. After just a few days of having the house to herself Nicole felt as if she was being swallowed into a hole of nothingness. It was a dramatic description, she knew, but it was the only way to put into words how she felt.

Calls from her friends went unanswered and Nicole, despite her better judgment, had decided to shut everyone out. There was no way to mask the emotions that were brewing inside of her and she was in no way prepared to unleash the whole story even to her closest of friends.

Inside she was sure venting would help, but the last thing Nicole wanted to do was go out on the town with Holly to drink her feelings away - which she was certain would happen if her friend got wind of her sadness. For something insignificant, like blowing off steam after exams, a night out was a perfect remedy. For a broken heart, Nicole knew it was a recipe for disaster that would surely lead to a night of alcohol-induced sobbing in public.

Negan's truck has been absent from the driveway for the most part of two days. Nicole had witnessed him drop in home briefly only to leave again. She was fairly certain he had taken days off from work to help Lucille. The fact that they were rarely home had her wondering exactly what was going on.

It's none of my business, she thought to herself.

Nicole glanced down at her phone and shook her head, going against her prior thoughts and decided to stop playing the hermit game.

She scrolled through her list of contacts, finding Holly's name and typed out a quick text message.

Hey Holly. Lunch downtown at the sandwich shop with the outdoor seating? My treat...

Nicole tossed the phone down in the center of her bed and then took a peek at herself in the mirror.

"I look like a zombie," she said aloud, taking in her messy hair, tired eyes and disheveled appearance. For almost a day and a half she hadn't left the house aside from a trip to the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and once to pick up a grinder down the street.

She waltzed down the hallway into the bathroom and turned on the water before stripping down and retrieving a towel. When her phone went off she quickly made her way back to her room to see Holly's response to her message.

Nicole's eyebrows pressed together as she read what her friend had written.

Downtown closed off! So is my street. Not sure why.

"Downtown is closed off?" Nicole quickly turned on the television and breezes through the local news stations. She tried to piece together some information from the different versions of the story, all of which ended with the same phrase: More information to come.

Nicole felt it. Something was off; not just with her life but with the world. She felt it somewhere inside and the feeling immediately began to gnaw at her core, making the hair stand up on the back of her neck. It was an eerie, unconfirmed revelation but she knew it was true.

She kept her eyes glued to the television for several more minutes before recognizing that the shower was still running.

The pit in Nicole's stomach deepened though she convinced herself that a shower with help ease the tension, even if it was just for a short time.

She hurried down the hall now, both wanting to take advantage of the time under the water and wanting to investigate the nature of the town's mystery even further.

A collection of thoughts and possibilities entered her mind, some realistic and comfortable and others foreign and scary. The thought of Holly being stuck at her house suddenly made her wonder if that might happen on her street - not that Nicole hadn't made herself her own willing prisoner already. Still, the thought of not being able to leave made her anxious.

The reporters on each station could not provide concrete evidence of anything. All Nicole knew was that there was an increased military presence, the police forces were out in full force and at least half of the town was shut down.

The words terrorists, bomb threats and other scary but familiar terms raced through her mind. Ironically enough, Nicole found herself wishing that she could be actively involved with whatever was going on. Had she graduated a year earlier, it would have certainly been a possibility.

Her mind drifted back to the events she'd witnessed on television about Washington D.C. and how Richmond had also been affected by odd, violent incidents as of late.

Nicole closed her eyes and tried to push the thoughts away, now matter how interesting, as she began to shampoo her hair. Each time a new, anxious thought entered her mind she would count to five and push it away, forcing herself to relax.

It was a successful tactic for several minutes, and Nicole got through applying conditioner without dwelling on the chaotic world around her.

She bowed her head, letting the water dance of her upper back before finally tilting her head back to rid her hair of the coconut-scented product.

Nicole had officially let her wild emotions go when a loud, urgent beeping noise came from somewhere in the house.

She jumped, snapping her eyes open and bracing herself with a hand against the tile wall.

"What the fuck," she whispered to herself and quickly finished rinsing her hair as the noises persisted.

Nicole cranked the water off, whipped open the curtain and wrapped her dripping body in a towel to rush into her room where the noise stemmed from a television. A monotone voice accompanied the obnoxious noise, and Nicole only remembered hearing such a thing when most of the state had been shut down from an uncharacteristic blizzard years before and another time when an Amber Alert had been issued state wide for a missing child. Now, the voice rattled off a series of statements that added to seriousness of the growing, mysterious issue that grew weirder by the minute.

There is a county-wide curfew in affect beginning today. All residents must remain in their homes beginning at three o'clock p.m. This is not a drill. Anyone not in compliance will be subject to prosecution by the state police.

Nicole stared with wide eyes at the screen with her mouth open as the commands repeated. At the same time her phone chimes and she hurried to pick it up. When she saw Negan's number appear on the screen she swallowed hard and immediately picked it up.

"Hello?" Her voice was urgent and angsty despite saying just one word.

"Hey, honey." Negan sounded as if he was both whispering and out of breath.

"Hey... Negan what's going on?" Nicole somehow suspected his call was urgent from the way he spoke. "Are you at home? Are you hearing about what's going on?"

"I'm at the hospital with Lucille." His voice was just as anxious. "There's shit going on. I'm not getting answers but we can't fucking leave."

"Whats going on?" She asked him again.

"I don't know," he confessed. "I wanted to make sure you were ok there by yourself. I know your family's away."

"Yeah I'm okay," Nicole informed him. "Thanks." She cleared her throat. "I just have no idea what's going on."

"Listen to me," Negan went on, "Shit sounds pretty serious."

"I know."

"Does your old man have a gun?"

Nicole's eyes widened and she shook her head as she spoke. "No."

"I have a spare key under a flower pot on the back step of my house," Negan told her. "Go inside, go into the spare bedroom and in the closet there's a gun safe. The key is in the top drawer of the dresser off to the left, you'll see it."

Nicole's mouth hung open again and she didn't immediately respond.

"Nicole?"

"Is something really bad happening?" She finally asked.

Negan cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "I just want you to be safe honey. "

"What if you need it?"

"I have three rifles and a hand gun in there," he informed her. "Take whatever you want. I'm not getting back there any time soon." Negan let out a deep breath into the receiver. "Please, Nicole. You don't owe me anything but... please do this one thing for me."

Nicole swallowed hard and closed her eyes. His words motivated her more than her own safety. "Okay," she whispered back. "Thank you."

"Text me when you're back in your house. Don't open the door for anyone except the police."

"I won't."

"If anything happens call me doll. Anything you can't fuckin' handle."

"Okay."

"I gotta go."

"Okay," Nicole repeated, "Thank you Negan. Be safe."

"Thanks."

She bit her tongue and closes her eyes again, prepared to hear the line go blank but when it didn't she used the extra second to man up. With all that was going on she didn't know when she would see him again and so she took a chance.

"Negan..."

"Yeah." His scratchy voice sent chills up her back.

"I love you. You don't have to say it back but I just... I needed to say it... once."

There was a pause on the other end but Nicole didn't care. Even if he told her she was nuts she at least got the words out.

"Me too, honey." Negan sighed and cleared his throat. "Let me know when you're back inside your house."

"I will."

"Thanks, doll."


	29. Message Failed

A lack of control was something that Negan wasn't used to. In fact there was nothing that made him more uneasy. He felt like he could take down an army if he needed to, though uncertainty and no one providing him with the information he needed to properly evaluate a situation created an anxious vibe that wouldn't go away.

Lucille's condition had worsened by the day and it made him feel all the more helpless as she laid there in a semi-conscious state in the hospital bed.

"Hold it together," she said quietly, picking up on Negan's extensive fidgeting, pacing and wandering around the room. "You're going to have to adjust to me being gone. It'll be easier if you come to terms with it now."

Negan made his way back to her bedside and grabbed her hand gently. "You're going to fucking beat this, okay? Stop all this God damn negative thinking. You're like a health ninja who's going to broadsword the fuck out of this cancer. You're going to-

"You're off your game," Lucille told him with the smallest of smirks, "Ninjas don't use broadswords."

"I feel like I did this shit," he went on, "It's my fault. I'm a fucking piece of shit, Lucille and I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Natural selection, Negan. It's the way of the world."

Negan shook his head and watched as she drifted off to sleep. There was nothing he could say or do to better the situation and it was slowly killing him. On the same note he was worried about Nicole - worried about her safety, her ability to defend herself and the simple fact that she was alone.

Around the hospital police forces increased and it was the military men guarding the entryway that made Negan the most uneasy. Whatever was happening around them was nothing insignificant. From what he had seen on the news stations it appeared that something was spreading toward their small portion of the country from the bigger cities around them. Schools had been shut down in the area until further notice, businesses were forced to close temporarily and the curfews that had been set to keep people inside were unlike any precautions he had ever heard of.

Negan's phone buzzed in the pocket of his jeans and he glanced at Lucille for a moment before reading the text message from Nicole.

...

"I'm in your house now. I'll text you when I leave." Nicole whispered the words to herself and immediately saw the three-dot indicator that Negan was typing back. When he immediately responded the words, _ _Be safe!__ she managed the faintest of smiles before making her way into the spare bedroom.

For a moment she stopped and stared around the empty room, ignoring all of the negative emotions and feelings that stemmed from whatever was going on in the world outside. Nicole made her way to the bed and laid down on the side she had slept on the two nights she had shared with Negan. Her eyes closed and she allowed herself to indulge in her imagination; her deepest desires. In a perfect world for Nicole she would wake up next to Negan every morning after a cozy night in bed together. She would make them both breakfast as he showered and got ready for the day before taking her turn. He would go off to work and coach football; she would be out on the streets of one of the local towns nearby keeping it safe while sporting the fancy blue outfit and badge she would have earned upon graduating from the police academy. All of it felt too good to be true - and she knew that it was.

Still, in the moment she made it last, despite knowing the rug would be pulled out from under her the second she opened her eyes and found herself laying in the room alone with nothing but swirls of doubt and potential danger all around her.

Nicole finally let her eyes flicker open and she swallowed hard, remembering Negan's words and how he needed her to get back to her home safely. She sat up, reluctantly getting off of the bed and made her way to the dresser to search for the key that would open the gun safe. It was right there, out in the open, as he had stated, and Nicole quickly made her way into the closet, discovering the tall, metal safe screwed into the hardwood floor beneath a collection of hanging shirts and pants.

She let out a deep breath, noting that what she was about to do was against the law. Nicole knew the state laws like the back of her hand. Taking Negan's gun from his house, with his permission or not, was a felony. The gun was not registered to her and therefore Nicole had no right being in possession of it. Still, she was aware that something terrible was truly taking place and if she needed to defend herself there were no viable options at her own home.

Without another thought she reached in and removed the weapon she could conceal the easiest - the handgun and then retrieved a box of bullets that matched the proper ammunition to make the gun function.

"Fuck it." Nicole tucked the gun into the band of her pants, closed the safe back up, locked it and replaced the key where she had found it. She felt her adrenaline kick up a notch now as she crossed back through the doorway into the hall. For her own sake, Nicole took one last look at the empty bedroom before finally making her way toward the kitchen and out the back door, locking it up again and replacing the key where she'd found it.

For the first time, Nicole felt paranoia when leaving Negan's house. Would someone in one of the houses nearby see her? What would they think? Would they call the police? The law-abiding citizen in her knew she had something very wrong in the eyes of the law, and if everything that was going on were to blow over she could be in serious trouble for possessing the gun. It would completely destroy her chances at getting a job in any legal field for the rest of her life.

 _ _Stop it!__ Nicole scolded herself and shook her head, noting that she was most likely the last of peoples' worries. She was on nobody's radar and there hadn't even been a noticeable police presence on her street. It was like there was a bubble over that one spot that left their tiny corner of the town untouched.

Nicole wanted to run back to the house but she knew that would make her appear all the more suspicious and so she walked casually, making her way back into her yard and entering her home through the back door as she had come.

She reached down for her phone and was about to text Negan but her parents' name illuminated the screen as an incoming phone call.

"Hey." Nicole picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, honey. Is everything okay up there? Are you okay?" Her mother's voice was calm, though undertones of mild concern highlighted her voice.

She fiddled with the handle of the gun on her hip and then closed and locked the back door. "I don't know," Nicole admitted, "We just got issued a county-wide curfew. Holly said she hasn't been able to leave her street and downtown is closed off... so is the hospital."

"Our flight for next Monday already has been delayed," she explained, "If worse comes to worse we can rent a car and make it back by the middle of next week."

"How come your flight was delayed?"

"We keep getting the run-around. Your father is getting agitated. They haven't been able to tell us anything concrete."

"Do you have a curfew set in down there?"

"No," she informed her, "But schools are closed."

"Yeah, here too." Nicole let out a breath, "Could this be a terror attack or something? If it's affecting the whole east coast it has to be bad."

"If you need to, go to Uncle Frank's house. I know he's an hour away but just get in the car and go there."

"Okay," she agreed. "I will." When her mother let out a nervous sigh Nicole went on, "I'm fine, Mom. Really. If I become a cop I'll be right in the middle of all this kind of stuff."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," she said with a light laugh.

Nicole smiled to herself. "You raised a tough woman. I'm fine. Holly isn't far and if there's a real emergency I'll make my way there... or to Steve's or to one of the girls' houses. Okay?"

"Okay," her mother agreed, "Please keep in touch so I know you're alright."

"Yeah, you do the same." Nicole pulled down at one of the blinds that hung against the window on the door and glanced out into the back yard.

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too." She swallowed hard, keeping the phone at ear as she squinted, staring outward without blinking. When her mother hung up the phone, Nicole placed it on the counter and focused on a figure that slowly made its way from the collection of trees at the far end of the yard toward her house.

 _ _What the fuck...__ Her face grew hot as her heart rate climbed and Nicole kept her hand secured on the handle of the gun. She swallowed hard, watching as the figure stumbled, falling once to the ground before pressing on through the grass in a type of army-crawl.

Nicole didn't know what to do, or who the person was. It appeared as if they were injured, or possibly needed help though she wasn't quite ready to take the march outside to play the hero.

When her phone went off she jumped and held the center of her chest, though snatched her phone from the counter when she saw it was Negan asking of her whereabouts.

Nicole's thumbs typed furiously against the glass screen: _ _I just made it home. I took the hand gun. Thank you so much Negan. Are you both okay?__

Her eyes rose again to the back yard and the figure grew closer in a slow and steady fashion. Nicole continued to watch, taking it all in as the figure struggled to make it through the grass.

Again, Nicole found herself at a crossroads, wondering what the right thing to do was. She had been drawn to the profession of law enforcement for the sheer opportunity to help people and keep communities safe. With that as her motivating factor she whipped open the back door, pulled her shirt down over the pistol to conceal it and hurried through the back yard to where the person was still crawling.

"Hello!" Nicole shouted, "Who are you?"

She kept her distance, and at first heard nothing.

"Hello!"

Nicole slowly made her way closer, tiptoeing through the uneven grass in pursuit of the mystery person.

"Are you okay?" Nicole shouted again, and this time she squinted her eyes as she heard an inhumane, scratchy growl. It made her freeze in place and now she focused on the face of the man who clawed at the ground, digging up dirty and grass as he pulled his ailing body along.

He was _ _not__ okay. Not even close. Nicole stepped back and let her mouth hang open in a state of shock and awe. The man's eyes were glazed over. His skin was beginning to peel from his face and hands and appeared like a rotting sheet of tissue paper rather than human flesh.

"Oh my God..." She shook her head. "S-sir? Are you..."

He growled louder now, opening his mouth wide as he lunged a hand in her direction like a dying predator aching for its last meal. Blood stained his teeth and Nicole could see the red stains on the front of his light, gray t-shirt when he lifted his head to growl again.

"No way... no way..." Nicole shook her head again in disbelief. Her fingers shook against the handle of the gun and for a moment she was paralyzed by fear as she stared into the eyes of rabid-looking human before her.

When her phone went off, Nicole suddenly snapped out of the daze and without warning she turned and ran, bolting back toward the back door of her house at full speed until she was back inside, breathing heavy with her back against it.

 _ _Stay inside... be safe and strong honey...__ Negan's message was the only thing that made sense as a dizziness filtered into Nicole's body, forcing her to sit down on the floor.

She couldn't fully catch her breath, and her mind wouldn't allow for comprehension of what had just occurred outside. For a moment she sat there listening to the uneven sound of her own breath, though finally found the courage to glance back out the window through the blinds into the overcast afternoon that fit the scene far too perfectly.

He was still there - the man. He was slowly clawing his way across the yard and Nicole had no idea what she would do when he finally, successfully reached the back step. She let out another breath, fogging up the glass and then spun around fast when she heard a soft click.

The humming of the refrigerator died, and the quiet, typically unnoticed buzzing sound of the lighting fixtures abruptly came to a stop. The digital clocks on the microwave and stove disappeared and the world grew still.

Nicole swallowed hard and closed her eyes tightly before sinking back down into a seated position on the ground. She immediately went back to her comfort zone, and wished that Negan was beside her to help talk her off the ledge. Her mind had gone to all of the worst-case scenarios as the power died out and now she was furiously typing back to him.

 _ _Power is out... someone is hurt in my back yard... shit is getting really weird...__

When Nicole hit send this time, a taunting message in red flashed back in her face, making her stomach twist in knots: Message failed to send.

Frantically she hit the send button over and over again, each time receiving the same notification.

"Come on!" Nicole shouted at the screen, feeling tears begin to weld up in her eyes. She shook her head furiously and tried to call him now, though just like the text message, the call failed to go through. "Fuck..." The word barely escaped Nicole's mouth and she let the phone drop from her hands to the kitchen floor. In a sense of helplessness and confusion, she curled up in a ball and began to cry.


	30. Helter Skelter

Negan stared at Lucille for what felt like hours as she laid unconscious on hospital bed. The only indicator that she was still alive was the pulsing sound of the heart monitor. His hopes for her recovery were diminishing by second but he still held onto the hope that she could recover.

From all around Negan could hear different forms of commotion. Horns beeped with an obnoxious, constant blare that sounded like a loathsome chorus of chaos. The muffled sounds of shouting accompanied the anarchic nature of the helter-skelter that he knew was brewing just outside the windows. Still, the unwilling calm that lingered in Lucille's hospital room was far worse for Negan than whatever destruction was going on elsewhere.

When the door to the room burst open Negan snapped his head up as a young doctor entered like the Tasmanian Devil.

"Sir, sir!" He was out of breath and eyes were wide with fear, "We're evacuating the hospital. Come with me!"

"What?' Negan rose to his feet, glancing once at Lucille and then back to the doctor.

"She's too sick to move. Please, let's go. Come with me! There's nothing we can do!" He reached for Negan's arm, who pulled away roughly.

"I'm not fucking leaving her! Get your fucking hands off of me!" Negan pushed him back roughly, though the doctor persisted with his frantic claims.

"It's not safe here!" He edged back toward the door, "Save yourself!" The young man disappeared back through the door and into the hallway where Negan witnessed doctors and patients alike running in all directions. The lights began to flicker and he suddenly felt a wave of panic for whatever was going on for the first time.

All of the typical possibilities ran through his mind that had occurred around the world at one point or another - was there a bomb in the building? A shooter? A terrorist attack? Whatever it was, Negan was not about to leave his defenseless wife alone with no means to defend herself.

He rushed to the window to take in the chaos outside. When he saw flipped over cars, fires and smoke filling the air from somewhere in the distance he began to shake his head. "What the fuck?" Negan looked closer now, almost pushing his forehead against the glass of the window as puffs of his breath fogged up the pane. His eyes widened when he witnessed a woman in a police uniform sink her teeth into the neck of a male patient running toward her for help. It was in-Godly, insane and straight out of a nightmare or horror movie. Another person fleeing from the hospital was surrounded by a small group of slowly moving individuals who proceeded to perform the same action, tearing at the man as he screamed and blood spilled into the street.

Negan's mouth hung open as he took it all in. Whatever was happening was beyond his comprehension. "Those people..." He shook his head in disbelief, "What the fuck is wrong with them?"

A loud crash made him whip around, fists balled as he stared at the open doorway.

"Run, man!" Another young man attempted to will him away from the small hospital room, leaning in the room briefly before taking off down the hall again without looking back.

"What the fuck..." Negan felt like his head was spinning in circles. He darted toward the entrance to the room, slamming the door shut and moving whatever furniture he could manage in front of it. When the power died off, so did Lucille's heart monitor and Negan immediately rushed to her side.

"It's probably best you're sleeping through all this shit," he told her, reaching for her hands. "It should all be over by the time you wake up." Negan swallowed hard and placed his fingers against her neck, checking for a pulse. When it was confirmed that Lucille's heart was still beating he laid his head down against the blanket that covered her. For a moment he just laid there with his eyes closed, though another loud crash from outside he couldn't ignore.

Negan hurried back to the window where people laid dead in significant numbers. More cars were destroyed as people desperately tried to flee the disordered scene. Blood covered the faces and clothes of stumbling, frenzied and seemingly delirious men and woman that stalked slowly after the mob of panicked people.

He knew that whatever was going on at the hospital had to be consistent throughout the area.

 _ _Nicole__. Negan reached into the pocket of his jeans and removed his cell phone, proceeding to scroll through to find her name as his hands shook from the fear and adrenaline. He had no idea what he would say to her, or where to tell her to go. He just had to know that her home hadn't been overtaken by the ravenous people who lingered outside of the hospital walls. Negan was sure they were the source of the chaos everywhere and he had no idea what to make of it.

 _ _Where are you?__ Negan typed frantically, stumbling on his letters as his thumbs danced along the screen. _ _Are you okay? I don't know if you should try to get the fuck out of there or hunker down in the basement but please let me know you're alright. Shit is hitting the fan here. If you can go, try to get the fuck out of here!__

He hit send and waited, watching as the phone struggled to pass on the message. A blue line crept across the top of the screen, slowly inching toward the other side and Negan kept his eyes locked on it.

"Fucking send!" he shouted, waiting impatiently as the progress came to a halt, never surpassing the midway point. Negan held his phone high in the air, then off to the side and in all directions before the device beeped and he brought it back in front of his face. "Message failed to fucking send..." He clenched his jaw and slammed the phone down. "Fuck!"

Negan squatted down by the window for a moment and scooped the phone back up into his hands. A collection of spider-web cracks decorated the screen though he desperately hit the send button again, watching furiously as the phone's actions mimicked what had just occurred. The blue line edged across, stopping midway before the same, harrowing message appeared, looking him directly in the face.

"Fuck this shit." He slammed his fist against the wall and shoved the phone back into his pocket. The screaming from outside grabbed his attention again and Negan's mind began to process the insane nature of reality. "Shit..."

A loud crash from inside the room made Negan jump and his face grew hot as he saw Lucille's body sprawl to the ground on the opposite side of the bed, knocking over the cart of medical equipment off to the side.

"Lucille!" He rounded the bed, opening his mouth wide as he saw his wife's glazed over eyes as she snarled and gritted her teeth. "Lucille?" Negan's eyes filled with tears as he bent down to help her. "Are you okay? I thought you-"

She growled now, lunging for him as her teeth snapped like an animal caught in a snare. Negan jumped back as her arm outstretched in his direction in a way that felt both contradictory lifeless and predatory all at once.

He felt to the ground, edging away from his wife. "Lucille?"

Her hand clamped down on his foot now as she savagely pulled her body in his direction, making Negan pull away again and rise back to his feet in a means of self-preservation.

"This isn't fucking real." Negan closed his eye for a moment and reached a hand out to try to touch her face. "Lucille... it's... it's me. It's... Negan." When her jaws snapped at his hand, Negan knew it was over. Tears streamed down his face and he shook his head, looking into the lifeless eyes of his wife. She was gone, he knew, but his mind wouldn't completely let it go. She was moving, she was attacking. But was she alive? Was she dead? Negan couldn't wrap his head around it. He didn't have an answer.

 _ _She's like the people outside__ , he knew.

"I'm sorry." Negan shook his head, taking another look at Lucille as he continued to cry silently. As she struggled to claw toward him, he knew he had to make a decision. He, too, could die there or he could make the difficult decision to go - to live.

Negan rushed to the door, using all of his strength to push the furniture away from it and whipped the door open to peer into the hallway.

"Holy fucking shit." He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Two hospital workers reached across a stretcher, pursuing the life of a teenage boy who struggled to push them away, separating the two of them from himself using the gurney. They were like the Lucille. They were blood-thirsty and inhuman, disguised in the bodies of their former selves.

"Help!" the boy screamed, "Help me!"

Negan acted without thinking as one of them successfully grabbed the boy's shirt. He ripped the first person away, tossing them with ease into the wall and then reached for the other who immediately began to attack and fight back.

"Fuck!" he struggled to keep the snapping jaws away from his body, holding the man back as it desperately tried to bite him.

Negan held him back with one arm and reached for a fire extinguisher on the wall. Without another thought he slammed it against the man's head, knocking him back. When the man pressed on with the same aggression he connected with his head again... and again... and again... until the man lay motionless on the hospital floor.

The second person lunged at him now and Negan proceeded to handle him in the same fashion, using the extinguisher as the defense mechanism he needed in order to preserve the life of himself and the boy.

When all was said and done he stood breathing heavy above the bodies, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to process the series of events. Negan swallowed hard, looking at the blood on his hands and dropped the weapon. He stepped back and shook his head in disbelief.

"Thanks mister," the boy said to him. "Are you okay?"

"No... I'm not," he said, unable to look away from the bodies on the ground. "I just fuckin' murdered two people. I'm a murderer."


	31. Survival Mode

Nicole decided to stop feeling sorry for herself and set a plan into action. The power was off. The cellular grid was down. The landlines were dead. People were stumbling around her back yard in a way that she couldn't process. Still, she was alive and well and functioning. Whatever was going on would swallow her whole if she didn't toughen up and get her shit together.

She hurried up into her room and retrieved a large, Adidas duffle bag and her backpack. From her closest she hurled in two pairs of the most comfortable pants she could find, two sweatshirts and t-shirts. Rather than her sneakers she retrieved a pair of hiking boots that had been barely worn and were still in a box in the back of the closet. Nicole kicked off her sneakers and put the boots on upon changing into black workout pants that she topped with a sporty, loose t-shirt.

She whisked around the room, getting a hat, as many water bottles as she could collect and then slipped into the bathroom to gather up soap, shampoo, toothpaste and her toothbrush.

Nicole didn't know how much time she had and so she tried to act diligently.

 _ _All of this could be for nothing,__ she thought, though in the back of her mind she knew something was wrong.

In Nicole's mind she planned to drive out of town and to a hotel somewhere that was beyond the realm of whatever was happening. Where ever that was she would find it, and from there she would attempt to make contact with people again.

 _ _Maybe my cell phone will work outside of town.__

Nicole hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a nearly full loaf of bread, some peanut butter, a ton of canned food, a can opener, knives and any other foods that fit. She then hurried to the garage, tossed the bags in and made her way back into the house to grab all of the water that was there in the form of miscellaneous Poland Springs bottles.

She was thankful for her genuine interest in police work, and for the athletic ability that had landed her the captain of several high school sports teams. They were traits that were now working to her advantage as she entered a mode of survival while pushing all of her other worries to the back of her mind as she attempted to get out.

"Power chord." Nicole knew her cell phone wouldn't survive for long on half a battery, and she was convinced that somewhere outside of the region it would work. She made another trip to the car with the waters, came back to retrieve the chord, a jacket, a liter of Pepsi and some more knives before rushing back to the garage.

Her eyes scanned the walls, and she searched for other means of protection, or tools. With that she located her brother's old, metal baseball bat, a wooden hockey stick and a pair of hedge clippers that she secured in the trunk of the car.

"This is nuts," Nicole whispered to herself, shaking her head. She reached for the gun on her hip and then whipped open the Adidas bag where she'd stashed the bullets she'd taken from Negan's house. Before opening the oversized garage door Nicole loaded the magazine with bullets before shoving the remainder of the box in the glove compartment between the seats.

She let out a deep breath and leaned against the car, coming off of the high for just a brief second of all the preparing she had done for her exit.

"Shit." Nicole swallowed hard and nodded to herself, encouraging herself to carry on and leave. In her gut she knew she had to - she had to go.

With the power cut off she knew her battery-operated garage door opener wouldn't work, and so she made her way toward the door, reaching for the handle before tossing it up with all of her strength above her head.

Right away she heard the growling, and Nicole felt her stomach turn in knots as the man from the backyard was now on his feet and stumbling toward her in the driveway. Three others accompanied him and all she could do was stare for a moment in disbelief.

"Oh shit... shit..." Nicole didn't know what to make of them. She snapped out of the momentary freeze and bolted back to the car she had packed. From the corner of her eye she saw a red container next to the lawn mower in the corner of the garage and Nicole stopped.

 _ _Do I go for it?__ She glanced at the half-a-tank reading on the gas monitor of her car and decided it was crucial. Without another thought she sprinted to the can, grabbed it by the handle and tossed it into the passenger seat of the car just as one of the men lunged for her, growling and snarling as it tried to get its hands on her.

Nicole let out a loud sigh, almost screaming though she contained it. She sat in the driver's seat of the car, looking straight ahead to avoid the reality that was pressed against the driver's side window beside her.

She closed her eyes, all of the confidence she had felt moments before draining from her body as the ferocious, barbaric man growled and clawed at her window like a rabid bear. The smell of gasoline filtered into her nostrils and she had to consciously catch her breath. Nicole had never had a panic attack, though she felt her chest tighten with a paralyzing sensation that forced her fingers to tighten mercilessly around the steering wheel. When a jolt to the back of car sounded off in a light slam, Nicole's eyes sprung open and she immediately looked into the rearview mirror.

 _ _I have to get the fuck out of here.__ Nicole glanced to the side now, facing her demons as the lifeless individual beside her attempted to bite the glass at it wanted nothing more than to tear her to pieces. With that, she turned the keys, ignited the engine and put the car in reverse, knocking the person over as the tires rolled over the body with a loud, unmistakable thump.

"Oh my God." Nicole swallowed hard as she continued to speed backwards up the driveway toward the road. "I just fucking ran him over." She shook her head in disbelief, staring at the three attackers, that lingered in the driveway and garage of her parents' house. Her eyes widened when she saw the man on the ground, who's innards were spilled in a dark, red splatter across the asphalt, continue to crawl as his upper body separated from his lower. "This isn't happening." Nicole couldn't look away. Not when the man she'd just demolished with her vehicle was still blood-thirsty and pursuing her halted vehicle with the same, blood determination as before.

She let out a breath and decided she had to go. Whatever was going on had to have an explanation, and she was eager to find out what that was. Nicole glanced at Negan's house, a gut-wrenching feeling brewing at her core when she saw several other inhuman individuals pawing at his front door and loitering about in the streets out front.

 _ _The hospital__ , Nicole thought. _ _I have to get to the hospital.__

She floored the gas pedal and barreled down the street past Negan's house and away from the small bout of chaos that she knew was just the tip of a much bigger iceberg. Her eyes fell to the radio and she began to twirl the knob finding nothing on each station but static. There was no one talking; no songs playing. There was just nothingness.


	32. Apocalypse

"You can't murder people who are already dead." The boy stared back at Negan, a combination of disbelief and certainty decorating his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Negan looked at his bloody hands again.

"They were laying dead on the ground before you walked in here. You didn't do anything wrong."

"They were dead?" he asked, "So... who they were... it's gone? They're these fucking... monsters now?"

"They're trying to _ _eat__ us." The boy emphasized the word, "This shit has been on the news, man. Where have you been?"

"I've been a little preoccupied." Negan sunk to the floor, breathing heavy still. "There's one in the room there that I came out of... on the floor next to the bed. Could you take care of that shit for me?" He bowed his head as he spoke, unable to look the kid in the eye.

"Yeah... sure."

Negan closed his eyes as he heard the boy's feet scrape across the tiles as he neared the room where Lucille had been staying. He didn't want to listen, but there was no other option. The growling was faint, though the slamming and the clanking blows that the boy delivered with the fire extinguisher made his entire body tense up.

 _ _Slam... slam... slam!__

They seemed to get louder with each hit. When all fell silent again Negan knew that was it. The silence was almost worse than the banging. He let out a breath, keeping his eyes closed as he prayed that all of it would be a bad dream that he would eventually wake up from.

"Was she your wife?" the boy's voice snapped his eyes open.

"What?"

"My mom was sick... she went just today..." He sighed, "I couldn't do it either... not with her. I figured the woman in that room was your wife."

Negan rose to his feet and towered over the boy. "Listen, kid. We've all had a shitty fucking day." He turned to face a long, death-ridden hallway. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

The two of them made their way down several flights of stairs without incident and out the front doors into the world of chaos that awaited. When the boy surpassed Negan and began to hightail it away, Negan called to him.

"Slow the fuck down kid."

"I need to get home. It's not safe to be out."

"Yeah, well, that's not going to be the easiest fucking trip on foot. Where the hell do you live?"

"Could you drive me?"

"That's what I was getting at. What are you fucking stupid or something?" He pulled the kid to the side when several of the ravenous people entered the immediate area. They ducked behind a wall and waited.

The boy sighed, "You're not very nice."

"I traded in nice for funny a long fucking time ago." Negan waved him on, "Let's go."

They hurried swiftly and quietly through the lot and into an attached parking garage that was littered with bodies - some patients, some doctors, some in regular street clothes. Growls echoed off the walls, though Negan tried to ignore it.

"I'm up on the second floor," he urged the kid, "Let's fuckin' go."

The two of them ran faster now, weaving in and out of disabled cars, mangled bodies and the occasional zombified human. Negan's only bout of thankfulness came in the notion that they couldn't run. Had that been the case, he knew, they would have been completely up shit's creek without a paddle.

Negan breathed in heavily as he ran just a step ahead of the boy. When he spotted his truck in tact it was the first notable victory in his mind. "Hey kid-"

The boy's shrill scream from behind him made him freeze. In less than a second he was on his back, teeth marks imprinted in his arm as the savage monster began clawing and tearing at his neck.

"Fuck..." Negan ran to his aid, though when the gurgling sounds accompanied a spray of blood stemming from the boy's throat he knew it was over. "Shit!" He shouted the word, echoing it off the walls and prompting the monster to stare in his direction for only a moment before the blood-lust kicked back in and he began to devour the boy.

More of them began to appear from the commotion and perhaps the scent of human blood. Negan eyed his truck again and knew there was nothing more he could do for the kid. He sprinted across the lot, started up the truck and tried to hit every single, wobbling, dead one he could manage on the ride out of the parking garage.

The smell of death filled the air and thick clouds of dark smoke littered the atmosphere, giving the area a feel of one giant, smoky graveyard. Negan passed by more of them - the former humans that stumbled around with their arms outstretched at his car with lifeless, savage stares that cared for nothing but the opportunity to tear apart whoever or whatever was available.

"There's not a single fucking human left," Negan thought as he drove on, leave the grounds of the hospital as he made his way onto the short bout of highways that would lead him toward his home. "Nicole." He reached into the pocket of his pants and dug for his cell phone. Negan was certain it would fail him but he had to try. Without another thought he found her name and clicked on it. When the call failed to go through he tossed the phone angrily again into the passenger's seat.

He glanced back up at the road, widening his eyes. "Oh shit!" Negan slammed the breaks when his truck headed toward a wall of broken down cars, all bumper to bumper on the highway. "Fuck!" He managed to come to a complete stop and then eyed the open road in his rear view mirror that led him back down the ramp. Without another thought he spun the truck around and went back the way he came, floor the gas pedal until the vehicle made its way back out onto the main road, fishtailing the process.

When he managed to regain full control he began his trek through the back roads, whipping and weaving through the turns without reservation and dodging debris that made the ride feel more like a warped video game than reality.

It was one, long thirty-minute panic attack as the uncertainties unfolded around him. Just an hour ago he was fully focused on his dying wife, and now the world as he knew it was anarchy; chaos.

 _ _The apocalypse,__ he thought.

Negan ran a hand through his hair, twirling the stations now for some type of update on the situation but there was nothing. He switched from FM to AM but it was all uniform throughout with a hefty static that forced him to twirl the knob so hard that it popped off. "Fuck this."

He prayed that it was better back home, but he wasn't even certain that there would be a home to go back to. Not when the entire downtown area was destroyed and the highway was inaccessible. People in high volume had ditched their vehicles, leaving roads and other areas without access.

Negan's mind began to race with the reality of what he had just experienced. Lucille was dead... she turned into a blood-thirsty monster... the boy had bashed her head in because he didn't have the strength or the courage to do it himself... the boy was mauled and eaten alive on their walk to his truck in the parking garage.

His foot sank deeper on the pedal, pressing it to the floor as he thought of Nicole trapped in her house. Would the same thing happen to her? Was she even alive?

The thought of losing her too increased his level of determination. Negan envisioned the boy's demise again and he couldn't bare that fate for Nicole. He knew she would go out fighting; that she would do everything it took to survive. Still, if he rushed home to find her body mangled and covered by the ravenous people who murdered the boy he knew he might lose it.

Negan's fear increased when he finally spotted the street sign led him to his home. It was the time he was most afraid because he didn't know what he would find. His house could be over taken. Nicole could be dead. It would send his already shattered world spiraling deeper.

As he grew closer, Negan's only saving grace was the people. Neighborhood folks were outside frantically packing up cars and others appeared to be boxing themselves in their homes. They were human still - not ravenous and animalistic. Still, the area was no exception to the dead ones. They littered the streets, not quite in the bulking fashion that they had downtown, but their numbers were growing. Some lay dead in the street, squashed to bits by cars. Others lay unmoving in the finely manicured lawns of their suburban town from blunt force trauma or bullet wounds.

When his home came into view Negan saw there was no exception there. They roamed the property aimlessly with no apparent reason or direction. His eyes immediately landed on Nicole's home and rather than pull into his own driveway he scrambled into hers, noting the two dead ones that still remained alive by the skin of their teeth in the driveway.

"Nicole!" Negan halted the car and jumped out, leaving it running as he rushed toward the open garage. "Nicole!" He stared down at the two half-dead men in the driveway, relieved only that neither of the was the neighbor he had been rapidly falling for as the weeks had gone by. Their incapacitated bodies prevented either of them from pursuing him any more than an outstretched arm and partially turned torso.

There were no cars in the empty garage, but Negan felt compelled to check the home. He hurried through the garage and into the house, still frantically shouting her name as he went.

Negan breathed in heavily as he stumbled into the kitchen. A number of cabinet doors hung open in the kitchen and Negan could see that Nicole had ravaged through to collect food.

"Nicole! Are you here? It's Negan!" He prayed that he would hear her voice. Her companionship would be enough to kick start whatever the next chapter would be in his life. He knew she was tough; that she could survive; that she wouldn't panic. She was all he needed in a partner in a world that was quite literally dying before them. "Nicole!" Negan darted up the staircase now, glancing at family pictures that hung on the wall on the left hand side. A twinge of pain filtered through him when he saw her face, smiling in the picture, even in the brief glimpse he caught while taking the stairs by two to her bedroom.

Like the kitchen, Negan could see that she had strategically grabbed items from her closet; from her drawers - all of which were left open as clothes were scattered about that she had decided against in favor of better options. He looked in the bathroom, her parents room and the spare bedroom where her brother had once slept. There was nothing; no one. The house was vacant.

"Fuck!" Negan shouted the word aloud and couldn't help himself as he made his way back into her room. For a moment he savored the scent that lingered there - a combination of fruity lotions and baby powder. It was the one pleasantry among the gore that swallowed their town whole.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and closed his eyes as he buried his head in his hands. Negan didn't move; didn't try to fight the feelings of dread and hopelessness. He sat there in Nicole's bed room and just for a minute, allowed himself to drown in the disarray.


	33. Nowhere

As Nicole drove she felt more boxed in by the minute. The turmoil, the hostility, the reign of terror that was being forced down upon all of them by the mob of the undead, it became all the more intrusive the closer she got to the hospital. It wasn't until she saw the flames that danced mercilessly from the hospital walls, and the mote of destroyed vehicles, death and destruction that surrounded the building that she truly felt the sinister reality.

Life as they all knew it was over.

Nicole's eyes glazed over as she stared at the building from the main road out front. It was burning to the ground before her. There was no way in. The undead had staked claim on the territory. "Oh my God..." She shook her head and whipped the car toward the entrance anyway, though when a mob of the monstrous beings marched toward her like a demonic parade she knew it was a death sentence.

"This isn't real." Nicole shook her head, blinking the tears away that streamed down her face as she put the car into reverse and floored the gas pedal. She knew right then that she had to get out of there. There were no signs off life in the area. Just death and carnage. It was a warzone and the casualties were mounting.

Nicole managed to look past the carnage; past the bodies that her mind refused to process. Her eyes scanned the cars scattered about the grounds as she barreled backwards. Her eyes were in a desperate search for his truck. She knew she would recognize it if she saw it, but there was nothing.

 _ _Negan isn't dead.__ She wouldn't let herself even remotely entertain the thought. Not when there was no proof. She knew him, and Negan wasn't a man who was going to lay down and die. He would fight his way out; he would survive; he would live.

She whipped the car around, gasping when an out of control car whizzed by her only to crash head on into a light pole.

"Holy shit." Nicole swallowed hard and hightailed it back down the main road before turning onto the first side street that she could find. Mindlessly she rolled down her window and called out loud. "Negan!" Her voice carried into the broken down neighborhood that she'd stumbled upon. "Negan are you there?" Her voice was louder now, though the only attention her voice drew was that of the undead.

Her eyes scanned each walking entity, and each time she was hit with the icy, lifeless glazed-over set of eyes it cut her like a knife. It was as if the people were replaced with these walking dead versions of themselves. They were gone; no more.

When Nicole saw a man in a leather jacket from a distance she sped up, her heart pounding out of her chest. "Negan!" She shrieked his name though quickly saw the same, unsteady stumble in the man's walk.

 _ _Please, no...__ Nicole thought she might crawl up into a ball and let the world take her if Negan was the stumbling zombie that was slowly beginning to turn in her direction.

"Negan..." His name meekly escaped her lips, though when the shell of the man turned to her with the same lifeless eyes she almost couldn't breath when his identity didn't match up. It wasn't Negan who was walking at the inhuman pace down the sidewalk. It was a stranger; some random man in a leather jacket.

Nicole sped up and immediately began to sob as she drove. It was almost too much. The truth was she didn't know if she would ever see Negan again. All she did know was that she had to scale the area. She had to look around in case he managed to escape on foot. He couldn't have gotten far, she knew, especially with Lucille in her condition. Nicole was fully prepared to find them both and support their relationship without any further interference just so long as she found them alive.

"Negan!" she continued to call out his name, turning aimlessly down roads in the area surrounding the hospital. A part of her contemplated getting out and going on foot, though she dismissed the idea almost immediately. Had Negan not been in the area then leaving on foot would almost surely secure their separation. Nicole had a mission now and it was to find him.

After several more minutes scampering the downtown area she made her way back toward her home.

Nicole didn't know what to do or where to go. If she simply went back to her house she would be a sitting duck just waiting for the chaos to come to her. After the attack of the dead-alive men in her driveway, Nicole felt it was safe to say there was no shelter there.

 _ _I have to get out of town.__ She decided the town she had grown up in was temporarily shut down. From what she could tell it was the center of the outbreak. Her eyes glanced upward as she cruised toward an overpass that viewed the highway. Nicole's first thought was to jump on and just drive though when she saw the rows of bumper-to-bumper traffic she felt it was impossible.

 _ _Are people even in those cars?__ The car whisked beneath the bridge-like structure and Nicole could see road blocks ahead with police tape that was strewn about. It appeared tattered and unofficial though the large, cement barriers prevented access to the street beyond that point.

"What the hell..." She cruised the car to a halt and glanced around in all directions. There was no police presence though in the distance there was nothing but the dead.

Nicole's eyes widened as she stared ahead, watching as they stumbled around by the masses going nowhere and seeking nothing. They just walked in a lifeless, haunching fashion or crawled around with mindless enthusiasm.

"Holy shit." Her stomach sank as she sat there witnessing the mob of the undead lurkers. Their numbers were ungodly and overwhelming. Nicole hadn't been prepared to witness what she was witnessing.

 _ _There's nowhere to go__ , she realized. Nicole swallowed hard, unable to look away before an instinct inside of her willed her to turn the car around in search of a new way out of the demented nature of the new world.

She drove and drove and drove... She cruised by gas stations that had been overthrown, businesses that were shut down or boarded up. The dead ones began to litter the streets with more frequency. The highways were inaccessible. Many of the back roads were blocked off by some means. Nicole couldn't even get herself back in the direction she had originally come. All of it had seemingly fallen apart behind her as she drove, leaving her world to be smaller and smaller as she went.

When she passed a giant, green sign that indicated she had crossed into the next town she recognized the street. It was close to where she often met with Negan at the quaint, little fishing spot.

Maybe it was untouched. Maybe it was just their town. Maybe the next town over _ _was__ indeed fine and she would be able to find some temporary shelter.

Nicole floored the gas pedal, weaving around a bend and widened her eyes when a dead one emerged from the woods, stumbling in front of the car and shattering her theory. She screamed as it bounced off the hood, sticking to the windshield as lifeless eyes stared back at her without pain.

"Get off!" She shouted, struggling to see as the car began to spin away from her control. "Shit!"

Nicole attempted to slow the vehicle to a halt, though the slam of the breaks only sent her swerving while the dead man managed to remain plastered the to glass. "Get the fuck off my windshield!" She laid on the horn, not knowing what else to do. Without warning a jolt thwarted the body away from the car and Nicole finally caught her breath and attempted to regain control.

The jolt had come from the pavement's end leading into a rough, dirt patch that bridged a gap between the street and the woods. The vehicle was still traveling far too fast.

"Shit, shit, shit..." The words came out calm despite the wildly violent nature of what happened next. Nicole braced herself, foot still slamming the break and buckled her seatbelt just in time for the car to slam head first into a tall oak tree on the side of the road.


	34. Dog Off the Leash

__It's over.__ That was Nicole's first comprehensive thought. _ _It's all over.__

The smell of burning filled the air as an airbag infiltrated her personal space, forcing her upper body back against the driver's seat. A ringing stung her ears and mild pain radiated through her neck and shoulders.

Sounds like a sizzling cheeseburger hissed from the hood of the car that was now dented in like an accordion against the thick trunk of the roadside tree.

Nicole sat there for a moment, lifting her hands toward her head and she took a deep breath. A scratchy growl immediately lifted her heart rate again and snapped her back to attention. She took a deep breath and unbuckled her seatbelt, staring straight ahead through a cloud of smoke that made way to the undead man that was pinned in between the car and the tree, still reaching forward with outstretched arms and hungry, glazed-over eyes.

Her hand shook as she reached for the door handle, glancing around the wooded area that surrounded the broken down vehicle. There were no others that she could see, and as she stepped out of the car she was able to take a closer look on the thing that was wreaking havoc on her world.

Nicole slowly rounded the vehicle and stared into its eyes. They were almost gray and never looked away; never blinked. Just like the men in her driveway and those scattered about the hospital, there was nothing left of the human being that it had once been. Every bit of the former man had changed - his hair was brittle; skin seemingly paper-thin; nails and teeth already a rotting yellow.

"What are you?" For just a brief second Nicole felt bad as she watched him struggle. The idea of not truly dying; of walking the earth unable to cross over as some mindless, man-eating freak was depressing wistful; heartbreaking even. Whoever this was, she knew, didn't deserve such a fate. None of them did.

Nicole returned her attention to the imminent danger she was in. The car was out of commission and all of the supplies she had packed were too much to carry.

 _ _I don't even know where I'm going.__ The thought was the scariest by far. Nicole was on foot with nothing around her but trees. There was no shelter that she knew of by the lake where she had gone with Negan a number of times. It was picnic tables and charcoal grills.

She flung open the back door to the car and immediately gathered up her two bags, the bullets from the glove compartment, as many water bottles as she could manage and the container full of gas before deciding she had to go somewhere.

Nicole looked around in all directions, already feeling lost. It wasn't that the area was unfamiliar, it was simply the question of which way was the most practical to go. She adjusted the bag on her back, made sure the gun was accessible for an emergency and then pressed on in the direction of the lake.

...

Negan ripped the shingles from his house and began to board up the windows to the best of his ability from the outside. As more of the dead approached him, Negan used the only tactic he knew would eradicate them - a swift blow to the head. From his minimal experience it appeared to the be the only certainty to putting them down for good.

The neighborhood rapidly began its dreadful transformation, and as more residents fled, more of the undead made home to their street.

"Fuck." Negan drilled a final nail into the wood, covering up a window in front of his house before glancing back into Nicole's yard. He wished he had told her to stay. He wished he had had the option to send out another series of text messages as the world began to turn. They could have been together building a plan to get the fuck out of town, or even to batten down and ride out the twisted meltdown that was happening all around them.

All of it was too much to process. Negan hadn't had the proper time to stop and mourn the loss of Lucille. She had been taken so suddenly. The fact that she had turned into one of the dead ones got his brain thinking.

Was dying the only thing that led to transforming into one? What the fuck caused all of this?

A car engine from a distance made Negan whip around and he stopped and stared, waiting for the vehicle to emerge. He prayed it was Nicole's car that would soon come into view. For the first time it dawned on him. As much as Negan sometimes prided himself on being an alpha male and even at times a womanizer, he needed some form of companionship. Now that things were gone to shit, he felt it even more. If nothing else, Nicole would be his moral compass; his safe place. Without that he was a dog off a leash, and from the way it became that much simpler for him to kill off the undead with a diminishing conscience, he knew that the barbaric world was something he could easily get swallowed up in.

When a minivan whizzed by the house, Negan cursed aloud and threw the hammer into the side of the house.

"Fuck this shit." He angrily flung open the front door of the home and began to gather up items that would be of use to him.

Outside the world gradually became gloomier as people were replaced with ravenous, stumbling counterparts that merely resembled them. Negan knew he had to move. Staying wasn't an option and he was sure Nicole wouldn't be back any time soon - not when the people of the neighborhood was rapidly fleeing.

Still, as he gathered up what he could Negan stopped to scribble a note on a piece of paper in the kitchen.

He closed his eyes for a minute and then pressed the pen to the paper.

 _ _Nicole,__

 _ _If you get this stay away from downtown. The hospital is surrounded by these undead motherfuckers. I don't know what they are but they're dangerous and there are a lot of them. I'm guessing you've seen them too. I hope you got out, which it appears your did. Try to get as far away from this shit as you can. I'm going south, as far from D.C. and major cities as I can. I know some of this shit started there so there can't be sanctuary there. I don't know if we'll see each other again, but if you get this just know that I came looking for you. Be safe honey.__

 _ _Negan__

He folded the paper into thirds and slipped it in an envelope, writing her name in the center of it and then glanced out the window.

Negan decided he had to leave. A part of him knew that the undead would eventually take over the area as they had everywhere else and so he secured his house keys, locked it all up and then headed to Nicole's to leave the note wedged inside the screen door.

With a heavy heart he looked up toward her bedroom window, shook his head and secured the letter before reluctantly making his way out of the neighborhood for good.


	35. Satellites

Shelter had been a struggle in the weeks to follow. Nicole bounced from one place to another, though as she prayed things would get better they only grew worse. For two nights her only form of refuge came from an outhouse-style bathroom near a small beach, though she knew it wasn't a permanent place to reside. If nothing else, she had initially found the area Negan's fishing area to be scarce of the undead but soon they invaded the space by the masses and Nicole was forced to keep moving.

Her ultimate low came on a rainy night when one had stumbled into her hiding spot, forcing her to take it down. She'd spent the rest of the night sobbing by herself wondering how just a short time earlier she and Negan had made their area their own private romantic getaway. Now, it was filled with monsters that were not only trying to devour her, but were also destroying the world that they knew. It was on that night that Nicole knew deep down that things wouldn't go back to normal. Society was held up by the monsters and there was no immediate way to get rid of them - not when they were multiplying so rapidly.

The days to follow Nicole found herself questioning every move she had made. A part of her wished she had just stayed put at her house, though on the opposite note she reminded herself that the neighborhood she grew up in was most likely just as torn apart as everywhere else.

The loneliness was the most difficult part. It gave her all the time to think about the 'what-ifs', things she could have done and if Negan was alive and well. She thought about her family and if the terror had hit Florida as it had Virginia. Had they tried to call her? Were they in just as much danger? Were they alive?

Questions were the enemy because there were no answers - no answers that were easily accessible. Nicole fully recognized on her travels that she might never see her parents again, or her brother... her friends... Negan.

From the fishing spot Nicole managed to hike for miles to the opposite side of the lake where a sparing collection of houses were either boarded up, abandoned or both. Finding no one residing in any of them she managed to gather up more supplies in the form of canned food, boxed macaroni and Gatorade that had been left in a small college-style refrigerator in one of the basements. Still, her eyes were open for cars and the keys to access them, though there proved to be no luck. Nicole was stuck on foot and managed to keep moving from place to place ahead of the herd of undead ones that had begun to make its presence known in the area.

As far as Nicole was concerned, moving around was her only option and so the daily missions she had set to keep herself from going mad revolved around staying active and finding new shelter.

On her backpack she kept a tally of how many days had passed, which rapidly transformed into weeks. On a positive note, Nicole acknowledged that with each swipe of the Sharpie, it indicated another day of survival. On a more dismal note, it highlighted how rapidly the world was going downhill with no sign of rejuvenation. She was absolutely sure that if something could have been done that the military and police would have intervened and stopped the outbreak of whatever was causing the dead-like humans to go rabid. There was no cavalry that had come over the hill to swoop in and save the residents of the town, the county or the state. Currently, it was every man for himself.

Nicole had made discoveries if nothing else. She'd come to the conclusion that the brain was the only force driving the undead. Even decapitating them didn't work, though from her fateful night in the outhouse when one of the monsters broke into her hiding spot, she managed to put it down for good by smashing its head into the wall with a sickening splat that made the body go still.

Now, she trudged through the woods munching on Cheese-Its from the bottom of a box that she vowed to portion out properly as she had done successfully in most other instances. Still, the long day of walking without shelter or a break kept her munching on them as she expended calories hiking and fighting off the occasional lurker in the woods. It had gotten to a point where she was no longer frightened of their icy stares. By the masses they were deadly, though one-on-one Nicole had become comfortable fighting them off without being harmed. It was simply the unknown that was frightening.

 _ _I need to find shelter.__ Nicole had accomplished her goal every night since the beginning. She had found some place to reside that was safe without being completely surrounded by the undead. As the sun began to fade and night crept in she knew she had to find something. Being out in the open at night was not an option.

Everything became scarier at night. It was difficult to see, the sounds became clearer and Nicole knew things could be close by without being detected under the cover of darkness.

She squinted ahead in the distance and then picked up the pace as a chain-link fence came into view. Nicole ran the last few feet and let her fingers curl around the metal that made up the man-made barrier as she peered into the distance. A smile formed on her face when she saw it - a big building in the center of a field that looked oddly out of place, though she didn't mind.

 _ _I met my goal,__ Nicole thought to herself, still grinning as she eagerly scaled the fence and cautiously made her way toward her new destination.

At first she couldn't get a grasp on the structure, though as she grew closer things became clear. Two large satellites sat on top of the white building that was squared off in some areas and rounded off in others. It was plain and lifelessly mundane but it had walls, a roof and Nicole hoped maybe a bonus would be some form of communication with the outside world.

A flutter of hope filtered through her and Nicole hurried up toward a door where she assumed the front of the building began. She took a deep breath and secured her hand around the door handle, beginning to twist it open slowly. Before her adrenaline could will her the rest of the way, the door flung open and Nicole rushed back several steps, shrieking as she did when she came face to face with the barrel of a shotgun.

"Who are you?" an unfamiliar male voice asked, still covered in the darkness from partway behind the door.

Nicole held up her hands defensively. Her eyes were wide with anticipation and she swallowed hard. "My... name's Nicole." She let out another deep breath to compose herself, "I've been hiking all day. I'm looking for shelter." She didn't blink, simply stared ahead into the dark pit that lingered behind the door as the stranger emerged just a half-a-step.

"Who are you with?" he asked.

"Nobody."

"Not a single fucking somebody?" The man stepped forward again and Nicole stepped back.

"I've been alone for weeks," she admitted. "Please. I'll go if it means I don't get shot. I have shit... I can share." Nicole dropped one of her bags but immediately raised her arms high in the air again.

"What kind of shit?"

"Food... a little water but I'm running low."

"Just you?" the man asked again.

"Yes."

"If you're lying to me-"

"I'm not fucking lying!" Nicole shouted now, almost not caring what might happen next.

The man stepped all the way out now and the two of them stared one another down. He kept the gun raised at attention and then slowly let his guard down, lowering the gun as he failed to spot another human being in the immediate area.

"I'll kill you," he finished his thought from before, "If you're lying to me. I don't give a shit if I die too."

"Okay," Nicole agreed. "I'm alone. Are you alone?"

He didn't respond, but simply turned and went back in the way he came, leaving his hand flat on the open door so Nicole could follow him in.

"Lock it," he said coldly.

Nicole swallowed hard, shaking her head as her best judgment betrayed her and she obeyed his request. Still, she knew it was a time to take chances and felt odd in knowing that she hadn't communicated with another person for so long. Despite the possible danger, it felt good to be in someone's company, anyone's company, that was truly alive.

"Nobody," the man replied, "I was with two people... now it's just me."

Nicole nodded. "What happened to them?"

"They were bitten... they turned."

"Turned?"

"Into one of them... the dead... the walking fucking dead."

"They got bit and then became..."

"Yes." He pressed his eyebrows together, "Why do you look so fucking surprised?"

"I... I haven't seen that happen. I told you I've been alone. I didn't know how people got that way."

"Well, we're in a shitstorm... hell on earth." The man led her around a corner into a small area that he'd transformed into a pantry. "You can add your shit to my shit."

"How long have you been here? Can you communicate to anyone?"

"About a week to answer your first question... and no. There's nothing."

Nicole sighed and dropped her bags as she began to comply and merge their belongings. "What's your name?" she asked the man again.

"Simon... my name's Simon."


	36. Acquaintances

Negan kneeled down and began to syphon gas from the tank of broken down SUV. He glanced around the area that looked as if a tornado had hit it and continued on with what he was doing, running a hand through his facial hair as he listened to the fuel drain into the container.

"Maybe that's our gas you're taking," a voice came from behind.

Negan glanced calmly over his shoulder a small pack of young men. "Maybe you'll be taking my beating in return. I mean, I'll give you a beating. Not that you'll be... that was supposed to sound fucking clever and it..." He cleared his throat and smirked, "Let me start over. I haven't spoken out loud in a few weeks."

"Listen man just give us the gas can."

"That's not fucking happening," Negan told them, "But listen. I found a car a few blocks from here. Ran out of gas, keys are still in it. You take this gas you don't have all the fuckin' pieces do you? Any of you motherfuckers know how to hotwire a car?"

The men all exchanged glances though none of them said anything. By the looks on their faces, Negan could guess their answer.

"Great, that makes five of us." He waved a hand, "Come with me."

With a little reluctance the small group began to tail him, prompting Negan to glance over his shoulder again with another smile as one of them placed a wooden baseball bat on his shoulder.

Negan grinned wider. "Nice bat."

Their group walked on for several blocks without much talk other than some hushed whispers. When they arrived back to where Negan had left the vehicle his eyes widened when he saw smoke coming from the hood.

"This is the car?" one of the men asked, shaking his head.

"I thought it was just out of fuckin' gas," Negan admitted. "Shit..." He scratched his head.

"Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"

He could see that the pack of twenty-somethings were looking for a direction. They needed guidance. They were wanderers with no idea of what direction to go in.

"What's your name kid?" Negan asked the leader.

"Paul."

"Negan." He outstretched his arm.

"Negan?"

"Strong fuckin' name, don't ya think." He smirked and shook his hand firmly before waving on their group, "Come on. I marked off a place with barbed wire and shit. You have food in those bags?"

The foursome looked at one another and then Negan continued when they failed to respond.

"We have to go on foot but I have shit, too. I have a fire starter, canned food and shit. Water. Beer."

"Beer?" one of the young men raised his eyebrows and shrugged, smiling for the first time.

"Let's go." Negan waved them on, "I'm starting to go ape shit talking to my fucking self."

...

The five men sat around a fire passing around a collection of food that came from each of them.

"You lose anybody Negan?" Paul asked, taking a bite of the canned chicken soup they'd just warmed up over the flames.

"Nah... always been kind of a loner," he lied, "So, not really. Nope."

"Dude, I can't believe you picked off those dead heads from across the lot back there," another man said with a laugh. He took a sip of his beer. "That shit's amazing."

"I had guns before this but I only shot 'em a handful of times." Negan smiled, "I should've went to the range more. Guns are the shit."

"People used to say guns and big trucks were for guys with small dicks," Paul said with a laugh, "Overcompensation."

"Bull shit," Negan disagreed with a hearty chuckle, "No dick compares to my dick... and I had a big truck... and shit, I love shooting these fucking undead pricks." He continued to laugh, "Overcompensation? Fuck no. I like big trucks and big guns... because I got a big dick." Negan took a bite from his bowl and noticed all the men staring in his direction with wide eyes, "What? Too much dick talk?"

"Holy shit!" Paul rose to his feet and pointed, "Behind you!"

Negan glanced over his shoulder, immediately rising to his feet to see a swarm of the undead filtering into their space by the masses. "Oh fuck!" He reached for the rifle and felt the undead arms wrap around his torso from behind. "Mother fucker!" Negan shoved it away and fired a bullet into its temple, sending the body the floor. Another replaced it, growling and snarling as it eagerly approached their group with its arms outstretched.

More gunshots ensued and everyone began to fight against the herd, sending one into the fire where the pot of soup spilled all over the place.

"Clumsy motherfuckers!" Negan continued to fire shots before reaching for the baseball bat and proceeded to smash in the skulls of the approaching dead ones.

A terrible, high-pitched scream filtered through the air and Negan turned to see two of his new acquaintances being ripped to pieces. He continued to fight, knowing there was nothing he could do to save them as the herd tore through their camp ground like a school of hungry sharks.

"Son of a bitch." Negan continued to swing wildly, taking out each approaching dead one with one swift blow. By the time it was over he could barely feel his arms and he crouched to the ground panting as he took in the carnage.

They were dead - all of them. The monsters; the men. Negan shook his head as he took in all four mutilated bodies that fell to the snapping jaws of the pack of hungry hellions.

 _ _You gotta be fucking kidding me__ , Negan thought. He rose back to his feet and realized how quickly he was back to being on his own. It was the way the world was, he decided. People died. Getting close to anyone was not an option.

With a grunt he rounded up whatever food he could from the group's leftovers, strapped the baseball bat in the top of his backpack and reloaded the rifle he'd been using before making his way away from the mass grave.

 _Alone again_ , Negan thought. He began to wonder what was left of the world. Were there people left, or was this it? The small pack of men had given him some hope that people were out there, though the rapid nature that their lives were stripped away showed the vicious reality.

Still, Negan knew that he could make it just fine on his own, as he already had. He just didn't know how much longer it would be before the dead truly took over and all forms of society were lost forever.


	37. Leader

**Thank you for the patience leading up to the big reunion!**

* * *

History repeating.

Meet people - they die. Meet people - they turn.

Negan's life had become a constant revolving door of death that he was starting to think there was something wrong with all the remaining survivors. How did he continually find a way to survive through them mess when everyone around him fell weakly at the hands of the undead?

He hated them for it. Negan hated them for dying again and again.

An aging couple had taken him in only to be swiftly devoured within days. Another group he found sitting around a fire with and just as soon as he'd learned their names they were gone. It made him resent the human race for their lame attempts at existing in a world so savage. On the same note it made him wonder just how inhumane he had to be to thrive in the way he had thus far.

 _ _Maybe there's something wrong with me__ , he thought.

Negan went over in his mind about his latest interaction with people. It was terrible, he knew, the way he had ended things with the dying woman where he parted ways with her in the Wal-Mart parking lot. He had heard about the fever after the bite that eventually led to the eternal damnation of walking around mindless and blood-thirsty. Ultimately, Negan knew her slow deterioration from the bite on her neck would be unpleasant and painful.

She hadn't realized she had been bit. Their group had been swarmed and like always he fought his way out, using his new favorite undead killer in the form of the wooden baseball bat he'd picked up from his first group of drifters. It was when the smoke cleared and the dust settled that his short-term female companion drew her hand from her neck, calling out his name as blood ran down her palm.

"I didn't know," she claimed, revealing the deadly bite. "I didn't feel it. It happened so fast-"

"Fuck you." Negan was cold; angry. Another one had lost the battle of survival. The fact that people were stripped from the world so easily and rapidly made his desire to form relationships diminish by the hour.

A look of horror filled the woman's face - more horror than when she came to the realization that she'd been handed the deadly bite from their attackers. "What?" She stared at him in disbelief and Negan couldn't help it. He knew was cold; new he was heartless but even for him he'd hit a new low of portraying that he didn't care.

"You're bit!" He screamed in the woman's face, "Go fucking fuck yourself! I'm sick to death of this shit! You let your fucking father die. You let your brother die! And for all that shit you get to fucking die!" Negan huffed a breath, "I'm sick of people. You're all fucking weak. All you ever do is fucking die!"

He'd stormed away after that leaving his traveling companion crying and alone; alone to die in the world that had consumed her.

Negan knew it was an asshole move to say the least but he couldn't contain his rage. The constant feeling of the rug being pulled from beneath his feet just when he'd begun to form some of type of comradery with others felt like a giant joke that the universal was playing on him. That's why when he met Dwight and his group he was cold, demanding not to know the names of his companions he told him not to bother introducing anyone formally.

"If they make it more than a few days I'll learn their fuckin' names," Negan had told him with an emotionless sincerity.

"He's a friendly one," Dwight's wife had commented early on as they stood entwined with one another upon bringing Negan back to the camp.

"He looked lonely. I felt bad for the guy," Dwight informed her.

The camp the group had created was the steadiest one that Negan had come across on his travels, and so almost immediately he attempted to lighten up a bit despite his instincts to maintain a rough exterior.

"I appreciate it," he told the woman, "You guys taking me in."

"Don't sweat it." She gave a smile, "And we've all had people die on us out here so I understand. But, I'm Sherry. Try not to forget it."

Negan nodded and it was then he decided to give their lifestyle a fair chance. They were staying comfortably in a broken-down hotel where he managed a shower and a shave for the first time in weeks. The group provided him stability and a sense of rejuvenation. He began to bond with Dwight, Sherry and the others and established himself within the small assembly of people. They had weapons of all kinds, food and shelter.

It was when the hotel was overrun with a herd of dead ones that the group finally felt the wind taken out of its sails. Negan, himself, had barely made it out alive but their unit made it out in tact and without casualties. On the same note the men and women were left with nothing; nothing but the road and uncertainties that went with it. Their security blanket was gone, leaving everyone's weaknesses out on the table as they stared helplessly at one another.

"What do we do?" one of them asked.

"There's nothing we can do," another responded in a state of utter despair.

The morality of the pack was down. People were questioning one another - questioning their own will to live.

 _ _Over a building?__ Negan thought. He wouldn't allow the people of their legion to crumble because of a building. No one had died. They were all still together and able to thrive as they had prior to locating the hotel.

"We can't clean this place out?" A woman turned to Negan, looking past Dwight and directly to him for answers. "What do we do?"

Negan glanced around at the saucer-like eyes of his counterparts and knew right then where he stood amongst the pack. They were looking to him for guidance and answers. He'd heard them calling his name in desperation when he hadn't made it out of the hotel right away.

 _ _They fucking need me__ , he decided.

"We'll find a better fucking place," Negan vowed, not showing an ounce of fear or defeat. "Let's go. We'll fucking find something." He waved a hand in the direction of the group and slung his bat on his shoulder, "Follow me."

The people of the group didn't hesitate. They grabbed their bags and guns before following at the heels of their new leader.


	38. Good Cop, Bad Cop

Nicole had been leery of people as time went by, and she could see why Simon had been so trigger happy at their first meeting. He was a strong ally and their strengths complimented one another well. Initially, he had been adamant about taking the lead on little missions to get food or make trips to seek out vehicles though he soon came to recognize that the woman he had taken in could fend for herself. It freed him up to make better, calculated decisions, particularly when both of them had the opportunity to carry out several missions at once, ultimately leaving them with twice the material they would have obtained.

Living in the satellite building worked. It was stable; durable. They had means of a look out from the rooftops and a fence that bordered three quarters of the area. It didn't keep out all of the undead, though it certainly helped that it wasn't a free-for-all with regard to passing through their secluded hideaway.

The two of them spent their free time playing card games and failed at attempts of making up their own when Go Fish, Texas Hold 'Em, War, Bullshit and others grew tiresome. Still, it was something to do - something Nicole looked forward to, particularly after not-so-successful days on the road.

Nicole threw down a ten in a game of War, challenging Simon's nine. She grinned and swiped the cards from a small, wooden tray they'd dragged to the rooftop where they spent nights after a long day.

"What did the elephant say to the naked man?" Simon asked, throwing another card.

Nicole snickered, "I don't know." She retrieved their cards again and tossed them on top of her pile.

"How in the hell do you breath with that tiny thing?"

She laughed a little louder. "I think we better start writing all these down so you don't forget them."

"Nah," Simon grinned, "They're all up here." He tapped his forehead and threw down a King, one that Nicole beat with an Ace. "Oh, what the fuck." The two of them laughed again, "You're fuckin' cheatin'."

"I'm just better at this than you, Simon."

"Ya ain't bad for a girl," he teased. "Stayed alive longer than anyone I was with before so cheers to that shit."

Nicole cleared her throat. "Do we let other people in?"

"Depends."

"On what."

"If they're trustworthy."

"How can you tell? How did you know with me?"

"Gut feeling," Simon explained, "Check out the surroundings and see if you can catch 'em in a lie."

Nicole nodded and glanced around at the tree tops that surrounded them. "How many do you think made it?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Total? Who the hell knows."

"Hundreds? Thousands? More, less?"

Simon snickered, "You woman are always full of questions."

Nicole sighed and looked around. "I just wonder if anyone I knew before this made it out of the initial chaos that's all."

There was a pause that Simon filled with the most direct, logical response he could fathom.

"Thinking about shit like that will only fuck you up." He nodded adamantly in her direction, "Sooner you accept this is how it is now, the better off you'll be. I know that sounds cold and shitty and-"

"No, you're right." Nicole nodded, "You're right. We can't go back or change anything." She sighed, "We only have room for tactics... logic."

Simon winked at her, "Now you're thinking like a man."

She snickered again, enjoying his humor as he tried to teasingly get under her skin about who was the superior gender. It was all in good fun and overall Nicole enjoyed her time with Simon. He was all business ninety percent of the time and the two of them worked well as a pair. The other ten percent he was filled with wise cracks, laughs and better company than Nicole had anticipated. It made the days less shitty and she was thankful she'd found him.

After days and nights filled with discussions of the immediate future, the two of them decided that trying to find additional living members of society, no matter how bleak society felt, was a must. It became a part of their daily missions, carefully seeking out areas where people might be. That was a task they never parted for, as both Nicole and Simon knew the old, unwritten rule of safety in numbers.

The task to find others hadn't been as impossible as Nicole had originally thought. The first two made her uneasy. They were strangers infiltrating a home base that she and Simon had called their own for weeks on their own. Now, there were two more mouths to feed; two more people engaged in conversations and contributing to the decision-making.

"I don't trust them," she had told him, though it was Simon who gave the advice to give them a chance despite firmly stating his dominance over the place they called home. He was overbearing with the newcomers at times, testing their loyalty in ways that made him seem like far more of a jerk than he actually was.

Nicole understood his take on the situation, and she complimented his behavior sometimes with a forceful tone of her own and other times with a softer, more welcoming feel.

"Good cop, bad cop," Simon had told her. "We have to set rules in our own way, let them know this is going to run the way we want. But we also have to keep them happy and feeling safe so they don't leave. We don't need enemies."

She had followed his lead, though what she admired most about Simon was his ability to let go of any ego he had to assure the two of them felt equal; like they were on the same page. He never attempted to step on her toes, or make her look bad in front of the others. If they had a problem with an action the other took, they talked quietly about it behind closed doors and moved on. It was a successful partnership and under their co-leadership they established a small, fifteen-person community.

With the additional members of their newfound mini-society, Nicole found that her life had been significantly simplified. Rather than going out for mile hikes day after day in search of whatever she and Simon could find, the work was delegated amongst the group.

She stood on top of the building again, watching as the sun had begun to lower in the mid-summer sky. Men and women worked together, building a makeshift wall along the only side of the perimeter that was not protected from the outside world. For the first time she really felt like things could work; that their life in the satellite structure could be permanent, or as close to it as there was anymore.

"Hey." Simon nudged her elbow hard and joined her, leaning partway over the edge with an ear-to-ear grin. "We did good work, huh?"

Nicole smiled back as the two of them took in the teamwork that was brewing in front of them. "Yeah, we did."

He balled up his fist and waited, prompting Nicole to gently pound her fist against his.

"Good cop, bad cop," Simon said, still grinning wide.

She laughed lightly and hit his fist a second time for fun. "Good cop, bad cop."


	39. Monsters and Saviors

Monsters existed in all forms - not just that in the walking dead counterparts that had begun to overtake the world. It took time to expose them, as some looked no different than their commendable counterparts.

Surviving in the new world meant, at times, surpassing the boundaries of what was appropriate when society was infused with structure and rules; though the boundaries were only meant to be crossed if all options were extorted. Becoming animals for the sake of becoming animals would only send the world further into a tailspin. It wasn't something Negan was interested in. What he truly wanted back in his life was organization - the type of organization that only a functioning society could provide.

Traveling with Dwight's group had proven to be a success, and despite the occasional pout from the self-proclaimed leader of the group with Negan stepped up and made a decision, there wasn't much negativity. Things were becoming more organized, and Negan liked it that way.

Their small group had grown, establishing themselves in a secure hideaway with barbed wire fencing that surrounded the perimeter. It kept the undead away, or most of them. They had stable living accommodations and a collection of food that grew with each supply run. They'd managed to find medicine, vehicles to travel around in and even luxurious items like liquor, a small air hockey table and books.

It was good; things were getting better. Negan found himself naturally calling the shots with Dwight falling in line as his number two without much of a fuss about it. Even when another group came knocking at their door with guns raised, Negan managed to talk them off the ledge, inviting them in with the idea of an ever-growing community, safety in numbers and abiding by the rules set by their group.

The leader agreed and their two sides merged into one, avoiding a conflict that could have left each group in shambles. It was a start, and the evolution into something bigger had begun, though the reality was that conflict was never far away.

On a colder than average night in July, Negan crossed a boundary. It was one of the boundaries that would have landed him in prison in the former ways of the world, but it wasn't without purpose.

"Here kid." He crossed the lot where a fire was going inside the walls of the community. Negan handed his leather jacket off to a young girl who was visibly shivering in the cool summer air.

"Thanks." She gave a smile and engulfed her body in the jacket, sliding closer to the flames where her mother roasted a marshmallow, one of the luxuries that their group had discovered and brought back that week.

"Nothing's off limits these days," the merged group's leader whispered quietly as Negan began walking through the small courtyard.

He turned slowly to look at the man, wondering if he was understanding him correctly. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"If you like what you see over there..." He motioned to the young girl and shrugged with a smirk.

Negan hardened his expression and took a step into his personal space. "What exactly are you fucking saying?"

"I think you know what I'm saying."

"Yeah, I think I fucking do!" He raised his voice, squaring up with the man now. "And I have to say I have a real fucking problem with it. Whatever the fuck you guys were doing before you met us, it fucking stops now or this is where we part ways. You can get the fuck out of here and make it on your own somewhere else."

When the man shoved Negan back, his fury rose again. He hardened his jaw and clenched his fists as the man got back in his face. "Oh, you're running shit now, huh? You're going to tell us what we can and can't do with our women? Fuck you!" He threw a punch, sending Negan stumbling back into their fence of barbed wire.

All eyes from the merged communities were on the two of them now as Negan reached for his baseball bat - the one tool that had bailed him out of jams again and again. When his aggressor darted back in his direction, Negan rose to his feet and took one, good hard swing that connected with his head in a sickening thud that made everyone gasp.

"Negan!" Dwight shouted, but he pointed in his direction.

"Stay there!" Negan approached his adversary, who lay convulsing on the ground in front of everyone and this time he didn't hesitate. The job was done, the man was dying and Negan knew if he didn't finish the job that he would turn into one of the undead. That was when he drove the bat again and again into the man's skull, bludgeoning him until there was practically nothing left of his head.

He knew it before he had done it - he had crossed the line. Negan could hear the whispers amongst the group behind him and he knew he had to address it. Killing a man wasn't something that anyone was used to, including Negan.

When he turned around all eyes were on him. It was like being on a stage with the audience in awe over the performance that had just happened.

Negan cleared his throat and spoke with confidence. "I know that shit was probably startling... a bit fucked up to watch. Shit, I might've gotten a little carried away there... but it had to be done." When no one attempted to intervene, he went on. "Are you scared? Scared of me? Scared of dying?" Negan made eye contact with Dwight when everyone continued to remain silent, "Rally them up for a second, Dwight."

He wandered back toward the barbed wire that he'd been thrown through and retrieved some wire that had come loose in the process. Negan glanced down at his weapon of choice, noting more and more each day at how valuable the piece of wood was to him. There was a way to create an even being enforcer in the baseball bat and so he began to wrap it with the barbed wire, securing it at the top and bottom before taking a mock swing when he was satisfied.

Negan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't at all comfortable with what he had just done. He didn't like it, though at the same time it didn't sadden him to take the monster's life that would have done nothing but put every female in their community at risk. Negan didn't know how he felt, or how he was supposed to feel but he assumed it wasn't the numbness that radiated through him. Taking a human life should have been more difficult, even when it came down to someone so disgustingly low.

He re-opened his eyes and forced his thoughts back to business as he approached the group. "Okay... how are we doing?"

Dwight turned, standing in front of the pack who still appeared shell-shocked from the altercation that had just occurred.

"Look... I know you're all scared... on edge..." Negan nodded as he spoke, "You probably don't know whether to fuckin' stay or run and get the fuck out of here. I get it." He paused. "Truth is that I met a long line of people who folded; who cracked under the pressure and let their loved ones die... and then they fuckin' died. Weak people. Scared people. They died. I learned something being around those people. I watched them die, one after the other... so fucking sad. And me, I lost my wife Lucille at the beginning of this... and I have no fucking idea where someone else is who I cared deeply about. I don't know if she's dead or alive. So now, I feel nothing. Not for anyone, not for myself."

The people all stared at him, the only light illuminated half of their faces in the flickering fire.

Negan raised his bat, "Stand with me, and anyone who tries to hurt us will end up like this motherfucker right here." He pointed down toward the mutilated body. "So far you've been survivors. That's the best you can hope for. For the newcomers, your old leader is dead and it's because he was a fucking asshole. He was a rapist. He would hurt you. We don't do that here. We all work together. We consolidate our supplies. We can protect each other." Negan motioned to the group he had been traveling with, "We will protect you... all of you. We can make this work. But let me make this shit perfectly clear - you work for us now. We are your saviors."


	40. Memories

"That is _not_ how things work here!" Nicole shouted, approaching Chris Ryder, a man who had been nothing but trouble since allowing him and his two traveling companions into the satellite compound.

He was a mouthy man who proved to be a cancer to the group. He rarely volunteered to go out on supply runs and worse he was constantly berating his wife Evelyn and her sister Annie. It was when he finally struck her in the public eye that Nicole lost it.

Evelyn was in tears on the ground, holding her face as Chris whipped around when Nicole confronted him.

"There is no 'how things work here'!" He shouted, getting in Nicole's face now, "I didn't last this long by taking orders from some twenty year old woman."

"The why don't you get the fuck out?" Nicole challenged.

"You gunna make me?" He stepped deeper into her personal space.

"Look, Simon and I-"

"No, no, no." Chris interrupted her. "Fuck Simon, I want to know if _you_ are going to make me."

Nicole felt her face grow hot with anger and her hand tightened around the handle of the gun that Negan has given to her at the start of the outbreak. Using the pistol made her feel powerful, like it was somehow charged with his energy that urged her to stay strong and be safe. Nicole could almost hear his words.

She whipped the gun from the band of her jeans and pointed it directly in Chris's face, drawing more stares from the grounds of their complex.

He smiled and shook his head. "You're going to have to shoot me... because I ain't leaving."

"You're wiling to die over pride?" Nicole asked him. "You're not a survivor, Chris. You're just lucky we found you."

"Chris, stop." Evelyn slowly got to her feet but he turned and screamed at her.

"Shut up! This is your fault, Evelyn!"

"You don't hit her," Nicole ordered him. "Ever! For any reason."

"Mind your business."

"You see we have a problem," she went on, "Because you're on my property, which makes this my jurisdiction and therefore everything you do is my business. If you don't like it then you can go. See how long you make it on the road."

"Your jurisdiction?" Chris scoffed. "What the fuck are you rent-a-cop? There are no jurisdictions anymore. Society is fucking done."

"Except for this one we're building here." Nicole shook her head, "You want to live like a savage you so it outside of these walls."

Chris hesitated, not immediately having the words. "So... it's okay for you to point a gun in my face, but giving my wife a-"

"You wanted to know if I was going to make you leave," She reminded him, "This is me saying yes if you can't live the way the rest of us manage to."

"You're nuts."

"And you're one strike away from being thrown out of here."

"Aren't there three strikes in baseball?" Chris held up three fingers.

"This is strike one and two," Nicole informed him, "But this shit isn't a game." She hardened her eyes. "Another incident like this and you're gone."

"And if I don't go?"

Without hesitation Nicole responded. "Then I'll kill you." Chills ran down her own back from the icy way the statement matter-of-factly rolled off her tongue.

Chris continued to stare down the barrel of the gun before he glared at Evelyn and the two of them wandered away without another word.

Nicole took a deep breath and glanced down at her shaking hand with the gun in it that had been so still just a few seconds before. She processes what she had just done - pointing a gun in a man's face at close range. It was extreme, she knew, and certainly would have been something that got her kicked out of the police academy. Still, a part of her felt good; like she had stood up to her demons.

The word had changed and the old rule book had gone right out the window with it. Nicole didn't think she could actually pull the trigger and kill another human being, but the fact that her message had been received when Chris backed down was worth something. She and Simon, together, could forcefully remove him from the grounds if he continued to be abusive. It was something she vowed to speak with him about once he got back from the supply run.

Nicole finally glanced up, noticing all those who had been staring in her direction abruptly look away. She knew she couldn't lose her cool; couldn't unwind in front of everyone she vowed to bring to a good, safe community.

She tucked the gun away, marching back toward the main building and began to second guess herself until someone called her name, prompting her to stop.

"Nicole?" A woman approached, jogging up from where she had been working on planting seeds for garden.

"Yeah?"

The woman was named Alice. She appeared to be in her early thirties but Nicole wasn't completely sure. Formalities had gone out the window during introductions and were replaced with: Who are you with? What supplies do you have? What can you offer the community if we take you in? Will you comply with our rules?

"We, uh, we like what you did," Alice admitted with a nod, speaking quietly.

"Who's we?"

She motioned to a small group of men and women. "Last night Chris was drunk. He found some liquor and didn't tell anyone and peed all over the crops we planted." She shook her head.

"I'm going to bring all this to Simon's attention."

"We're with you if you want to kick him out. I just hope Evelyn and Annie wouldn't cave and go with him."

Nicole put her hands on her hips and looked around. She nodded and sighed. "We'll keep a close eye out. Let me know if he does anything else... then we may have a democratic vote on our hands for him to stay or go."

"I'll vote him off the island," she said, referencing the show Survivor.

Nicole swallowed hard at the woman's words. Immediately it triggered memories of her parents in front of the television watching the infamous reality show. Her mind rapidly began to wander down memory lane and she wondered where they were, if they were alive or worse if they were walking dead ones. She thought of Negan, And was momentarily paralyzed at the thought of him not making it out of the hospital.

 _It'll only you fuck you up._ Nicole remembered Simon's words and willed her mind back to the present.

"Thanks Alice." Nicole nodded. "Keep your eyes open."

"I will." She nodded back and returned back to her duties across the way.

Nicole headed back inside, finding her escape from the world outside in her own private sanctuary on the roof. For the first time in a long time she allowed herself to think of Negan.

She thought of the first time she saw him in her back yard. The first time his lips crashed against hers and all of the hot, intimate encounters to follow. The fun parts of him sneaking into her room, the parts that were more sentimental to her when she woke up beside him for the first time. Their relationship had been the perfect storm of fun, excitement, romance, sex and love. Now, she had no idea where he was - if he was dead, alive or somewhere in between.

Nicole knew she had to be strong for her people. She hadn't had a weak or dark moment since she'd met Simon and they'd managed to build something together at the Satellite building. Now, she sat real low on the rooftop beneath the cover of the barriers that extended just a few feet above her. It sheltered her from the eyes of the community and for the first time in over a month she cried.

Simon was right - letting the past invade the present would only hurt you, But Nicole knew she had to let the feeling consume her for just a moment in order to get by. It was like recharging her batteries to be able to publicly show off the strong side of her that made her thrive.

On the outside she was the leader; the woman who wasn't afraid to stand up to someone threatening the morality of the group. On the inside there was still a piece of her that felt empty - and while that hole was filled by the company of those around her, Nicole still prayed for Negan's safety and longed to see his face again. She knew the odds were slim to none, but every now and then she acknowledged it.

And so Nicole sat there under the beating sun in the privacy of the roof's discretion and cried.


	41. Supply Run

All had been relatively calm at the satellite building in the weeks to follow the confrontation between Nicole and Chris. She and Simon had kept their eyes on him, as did other members of the community that backed Nicole after the altercation.

The highlights of the two-week span was the amount of preserved and non-perishable food their group had gathered, along with new weaponry and some training in killing small animals in the area. The lows included the loss of two members to an oversized herd and a break in the fence that led to mild panic. Still, they overcame the hard knocks and tried to build on the positives.

Simon and Nicole rarely went on runs alone to leave their dwelling under the supervision of others. With time, however, they mutually decided they had to put faith in others in the community, as they had with other steps leading up to building their small empire.

Chris had been forced to contribute more outside the walls, and Simon had secretly joked with Nicole about the possibility of him getting eaten alive and their problem being solved. Still, jesting aside, they would never intentionally compromise a mission or a person... not even someone like Chris.

The plan for the evening had been mapped out strategically prior to leaving the confines of their property. Small groups were sent scavenging in different directions stemming from a central location where Nicole and Simon had driven two vehicles filled with whoever was qualified for the assignment. In pairs or groups of three they were assigned a direct section of the region they were scavenging, all armed with watches they'd gathered from the dead. At exactly 10 p.m. all members of the group were to meet back at the central location by the cars, where two members were assigned the duty of guarding the vehicles.

All towns were ghost towns, and each supply run meant drive out further and looking for more - more food, more water, more gasoline, more medicine... whatever they could get their hands on.

"Do you think we should have split up?" Nicole asked Simon as they scurried from the corner of one building to another. "You and me? Do you trust those guys to get their jobs done without us?"

"I ain't roaming around after dark with anyone but you sweetheart," Simon informed her, "I don't trust 'em enough with my life." He turned, "But we have to start trusting 'em... fully."

Nicole nodded as he waved her with him toward a set of glass doors at the front of a one-floor brick building. A faded sticker of a pizza, along with several remaining letters of the words ITALIAN RESTAURANT decorated the front window next to the doors. A Budweiser sign hung slightly off kilter and a collection of cracks spiderwebbed the glass.

Simon reached into a pack he had on his back, removing a pair of bolt cutters and grunted as he snipped a thick, metal chain that clung the doors together.

"That's a good sign," he huffed, tossing it to the ground in a heap before carefully edging the doors open with Nicole at his side with her gun raised.

"No one's been in here?" she suspected.

"Owner probably anticipated coming back," Simon whispered, "Poor bastard." He sighed as the two of them scanned the immediate area that was filled with empty booths that looked as if they were waiting for customers to enter at any minute. He then walked back to the double doors, placed the bolt cutters through the handles so no one could enter behind them and waved Nicole in his direction while reaching for a gun of his own.

An open glass refrigerator off to the right of a counter had one small glass bottle of orange Foxon Park soda tipped on its side.

"Fuck yes." Simon hurried toward it, popping the top and taking a long swig that emptied nearly half of the bottle. He proceeded to burp and sigh with a smile before handing the rest to Nicole.

She snickered and downed the rest of the beverage just as eagerly, forcing out the tiniest burp of her own to compliment his, making Simon chuckle.

"Fuel up little lady." He grinned wide and Nicole tossed the empty bottle to the ground before trailing him around the counter toward the pantry.

Aprons were strewn about and there were cooking utensils still placed neatly on countertops. The appearance gave off the impression that everyone had left for a lunch break and were ready to return. All in all it was neat for what the rest of the world was and Nicole suddenly wondered who the owners might have been. It almost appeared untouched.

"Jackpot." Simon rushed toward the back, eying cans of sauce and boxes of pasta, all of different kinds - spaghetti, linguini, shells.

"Oh, bowties." Nicole reached for a box with a smile, "These were my favorite."

"Well we can feast the fuck up tonight." Simon raised his eyebrows and nodded as they began collecting what they could. "We may need to do a second run to this place. Shit, it's a little Italian paradise."

She reached for a pan that sat on a burner on a stove and some utensils. "All of this... we could use it. I wish we could bring the whole store back."

Simon began rummaging through cabinets, laughing to himself as he located a bottle of Cabernet. "Lookie here."

"God, all we need is chocolate next."

"How about some gelato?"

"Don't get me started." Nicole grabbed her stomach as it growled from hunger and chuckled as Simon located a corkscrew. "We can't get drunk out here."

"Just a couple of swigs... to take the edge off."

"Fine." She couldn't disagree. A little treat sounded like a piece of heaven and she felt like after all they'd been through they deserved it.

Nicole continued to gather up what she could, searching through other cabinets and throwing some spices into her backpack.

"Here." Simon handed over the bottle, "You get the first sip."

"I'm honored." She reached for the bottle and put it to her lips, sucking down a big gulp of red wine with a long sigh to follow. "This is a wine we have to sip." Nicole smacked her lips and used the back of her hand to wipe her mouth before handing the bottle back to him.

"I'm more of a beer man, but this'll do." Simon dove in, taking in the liquid with a sigh of his own. "Ahh! That's good shit."

Nicole nodded and decided to take a moment to breath. She reminded herself again that they'd earned it, and from what she could tell they weren't in any immediate danger. Still, she kept her head on a swivel as they two of them alternated taking sips from the bottle before deciding it was time to gather up what they could and vacate the premises on a high note.

"We'll take one of the cars back here," Simon suggested, "Get as much of this shit as we can."

Nicole agreed with a nod as both of them stuffed their bags to the max and carried what they could in their arms. "This was a good run."

"I feel like there's a lot to offer in this town." He looked around the open lots that, after the initial destruction that still left shells of cars and broken, tipped over light poles, it was almost like an untapped resource.

Nicole looked at her watch, noting it was closing in on ten o'clock. She and Simon carefully made their way from one building to the other as they'd come, slinking through the streets with as much stealth as possible.

"Simon! Simon!" A loud, uneven whisper echoed through the night and footsteps came rushing up on them in such a way that made Nicole drop what she held in her arms to reach for her gun. When she recognized it was definitely one their own she put her hand on her forehead and glared at the man. "What the fuck are you doing?" She glanced down at the dented cans on the pavement and began to scoop them back up.

"We fucked up," the man claimed. "I think we fucked up."

"What do you mean you fucked up Zack?" Simon hissed, seeing the visibly distraught nature of his body language.

The young man looked over his shoulder and then back to them. "It was Chris's idea. We... we tried to take shit."

"Take what shit?" Nicole asked.

"Take shit from-"

A loud sound like someone whistling rang out through the air and Zack nearly jumped out of his skin. "That... that's them. We have to get the fuck out of here."

Nicole and Simon looked at each other when another whistle sounded off, and then a third. They then looked back to Zack and Simon grabbed his collar.

"What the fuck did you do?"


	42. Force of Nature

Nicole, Simon and Zack stood waiting with anticipation of what was to come. From around the side of the building where they stood a car squealed to a halt and there was shouting and chaos.

"They got them." Zack shook his head.

"Who are they?" Nicole asked.

"Another group... we found more people. Chris snuck in and tried to take their guns that were lined up against a wall. Lots of them. It was like a gold mine."

Nicole closed her eyes and then slowly opened them. "So instead of trying to talk to these people, you stole from them?"

"We don't need to fucking make enemies," Simon growled. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I-I don't know."

The three of them stopped arguing and turned when a tall, blond man sporting a crossbow stepped into the dim light, whistling menacingly as he stared them down.

"We got more over here!" He shouted, glancing back around the side of the building.

Nicole glared and Zack and shook her head as the stranger waved them in his direction.

"Let's go," the man ordered, "You can all kneel down one at a time next to your hot fingered friends over here." He pointed out of the range of where any of them could see.

Zack rounded first, being guided roughly passed the brick building. She and Simon stood side by side now and he motioned with his head for her to go.

Nicole shook her head and followed just behind him. Her eyes landed on the nine other members of their group who had been forced to their knees in front of two trucks. She swallowed hard when Simon was pushed down next and then glanced up just as she felt the hair stand up on her neck.

She almost passed out, threw up and cried all at once. Towering in front of her comrades a man stood in all black with a baseball bat propped neatly on his shoulder. His eyes locked with hers and as paralyzed as Nicole felt she could see he was just as frozen.

For a moment neither of them spoke, and the tense nature of the situation around them faded into the background. Nicole couldn't speak, couldn't move. She simply kept her eyes locked on him as if he would disappear if she blinked.

"Please don't," one of them pleaded from the pavement. It was the only thing that snapped them both back to reality.

"Get on your knees!" The man behind Nicole ordered, beginning to push down on one of her shoulders.

"Dwight!"

The man lifted his hand away from Nicole and she still was unable to process what was going on.

"Negan?" His name finally escaped her lips. She couldn't get in a comprehensive thought. Seeing his face was almost too much for her to handle.

"Dwight," he spoke more calmly this time and finally shifted his eyes away from Nicole's. "Give me a minute." Negan waved him over and handed over the bat before walking directly up to where Nicole still stood. He nodded his head toward the corner of the building where they had just come from and Nicole followed without a question.

"Nicole!" Simon shouted but she quickly spun to face him.

"I'm okay." She put up a hand and eagerly continued her way around the corner a step behind Negan.

Before she could attempt to say anything he pulled her into a hug, holding her body so tightly against his that it almost hurt.

Nicole let out a deep sigh into his chest and hugged him back just hard. "You're alive."

"I went back for you," he admitted, not immediately letting her go. "To your house. I left you a fucking note."

"I went to the hospital." She swallowed hard and then pulled back to look him in the face. "I can't believe it's really you." Nicole felt tears weld up in her eyes and Negan grinned wide as he released her.

"Honey... you have no fucking idea." He shook his head and continued to stare at her with a sense of disbelief. A Cheshire-cat like smile still decorated his face. "Shit, you made it this far being tough as shit, honey. Don't be fuckin' crying on me. These your people out here?"

Nicole smiled briefly and then let it fade. "We orchestrated a supply run, me and Simon. We were just looking in empty buildings-"

"You and Simon..." He crossed his arms over his chest, still smiling though his eyes squinted a bit as he spoke. "The clown who called your name just now when you came back here with me?"

Nicole nodded.

"You fuckin' him?"

"What?" She almost laughed but adamantly shook her head, "No."

"Never?"

"No." Nicole finally managed a smile, "Simon?" She used her thumb to point over her shoulder, "No... no way."

"Not once?" Negan let his tongue dance across his lips and began to laugh when Nicole continued to plead with him. "Okay... okay." He put his hands out in front of him now defensively, "So who the fuck is he then?"

"He took me in at this satellite building nearby. I've been there for months now. It was just me and Simon in the beginning but we've people to our group... a lot of people. We have a little community growing over there."

"You and Simon," he teased again.

"Negan..." Nicole looked at him and shook her head, "I actually think you'd... you could get along. He's strong."

"What about the little shit who stole from me?"

She shook her head again. "I had a gun pointed in his face a week ago," Nicole began to explain.

"Atta girl!" Negan boasted, smiling wider. "Shit." He looked her up and down.

"He's a problem," she admitted, "We've contemplated getting rid of him but... he has a wife. She's nice and-"

"Why don't you let me fuckin' deal with him? That's what I was about to do anyway."

Nicole gave a half-smile and looked up at him with eyes of adoration. "I can't believe you're alive, Negan. I can, actually..." She took a breath and tried to put her thoughts together, "I just didn't know if you were."

He looked around for a moment and then back to her. "Where you fuckin' staying doll? Where's this satellite building?"

"By car, fifteen minutes."

"Well, shit, we're practically fuckin' neighbors again." Negan sucked his teeth, "Today's like Christmas. And here I thought it was going to turn into a shitty night." His eyes traveled the length of her body and he pushed her up against the brick wall, forcefully taking her lips against his.

Nicole had been so enamored by the fact that he was simply in front of her that she almost forgot how amazing it felt to have him engulfed in her with the same vigorous, dominant passion as before. She moaned into his mouth, prompting Negan to pull back.

"I haven't touched a fuckin' woman in months, doll." He traced her jawline and let his fingers run down her neck toward her breasts as he continued to breath heavy. "Why don't I take you back to our place, you can look around, check shit out." Negan's eyes met hers again, "In the morning you can take me to your little satellite building and we can evaluate and go from there."

"In the morning?" Nicole asked with a smile, biting down on her bottom lip as he ducked in to kiss her again.

"Unless you'd rather just call it a night and I'll see ya tomorrow."

Nicole let her hand snake around the back of his neck and forced his lips back to hers, making him moan. "I'd love to see where you've been staying."

"The rest of your people go back home... I'll take Chris and have my man Dwight smack him around a little... teach him a lesson."

She snickered and kept her arms around him for another moment until he pulled away. "Can I ride with you?"

"You can ride my dick."

"Mmm," Nicole pulled him back to her, overcome with desire and Negan finally chuckled and pulled away again.

"I have to man the fuck up and go back out there in a second," he explained, still snickering, "I can't do that shit with a full blown hard-on. No one will take me seriously."

She looked down at his pants and grinned before glancing back up at him.

"You are a fucking force to be reckoned with, doll." Amusement clung to his features and he finally took a breath.

"And you are an unstoppable force of nature." Nicole shook her head and smiled, "And you're alive."

"Fuckin' thriving. We got a lot of good shit going on. If your people and mine can work together I'd say we have a good fuckin' army to be able to put a nice dent in this shithole world and maybe start to rebuild."

"I can't believe this." Nicole snickered and looked up at him, feeling like a giddy little girl. She couldn't help herself. Not when Negan was standing six inches away from her.

He winked and nodded toward the corner where a few voices began to elevate. "Come on... let me put a little scare into your people and then you and me will get the fuck out of here."


	43. Lineup

Simon looked up at Nicole as she and Negan rounded the corner to join back up with the rest of their people. She gave him a nod, attempting to signal that all was okay but didn't know if he was able to read her signal or not.

"Well, shit!" Negan's loud, cheery voice almost made Nicole smile though looks on the faces of Simon and the others made it impossible. "Looks like it's your lucky fucking day."

Everyone looked at one another, to Negan and to Nicole who stood beside him.

"Dwight... Lucille." He held out a hand and Dwight handed over the bat.

Lucille? Nicole thought of his wife for the first time and felt minor confusion from the quick exchange between the two men.

Negan pointed the bat directly at Chris and then glanced over to Nicole. "Chris is it?"

Nicole nodded and Negan returned his attention to the first person in the line of others.

"Well, Chris, it is your lucky day," Negan repeated. "Usually I'm not so kind hearted towards someone who tries to steal from me." He put a hand on his chest and smiled and turned his attention in the opposite direction. "Simon..."

Simon raised his eyebrows but answered firmly. "That's right."

Negan waved a hand. "You get to stand. Nicole, here," he took a few steps in her direction and put a hand on her shoulder. "She tells me you're a good man. Is that right?"

Simon rose to his feet and glanced at Nicole a moment before turning his attention back over to Negan. He didn't respond.

"Tell me..." Negan went on. "Why do you let a prick like Chris do whatever the fuck he wants?"

"I was doing-" Chris began but Negan immediately snapped his attention in his direction.

"Chris." Negan grinned again, drawing a hand across his beard in the smallest bout of frustration. "Your group is in a shit storm of a mess because you had the balls to come parading into my fucking sanctuary trying to steal shit." He paced the length of the row of people and squatted down in front of him, speaking real low. "So... only fucking speak when you're spoken to." Negan gently lifted Lucille which still contained dried blood along the barrel. "Or you're going to meet my girl Lucille here."

No one said anything and Negan took it upon himself to stand back up straight with a smile as he re-approached Simon.

"Simon... what should I do with your shithead friend over here?" He looked admirably at the barrel of the bat and drew his fingers down it. "Do we give him a slap on the wrist or is this where the road ends for Chris?"

Nicole swallowed hard, keeping her eyes on Negan as he spoke with Simon a few feet away. She wasn't sure if he was seriously considering all of the options he was presenting or if it was for show.

"I don't know." Simon shook his head.

"Come on, Simon." Negan grinned. "Nicole had a gun pointed in his face. He's smacking around the women in your camp." He shook his head. When Simon failed to respond again Negan shrugged. "Well I guess it's up to me then." He glanced over at Dwight and nodded toward one of the trucks. "Load up Chris. We'll take him back with us. If he behaves himself maybe we'll let him go back." Negan could see the fear in Chris's eyes and smiled wider, making direct eye contact with him. "Maybe."

Dwight proceeded to lift Chris roughly to his feet, who began to plead again but Negan shut him up.

"Only speak when you're fucking spoken to!" He charged at him, raising the bat like he was going to swing but stopped at the last second when Chris coward and collapsed against Dwight.

Negan towered above him, still holding the bat up toward his shoulder with both hands. "Fuckin' chicken shit." He laughed again and then calmly addressed the group. "This could've all been avoided if you just fuckin' talked to us. I'm a talker. Shit, I could stay here and talk for hours and not get sick of that shit." Negan smiled and was pleased when no one moved. "Nicole... I'll show you where we've been staying. Simon, take your people back. I'll be over in the morning to check your shit out."

Simon looked to Nicole and then back to Negan. "Take me," he offered. "Let Nicole go back."

Negan exchanged a glance with Nicole, amusement clinging to his features. "Nicole... I'll leave that up to you." He subtly winked. "Go back with your crew to the satellite building or... come to the Sanctuary with me."

"Nicole, I'll go," Simon offered again but she shook her head.

"Take them back," she ordered him. "I'm going to see where they live. It's okay."

He began to shake his head in protest but Negan intervened before he could get too adamant on taking her place.

"I'll make sure she's fully accommodated, Simon." Negan grinned even wider and slapped him once on the back. "I promise. I like her. And she likes you... so shit, I guess that means I like you too."

Simon looked visibly uncomfortable, seeming to be begging Nicole with his eyes not to go.

"It's okay." She nodded with complete reassurance. "Take the supplies back and I'll see you in the morning." When he continued to stare at her she nodded another time, "I'm okay."

Negan turned to the group of men on their knees, almost chuckling as he spoke. "Simon says... stand up!" When everyone looked at one another with uncertainty he set the bat down casually on his shoulder, "You can fuckin' go now. Go the fuck home. Get out of here."

"What... what about Chris?" Zack asked meekly as he rose to his feet.

"You want to join him and find out?" Negan raised his eyebrows, "I mean technically you were his accomplice." He turned to Nicole, who shook her head and Negan chuckled. "Fuck it, kid, just get the hell out of here before I change my God damn mind."

"Let me trade places with you," Simon whispered to Nicole.

"I know him, Simon," she whispered back, "I'm really okay. It's okay."

The two of them exchanged an extended stare before he finally backed down with a nod and looked at their people who were slowly getting up.

"Simon." Nicole reached in the pocket of her jeans and handed him a set of car keys.

Negan motioned to his men and then whistled, rounding them up back into the trucks as Nicole's people began their march back toward the original meeting spot where the cars were waiting.

When the dust had settled a bit he turned back to Nicole, who looked as if she had a thousand questions for him. "You okay, doll?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

"Good." Negan smiled and draped an arm around her with a smile. "Tonight I show you mine... tomorrow you show me yours."

She laughed lightly and nodded, looking him directly in the eye.

Negan opened the passenger door to the truck and allowed her in. "Just like the old days honey." He winked and rounded the car before hopping in and starting the engine. "Let's take you home."


	44. Business and Pleasure

Nicole's eyes scanned the buildings at what Negan kept referring to as the Sanctuary. He pulled the truck in through a gate and into the grounds of the compound.

"Wow." She nodded, looking around, "Fences... barbed wire. This is a great spot."

"Fuck yeah it is." Negan smiled. He pulled the car to a halt and killed the engine. "You safe where you are? Is it a good place?"

"We've managed to block off all sides," Nicole explained. "It works."

He waved a hand and opened his door. "Well, let me show you what I have to offer here."

She smiled at him and climbed out of the truck, slamming the door shut and trailing Negan to where Dwight and a few other men were unloading Chris.

"Listen, man," Chris immediately began to speak but Negan grinned and began to shake his head.

"Now... that should be strike fucking three," he said calmly. "You speaking when you're not spoken to after I asked you nicely twice to just shut the fuck up... but you can't even do that."

"I'm sorry."

Negan studied his expression a moment and then glanced back to Dwight. "Get our friend here to a holding cell." He turned back to Nicole, "I have some things to show Nicole."

No one argued. Dwight took the lead and began walking Chris across the lot that led up to an oversized building.

Negan leaned an arm against the side of the truck and smiled at Nicole. "So..."

"So..." She smiled wide and shook her head.

"What?"

"I just... I can't believe it's really you."

"I ain't a fuckin' man who can be duplicated, honey. So fuckin' believe it."

When he continued to stare at her with a smirk and eyes that never left hers she mirrored his posture against the truck. "So, are you going to show me around?"

Negan waved an arm without looking around. He held her eye contact. "This is the Sanctuary."

Nicole laughed, "It looks like quite the place." She glanced down at the bat he still held in his hand and it brought her memory back to his exchange with Dwight. "What, uh... is Lucille..." She didn't finish the sentence.

Negan glanced at the bat and then back to her. "She didn't make it." He cleared his throat though didn't elaborate about his weapon of choice. Nicole didn't push.

"I'm sorry."

"The cancer," he added, "Just before all the shit hit the fan." Before she could apologize again he shook his head, "It's alright." Negan slowly turned to glance at the oversized building behind them. "Come on... I'll give you the grand fuckin' tour."

Nicole smiled when he placed a hand on the back of her neck, massaging the muscles for a moment, letting his fingers dig in deep before finally releasing her as they headed inside.

The space was much bigger than the satellite building, and people were sparingly scattered about doing one thing or another - cooking over an open fire, sharpening large branches they'd collected, folding up clothes into neat piles.

"What are the branches for?" she asked, watching as everyone eyed her beside their leader.

"Well," he grinned, "We're going to make us a little dead-head garden. Stick 'em on those poles out front so no one will be able to get in safely and shit. Sounds a little fucked up, I know, but shit... what isn't?"

Nicole nodded, "Smart."

"I'd introduce you to some of our people but I'm not in the mood for fuckin' small talk." Negan pointed ahead, "Everyone's got jobs and shit to do... a lot of that shit takes place here." He waved her up a flight of stairs, surpassing several rooms that he motioned to as they went with no intention of stopping. "We have people doing laundry. We have people who go out on supply runs. We have guards."

"It's very structured."

"Sounds like you might have something similar going on."

Nicole nodded. "We've grown. We just could use a bigger place."

"Plenty of fuckin' space here, doll." Negan smiled. "I need people."

"I don't foresee that being a problem." She smiled.

"I didn't think it would be."

"Chris... is he-"

"He's going to have a bit of a miserable evening, but shit I could've bashed his fuckin' head in and I didn't. I just hope his night in a cell will help him realize that he isn't King Shit over here."

Nicole nodded and then Negan smiled as he reached for the handle of a wooden door that he eagerly flung open. She glanced around before entering and turned to him. "Is this _ _my__ holding cell."

" _ _Our__ holding cell." He looked her up and down. "You sure you aren't hung up on Simon?"

She made a face and was about to adamantly profess her innocence in terms of Simon, though Negan chuckled and kissed her before she could.

"I'm fucking with ya, honey." Negan smiled and guided her into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them. "I know you only got room for one man's dick in your life."

Nicole kissed him back once they were inside and immediately forgot about everything else in the world around them. In the dark it was hard to tell, though when Negan pinned her down on the bed Nicole realized how big and comfortable it was for the first time.

She sighed for a moment and stopped kissing him. "This is so comfortable."

Negan snickered and hovered above her. "That's what you have to fucking say right now?"

"I haven't slept in a real bed in... I don't know how long."

"Well, that fuckin' ends tonight." He barely got the words out as he began to urge her shirt up over her head.

Nicole pushed both sides of his jacket to the side and Negan peeled it off before struggling to unbutton his pants.

"It's been too fuckin' long."

She bit down on her bottom lip in anticipation, seeing how riled up he was as he continued to struggle to undo himself.

Nicole sat up and grabbed both of his hands, prompting Negan to glance down at her carefully as she undid the button of his pants with ease before applying even more care with the zipper. She then laid back down flat, shimmied out of her own pants and rested her hands behind her head as he stared at her.

"Sometimes it takes a woman's touch."

Negan half-smirked but leaned down and kissed her harder. "Almost busted in my fucking pants," he said against her lips.

Nicole snickered as they kissed and pushed down at the open waistband of his jeans. "Better hurry up before you do," she whispered back.

He moaned into her mouth and obeyed her requests, stripping down before settling himself in between her legs, pushing up into her with another moan. "Shit, this isn't going to take much."

"Better save some for round two then." Nicole roughly ran a hand through his hair and sighed, closing her eyes as he took the center of her breast into his mouth before moving on to the other. She arched her hips and dug her fingers into his back when he thrusted once carefully and then again and again with less control. Each moan she made he matched as they carried on.

Everything felt brand new and perfectly natural and at ease all at once.

 _ _I fucking missed this__ , Nicole thought and almost wondered if she spoke the words aloud. Everything 'Negan' drove her crazy - his breathing, his attempts to savor the moment as he alternated from rough to slow and sensual and back to the aggressive style she knew he was dying to unleash.

Nicole felt him slow down, though she took his earlobe in between her teeth as desire coated any means of possible embarrassment or uncertainties. With Negan she couldn't help but let out every sexual feeling that he drew from her body. "You can be a little rough with me," she whispered, immediately making him moan.

"I won't be able to-" he began, but she kissed him harder.

"I don't care." Nicole held onto him tighter and let out a breath into his mouth as he hovered above her.

"Fuck it." Negan did as she asked and took control, finding himself completely overcome with the lust of the situation. He fought the feeling for a moment, though the look on Nicole's face, the feel of his body crashing against hers and each time his name left her mouth it made it nearly impossible. "God Nicole, fuck." He said the words quietly though she held him hard as his body tensed up on top of her and he buried his face against her neck.

Nicole closed her eyes, not wanting to let him go and was pleased when he didn't move right away.

"Shit," Negan let out a breath. "I feel like I'm fuckin' sixteen. Fuck." He lifted his head to look at her, shaking his head as she smiled up at him.

She ran a hand through his hair gently and snickered from the look of post-coital exhaustion in his eyes. "I'll get your stamina back up."

"Just found your fuckin' job here. You don't have to go out on supply runs or cook or clean or any of that shit. That's your one fuckin' responsibility."

Nicole laughed lightly. "Okay."

"I almost forgot how good that shit feels." Negan chuckled now and rolled off of her, throwing a sheet over himself and stared up at the ceiling in the darkness. He ran his hands over his face, "I was going to go deal with Chris tonight and have a little chat but I don't fuckin' feel like it."

"So don't." Nicole smiled when he turned to her and they shared a laugh.

He reached for her arm and squinted in an attempt to read the watch she still had on from the mission. "Mmm... it's late."

"Yeah... it is."

Negan laughed again. "You just want me all for yourself."

"Is that a crime?" Nicole continued to smile. "The last time I was with a man was in this cute little fishing spot at the lake."

"In the lake," he corrected.

"Oh yeah, that's right."

Negan sighed, contemplating what he should do for a moment and then rolled onto his side. "Fuck it. It's been all business since shit hit the fan. I think we're due for a little fuckin' pleasure." He closed his eyes and pulled her naked body up against his, sliding deeper beneath the covers.

Nicole smiled and melted against him, feeling as if her wildest, most wonderful dream had emerged from the dark nightmare they were so promptly thrown into months before.

 _ _Please don't let this be a dream__. Nicole had often found herself pleaded the same wish whenever she would spend time with Negan in the past. The thought echoed in her mind as her eyes flickered shut. She almost didn't want to want to asleep. _ _Please don't let me be dreaming.__


	45. Savior

Nicole awoke in the middle of the night, her eyes struggling to adjust to the foreign surroundings. For a moment she didn't know where she was and it made her heart begin to race, though almost immediately she felt her entire body relax.

Negan rummaged around the in the darkness and Nicole smiled to herself as the memories of the past day came back to her.

"Where are you going?" she cleared her throat as the weariness of dreamland hung in her vocal chords.

He slowly spun around, pulling a white t-shirt down over his jeans and smiled wide, illuminating the darkness. "I was trying to fuckin' slink out of here."

"And ditch me?" Nicole swallowed hard, half-kidding in her tone but felt a slight gnawing feeling in the pit of he stomach in case there was truth to his words.

Negan laughed and crossed the room to her side of the bed by the door. "I'll be back, doll." He winked without another word and slipped outside.

Nicole laid there a moment, staring at the door as Negan closed it behind him. She wondered if he would be coming back or if she would be left in the oversized bedroom for the next few hours wondering if she had done something to turn him off.

The elements of the room all slowly came into view and she thought of how extravagant the room was for what their world had become. There was a table, couches, the bed itself was huge and an animal head was coming off the wall across the room. A seemingly flawless espresso table sat beneath a mirror and it looked like a setup straight out of a magazine. Compared to the rest of the world, it was almost surreal.

Nicole's mind drifted to Chris and the holding cell. She wondered if that's where Negan had gone and found herself wondering if he would have actually done something to seriously hurt him if it weren't for her. A part of her didn't at all mind though another part of her felt anxious as to how far he would go. It _ _was__ another world. The rules were not the same and people like Chris were bound to get others around him hurt or even dead.

When the door reopened, Nicole jumped but a smile immediately took over her face when Negan closed the door behind him and placed down three candy bars on the nightstand.

"Is that a Snickers?"

Negan peeled off his shirt and slipped out of his pants before sliding back in beside her. With another grin he reached over her and grabbed the Snickers bar. "I'm trying to fuckin' recruit you to join the Sanctuary honey." He unwrapped it and placed the chocolate bar to her lips, prompting Nicole to chuckle and take a bite.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and began to chew. "That's... that's really good." She nodded in approval, "Really good."

"How am I doin'?" Negan took a bite next. "I want your people to work for me."

Nicole took the candy bar back from his hand and smiled as she took another bite. "Mmm. It's good."

"I know."

"But I'm going to need a little more to be convinced."

"Alright." Negan put a hand out to the side as he spoke. "I'll let you give me a blowjob, too."

Nicole started to laugh and brought the candy back to his mouth, prompting Negan to take another bite before bringing his lips to hers. "I thought you were going to leave me in this luxury bedroom all by myself," she whispered.

He laughed against her lips. "I love leaving a woman in fuckin' suspense, doll." Negan took a breath through his nose, "The world is one big pile of shit now. People turn into fuckin' monsters who are trying to eat us." He gave a huff of a laugh. "But... I guess at some point you have to focus on what's good about it."

"Good?" Nicole left an arm around his shoulders as he continued to speak closely to her.

"You are a perfect example of what's good about it." Negan smiled and reached down for her arm with the watch again to check the time.

"Really?" She felt her face grow flush with a heat as she smiled at him in the darkness.

"And so... for the next four or five hours," he tapped the watch, "This is all you're allowed to fuckin' wear."

"Then I guess I'll let you keep your socks on," Nicole laughed as he kissed her again, positioning himself on top of her.

"That's fuckin' fair." He pinned her hands above her on the bed and looked down at her, unable to keep a wide grin from his face. "I knew you were fuckin' alive."

She smiled. "That handgun of yours got me kick started." Nicole raised her eyebrows, "I thought I was going to die when I crashed my car head on into a tree. One of the dead ones was on my windshield."

Negan kissed down her collar bone toward the center of her chest. "Well... you found a way, doll. You're a fighter. That's what I fuckin' love about you."

Nicole swallowed hard and regained his eye contact as he continue to kiss down her stomach. She almost let the words slip from her mouth in a way she knew was more official than the wording he had just used.

 _ _Love__. Nicole felt weak from any use of the word that Negan used to direct at her. She could have told him and meant it in that moment - __I love you__.

Negan pushed outward at Nicole's knees and then returned to hover above her. Before she could even contemplate gaining the courage to say something more Negan kissed her again and quickly upped their intimacy to the next level.

Nicole was thankful that she didn't have time to speak and simply lived in the moment, doing as Negan had said. She had to focus on what was good about the apocalyptic conditions and Negan was her perfect example of something that was good; he was her savior.


	46. The House Nicole Built

Negan took his time properly allowing Nicole to explore the Sanctuary the next morning. He showed her the in's and out's of the property; the main areas, the main lot, areas where they stored the vehicles, the weapons, the food...

Nicole took it all in, enamored by every bit of it and overly impressed by the order and organization. She wasn't surprised, not knowing Negan the way that she did. He was a man of no-nonsense and coordination. He was a survivor; and so to Nicole it was no big surprise that he had formulated the framework to such a successful, little working society. People had jobs. They were occupied. They were fed. She was sure there was very little time for anyone to worry when they were constantly involved in a piece of the puzzle that made the Sanctuary work.

"How long have you managed this?" Nicole asked when they made it full circle back to the main doors of the Sanctuary building.

"It's a work in progress." Negan looked outward at the grounds, smirking as he did. "We have to keep building... claim our stake on the area so fuckheads don't come in trying to take our shit." He raised his eyebrows, still grinning.

"That was not my order," she assured him.

"Well, that's why I'm here doll." Negan winked, "Now that shithead you have living with you will take you seriously." He cradled the barrel of Lucille in his hand and tried to regain Nicole's eye contact when he saw her studying the blood that stained the wood and barbed wire.

She cleared her throat and looked up at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he replied confidently, setting the bat down on his shoulder now as he stared directly into her eyes.

"Don't take offense to this."

Negan tipped his mouth up into a half-grin. "Do I look like the type?"

Nicole laughed lightly and pushed some stray hairs back.

"You've never been the type to keep your mouth shut, honey." He continued grinning but squinted his eyes a bit and looked her up and down. "I think I know what you want to ask me but I'm going to let you say it."

"I just... I doesn't matter... at all really."

"Then spit it out." Negan put a hand on the wall next to where the stood. "Shit, you feel fuckin' shy around me after all the shit we've done." He put a hand on his chest, "That... that I feel a little offended by." He gave a wink before she could protest and Nicole laughed lightly again. "So spit it out."

"Fine." She took a deep breath and eyed the bat on his shoulder again. "Have you killed anyone? Anyone... alive?"

Negan never broke his eye contact with her and nodded once. "Yes."

Nicole stared back at him, slightly shocked but simultaneously she felt she knew the answer. She nodded as coolly as possible. "Okay."

Negan finally shifted a bit uncomfortably and sighed, running a hand across his eyebrows for a moment and then looked more directly at her. "One," he elaborated, "And it was... for good reason. More of a reason than trying to steal a few fuckin' guns." When Nicole didn't ask he continued with the story, "He, uh... was doing bad things to women... and girls in our group."

"Bad, like..." She raised her eyebrows.

"That's all I'm going to say about it. I can tolerate a lot of shit, but that'll never be fuckin' one of them." He shook his head, his features hardening into a more serious expression.

Nicole began to nod and looked up at him. "I understand."

"I don't enjoy that shit," Negan went on, "I'm trying to build something here - a community. I want more people, not less. People can't work and function together if they're fuckin' dead."

"I know." She nodded more adamantly and managed a small, genuine smile. "I can tell. You've already built so much."

"And for the record I wasn't going to kill the asshole we have in the holding cell." He grinned and leaned in a little closer so they were only an inch or so apart, "I was just gunna beat him up a little."

Nicole snickered. "I can't say I disapprove."

"So, uh... can I scare the piss out of him before we go check out this magnificent fuckin' satellite building you've been staying at?"

"It's your sanctuary so you make the rules." She smiled wider which seemed to amuse him.

"Well, doll, it could be your sanctuary too if you convince your people to join my people."

"So, does that make me Sanctuary royalty then? I get to call the shots?"

Negan smiled wider. "You get to fuckin' call this one."

"Just this one?" she challenged with a smile.

"Take it easy there, honey."

Nicole glanced around the immediate area and then slyly unzipped his jacket, letting her fingers hook inside the band of his pants. "Isn't there anything I can... do?"

Negan began to chuckle and pulled her roughly against him so their hips connected. "You've got a little extra pull than your male counterparts." He smiled, "And there's nobody I fuckin' trust more than you... so yeah, I guess that makes you Sanctuary fuckin' royalty." He leaned in and kissed her, making Nicole smile against his lips. When he pulled away he grinned just as wide. "Now... let's go make your friend Chris piss his pants."

...

Nicole felt her heart racing when the trucks pulled up to the satellite building. She sat side-by-side with Negan and couldn't help but study his expression. She searched for any level of objection in his eyes and desperately wanted his approval of the place she and Simon had worked so hard to build over the months. When a slow smile spread across his face she allowed herself to take a deep breath of relief.

"Well, shit." He pulled the vehicle to a halt and placed a hand on the back of Nicole's seat. "Look at this!"

"We've been building," Nicole explained, "The fences were here and we built the wall on that side over there." She pointed.

Negan scanned the grounds and nodded before killing the engine. He hung an arm out the window and gave a thumbs-up to the car behind him. When he turned back to Nicole he snickered from the serious nature of her expression. Like a kid in a candy store he raised his voice in a sense of delight approval. "Let's go see the house that Nicole built."


	47. Zuko and Bird

Everyone stopped what they were doing when Nicole led Negan through the front entrance of their satellite compound. Almost immediately amongst the abrupt silence, Nicole spotted Simon cutting through the statue-like state of everyone else. He marched confidently, his eyebrows pressed together and jaw tight as he approached looking as if he was ready to defend the territory to the death if he had to.

"Simon." Negan smiled wide and spoke with exaggerated enthusiasm. "Just the man I wanted to see."

"Did he hurt you?" Simon didn't immediately acknowledge Negan as he studied Nicole intently.

"No," she promised, smiling as she did. "No, Simon, I think this is... this could be the start of something good."

He continued to examine her facial features as if seeking for some type of signal that she was in trouble or lying in some way. Simon then shifted his eyes to meet Negan's, who still stood relaxed with a grin as he waited for proper acknowledgement.

"Why'd you have to take her with you?" Simon asked, "Collateral, or..." He began to shake his head and folded his arms across his chest, now not breaking eye contact with Negan.

"Easy." He shook his head, letting his smile fade a bit for the first time. Negan glanced at Nicole and then back to Simon, "We know each other... from before."

Simon glanced back to Nicole who nodded in confirmation.

"He was my neighbor, Simon," she explained.

"Why didn't you just tell me-"

"It all happened so fast last night," Nicole went on, "It was hectic... crazy."

"I didn't sleep thinking of what could have happened to you."

Negan glanced at Nicole from his peripheral vision and let a smile spread across his face again. "You two together?" he directed the question to Simon, though saw Nicole turn to him in a sense of exasperation.

"Together?" Simon squinted his eyes and then glanced to Nicole before shaking his head. "No... no but we co-operate this place."

"Hmm..." Negan continued to smile and saw the annoyed twinge in Nicole's eyes as she continued to purposely eye him with accusation for asking the question she had already answered.

"Simon..." A meek, female voice peeked in from behind him and he turned around to see Chris's wife, Evelyn.

"Yeah." Simon huffed a breath and scratched his eyebrow with his thumb.

"Is... he okay? Chris... is he... is he back?" She glanced up at Negan, who eyed her for a moment, judging the weak nature of her demeanor as he did.

"Hi," he greeted, holding a hand out as she slowly stepped into their circle. "I'm Negan. Who might you be?"

"Evelyn." She glanced down toward the ground and then slowly back up.

"Evelyn," Negan echoed. His gaze landed on a mark on the side of her face, "Where'd you get that?" He motioned with his hand.

"Oh, um..." Evelyn swallowed hard and placed her hand over the area, "I was just-"

"He hit you, didn't he? Chris..." Negan's eyes burned into hers now.

She glanced at Simon and then Nicole before looking back to Negan. "I, just... he..." The sentence wouldn't spill out of her mouth. "Is he... okay?"

"Funny he hasn't mentioned you once, Evelyn." He shook his head and then waved to his guys to bring Chris forward, "But yeah... he's fuckin' alive. Lucky to be after he stole from me."

"I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"Did you steal from me?"

A look of confusion decorated her face and she shook her head.

"Well then, shit." Negan smiled wider, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Dwight walked Chris up toward their group and Nicole swallowed hard when she first laid eyes on him. There was a massive swelling that took over his left eye that almost caused it to shut completely. The bridge of his nose appeared to have doubled in size and he walked hunched over in such a way that Nicole knew he'd taken several blows to his mid-section.

Simon looked at Negan, hardening his stare when he saw the shape Chris was in.

"He stole from me," Negan explained before Simon could say anything about it, "Imagine what might've happened if he did something worse." He took in the horrified expression on Evelyn's face, "He's alright. You can go see him." He placed a hand gently on her shoulder, "If he puts his hands on you again just let me know."

Evelyn swallowed hard, nodded several times in a row and then hurried to where Dwight released Chris.

"Was that really necessary?" Simon asked in a low voice.

Negan ran a hand across his beard and took one step forward. "If you'd have done something like that maybe his wife wouldn't be the one with the bruises on her fuckin' face." He glanced at Nicole, "At least she had the balls to put a gun in the bastard's face. What do you do around here Simon?"

"I built this place," he challenged, " _ _We__ built this place." Simon motioned to Nicole and himself, "And you're welcome to have a look around."

"Thank you Simon." Negan gave him an over-friendly smack on the back and then winked at Nicole, "You going to show me around or what, honey?"

She smiled and nodded, and then glanced at Simon who's face oozed with disapproval. "Give me one second?"

"Course." He winked another time and then gave her the privacy he knew she needed with Simon. Despite the whirlwind of an opening he wanted their two sides to get along.

"Simon, I'm sorry," Nicole said in a voice just above a whisper. "He really does want to join forces. He's rough around the edges but he's built this community with barbed wire fences and a structure just like ours."

Simon let out a deep breath through his nose. "We have a good thing going here. Do we really need the numbers?"

"Hasn't that been the goal all along?" she asked him, "More people, a bigger community? Jobs? Protection?"

"And he can provide all that? He's the magic pill?"

"I think together we can establish that... even more than now. He's strong. He's trustworthy."

"He almost beat one of our guys to fuckin' death," Simon challenged.

"He wasn't the one who did that."

"What, you don't think he ordered it? He's the alpha male over there."

"I know he ordered it," Nicole acknowledged, "But Chris tried to steal shit from them. And we've had problems with him. He beats his wife, it's time he got a good beating of his own."

Simon glanced over at Chris and Evelyn as they slowly made their way back toward the satellite building. "Maybe Danny Zuko has a fuckin' point."

"Danny Zuko?"

He snickered a barely there laugh, "Come on... the slicked back hair, the leather jacket."

"Oh, Negan?" Nicole smiled and then shook her head.

"Maybe he had a point about... dealing with Chris... teach him a lesson." Simon nodded, "You and I talked about that too... getting rid of him. I guess a beating is better than leaving him for the undead to devour out there."

"I'd say so." She raised her eyebrows.

Simon glanced over his shoulder at Negan who stood patiently waiting for them. "I just don't want to lose what we've built here."

"We aren't going to lose it," Nicole assured him, "Trust me. I know him... I really know him. I wouldn't put this place in jeopardy, Simon. I really wouldn't." She paused and took a breath, "And I've said this same thing to him but... I think the two of you could really get along if you gave each other a chance."

"What am I in couples therapy now?" Simon raised his eyebrows, making Nicole laugh. She felt relieved that he was able to let his guard down, even minimally just to crack a joke.

"I won't let you down with this," Nicole promised, "Okay?"

He sighed and nodded. "Okay."

"I'm going to show him what we have going on here... and then maybe the two of you can talk."

"So, what, should I keep an eye on Larry Bird over here?" He motioned to Dwight, making Nicole laugh quietly again.

"You're all about the name calling today, huh?"

"That was a compliment. They didn't call him Larry Legend for nothing." Simon raised a hand to his eyes to block the sun and looked back to Dwight. He then sighed loudly and looked back to Nicole, "Fine... you deal with Zuko. I'll take Bird."

She shook her head but smiled and then made eye contact with Negan. "Deal." Nicole placed a hand on Simon's shoulder as she walked by him and then eagerly got back into Negan's company. She realized she had more questions for him than she originally anticipated, but was craving more one-on-one time with him after being away from him for so long.

A smile took over her face when he slunk an arm over her shoulders. "Show me what ya got, doll."

Nicole slipped her arm around his waist. "I'm ready when you are."


	48. Welcome

Nicole gave Negan the grand tour of the satellite building and the grounds that accompanied it, leaving the two of them on the roof where a deck of cards still sat scattered about on top of the tray where she still often went to play with Simon.

"I know it's not as big as the Sanctuary," Nicole began, but Negan pulled her close for the first time since they'd been in the company of the people in her community.

"It's fucking outstanding honey." He pulled the jesting, boastful mask he'd been wearing all day from his face and Nicole could see the serious look in his eyes.

"Really?"

Negan shook his head, "I knew it would be something that worked," he said honestly, "But, shit, you just continue to outdo what expectations I had in my mind." Negan looked her up and down and nodded, "I'm done underestimating you."

"I never felt you underestimated me."

Negan looked around at the people working and on the ground below them and then pulled Nicole by the hand with him toward a seat by the card tray. She sat down on his lap and Negan's arms wrapped around her. "It takes some fuckin' dumb luck to survive what we did, but it takes a warrior to rally up the troops and fuckin' build something."

"You've done-"

"Shut up for a second." Negan chuckled, putting a finger to her lips. When Nicole smiled he continued. "I've never been one to buy into all that shit about fate or destiny... but seeing you out on the street last night, I can't fuckin' help but think that was supposed to happen. Maybe we're meant to built shit together... rebuild society and, fuck, I don't know."

"Repopulate the world," she teased, "The X-rated Adam and Eve."

Negan chuckled, "I think they were already X-rated, honey. The forbidden fruit and all that shit."

Nicole laughed, "That sounds familiar."

A slow smile spread across his face and then he became more serious again. "Can we make this shit happen? Will your people be interested in joining forces?"

"I'll make it happen." Nicole leaned in and touched her lips to his.

"I saw the look on your face when you saw Chris." Negan kept her close and studied her eyes.

She smiled, "Well I had a gun in his face which is a little more drastic, I think."

"What about the other thing?" Negan tightened his arms around her.

"What other thing?"

"Well, I told you last night that I killed someone, doll." He tipped his mouth up in a half-smile but waited for her to respond.

"Yeah..." Nicole looked away, "I know." When she didn't immediately look back Negan ran the back of his hand across her jawline.

"I do shit... with force sometimes." Negan cleared his throat as he spoke quietly, meeting her stare when she finally looked back to him. "I do want to fuckin' build... not kill or hurt people... but people like Chris, pulling shit like that... he would have continued to be a fuckin' problem if he wasn't sent a message, a real fuckin' message... I go a little harder than our former society's rules would have allowed."

"We were about to kick him out." Nicole ran a hand through her hair and shook her head. "Are you looking for my approval?"

"I'm asking what you fuckin' think," he told her, "What you honestly think of the way I do shit."

"Honestly..." She took a breath, sensing a vulnerability in his eyes for the first time, "Negan, you built that whole community over there. What can I say?"

"What you fuckin' think." Negan's eyes challenged hers, "What if I did that again? What if you saw me fuckin' do it?"

Nicole stared back at him, feeling her whole body go a shade of numb and anxious as she toyed with the question in her mind. All she knew for sure was that she trusted Negan, but witnessing him kill someone was something that made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She knew he wanted the truth from her and so she wrapped an arm around the back of his neck and spoke quieter.

"I trust you more than anyone in this world, Negan," Nicole told him with a nod, "I know you... and if you killed a man for doing unspeakable things to women you cared about, who you were responsible for and feel an obligation to protect then I can support that. I can support giving Chris the beating he deserves. If I was a man and could have done it myself I would have."

"But..." Negan tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Nicole couldn't help but interlock her fingers with his. She subconsciously squeezed his hand with a little extra force. "I don't know if I could watch you do something like that." She squinted her eyes, hoping he wouldn't react poorly, but was pleased when he smiled.

"Are you telling the truth?" he asked.

"Yeah." She met his stare again and when he smiled she smiled back. "Is that-"

"I just want the truth from you, honey. Don't tell me what I want to fuckin' hear."

"I'm not." Nicole shook her head.

Negan leaned back in and touched his lips to hers. "What we talk about here... or in my fuckin' bed..."

Nicole chuckled against his lips, making Negan smile wider. She finished his sentence. "It stays between us."

"Seems like we're on the same fuckin' page."

"We are," she confirmed. Nicole stood up and smiled.

"Where are you going?"

"Well," she took a deep breath and finally a playful grin crossed her face after a tense day and a serious conversation.

Negan snickered, looking her up and down from head to toe as he stayed sitting comfortably in the chair. "What?"

Nicole bent down and unzipped his pants before settling herself in between his legs. "You gave me a proper welcome gift to the Sanctuary..." She raised her eyebrows when he continued to smile and look down at her, "So... I feel it's only right if I do the same." Nicole ran her tongue across her bottom lip when she saw his Adam's apple rise and fall in his throat. She toyed with the exposed fabric of his boxer-briefs and smiled when he squeezed her hand.

Negan let out a breath , rested his head against the back of his chair and closed his eyes. "Welcome me."


	49. Accomodations

Day had gradually turned into evening and the sun hung low peeking through the trees that protected the satellite building from the rest of the world.

Outside the fences the undead roamed in small groups, aching with their last breaths to get inside as they clawed at the crisscrossed metal that separated the two sides.

Nicole stood with Dwight near the truck he'd driven in while Negan and Simon had been speaking for awhile as they re-rounded the grounds of the community.

"You guys have it good over there," Nicole suspected, nodding at him. "At the Sanctuary."

"It's safe," Dwight commented dryly. "We've had better."

"Like where?"

"Big hotel... awhile ago."

"Did the undead take it over?"

He nodded subtly. "That's about the time your boy took over."

Nicole pressed her eyebrows together, sensing the slightest animosity in his voice. "What do you mean?"

Dwight balked at the question and answered in a roundabout way, "People respond to his demands more than they did mine."

"It seems like you co-operate fine," she suspected.

Dwight nodded subtly again and then leaned against the fence. Nicole was tempted to advise him not to with all the lurking walking dead in the area but she felt like he wasn't a man open to taking orders from her, no matter how small. From what she could tell, Dwight was a complex character with some type of chip on his shoulder. It wasn't a fire she was about to ignite.

She glanced back outward toward the grounds, eyes searching for the one man that distracted her from the madness. Nicole found herself wondering where she would be staying that night - the satellite building or The Sanctuary.

"What's the ultimate goal with all this shit, Simon?" Negan asked honestly upon showing the man his appreciation of the place he had founded. "You're running out of room here with all these people... sleeping on cots and in sleeping bags and shit."

"Expansion," Simon answered immediately. "We need to keep expanding but you're right..." he ran a hand over his mustache as he thought. "It's getting crammed. We have a lot of mouths to feed, but luckily starvation hasn't been an issue... yet."

"Until we run these fuckin' stores and stations dry," Negan reminded him. "I have almost double your people over at the Sanctuary." He shrugged, "Best we work together to go out scavenging for shit... find people who can fuckin' hunt, get your people here with their crops and shit over to the Sanctuary... get shit really growing... for all of us."

"There's enough room there?" Simon asked, "For all of us?"

"Fuck yeah." Negan smiled wide. "And shit we could use a nice, little outpost to store shit for emergencies in case shit hits the fan." He motioned to the satellite building. "This can be our safety net. People can stay out here and rotate patrols of the place so no one takes it from us."

"Us..."

"Us," Negan confirmed with a confident nod. "What's yours is mine... and everyone else will work for a full plate and protection."

Simon nodded to himself and then looked Negan in the eye without any level of combativeness. "I founded this place," he reminded him, "With Nicole."

Negan grinned wider. "You two sick of sleeping on a thin little mattress with a spring sticking into your fuckin' back?" He asked, "Or on the damn concrete floor in a sleeping bag? Shit... there is an available room with a queen-sized bed and sheets that ain't all that dirty, Simon. It's got your fuckin' name on it."

He raised his eyebrows, toying with the tempting arrangements in his mind Negan had just described. "What about Nicole?"

Negan couldn't hold back a chuckle and he smacked him on the arm. "She'll stay with me."

Simon began to protest but Negan silenced him with another humorous laugh.

"Shit, Simon, is it not obvious?" He shrugged, smirking as he spoke. "We've been fucking since before the dead tried to eat our faces off."

"You were together?"

"It's complicated." Negan continued to grin and then looked at him more squarely. "She's spoken very highly of you... and I know how she feels about me. Together... the three of us... Dwight... some of my other up-and-comers..." He smiled again, "You want to rule the fuckin' world we got the A-team to do it. And trust is the glue to all that shit. Nicole trusts me... she trusts you... that means I trust you, Simon."

Simon continued to nod. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to join us?"

"You got my girl." Negan nudged him, "And I want to form a full functioning little society again. I don't need anyone fucking with my shit like your boy did last night. If we have a God damn army, people guarding the place every night and playing their parts to make it work, we can regain some fucking humanity."

"You're serious about all this," Simon knew.

"Fuck yeah I am." Negan held a hand out with his palm just slightly up and looked Simon in the eye.

He looked down and went with his gut, shaking Negan's hand firmly and finally flashed a smile.

"This mean you're in?"

Simon nodded and looked around the place they had built. He glanced back to Negan. "I'm in."

"Well, shit." Negan smiled wider, "This is going to work out just fucking fine once we get your people on board."

"Where will they sleep?"

"I have rooms... plenty of rooms." He pointed, "Not as nice as yours, but they won't be packed inside that sweatbox. And we have soda and shit, too."

"What about beer?" Simon joked.

"Fuck, what was I thinking trying to sell a grown man with some fuckin' soda?" Negan huffed another chuckle, "Fuck yeah we got beer. Now, let's not stay here talking about it and get down to drinking it."

Simon sighed, "I'll need time to talk to everyone... sell them on this."

"If they trust you they'll follow" Negan said matter-of-factly, "Give them the night, come see the fuckin' place and get a good night's sleep. Then you can come back and sell it yourself in the morning." He waved a hand, "Come on... Nicole and Dwighty boy are waiting. Let's go break the good fucking news."


	50. The Merge

**Hey... been trying to post this for days and days... FF wouldn't let me upload any new chapters... finally worked!**

The merge was uncomfortable with hints of a tenseness that cut the air with a silence. Nicole and Simon had called a meeting with their people and explained the benefits of teaming up with more people to create a larger community.

"We shouldn't be fighting," Nicole told them, "Or stealing from each other." Her eyes landed on Chris who stood with an emotionless expression.

"Not when we can work together," Simon added. "All of us... like society worked before."

"How do we know we can trust them?" one man asked.

"What about what they did to Chris?" Another added.

"What about what Chris does to Anne?" Simon said. "No one here ever said a damn thing about that."

Nicole eyed the weary couple again but neither of them looked eager to speak. Likewise, the rest of the group fell silent.

"Violence isn't what we want," Nicole went on. "It's not what they want... but anything to put our group in danger needs to be addressed... and dealt with... with consequences. If all of us share a common attitude of respect and surviving together we can rebuild some of what we lost."

"Without fear," Simon concluded. "The whole idea of this place was to find more people." He huffed a laugh, "Well, we found 'em. And they're strong as shit and willing to protect what's theirs... just like us."

"There are rooms at The Sanctuary with beds. There are windows and a breeze that comes in at night. It will be more comfortable than here and everyone can keep similar jobs as they've had. We all have to do our part."

"Would we just abandon this place?" Another person asked.

"No," Simon responded immediately. "It will be an outpost. We can keep some supplies here and monitor it... have people volunteer to be guards daily."

Nicole scanned the crowd with her eyes and then took a deep breath. "Who's in?"

* * *

"Well... that didn't take fuckin' much." Negan smirked at Nicole as the day came to a close. "I still have to have my boys keep an eye on some of yours." He raised his eyebrows and leaned against the door that led into his room with his arms folded across his chest.

"Hopefully we can learn to all trust each other." She let out a decompressing sigh and pushed her hair back out of her face. She looked Negan in the eye with a nod, "We have some good people. Chris is a stray."

"I know." He nodded back and put a hand against her cheek. "The bags under your eyes suit you well."

Nicole snickered and shook her head before looking back at him. "Thank you."

"For what? Insulting you?" Negan huffed a laugh, making her smile.

"I know you think I'm sexy," she teased in a tired voice, tugging at his belt loop. "But, no... for this. For merging and putting your place on the line for us after Chris tried to steal from you."

"Kinda guy I am." He winked and nodded at the door behind where he stood. "For your contributions... you gunna let me fuckin' repay you or what?"

Nicole smiled as he opened the door and waved her in with him. When she immediately plopped down on the bed and shook his head and motioned to a door at the far end of the room. "Keep going."

She sat up partway, already feeling comfortable and content on the mattress after a long day of moving equipment and supplies from the satellite building to the Sanctuary. Her arms hurt, her legs were sore and she could feel the bags under her eyes tugging downward in an attempt to urge her to fall asleep. Still, whatever Negan wanted to show her easily won the battle and she trailed him to the door.

When he flung it open, Nicole's eyes widened when she saw a white, porcelain tub filled with water. Aside from sleep, a bath was the only thing that sounded more intriguing.

"What is this?" she asked with a wide smile.

Negan almost let out a chuckle as he spoke. "I got it pretty damn good around here," he informed her, "So fuckin' good that I had someone fix me a bath... it's their job."

"I feel like I shouldn't ask questions." Nicole smiled wider.

"Then don't." He pulled her to him and let a long, closed-mouth kiss linger on her lips, one that she returned as her arms locked loosely around his upper back.

"Is this tub big enough for both of us?" she whispered against him.

"If not then you can sit on my lap." Negan smiled, making her chuckle and he pulled back to remove his jacket, shirt and pants.

Nicole wandered to the edge of the tub and let her fingers touch the water, sending a cool, satisfying sensation through her entire body in the summer heat.

Negan gathered up a bottle of soap and then tossed it over to her. "Hope you fuckin' like apple."

She laughed and nodded, staring at the bottle for a second before gently peeling off her tank-top and bra all in one swipe. Nicole smiled when she felt Negan's eyes on her and continued to strip down until she had nothing on.

With an amused smile he waved a hand at the water. "After you honey."

Nicole continued to relish the moment, giggling as she carefully made her way into the tub. She gave a shiver, though the cool water made her body feel rejuvenated. She curled her knees up toward her body, allowing Negan the space to climb in with her and then extended her legs again so they rested over his.

The two of them let out a sigh at the same time and Nicole smiled to herself when he ducked under the water an reemerged, sending water over his face again as he slicked back his hair.

Nicole squirted some of the apple soap into her palm and began to lather up her shoulders first and then her face.

"Don't get too clean," Negan warned, "I plan on getting a little dirty in here in a minute."

She laughed, keeping her eyes closed as she continued to wash her face.

"I'm glad I found you," he told her.

Nicole felt her stomach jolt with an elated excitement. She splashed water on her face and then opened her eyes to stare back at him across the way. "So am I."

Negan gave a half-smile and Nicole leaned forward, readjusting her way across the tub and planted her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a hand gently on the back of her head as she laid down against the top of his chest.

Nicole closed her eyes when his chest gently heaved up and down once. Like several times before, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him; how much seeing his face in the street the other night revived her completely; how being with him in any shape or form was the highlight of her world; how he made the monsters all around them go away. Still, she held her tongue and enjoyed the warmth of his body against hers.

Negan cleared his throat and looked down when her eyes reopened to meet his. His fingers trailed the length of her back and he urged her face back to his.

Nicole let out a deep breath before kissing him again, softly at first and then with more urgency.

Negan kissed her back hard and then pulled back, holding her face in one of his hands again as his fingers dug against her jawline. He leaned his head back against the porcelain and looked up at her as she adjusted herself completely on top of him. "You aren't going to run away back to the satellite building are you?"

Nicole snickered and leaned back to kiss him as she shook her head.

"I mean it, Nicole." He looked her in the eye. "Even when I do some crazy shit?"

"Sure." She continued to take his words lightly at first but could see an underlying seriousness in his eyes.

"I've killed a man."

Nicole pushed his hair back and shook her head. "I know, Negan. You told me. I don't care."

"What if... I had to do that shit again? What if someone steps out of line and we have to do what we did to Chris?"

She sighed. "Are you trying to scare me away?"

"No." Negan shook his head and managed a smile. "No."

Nicole looked him in the eye again. "I trust you. Look what you built." She waved a hand. "I get to take a bath, a real bath... and I smell like apples now."

He laughed lightly and ran a hand through her partially wet hair, "It comes at a fuckin' price, doll."

"What doesn't come at a price nowadays?"

Negan let out a breath through his nose and smiled again more genuinely this time and pulled her back in for a kiss. "You're right."

"I know." Nicole smiled back at him and he settled his hands on her hips.

"You really don't fuckin' care?"

"No," she said adamantly.

"Well..." Negan smiled and pulled her tighter against him. "I guess that means you're fuckin' mine then."


	51. Jealousy

"Dwight!" Negan bellowed across the grounds as two men held onto Chris by either arm. He struggled in their grasp, cursing and screaming like a kid having a fit over a lost toy. "Get him to a cell." His scowl deepened as they approached and Dwight rushed to Negan's side.

"Get the fuck off me!" Chris shouted, "We're done. We're fuckin' leaving!"

A smirk decorated Negan's face, though just as his dimples coated his cheeks Chris set a wad of spit directly into his face.

At first no one said a thing. It was as if everyone in the immediate area was afraid to move.

"We're leaving!" He shouted again. "Get your fuckin' goons off of me!"

Negan slowly and casually wiped the spit from his face and then stared at his fingers tips for an extra long moment before wiping them down the front of Chris's shirt. He took a step in his direction and took in a breath through his nose, smiling a little more sinister this time.

"You been stealing my whiskey?" He grinned a little wider in a Grinch-like fashion. When Chris failed to answer Negan got closer, "I can smell it on your breath. Is that what this little outburst is about?" He gave a hearty laugh and looked back at Dwight, hitting him lightly on the shoulder, "This fucker can't hold his liquor."

"We're fuckin'-"

Negan turned and landed a punch in his gut, sending Chris into a hunched over position while still being held on either side. "Who the fuck is we?" He smiled, "You and your wife? She's turned a new leaf here at the Sanctuary. She's becoming her own woman." Negan squatted so they were eye to eye, "She's her own independent fuckin' woman and she's sick of you smacking her around. Now, I don't need to let you leave here just to round up some other assholes of your kind to come back and try to take our shit, because from your actions I can see you're a taker... but you kind of fuckin' suck at it. Shit, you leave evidence for miles. You're lucky you're still alive in a savage world like this."

Chris didn't say anything. He simply struggled to breath in and out, staring back at Negan with the same ill-stare as before, only with a hint of pain behind his eyes.

Negan stood upright again and adjusted his jacket. "Dwight... get him the fuck out of my sight."

"Let's go." Dwight waved them on and Negan continued on his way in the opposite direction and almost rolled his eyes when he saw Chris's wife Evelyn sniffling in the distance.

 _ _Fuck__. He almost said the word aloud as he scratched his brow, hoping that it was time for him to turn in for the night. Still, he knew the woman was about to approach him and prepared himself as she meekly began to make her way in his direction. The claim that Evelyn was a strong, independent woman that Negan had made to Chris was a lie, and he was sure Chris knew it was true.

"Negan..." She hurried in his direction though never broke into a walk, or even a jog.

He hesitated before turning to face the direction from where she approached.

"I know that-" she began, but he silenced her and motioned to a redness that highlighted the upper part of her cheekbone.

"Why the fuck do you put up with this shit?" Negan cut her off. When she glanced down without any intention of saying another word he cleared his throat loud enough that prompted her to glance back up at him. "You're getting a fuckin' break from these beatings, and if he doesn't fuckin' stop then he's going to end up dead."

Evelyn stared up at him with big eyes and gently touched the swelling on her cheek. "It must sound ridiculous to you... but I just... I don't want him getting hurt."

"Even though he does this shit to you?" He motioned to her face again and shook his head, "I don't tolerate that shit. I'm sure as hell not going to make an exception for that piece of shit."

She put a hand on his forearm. "Please... don't hurt him." Evelyn took a breath, "What can I do?"

Nicole sat on the top of a guard tower and felt a twinge of jealousy when Evelyn's fingers danced down the muscular area of Negan's arm just below his elbow. When he looked down, back up and then around the immediate area she felt the feeling intensify.

 _ _What are they talking about?__ Nicole had witnessed the altercation between Chris, Negan and the others. She had seen him spit in his face and then take a hard blow to the abdomen in retaliation. When Negan's arm draped over the woman's shoulders and he waved her with him Nicole couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to a collection of images she wished to will away.

Evelyn was attractive and with the worst of the worst as far as men were concerned. She wasn't the most emotionally strong woman out there, though Nicole guessed she had a thing for assertive men from her own passive nature and the abusive ways of her husband. On the same note, she couldn't have been happy, Nicole suspected. Happily married or involved people didn't cheat on their spouses; unhappy people might.

Nicole let out a breath and wanted to order own mind to shut up. She envisioned a version of own first encounter with Negan, only this time Evelyn was in her place and the daydream turned into a horrific nightmare.

"Damn it." She whispered the words to herself and stared down at the empty courtyard as images of Negan pushing Evelyn up against the side of the building as they made out animalisticly played in her mind.

Nicole suddenly found her core filling with a collection of butterflies, her throat tightening in such a way that almost made her choke and her fingers tightening around the long barrel of the gun that she leaned on.

Her eyes scanned the darkness all around them. She squinted into the distance to see if she could identify any immediate threats. Nicole felt a little crazy for how she was feeling, and the thought of abandoning her post to stalk Negan through the Sanctuary only intensified that feeling. Still, she couldn't get the image of her hand against his forearm and his arm draping over her shoulders out of her mind. She had seen the look before, Negan's self-conscious glance-around of the immediate area before he did something he shouldn't be doing.

Nicole hated to admit it to herself, but she felt weak; like a prisoner to the feelings she was unable to shake for him. All of the suspicions were most likely in her mind but she had to know. She had to know if he was starting something with Evelyn the same way he had with her.

"Nicole!"

Her prisoned mind was suddenly freed when Negan's voice broke her anxious thoughts. She glanced down from her post and couldn't help but smile when she saw Negan grinning up at her.

"You about fuckin' through playing the lookout?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips.

Nicole rose to her feet and leaned over the railing. "You're the boss."

"Well, your shift just fuckin' ended doll." Negan waved his hand, "Get your ass down here."

She snickered to herself and almost shook her head from the overthinking that had practically led her into a panic attack. Without wasting another second she hurried down to ground level and Negan immediately pulled her against him, engaging the two of them in a prolonged, heated kiss until Nicole couldn't breath.

When she let out a deep breath as they parted Negan chuckled and toyed with her hair. "It's bed time."

"Oh, is it?" She raised her eyebrows, playfully biting her lip as she failed to break eye contact with him.

"That's what I fuckin' said." He continued to smile as his tongue danced across his lips and the abruptly scooped her off her feet and threw her over his shoulder.

Nicole began to laugh, feeling his arm tighten around her as he, too, chuckled again as they went. The feelings of jealousy began to fade and all of the same enlightenment, and giddy, love-struck feelings returned to spread a warmth through her body.

"Who's taking my place on the watch tower?" she huffed as he continued to carry her.

"Simon." Negan informed her, "He turned down my bed time offer so you were my second choice. Hope you don't fuckin' mind."

Nicole laughed again and felt another collection of laughter ripple through Negan's chest against her thighs. "It's the mustache isn't it?"

He laughed a little louder and then took a breath once they reached a door. Negan flung it open with his free hand and then began to head up a flight of stairs. "You know, Nicole." He huffed another breath, "I think you've gained some weight since the last time I picked you up."

She couldn't contain another bout of giddy laughter as she swatted him hard on the back from the position he held her in. "I have not!" Nicole smiled wide, envisioning the grin on his face as they continued their playful banter on the way up to his bedroom.

"You know," he reached the next floor and flung another door open, "If you're fuckin' stealing food... it's probably best that you just get your punishment out of the way."

Nicole felt his hands slide up to her waist as they reached the hallway outside of the room and he firmly grabbed her and set her down on her feet. She decided to feed into his playful aggression and planted her hands flat on the door, bending over just slightly as she stared over her shoulder at him.

"I won't resist." She gave a closed-mouth smirk, "Punish me."

Negan stared her body up and down, smiling to himself for a moment before letting his fingers dance along the bottom of her stomach and pulling her toward him just slightly so her palms edged off the door. He bit down on her ear as he slipped a key into the lock on the door.

Nicole swallowed hard and closed her eyes. She felt the door begin to open as her fingers separated from the steel and the room came into view.

Negan didn't hesitate, undoing the button on her pants with ease and pushing them down before the door closed behind them. "Take off your panties," he whispered directly into her ear.

When Nicole heard the door click behind them she did as he asked.

He pulled her to face him, finding her lips again as he kissed her hard and then pinned her roughly beneath him on the bed. Negan pushed up on her shirt to take the center of each breast into his mouth for a moment before kissing down her stomach before burying his face in between her thighs.

Nicole moaned and bucked her hips up once as he forced them down beneath his grasp. "Jesus..." Her eyes closed as he continued before switching his position to hover above her again, replacing his fingers where his tongue had just been.

She moaned his name now, struggling to hold it together as his fingers twitched and moved in a way that she could almost memorize by now. Each time felt better than the time before. "Don't stop," Nicole begged him.

"Is this all you want from me?" he challenged, becoming more relentless as he asked the question.

Nicole's eyes managed to flicker open amidst the pleasure and she saw him undoing his belt buckle. "I want more," she choked out.

"Well you better not fuckin' come yet then." Negan managed to slink out of his pants without stopping what he was doing.

She moaned a little louder when he purposely dug deeper. "Then you better stop."

"You want me to stop?"

"No."

Negan chuckled as he planted his lips back against hers, accepting her eager tongue in his mouth as he finally removed his fingers and pushed her leg to the side so he could settle in between her legs. When he moaned into the kiss he simultaneously entered her and Nicole let out a sigh when he dipped his head to her shoulder and thrusted up into her hard.

"Take off your shirt," she whispered, pushing up at the white t-shirt he still had on.

Negan bit down on her neck. "Why?"

"So I can scratch your back."

He laughed against her and aggressively made his way up down toward her collar bone, "You want to mark your fuckin' territory?" he whispered.

"What if I do?" Nicole continued to urge his shirt up until Negan finally obeyed and ducked out of it. He didn't ask questions and pulled up at the backs of her legs to push deeper into her. She kissed him again, feeling his breaths pick up as they carried on.

"I really love fucking you," Negan spoke huskily into her ear.

Nicole swallowed hard and bit down on her bottom lip before choking out a response. "I really fucking love you."


	52. Achilles

Negan had felt the heaviness in his eyes attempting to will him to sleep, though there was a stronger force beside him that he couldn't ignore. He glanced over at Nicole, simultaneously dropping a hand lazily onto her thigh beneath the covers.

"You staring at that fuckin' ceiling is keeping me awake," he informed her lightheartedly, tipping the corner of his mouth up in a closed-mouth smile.

Nicole turned, mirroring his modest grin with one of her own before letting out a breath. "It's not so easy to sleep these days," she confessed.

"What else?"

"Huh?"

"I don't buy that you're laying awake because of all the end of the world bullshit that's been lingering now for months... so what else?"

Nicole knew Negan was unlike anyone else. He was a human lie detector and persistent in almost every aspect of his life. She knew he wasn't about to let it go, or buy some lame excuse she could use with other people.

"What's your fantasy?" she asked him seriously.

Negan studied her eyes for a moment and then a smile spread wide across his face as he let out a chuckle. "I have too many to mention, doll."

"I mean it," Nicole went on.

Negan slowly let his smile fade as he saw the unwavering seriousness in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not being judgmental," she said right away, "I just... is one woman enough for you?" Nicole shook her head, closing her eyes as if to hide from the question, "I know I have no business asking something like that. It's rude... it's forward... and I was consciously infringing on your marriage when we-"

"Stop, stop, stop," Negan cut her off calmly, "First of all... don't do that shit."

"What shit?"

"You're a strong woman." His grin returned, "You're a fuckin' badass on a number of levels, honey, but damn... don't go on backing down after asking a question. Shit, you want to know something you fuckin' ask it. Don't back down," he repeated, "Especially with me."

"I'm sorry." Nicole shook her head, running a hand through her pillow-tossed hair, prompting Negan to laugh.

"You can pistol whip a shithead like Chris; you can survive on your own for weeks while monsters try to fuckin' eat you; you can build a fuckin' community." Negan propped himself up on his elbow and stared down at her with amusement, "But yet, I can still make you melt like a damn puddle."

"Everyone has their Achilles heel."

"Don't let me be yours." Negan leaned down and touched his lips against her, smiling as he did and then kissed her several more times in a row before pulling back.

"Okay," she said quietly with a smile.

"Now... ask me what you want to ask me."

Nicole stared up at him, taking in the patient nature of body language. He leaned against his forearm on the pillow and folded his hands together; his lazy, sleep-ridden eyes never left hers.

She wanted to begin with, _ _I don't even have the right to even ask you this...__ , but Nicole knew that wasn't what Negan wanted to hear. He wanted her to be honest with him, and she knew to get the answers she craved that there was no other option.

"Are you, or have you been sleeping with other women here?"

Negan instinctively wanted to dive right into his comfort zone and respond with a bout a humor, though he knew he owed it to Nicole to be serious, particularly after urging her to be honest with him.

"Do you remember what I said when we first shacked up here?" Negan let out a breath through his nose, "That it had been awhile since I'd had a woman."

Nicole nodded.

"I've put all of my fuckin' efforts into surviving so far, and shit I am glad we found each other because I hadn't fucked anyone since the start of all this shit." He raised a hand in the air, "This can only do so much."

She snickered for a moment and then swallowed hard.

"No," Negan told her, "I haven't fucked anyone here but you, doll."

Nicole decided to ride the high of being bold and honest, noting she might not get the confidence back. "Am I enough for you?"

"Can I ask you something first before I answer?"

She nodded again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, and that doesn't happen much." He smiled and cleared his throat, "But I feel like something is triggering what you're asking."

Nicole couldn't help but smile, a crimson rush cruising into her cheeks as she felt again that Negan could see right through her. "I hate this," she whispered, still grinning as she closed her eyes again.

"You are fuckin' cute when you're embarrassed."

Nicole re-opened her eyes and felt his contagious smile penetrating her. "Dumb jealousy."

"Jealous of what?"

"Chris's wife." She cringed as the words left her mouth and saw Negan's confused, yet amused, features.

"That woman can't even fuckin' take care of herself."

"She's pretty."

"She's weak." Negan smiled wider. "Shit... I want a woman who's going to pistol whip the asshole that disrespects her, not one that's going to curl up in a ball and defend the prick." When Nicole let her eyes wander around the ceiling's patterns again, Negan waited until her gaze finally fell back on his. "Seeing as you're the first type that I mentioned," he glanced down at her bare upper body that was exposed from the top of the covers, "And sexy as fuck... I'd say you're enough... more than enough, doll."

"Yeah?" Nicole rested a hand behind her head.

"Be the woman that I fuckin' fell for."

She felt a rush of butterflies in her stomach. "Who's that?"

Negan raised his eyebrows. "A woman who would never ask a man if she's good enough for him."

Nicole stared up at him and finally let her fingers graze the facial hair on his cheek. Despite the horrible nature of the world, she had never felt more comfortable and content in her life than in that moment alone with Negan. The feelings of uncertainty that had once radiated through her body were replaced with a warmth she couldn't accurately describe if she tried.

She leaned her head up, meeting him halfway and accepted a long, enthusiastic kiss until Negan pulled away with a deep breath.

"Did I make you feel uncomfortable when I said I love you?" Nicole whispered against him.

"Can I put a limit on your questions?" he asked with a laugh, letting his nose graze against hers.

"Sorry." She smiled and let a hand drift gently against the back of his neck.

"I can't think of a damn thing in this world that makes me uncomfortable." Negan kissed her again, "Now, when it comes to this type of a shit I'm a man of fewer words but I thought you understood that you were the woman I fell for in my strong-woman reference."

"I understand." Nicole smiled and then laughed when Negan continued to kiss her as he repositioned himself on top of her.

"Good."


	53. Polaroid

**Happy TWD Day!**

Food. Water. Supplies. As the weeks rolled on all of life's necessities became more and more scarce. Supply runs were not nearly as satisfying as they had been in the beginning. A good day meant coming back with a couple of boxes of noodles, a gallon of water and some miscellaneous medical supplies. When the tighter rationing began, tempers flared and the overall morale dropped.

Negan found the once easy stroll through the Sanctuary as he was positioned at the top of the pecking order was now filled with an underlying tenseness that he knew could coil up and snap at any moment. To make matters worse, outsiders were bleeding into their territory and had begun to pose a real threat that he knew needed to be dealt with. It was why he gathered up his most trusted men and women, drew up a plan and decided to put forth a whole new mindset into action.

The days were savage and people were no exception to the reverse evolutionary process as the most primal of instincts emerged within them. Killing the undead had become routine and expected. The death of a fellow human was a haunting ordeal.

Nicole had been the last of the Sanctuary allies to arrive once Negan's plan was in the full throes of action. They had dealt with the threat, rounding up another group that had done it's fair share of harassing them and threatening the sanctuary that Negan had promised. They were thieves; dangerous and dishonest; threats to the new environment.

The plan had all come together exactly as orchestrated - divide and conquer was what Negan had said. The enemy group was separated, cornered and forced to surrender. It was a day of relief for everyone, as the ongoing cat and mouse game was finally put to a bitter close.

From a distance Nicole had heard Negan's loud, bellowing voice that sounded more cheery than mad considering the circumstances. It wasn't unlike him, and that was part of the mysterious charm that left him so delightfully addicting. Nicole had no idea how, in the most serious or furious of times, Negan could not only maintain his composure but also find humor in the situation. She knew it must have been quite the enigma for the perpetrators to wrap their heads around. She could see their thoughts without them having to say them: _ _Are we in danger, or aren't we? Is this guy serious? Is he crazy?__

"It looks like you've had one warning too many." Negan stood before the group, each disarmed and monitored by a Sanctuary member who held a weapon to their backs to keep them from attempting to run.

As Nicole emerged at Negan's back he simply turned his head around slowly, smirking as he recognized it was her and then refocused on the mission at hand.

"You motherfuckers have certainly taken advantage of kind nature." Negan put a hand on his chest and smiled, twirling Lucille as he began to pace. "But shit ain't seeming to register that you are messing with the wrong fucking group of people." He paused, hardening his features now, "And since you pieces of shit have failed to take me seriously, which I do take more personal than most, I admit, I think it's appropriate to step up the consequences a notch or two." Negan turned the bat upright in front of his face, studying the rows of barbed wire linked around the blood-stained barrel.

Nicole studied his features a moment, a chill running down her back from the determined, cold look that suddenly filled the irises of his darkened eyes. Still, she hadn't anticipated his next move.

"Does your sorry as group even have a fuckin' leader?" he asked, finally deterring his gaze from the barrel of the bat to glance back at them. "There more of you?"

No one replied, though Nicole could see the stubborn nature of their features was beginning to get under Negan's skin.

"Ever kill anyone?" one man asked.

Negan slowly turned in his direction, not immediately responding to the question.

The man smirked and nodded, asking the question with more confidence this time as if he already knew the answer. "Have you ever killed someone?"

Nicole felt the chill again, this time as Negan approached the arrogant man at the end of the line of people.

"I bet you haven't," the overconfident stranger went on, still smiling. "Why now? You've had my men in cells already, starved 'em a bit and shit but it wasn't anything we can't bounce back from. We've been through it all already." He eyed Negan up and down, "You ain't shit."

Negan's smile seemed to take the man just slightly off-guard, as if his typical talk-down antics had failed for the first time - or at least wasn't getting the reaction he had been hoping for.

"Have I ever killed anyone?" Negan continued to grin, though a sinister glare lingered in his eyes and he nodded toward Simon who stood just a few feet away, waving just his fingers at him.

Simon crossed in front of the group, reaching into the back of his pants where an envelope was tucked neatly into his jeans. He then handed it off to Negan, staring just as mercilessly at the outspoken man at the end.

Negan proceeded to approach the man, this time he stood only a few inches away and didn't break his stare as he slowly peeled open the envelope to removed three polaroid pictures.

The man's eyes dropped to the first of the three photos that were stacked neatly in Negan's hands as he held them out in front of him, raising the first image so it was directly in front of his eyes.

"What's that look like to you?" Negan asked him, grinning wider this time. He raised Lucille and gave the bat a glance as if he was a ventriloquist about to make his puppet talk. When he looked back at the man, the confidence in his eyes had diminished and it made him smirk. "How about this one?" Negan flipped to the next photo, leaving him with several seconds of exposure to the image of a second man with his head smashed in. The third was just as gruesome; just as petrifying, and that was the look now that slowly filtered into the man's eyes.

"What's the matter?" Simon asked, smiling now right along with Negan, "Things don't seem as funny anymore do they?"

"Ned, what's in the pictures?" Someone asked from down the line, immediately being prompted to shut up when the barrel of a gun pushed deeper into his back.

"Arat." Negan positioned the bat casually on his shoulder. "Don't be so rude. I'll show the man the photos if he wants to see them." He handed them back to Simon. "Do you mind?"

"Nah." Simon gladly took the photos back and then headed down, quietly raising the collection of pictures in front of the other man.

Nicole stayed put, wondering herself what was in the photos. Her imagination did wonders for guessing and the chill she had lingered in her bones. She swallowed hard as Negan returned his full focus to Ned as Simon rejoined him before them.

"Dwight!" Negan shouted his name and Dwight didn't hesitate. He immediately tossed Negan a small bag, one that he abruptly opened. When he removed a polaroid camera from inside, tossing the bag to the ground Ned's eyebrows raised and all traces of the man he had been just minutes before had disappeared.

"What are you doing?" he asked now.

"I'm about to answer your question," Negan confirmed with a smile. He handed the camera to Simon without looking away. "I mean, shit, those pictures could've been some undead fucks that I just decided to fuck up beyond repair and use as a God damn scare tactic. I'm sure you'd be wondering if that was the case, since you're such a ball breaker and have a ton of fuckin' questions for our authority, even when we have guns against your fuckin' backs."

"I believe you."

"I don't know that you do," Negan challenged. "No, I think you're going to go back to where ever the fuck it is that you came from, talk a little shit once you're out of this mess and then come back for the third time to take shit from us." He shook his head, "I'm not going to let that happen. Strike three, Neddy." Negan sighed and raised the bat. "That means you're fuckin' out."

"No-" Before he could even get the full word out Negan connected the barrel of the bat with his head, sending his body sprawling to the ground with a sickening crack.

Immediately his allies either shrieked or let their jaws drop open in horrified disbelief at what they had just witnessed while Ned's body began to convulse on the ground.

"I think this should answer his fuckin' question." Negan spoke to no one in particular but took another swing, and then another.

Nicole wanted to turn around but she couldn't look away. Like many of the others on both sides, her mouth hung open in disbelief until Negan finally let out a deep breath, wiped some blood from the side of his face and then nodded to Simon who proceeded to take a photo, waving it around before securing it in the envelope with the others.

 _ _Is this routine?__ Nicole wondered, swallowing hard. The two of them appeared so in sync; so nonchalant that she knew this wasn't the first go-round. She wondered if it was the reason why Negan often insisted that they go on separate supply runs.

"Now," Negan paced in front of the terrified line of men and women. "That was a bit fuckin' extreme, and shit I don't like doing it. I fuckin' hate it. I often find a little slap on the wrist does the trick and people tend to fall in line. You fucks are different. You didn't get the message and you continued to try taking our shit." He looked at the second man in the line, the one who had been next to Ned. "I'm not going to kill any of the rest of you. I fuckin' promise. Shit, I won't be able to sleep tonight after doing that to Neddy, there, but unfortunately you all left me no choice." He sighed and drew a hand across his forehead, "Here's what you _ _are__ going to do. You're going to take us back to the shithole you call home... you're going to give us half of your fuckin' food and half of your water supply, maybe a couple bottles of booze if you got 'em." Negan grinned with a nod, "And then we'll be on our way."

He turned to Simon, who glanced back at him.

"Get them to the trucks," Negan ordered with a nod. Simon nodded back and gave a whistle, tucking the envelop back into his pants.

Nicole finally managed to let out a deep breath when Negan slowly made his way over to where she stood while the rest of them rounded up the remnants of the enemy group.

He slipped an arm around her shoulders, turning her away from the body and never broke stride as he led her toward a car that was separate from the rest of them. "Didn't mean for you to see that shit." Negan reached into the pocket of his pants and handed over a set of keys as they approached the vehicle. "Go straight back to the Sanctuary, alright?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be back tonight." He nodded.

"Are you... are you going to kill them?"

Negan cleared his throat, seeing the confliction in her eyes. "We can talk about this tonight."

"Are you?"

"No." He shook his head, "But we're on the verge of starving, people are starting to get uptight and now we're going to have a bunch of shit to make last awhile."

Nicole nodded back at him. "Okay."

"Okay." Negan could see she wasn't alright but he also knew he had to keep up the image he had put into motion. He kept his eyes on hers for an extra second and grazed her cheek with his palm. "We'll talk about this shit tonight," he repeated.

"Okay."

Negan continued to hold her gaze, as if promising with his eyes to provide an explanation. "Okay."


	54. Fight

Nicole witnessed it with her own eyes - the instant morale boost.

The supply drought was over. Bundles of water, soda, bread, fruit and other essential resources flowed in from the pack of pickup trucks into the arms of waiting Sanctuary members. It was like someone had just handed over cases of gold.

Simon crossed by with a box filled with snacks, even chocolates and other candy. He made eye contact with Nicole briefly but didn't say anything as he went.

She took a breath and decided to follow him in an attempt to get some answers, noting that he and Negan had gone from casually pooling ideas together, to going on the occasional run together and now it felt as if they had their own little secret society that she had been out of the loop of.

"Simon!" Nicole called out his name as he handed a box off to a woman with a smile and a nod.

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked casually, grinning again. "Got a lot of shit today, huh?"

"Yeah." She nodded, "What, uh... is that the norm?"

"Is what the norm?"

"Everything that happened today?" Nicole forced him to maintain eye contact.

"Nicole they kept fucking with us."

"I know," she agreed with a nod, and then abruptly changed the subject. "Can I see the pictures?"

"What?"

"Simon..." Her eyes pleaded with him. "I need to be in the loop and right now I don't feel like I am." Nicole held his stare, "Show me the pictures."

He sucked on his teeth a moment and then reached into the waistband of his pants, removing the envelope and then passed it off to Nicole.

She eagerly reached for them, removing the photos just as soon as the envelope was in her hands. Nicole swallowed hard, not wanting to look at the gruesome nature of the images but she had to know.

"No one is purposely keeping you out of the loop," Simon insisted, speaking quietly and sincerely, "I just... I didn't think you'd want to see this. This is the not so pretty part of rebuilding."

"What did these people do?"

"One was a rapist... the other one tried to kill me."

Nicole raised her eyes. Negan had told her about the first person, but she hadn't known about the second. "Tried to kill you?"

Simon nodded. "A smaller group," he explained, "And Negan had them all pissing themselves when he did this." Simon sighed, looking down toward the cement floor beneath his feet and then back up, "This is... a part of life now, Nicole. A small part, but a part. These men wouldn't be dead if they hadn't acted savage themselves. We have to protect this place. We have to protect us. To all of these people..." He nodded toward a group at the back end of the room who were happily stocking shelves. "We're saviors. We're their saviors."

...

The walk with Negan to his room was silent and stiff. Nicole wasn't wholly sure how she felt. Her mind was a constant swirl of echoes of Simon's revelations. Others were killing, or trying to kill. Others were stealing and threatening their post-apocalyptic utopia - as oxymoron as that felt. Still, the sight of Negan bashing in the man's head wasn't the easiest image to get out of her head.

When the two of them got to the room Negan finally glanced over at her, looking as if he wanted to say something but he simply cleared his throat and opened the door. Nicole glanced at him as she made her way in a step ahead and then let out a deep breath.

"You think I was wrong." Negan's voice cut her like a knife and she heard the door close behind them. When she turned back around he was standing with his back against it and his arms folded neatly across his chest. Despite the bold comment she could see he was slightly submissive in his tone.

Nicole's uncertain feelings became even more complicated when her eyes locked on his. "No," she answered honestly, "No, I don't think you were wrong."

"Did it scare you?"

She cleared her throat and shook her head again. "No."

He let out a breath, not moving from where he stood, "Are you lying?"

Nicole shook her head. "I don't lie to you, Negan."

"Okay," he nodded, acknowledging that since they had known one another she was never dishonest with him. "Well, there's something then."

"There is," she nodded, "But I don't know what I'm feeling ,exactly."

"Does any part of you think it's wrong?"

Nicole hesitated. She wasn't sure of the answer herself. "I just... I think it's just new... all of it. I've never seen a person killed before... not in that way. By the undead, yeah... but not by someone else." She kept her eyes on his. "I guess it did scare me a little... but I don't think it's wrong."

Negan swallowed hard. "I don't do that out of joy. I don't like doing it."

"Why the photos?"

"Scare tactic," he admitted, "To let people know I'm not fuckin' around." Negan drew his thumb across his eyebrows. "I want this place to succeed. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want our people to starve."

"I know." Nicole swallowed hard. "How come you didn't tell me about the second one? I knew you killed a man. I didn't know about the other one."

"He tried to kill Simon."

"I know."

"How?"

"He told me... just now before we came up here."

Negan nodded once and Nicole suddenly felt like she was interrogating him. It's not what she wanted to do to him, but at the same time she needed answers, and she needed to be honest.

"I feel out of the loop," she added, "I feel like you and Simon... either one of you could have told me."

"I didn't want you to be a part of this shit... not this part. I wanted to protect you."

"By lying to me?" Nicole shrugged and shook her head.

"I wasn't lying..." He bit his tongue, "I just-"

"Didn't tell me."

Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah, I guess so."

Nicole nodded. " I want to know everything... no matter how shitty or dark or twisted. I want to know."

Negan looked her more directly in the eye, "Alright," he agreed, "You've done that for me and I'm sorry."

She swallowed hard, feeling suddenly like she could cry more out of a sense of frustration and just a hint of betrayal that accompanied her mixed emotions. "Can I... can I take a bath?" Nicole motioned to the bathroom door, feeling as if she needed a moment alone.

"You don't have to ask," he said back, his somber tone now matching her expression.

Nicole nodded, forcing a smile and then began to undress before making her way into the bathroom. She knew he wouldn't, but a part of her was disappointed that Negan hadn't tried to make a funny or dirty comment at the sight of her naked body. It was something that made her feel close to him, as he had a way of making her laugh and easing her mind in even the most far out situations.

When she was alone in the bathroom she felt heavy, like a weight was sitting on her shoulders and the short talk the two of them had had didn't ease that tension. Nicole didn't know if it was more talking, allowing her walls to fall in order to have some type of meltdown, or simply time that would help clarify her thoughts.

 _ _Maybe all three__ , she thought, letting her fingers trace the edge of the porcelain tub.

Negan knocked at the partially open door and pushed it open a few inches, keeping eye contact as he spoke. "Hey, uh... I think the satellite building needs some extra coverage. I'm going to head over there and spend the night there." He managed a half-smirk but his eyes betrayed him. "Can't let the place you and Simon built go unprotected."

Nicole raised her eyebrows, feeling the pit of her stomach drop but she nodded. "Oh... okay."

He paused a moment, noting the immediate drop of her shoulders and change in her expression. "I just... think we might fuckin' fight if I stay." Negan shrugged, "We can talk some more if you want when I get back."

"Okay." She swallowed hard, the feeling that was gnawing at her gut deepened and began to bleed into her chest.

"You and Simon can hold down the fort her." He nodded toward her, "And take your time with everything. Don't rush your bath." Before Nicole could attempt to respond Negan turned to go, re-entering the bedroom.

Nicole sat partially against the tub, listening as Negan's footsteps began to cross the room. With each one she knew he was closer to the door and the beginning of a long night was just around the corner.

Nothing about the world made sense, Nicole knew. There were undead people lurking in the bushes. All of their goods were leftover from others. Some might call them stolen or looted, though she knew it was now a means of survival of the fittest. The men Negan had killed were rapists, attempted murderers and threats to all of their people - the people that Negan vowed to protect. How could she judge him? It suddenly felt wrong and misguided when the world around them was so awry and violent.

"Negan!" Nicole shouted his name when she heard the bedroom door open and then hurried back into the bedroom, prompting him to glance over his shoulder. "I don't think you should go to the satellite building."

He stared back at her a moment and turned his head to the side, a slightly skeptical look on his face. "You really want to have an awkward night?" he asked, "Or fight about this shit?"

Nicole nodded sincerely. "Yes." She took a breath, "I want you to stay. I want to fight."

Negan finally managed a smile. "You want to fight?"

She couldn't return a grin but relief poured through her body when she felt as if she might be winning him over. She nodded. "Yeah. Send Simon to the satellite building." Nicole paused and then repeated her request that she knew was playfully, yet seriously, ridiculous. "I want to fight."

He never veered his gaze from her eyes but slowly closed the door and left his hand flat on it for a moment. "Alright," Negan agreed, a combination of amusement and seriousness decorating his face as he subconsciously scrunched his nose just slightly. "Put your fuckin' gloves on Nicky."

Nicole finally managed a small, genuine smile, one that Negan returned and she sighed, smiling once more as she turned to go back into the bathroom.


	55. Questions and Answers

"Is it really necessary?"

"There's really no other way?"

"How is this not barbaric?"

"Are others out there killing over territory and supplies?"

Nicole didn't hold back. She asked every question that had crossed her mind as she sat alone in the bath uncoiling the thoughts that had made home to her mind over the course of the last half day. She had been okay with Negan's initial revelation of killing a man who was endangering women and children; though now that she had seen him in action with her own eyes and more men had been killed it wasn't so simple.

Negan had responded to every question with patience, diligence and honesty.

"Yes, it's become necessary."

"No, I've tried other ways."

"It is barbaric, I'll give you that shit." He had nodded adamantly as he spoke. "But the rest of those people we've taken in and given jobs, food and shelter."

"It's a civil war out there. Everyone is getting more desperate for supplies. We cannot let them just waltz in and take ours."

Nicole tried to mentally take in the world for what it was currently - not for what it used to be. She knew it was only human nature to fight for food; to fight for survival. She couldn't deny that each supply run grew more despairing and difficult. For the hours they put out there on the streets and in the woods, the rewards were become fewer and fewer. Soon, she knew people would become even more desperate and would go for great lengths to survive.

All in all she understood it, but she simultaneously couldn't help but think there was some other way. Beating a man to death the way Negan had in front of his people was certainly a way to get people to fall in line out of fear, but she didn't know how loyal those followers would truly be after processing what had happened to their friend - regardless of how sleazy that friend was.

"I don't enjoy doing this to people," Negan stared across the darkened room at Nicole across a small coffee table that separated two parallel couches. "If no one wanted to attack us I wouldn't fuckin' dream of it. I want to rebuild society, Nicole."

She sighed, partially satisfied from his justification but unable to ignore her own conscience. "I know." Nicole could see in his eyes and hear in his voice that he was being honest.

"Do you?"

"Yes." She responded right away, nodding once at him as she did. "I just..." Nicole swallowed hard, not exactly knowing what she wanted to say. Her head understood but her heart couldn't fully allow her to commit to Negan's acts.

"Nicole." Negan stared across at her until her eyes met his. "I'm not going to try to sit here and sway you to think like I think. If you don't agree with it I can't promise I'll never do it again... but it _ _is__ a last resort. I didn't want you to see me do that shit, and I didn't want to fuckin' lie to you about it either. This world is like constantly being stuck between a rock and a hard place... a really hard fuckin' place. I'm adapting the best way I know how - the only way I know how." He leaned forward, placing his forearms onto his knees and ran a hand across his beard, "I may not be doing shit right. I may be all wrong about this and it kind of worries me a bit that I'm able to do that shit as easily as I can... but I'm going to do whatever I have to do to protect this place. If people leave us the fuck alone then I won't get a drop of fuckin' blood on my hands."

"What if we didn't join you?" Nicole asked, "What if Simon fought back against you that night on the street. Would you have killed someone from our group?"

"No." Negan answered before the last word fully escaped her lips.

"Why?"

"Because of you," he admitted, "I would never have done that to you... and shit I like Simon." Negan managed a half smile, but quickly let it fade, "I'd rather you didn't know-"

"I want to know everything."

"Why?" Negan shook his head.

"Because I want to make my own decisions about things based on the truth... the whole truth."

"And nothing but the truth?" He smirked, purposely ending her sentence in a light jest that made her flash a fleeting half grin.

"Yes." Nicole nodded more seriously now. "I want to know everything."

Negan nodded subtly and then looked back at her. "If you don't approve of this shit... and I can see you don't-"

"It's not that-"

He held up a hand, "Let me finish... please." When Nicole nodded, Negan went on. "If you don't approve I'm not going to try to fuckin' persuade you to see my way. I can tell you why I do what I do but I can't make you see shit through my eyes... and as much as I do hope you can understand, I don't want you to fuckin' resent me for trying to force you to see shit my way."

Nicole swallowed hard and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked around the room for a moment. She knew he was being honest, and as much of a problem as she still had with his actions she couldn't deny the faith in his claims. The world outside was a battle ground, and she was sure the danger level was increasing outside of the walls and fences they were so fortunate to sit behind; to sleep behind.

"I know our safety isn't free," Nicole told him, finding his eyes with her own again. "I'm not judging you."

"I don't feel judged."

"Thank you."

"For...?"

"Thinking of me," Nicole explained, "And not wanting to persuade me into one thing or another." She let out a breath, "I trust your judgment, Negan. I want to survive in this world side-by-side with you... and Simon... and everyone else."

"Good," Negan said, "Because I fuckin' need you."

She raised her eyebrows almost lazily and rested her fist beneath her chin as she leaned forward. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded and held her stare. "Do I still have you?"

"I'm the one that wanted you to stay here tonight, right?" Nicole managed a small smile. "I'd be here laying awake half the night if you'd have gone to the satellite building."

Negan let out a sigh. "I know."

"I'm glad you stayed."

"So am I..." He smirked, "But this was hardly a fuckin' fight."

Nicole smiled a little wider. "It might spark some future serious talks though. Isn't that worse, especially for a man?"

Negan shrugged and smiled. "I don't mind a good fight because it usually leads to some great make up sex... so yeah, fucking and fighting are a little more comfortable for me than a serious talk." He chuckled when Nicole finally let out a brief laugh. "But I can see how tired you fuckin' are tonight... and I can see you're still a little mad at me."

"I'm not mad," she told him but gave a nod, "But I am tired."

Negan continued to hold a half smile. "You want to go to bed?"

Nicole nodded and he stood up first, rounding the small table and held a hand out to help her up to her feet. She smiled and then laughed when he picked her up and brought her to the bed, leaving a kiss on her lips as he set her down.

"Get comfortable. Go to sleep." Negan smiled, tossing the covers aside so Nicole could get under them and then tucked her in as he continued to hover above her on the side of the bed. "I'm going to wash up and then I'll join you."

"Okay." She rested her hand over his on top of the comforter and held his eye contact again until he leaned down and kissed her again.

Negan winked and removed his jacket, tossing it toward the couches where they had just been sitting. "I love ya, honey." He half-smiled again. "Thanks."


	56. Eye to Eye

Negan had sensed Nicole wasn't quite her normal self. She played it well, he thought - smiling at him when the time was right, keeping her distance at other times and fighting the desire he knew hadn't diminished despite the fact that the two of them did not see eye-to-eye on perhaps the biggest morality issue of the apocalypse.

He couldn't deny the disappointment that went along with Nicole's failure to give him the look he had grown so accustomed to and tailored only to him; or at night when she brushed her fingers over his forearm waiting for him to make eye contact with her before they went on to have a sleepless night that left him slightly hazy in the day's events to follow. Negan didn't realize how he'd grown to need that until Nicole pulled away just a little bit.

Before rounding the corner into the room where he knew she was working Negan smiled when he heard Nicole curse to herself and let out a loud sigh. For a moment he stood outside the door out of her view and just listened as she shuffled around, picking up tools and putting them down, mumbling to herself when something didn't go her way.

Finally, he crossed in slowly through the doorway and leaned an elbow against the frame. Negan smirked again to himself, taking in the overalls she wore that were far too big. One strap was hanging down over an olive green tank top and a headband was strung around her head of messy hair. Before he had even laid eyes on her he could have guessed that she was wearing something of the sort. It suited her work ethic.

"Well, look at you getting your hands dirty." Negan extended his grin when Nicole turned around, just slightly startled by his presence.

She smiled but then shook her head and placed a wrench down on top of an oversized sink. "I replaced this pipe." Nicole swallowed hard and wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. "I don't know why it's still leaking."

Negan glanced beneath the sink where a small puddle of water had gathered, "Looks fixed to me, doll."

Nicole shook her head, "This is the main source of water. Everything stems from here." She motioned to the dark spot on the concrete.

"I'm aware," he responded in amusement, crossing his arms over his chest now.

"The leak is very slight but it's still leaking."

Negan wandered deeper into the room and then squatted down, prompting Nicole to do the same. She pointed at the pipe and Negan reached up to grab the wrench.

"I've tightened it," she claimed, but watched as he bit down on his tongue while securing the pipe to another with enough force that stopped the annoying, trickling drip. When Negan huffed a breath and glanced over at Nicole she snickered and looked down.

"You replaced all this shit?" he asked before she could come down on herself for not completely tightening the final piece of the puzzle.

"The pipes," Nicole explained and then nodded at the wrench in his hand. "Thanks."

"Thank you." Negan stood up and then dropped a hand to help her stand.

The two of them stared at one another for a long moment before Nicole finally spoke.

"You know... it would be easy to condemn your behavior if it wasn't so effective."

Negan squinted his eyes. "What's that mean?"

She sighed. "We have running water. I take fucking baths when I want to for God's sake." Nicole let out chuckle but quickly turned serious again and shook her head. "We have food... shelter... safety... weapons for protection. I barely think about the undead until we have to go out there." She continued to look him in the eye and shrugged, "I'm sorry. I've thought about it... all of it. This community runs on the back of what you do - even the ugly shit. I mean maybe those people would have finally come in here and ransacked our stuff, stripped our walls, taken our guns and our cars-"

Negan stepped in with a smile, grabbed Nicole's face and planted a long, forceful kiss on her lips, cutting her off mid-sentence. When he felt her body relax against his and kiss him back he managed to take a quick breath before kissing her again.

"I'm sorry," she began, pulling back only for a moment before Negan kissed her again.

"Don't be sorry," he whispered back.

"I am." Nicole slid a hand down the back of his shirt and pulled him by the back of his neck to kiss him again.

"This look suits you." Negan smiled and tugged at the strap of her overalls before unclipping the remaining one so they dropped down to a heap at her feet.

Nicole's hands clawed at his belt and she quickly freed him from his pants.

"I mean it," he began to kiss and bite down her neck, "You're fuckin' hot as shit with this workin' girl shit you got going on." Negan picked her up and set her down on a shelf beside the sink, matching up his hips perfectly with hers. "Well, would you look at that."

Nicole pulled his face back to hers and locked her legs around him to secure him inside of her. "You were right."

"I don't doubt it," he chuckled and thrusted into her, closing his eyes and making her moan with an accompanied laugh. "But what am I right about?"

"The make up sex."

Negan smiled against her lips, reopening his eyes to make eye contact with her just an inch or two away. He pulled her tighter against him by her lower back. "Shit, we're just getting started."

Nicole smiled back and placed a hand against the side of his face. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, prompting him to wink once before kissing her again.

"I hate when you fuckin' ignore me," Negan whispered into her ear.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose." Her arms tightened around him.

"You aren't fuckin' wrong for how you feel about this shit."

Nicole pulled back to look him in the eye and nodded. "I know." She smiled, "But we're eye-to-eye now."

Negan smirked. "Eye-to-eye."

"Yeah."


	57. Got to Admit It's Getting Better

"You know, you can fuckin' smile." Negan glanced over from the passenger seat of an oversized truck as Nicole drove back from a collection at a new community they had been in contact with. Boxes and bags of supplies filled the truck bed, stacking high almost to the point where she couldn't fully see out the rearview mirror.

"Out here?" she shook her head and steadily eyed a sharp bend in the back road they were driving down. "No... I can't."

"Why the fuck not?"

Nicole glanced over once at him and then refocused out the windshield. "Because you never know what's going to happen out here." Her eyes scanned the trees that she knew lingered with the unknown - whether that be the undead, strangers or a combination of both.

Negan glanced at her white knuckles as she gripped the steering wheel. "We just got a shit ton of supplies from them."

"I know."

He stared at her more intently now, waiting until she glanced over again before scrunching his nose and making a face. When she smiled he couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"What are you doing?" Nicole asked, barely grinning as she shook her head another time.

"You gotta lighten up, doll." Negan placed a hand on her upper thigh and gave the area a squeeze before resting his hand on the back of her headrest. He made another face when she looked over again and was more than pleased when she tried to fight back another laugh.

"Cut the shit, Negan."

"What?"

"I'm ignoring this right now." Nicole reached for the knob on the car stereo, displeased that she wasn't familiar with the song that played from a CD on the console.

Negan let out a hearty laugh and crossed both feet up on the dashboard as he leaned back. "You couldn't ignore me if you tried honey."

"You should put your seatbelt on."

"You should take your seatbelt off... officer." He clicked the button where her seatbelt was secured.

Nicole looked down, her mouth dropping open. "Negan..." She buckled herself back up.

"Shit... you used to like living a little dangerously, Nicky." He ran his tongue across his bottom lip as he grinned. "Remembered the first time we fucked around in the bathroom at the bar?"

Nicole let a smile slowly spread across her face but didn't look over. "Vaguely," she teased.

"You're a terrible fuckin' liar." Negan rolled the window down now and let his elbow hang out as he continued to sit comfortably in the passenger seat. "You handle this big truck well for a woman." When she gave him an amused yet displeased look his smile grew wider, "But, shit, I shouldn't be surprised. You handle _ _big__ things quite well."

"You should see me drive a stick," she finally played along.

"I can only fuckin' imagine."

Nicole giggled now and glanced down as Negan's hand trailed the length of her arm before he locked his fingers with hers. When she looked at him this time he winked and then closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the head rest.

"See... doesn't it feel much better to be relaxed? I thought you were you going to rip the damn steering wheel off from how hard you were gripping that damn thing."

She took in a deep breath and unrolled the window while driving a straight-away with her knee for a moment.

"That's it, doll." Negan opened his eyes for a moment when he felt the cross breeze and then closed them again.

Nicole couldn't deny that she almost immediately felt better than she had the moments before. She didn't know how Negan could be so jokingly carefree at times despite the constantly risky surroundings.

"You do a good job at easing a girl's mind," she admitted.

"I know." Negan let out a breath through his nose, "I don't know why you're so uptight in the first place lately."

"Nothing's guaranteed." Nicole squeezed his hand and Negan's eyes fluttered open. She smiled when he squeezed her hand back. "Thanks."

"You're with me, honey," he reminded her, "We're the top of the fuckin' food chain. Shit, I get it. Our time sheets could be punched at any time but things are getting better."

"Getting better all the time?" She smiled and shrugged.

"Beatles fan?"

Nicole shrugged again. "Yeah... I guess."

"Figured you were too young to even know who they were... never mind know the songs."

She smiled, "I'm not _ _that__ young. And everyone knows The Beatles."

Negan turned down the music and began tapping his fingers on the door frame as they drove. Amused by his own antics he began to sing. "Got to admit it's getting better... it's getting better all the time." He looked over when she was smiling, "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club."

"What?"

"That's the album."

"Mmm..." Nicole smiled and looked back out the window and chuckled as Negan continued to sing.

"You're holding me down, turning me round, filling me up with your rules... got to admit it's getting better... it's getting better all the time... it's getting better since you've been mine."

Nicole let out a decompressing breath and then released his hand briefly to undo her seatbelt before eagerly grasping his hand again.

Negan snickered and rested his free hand behind his head again as he continued to lounge in the seat with his feet up. "Feeling better about gathering our supplies?" he asked.

She sighed, "Yeah."

"You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, doll." He sighed and closed his eyes, "If you're eating, I'm eating and we're both still breathing behind the Sanctuary walls... I can fuckin' sleep at night."

"Survival of the fittest?"

"Fuck yeah."

Nicole glanced in the rearview mirror at the boxes of supplies in the truck bed and tipped her mouth up in a half smile. "What's the name of this new place again?"

Negan sunk deeper into the seat, keeping his eyes closed without a care in the world. "The Hilltop."


	58. Panic Attack

Gregory was scared of Negan. Nicole could see it in his eyes and in his body language that desperately ached for the swagger to show confidence. It was see-through and sad, at best. But most of all Nicole breathed in his fear through the utmost willingness to surrender half of his community's necessities on each visit from the people of the Sanctuary. There was no mistaking that.

In their first few visits Gregory would attempt a play on words, or try to finagle the deal their two groups had established, though it wasn't long before his fidgety words were replaced with a mute silence and a gaze that begged their group to back off. Nicole knew he would never dare to seriously ask the question, and if he did Negan would send a message to keep him quiet.

Nicole never minded scavenging the neighboring towns but it wasn't her favorite to make a collection at The Hilltop, despite her ill feelings towards Gregory. He made the task of taking their food and belongings just a little easier from his purposely smug demeanor towards her, in particular. It was a tone he never gave to Negan or Simon when they approached him. He purposely would call her the wrong name, or at times nickname her Nicky, a term of endearment she only embraced when Negan called her that. Gregory, she had decided, was a terrible leader of the community he loved to claim as his own.

She hurled a box of crate filled with fruit, vegetables, soda and some random bathing supplies into the back of a pickup that she'd ridden to The Hilltop in with Simon. Several other vehicles were parked nearby and were about ready to ship out.

Nicole took a breath and wiped her hands against her jeans and then joined Simon as they met with Gregory for a farewell.

"Well, looks like it's all here." Simon patted him hard on the shoulder. "It's always a pleasure Gregory."

"When, uh... should we be prepared for the next delivery? Next week... next month?" His eyes were hopeful for the latter as he awaited Simon's reply.

"Nicole," Simon glanced over at her, "What do we think? Three weeks sound about right?"

She nodded. "Sure. That's the schedule we've talked about with Negan."

"Three weeks." Gregory put his palms together and placed them beneath his chin as he thought about his next sentence. "Nicky... could you possibly tell your boss-"

Nicole put up a hand. "First off, it's Nicole," she corrected, "And Negan isn't my boss. We make decisions together, and three weeks is the deal."

Simon proceeded to smirk and grab Gregory's ear in a way that combined jest and seriousness. He gave it a squeeze that made him wince and Simon chuckled. "Listen to the lady." He patted him on the shoulder again. "See ya in three weeks and..." Simon pointed his finger at him like a gun and winked, "Keep up the good work Gregory."

Nicole nodded toward the truck and climbed in the passenger seat while Simon headed for the driver's side.

"Move out boys!" he shouted to their counterparts in the cars around them before hopping in the truck and starting the engine. Simon nudged Nicole in the arm, "Good work... Nicky!"

She snickered and shook her head. "Gregory makes this so much easier."

"It ain't exactly hard." Simon put the truck in drive and slowly pulled away from the small community.

"You don't think it's at all wrong to be taking half of their stuff?"

He kept his eyes out the windshield and slowly shook his head. "We eat... we live. Simple."

Nicole sighed and nodded, placing her elbow on the door frame to glance out the window.

Simon looked over at her once. "Cheer up. We're exactly where we want to be in this shithole world. If it weren't for our way of doing things we may have already starved to death."

She nodded again and turned to him, "I know."

"Don't go soft on me." Simon grinned, "We've been buddies since the beginning of all this shit. Look where it got us." He gripped his stomach, "I still got some healthy fat on me."

Nicole grinned and decided he was right. It was a demon she had been wrestling with in her mind for a long time and despite how true his and Negan's words were, her conscience wouldn't fully commit to one side or the other. She couldn't at all deny that it was good being on the side of abundance; the side of safety. Even the portions they received sometimes felt scarce and left her stomach growling, so she couldn't imagine going for days and days without food.

"We get to eat, right?" Nicole nodded, speaking to Simon but moreso trying to convince herself that what they were doing was absolutely necessary. She tried to push the faces of The Hilltop residents from her mind as they watched with despair each time their group of Saviors came to the fences with cars ready to remove half of their supplies. The images were haunting, though she could see it didn't bother Simon, Negan or hardly any of their allies that were simply grateful for the protection and the full stomachs at night. Either way she looked at it, Nicole felt selfish. She felt selfish for taking from the Hilltop, and selfish for not appreciating all that she had at the Sanctuary. It was a paradox that often left her feeling insecure, incomplete and just wrong for whatever actions she took.

That night she couldn't sleep. When she finally did fall into a dream it was something so gnawing at her mind that she would wake up breathing heavy, or looking around the dark room until she realized where she was.

Gregory's face and voice were reoccurring themes in her nightmares. He was nastier than he had been in a real life though the undertones of his demeanor were accurate. Negan viscously bashing in some random stranger's head in with his bat was another image that left her huffing and sweating when she woke up.

Nicole knew there was more than what she knew. She had heard the rumors; the whispers. Negan hadn't spoken about his actions directly but she was positive that more people had to have died at his hand than she knew for sure. Those were the thoughts that kept her up at night.

She breathed heavily in bed, patting her forehead gently that was damp with the slightest coat of sweat and pushing the covers down off of her just a few inches. It gave her the illusion that she could breath easier.

For several minutes she just laid there thinking about a hundred different things, and when those little things trickled into bigger things like her whole philosophy on life she gently pushed the covers aside and climbed out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Nicole's mind was a tailspin of emotions and each day she felt heavier. She took a breath and placed her hands on a sink in front of a mirror and looked up at herself. For the first time she felt like she couldn't control herself. Her breathing wouldn't slow, the hot feeling in her cheeks stemmed from a burning in her chest and butterflies in her stomach.

 _ _Calm down, calm down, calm down...__ Nicole urged herself to relax but it felt impossible. She couldn't focus on anything but wishing to breath normally and a part of her wondered amidst that one desire if she was having a heart attack.

Her eyes met her own stare in the reflection again and Nicole hurried to run some water to throw on her face. Even if just a little bit the cool liquid against her pores was soothing and allowed her to release a deep breath that filled her body with relief.

"Hey..." Negan's scratchy voice behind her would have made her jump if she hadn't seen him a second before in the mirror. "You okay?" His eyes were half-open and hair messy from a slumber she knew was unbroken for hours.

Nicole brushed some stray hairs away from her face and nodded, closing her eyes for a moment. She placed her hands back on the sink to steady herself and swallowed hard when Negan hugged her from behind.

"Something's wrong with me," she whispered.

"Nothing's wrong with you." Negan drew a hand over her hair in a soothing fashion.

"I couldn't breath a second ago."

"Bad dream?"

Nicole nodded and closed her eyes, trying to compose herself fully in his embrace. "Lots of them."

"If you didn't feel this way in this world... there'd be something wrong with you." Negan's chest heaved up and down once as he took a breath, pushing into her back.

She took another breath just as deep and covered one of his hands with her own while continuing to brace herself on the sink with the other.

Negan knew Nicole had a heart that was far more pure than his own. He knew the runs to the Hilltop bothered her. He knew his actions bothered her. He also knew of her untethered loyalty to him.

"You don't have to go back," he whispered.

"Where?"

"The Hilltop," Negan explained, "Or any of our collection places. I know how you feel about it."

"That makes one of us... because I don't." She felt him sigh against her next and then changed his position so he could rub her back. Nicole turned to face him and felt her breath return to her fully.

Negan drew his thumb against the area beneath one of her eyes where hefty bags had formed from exhaustion and lack of sleep. "You need to try to sleep."

"It's been a struggle tonight," Nicole admitted. "I wake up every hour."

He studied her eyes. "It's because of me."

She shook her head. "It's because of me... my mind." Nicole leaned toward him and Negan wrapped his arms around her, swaddling her body in a comfort that she found irreplaceable. She let out a deep breath against his bare chest. "Let's go back to bed."

Negan trailed his fingers the length of her back again and then led the way out of the bathroom.

When Nicole laid back down the sheets felt cool this time and she closed her eyes as her head sunk deep into the pillow. When she turned onto her side she felt Negan's arm slide across her midsection and the comfort of his body against hers gave her the same comfort as before.

"Go to sleep," he whispered, tangling one of his feet in with hers.

"Okay." Nicole locked her fingers with his against the mattress and pretended at that moment that things were normal. It was rare that Negan showed any kind of affection, and as the weeks went on he seemed to grow more and more ruthless. To have a moment of tenderness was something Nicole cherished. Her thoughts drifted away from reality and all of it's gruesomeness to a fantasy world where they would wake up in her old neighborhood, wrapped up in one another on a Saturday morning with nothing to do and not a care in the world. It was enough to ease her mind into the slumber that came to Negan so easily. With the fictional paradise and the sound of Negan's steady breaths behind her, Nicole's mind was finally released from the shackles of her conscience and she managed to drift off into a deep sleep.


	59. Mass Grave

The day had come that revealed the fragile nature of all humanity with the Saviors being no exception. For so long they had lived the high life, so to speak, if there was such a thing anymore. Going so long without casualties in conditions that required survival tactics every day had come to make all of them feel as if there was some form of immunity that circled the Sanctuary and its surrounding outposts. There wasn't.

"How many?" Nicole couldn't get Negan's voice out of her mind when he received the call over the radio as the two of them drove down a road that led from the Sanctuary to the satellite building.

"Twenty... twenty-five." Simon's solemn voice on the other end had hit her just as hard as Negan's.

Nicole didn't say anything. She simply sat there as the two men carried on speaking of the outpost slaughter for another few minutes. Negan barely showed any emotion. He didn't yell or scream. He didn't vent or show any sign of anger; though she knew that meant whatever he was feeling was far worse than what an outburst could reveal.

Twenty-something members of their community had been killed at the satellite building, the place that Nicole had once called home. Worse than that, some had been killed in their sleep with no option for defense or even an exchange of words. She couldn't help but wonder if one of the casualties would have been her if they hadn't joined forces with Negan's group.

When the truck pulled up to the front of the building Nicole didn't want to get out. She didn't want to see what her former shelter had become. Still, she couldn't just wait in the passenger seat of the truck.

Negan turned to Nicole, not saying a word at first as he killed the engine. For an extra second he just stared at her before finally expressing what he was feeling at that moment.

"I don't want you to see what's in there."

"Negan, I-"

"I'm not going to force you to stay in the car but, shit..." He ran a hand across the scruff on his face, "Sounds like it's a fuckin' blood bath."

Nicole swallowed hard and nodded. A part of her didn't want to leave the confines of the vehicle; though she knew the truth was something she has to face and witness for herself.

"I want to go in there with you."

Negan studied her eyes again and spoke quietly without attempting to sway her decision. "Okay."

Death wasn't something unfamiliar. The dead quite literally walked the earth all around them, and they had for months. Nicole had seen people die. She knew more had perished than she could even fathom; yet when the two of them walked side-by-side into the place that was once her own little sanctuary with Simon and found it covered in the blood of their people it left her in a state of awe that she hadn't been prepared for.

Blood was slung across the walls and the floors. Men laid still in their beds looking as if they were still sleeping despite the blood trickling down their faces that stemmed from wounds on their temples or foreheads. The place Nicole had once called home was now a mass grave.

"Who... who did this?" Nicole asked aloud, more wondering than asking. Her voice echoed off the concrete walls.

Negan's face was stern like he was made of stone. His features were hard and angry as opposed to Nicole's hurt and worry. "I don't know." His voice was scratchy and his face twisted deeper into a scowl, "But I'm going to fucking find out."

Nicole looked over and made eye contact with him. For the first time she could quite literally feel his need to operate in the manner that he did - suppressing peoples' desire to attack by instilling a fear in them first.

"We need to do something," she said with a nod, as if confirming her own thoughts.

"Oh, we're going to fuckin' do something." Negan's voice lowered as he began to slowly pace a room filled with soldiers they had trained for what they thought was any and all situations that came their way. "This was an ambush." He shook head, "Fuck, there is no way in fuckin' hell they could have wiped out a whole outpost like this otherwise."

"What if they come to the Sanctuary next?"

He turned to her with a determined certainty in his eyes. "Well then they'd be the stupidest bunch of fucks still breathing."

Nicole shook her head. "We have to get everyone on board... ready to fight if we need to. This isn't random... it can't be. Could it be the Hilltop? Gregory's people?"

"No." Negan shook his head right away, though seemed to momentarily entertain the idea before completely dismissing it. "No they don't have the fire power for this shit." He could see Nicole was struggling with the emotions of anger and fear, and knew he had to attempt to keep the latter in check. Negan knew the anger would prove to be her ally and the fear would only hold her back. "Nicky..." When she turned to him he went on, "We have a number of outposts just like this one. We have guys... and women... who other people simply cannot fuckin' compete with. The group who did this." He motioned around the room, "They have no fucking idea who they're dealing with. They probably think this is it... that they cleared out a whole fuckin' community and took their shit when this ain't even fuckin' close to wiping us out. In fact it's damn near impossible to do that shit and I would bet my left nut right now that they would not only go down if they took us on, but we would not lose a God damn person in that fight."

Nicole felt her jaw clench subconsciously and she nodded, staring right back at him. She believed in everything that Negan said, and now she felt a sincere remorse for ever doubting his ways of operation, even in the slightest of ways.

"Then we get ready to fight?" she asked.

"We get ready to defend... and we find out who the fuck these people are." Negan sucked his teeth out of frustration, "And then we make them regret every fuckin' cowardly bullet or stab that contributed to this fuckin' travesty."

Nicole didn't feel it this time - the remorse for the opposition. She simply nodded back at him adamantly and finally let out a decompressing breath. "Just tell me what you need me to do."

"We're going to round up Simon... Dwight... a few of the others." He nodded and looked around the blood-bath of a room again before staring back at Nicole, "And we're going to come up with a bullet proof mother fucking plan. All of us... together."

Nicole nodded back at him again as Negan stared her up and down to take in her body language.

He nodded toward the open door behind them and placed a hand on her lower back to guide her outside. "Let's get the fuck out of here and get to work doll."


	60. Non-negotiable

The night was tense and tiring. Plan after plan had been introduced and shut down, leading to a build in frustration.

Nicole watched Negan's demeanor evolve as the hours passed. He had started off solemn and calm, eventually having an outburst when a suggested plan fell through amidst planning and questions, and then finally snapping completely after the midnight hours rolled around with still nothing on the table that satisfied him. It was then that he instructed everyone to get the fuck out of his sight, continue thinking and ordered another mandatory meeting for early in the morning.

Despite his naturally aggressive ways, Negan almost always maintained a delicate element in the way he interacted with Nicole. He didn't treat her like a pane of glass, though he was constantly checking in to make sure she was alright, asking or her opinion and being protective of her emotions with regard to the violence and gore that lingered all around them. When he angrily left the meeting that night, however, he grabbed her hand and towed her out of the meeting room without a word to anyone.

Nicole kept up, almost having to start jogging to keep up with his fast pace walk as her fingers nearly slipped from his. She wanted to talk to him - to ask if he was okay, or if he thought they would be able to come up with something when they met again, but she also knew that if Negan wanted to talk he would have. He wouldn't have stormed way from Simon and the others. He would still be standing at the head of the long, gray table brainstorming how they could locate the group that killed men at the satellite outpost and put an end to the threat. That was why she didn't say anything.

Negan used his free hand to snatch the walkie-talkie angrily off his belt and brought it to his lips without breaking stride down a long hallway. "Dwight... get extra guys on the fuckin' lookout for the rest of the night. Don't do it yourself. You, Simon and the others need to fuckin' sleep a few hours so you have at least one or two brain cells fuckin' working when we meet back up in the morning."

"Right on it," Dwight responded right away.

He huffed a breath when they pushed through a door at the end of the hallway and headed up a flight of stairs toward their room. Negan released Nicole's hand to fiddle with his keys as they approached.

"Negan..." She finally spoke when he allowed her into the room a step ahead of him. When his tired, irritable eye met hers all she could do was ask a simple question that she wouldn't dare ask in front of the other men. "Do you want to talk about it? About what happened?"

Negan stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him and then sighed and sat down on the couch off to the right. He closed his eyes, rested a hand across his forehead and leaned his head back. With a loud sigh he responded. "I'm fuckin' tired."

"I know." Nicole made her way behind where he sat and ran a hand through his hair.

"I figured this would happen sooner or later." Negan let out another sigh through his nose.

She continued to comb her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry."

He reached a hand back and gently grabbed one of hers. "Can you do me a favor honey?"

"Yeah." Nicole's response in her mind was 'anything'.

"Keep doing what you're doing for a few more minutes... and then get me the fuckin' map of the area from the table over there."

She squeezed his hand. "Of course." Nicole began to rub his neck when he dropped his hand back down and sunk deeper into the comfort of the couch.

"Thanks, doll." Negan kept his eyes closed and let out a low moan when she leaned down and gently touched her lips to his earlobe first and then the area just below. Nicole then continued to massage his neck and back for a moment before obliging to his second request and crossing the room to get the map.

Nicole wanted to advise Negan to get some sleep - to not dwell on what had occurred that day for another minute that night; that they would all come up with an effective plan in the morning. Still, she knew he was going to do what he thought was best and so she didn't initially try to sway him to go to bed, despite feeling as if that was exactly what he needed.

She placed the map down on a small coffee table in front of where he sat and took in his exhausted posture.

"Thanks," he repeated, opening his eyes though not moving otherwise.

"You're welcome." Nicole continued to stare at him, and before Negan could ask her what she was thinking she decided to respectfully speak her mind. "You look like you could use some sleep." She tried to smile but couldn't, "Don't kill yourself over this tonight."

Negan gave a barely-there smirk but quickly let it fade. "I'm going to take a half hour to think... and then I'll come to bed."

"Is that non-negotiable?"

"Non-negotiable." He smiled fully now for the first time that day and lazily reached for her hand.

Nicole linked her fingers back up with his and allowed him to pull her toward him. She eagerly pressed her lips against his and gently sat herself on his lap for a moment.

"It's not easy being with me is it?" Negan whispered, serious in his tone but still smiling.

She pulled back a moment, looking into his hazy stare now and then gave him another closed-mouth kiss, letting her lips linger against his for several seconds before responding. "It's as easy as breathing, Negan."

"That's a bullshit lie."

"Everything else is hard," Nicole informed him, "Surviving... deciding what's right and wrong..."

Negan hugged her against him, letting his cheek rest against hers with his lips by her ear. "I know you feel like I've done wrong."

She had been morally confused several days before, though now Nicole felt more certain of her feelings than ever before. Her loyalties were clear, and Negan's actions were now clear and justified in her mind. "No," Nicole said quietly. "Things are different. You know how to survive in this world and I'm just lucky enough to be along for the ride." She sighed against him and pulled him tighter against her. "I love you, Negan. I always have, and I trust you and every decision you're forced to make for all of us."

He pulled back so they were eye to eye. "You're not along for the ride, baby. You're one of the top guys here."

Nicole grinned and shook her head. "Top women."

"Even better." Negan kissed her again. "Because we can fuck and fight together."

She smiled into the kiss and Negan leaned his head back all the way against the back of the couch again.

"Go get comfortable," he instructed, "Get some sleep." When Nicole began to play with his hair again he closed his eyes but continued to speak. "I have a fuckin' idea and I'm just going to write a few things down... then I'll fuckin' join you."

"Come to bed now and I'll give you a blowjob first."

Negan let out a hearty laugh and opened his eyes, continuing to smile when he saw a hint of playfulness in her eyes. "I thought I said no negotiations, doll."

"A girl can try..."

He sighed and continued to stare back at her. "The offer still going to be there in the morning?"

"Maybe." Nicole smirked and kissed him once more, sensing he really did want to get to whatever he was planning with the map. Despite wanting to lure him into bed so he could sleep she stood up.

"Twice as good as no, half as good as yes." Negan looked her up and down a moment before Nicole spoke.

"I can take a rain check." She glanced back at the map on the small table. "Just make sure you get your rest, too."

"Yes, dear."


	61. Mouse Trap

The mood was surprisingly calm and level-headed the following morning and despite not getting ample hours of sleep, Nicole felt wide awake as she sat beside Simon at a long, gray table where Negan was perched at the head.

"Everybody here will be in charge of a group." He spoke calmly, pointing his index finger firmly against the map he had been starting at the night before that was now littered with X's and O's like a football playbook. "These fucks are supposedly camped out permanently somewhere in this vicinity." Negan pointed again to a large box he had made with a red marker, "I don't know exactly fuckin' where but we're going to block off every possible roadway that leads in and out of the area."

Nicole made brief eye contact with Negan, swallowing hard from the intense nature of his body language and the silence of the men and women around her.

"Dwight," he proceeded, "I'm going to keep you stationed by the tracks." Negan tapped the X he'd made and etched a capital 'D' with a circle around it. "You'll take ten to fifteen men with you and secure that area. No one goes back and forth through that area without being detained and disarmed." With a nod from Dwight he turned to Simon next, "You'll do the same on this main highway here. No one in, no one out."

"Shoot to kill?" Simon asked.

"No." Negan shook his head, "No, you find these people you radio to everyone else. I want them cornered... scared... I want them fuckin' alive and pissing themselves until I get there."

"What if they get combative?"

"Only use force if necessary. Kill one... fair enough; but I want their leader to have to look me in the eye and tell me why exactly he felt the need to kill twenty-five of our men without introducing himself to me personally first." He half-smiled for a fleeting a second and then got back to business, mapping out the rest of the areas with leaders in each section.

Nicole fully understood the plan - box in the opposition, force them into an area where they are incapable of escaping and then, as Negan stated, properly introduce them to the people of the Sanctuary. The certainty of the plan sent chills down her back. For one, she had no idea what they were going up against. Was the group better equipped than the Saviors? Is that why they marched into the outpost so confidently. On a side note, Nicole could see the seriousness in Negan's eyes; in his expression; his words. If their group was, indeed, strong enough to pull off the plan, which she was sure they were, what was in store for the attackers? Only a small part of her cared for their fate after witnessing the carnage for herself. It had become personal and allowed for the anger inside of her to couple with the utmost need for survival and suppressed any heavy feelings her conscience was trying to will upon her. It was war.

Confidence oozed out of the Sanctuary leaders at the closure of the meeting, a vastly different vibe from the night before.

"Recruit your teams," Negan instructed as everyone began to rise from their seated positions, "When you're fully fuckin' stocked and satisfied come back and see me for approval. I want our strongest on the front lines for this shit."

Nicole smiled as Simon nudged her confidently before he was the final one to exit the room. She then closed the door and turned to stare at Negan.

"Why didn't you give me a group?" she asked, mostly relieved but a little disappointed.

"You're riding with me." He smiled, "That okay with you? I'll give you a post if you want but I figured the king and queen should ride together."

Nicole grinned back and let out a light snicker.

"That okay with you?" Negan asked again, rising from where he still sat at the head of the table.

"Yeah."

"I know you could do it," he went on, "I just know you'd prefer not to kill... and I want to fuckin' respect that."

Nicole nodded back at him. "Thank you." She cleared her throat when he nodded back once with a barely-there, closed-mouth smile. "For the record, though... these people have forfeited their right to live, Negan. They killed twenty-five of ours unprovoked."

"I don't intent on killing them."

She raised her eyebrows, showing her mild shock in her facial expression.

"I want them to join forces... work with us... like the Hilltop and the others we've found." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, rounding the table to join her on the other side. Negan leaned against the table next to where she stood. "One may have to go... so we can set the tone that we're not fucking around but I intend on winning over the rest of these people. More people means more production... more work... more food." He sucked his teeth as he thought about the bold move on behalf of the strangers that left the satellite building in shambles, "They just need to be knocked down a fuckin' peg or two. Chances are they haven't ever been challenged and we are going to straight up have to change that shit."

"When are we going to do this... the plan?"

"The sooner the better." Negan raised his eyebrows, "Soon as the boys come back with their teams we can set up a date. In the fuckin' mean time we just need to keep our eyes wide fucking open in case these pricks try to strike twice."

Nicole nodded. "What's our role in the plan?"

"We wait for the call." He paused and looked at her directly, "Once the mouse is stuck in the trap we go in to finish the fuckin' job and set a lasting message that will assure the safety of our remaining people." Negan paused again without looking away, "You in?"

She didn't hesitate as she knew she might have in the past. "I'm in."


	62. RV

The waiting game felt endless as the day progressed. The overcast sky loomed over the world around them as the hours passed with occasional hints of communication from the groups spread across the area.

Nicole sat side-by-side with Negan in a truck not far from the Sanctuary. It was in their moments of silence that she acknowledged a weakness in herself - patience. Her mind subconsciously drifted back to the days when she had sat alone in a pool of anxiety in her house waiting for Negan's call, or wondering if/when the last time he would call her for a rendezvous might be. Waiting was like a constant weight on her shoulders that left each minute feeling more like an hour.

"They're heading right where we want them." Simon's far-away voice came through the tiny speaker on the handheld radio that Negan had set in a cup holder in between where the two of them sat.

He reached for it, staring out the window at the darkening world around them. "Have the north side on lock down?"

"They ain't getting through." Simon paused, "They're heading straight for the clearing in the woods. At least five other groups are there waiting... that's about sixty of our guys."

"How many are in the RV?"

"I counted seven. Got eyes on a potential leader."

Nicole turned to Negan who glanced in her direction as he replied again. "Give me a fuckin' name."

"Rick."

...

Nicole sat silently, now feeling the opposite of her bored, anxious thoughts. Adrenaline pumped through her body, making her arms and legs feel heavy as Negan cruised the back roads with ease toward the location their group had planned.

 _ _Sixty versus seven.__ She swallowed hard but couldn't ignore the hefty number of people in favor of their group. _ _There's no chance they'll be able to take us on.__

"It's D." Dwight's voice came over the radio next, "We have four more of them captured in the back of the truck. Bring 'em back to the Sanctuary or take them to the spot?"

Negan thought for a moment, not immediately reaching for the walkie-talkie and then nodded slightly to himself as if he'd just had a discussion in his head. "Meet us there, Dwight. These pricks need to feel it tonight."

"Roger."

"So there's eleven then?" Nicole asked, already knowing the answer.

"Eleven," Negan confirmed, "And ten of 'em will be able to go the fuck home if they play their cards right."

She swallowed hard and took a breath, glancing out the window as dusk began to fall upon them. Again, she found herself lost in her thoughts as they drove until Simon's voice filtered over the radio another time.

"Negan..."

"Go Simon." His eyes shifted around to either side of the road toward the woods as he spoke.

"They're on foot. We just confiscated their vehicle, a large RV. One man inside, we have him and the RV."

"Where are you?"

"About a quarter mile from the meeting place. They're headed that way."

"Stay where you are," Negan instructed, pressing down on the gas pedal with more force, "I'm five minutes out." When he slid the radio back into the cup holder he turned to glance at Nicole.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. Nicole took a breath and repeated the question without meaning to and rephrased it just slightly, "What are we going to do?"

"Stick to the plan." Negan gave a cool smile, "They're right where we fuckin' want 'em." He shrugged, "Plus we got a nice little camping vehicle to add the collection." He huffed a laugh and crossed through a four-way intersection in the direction where Simon and his group were waiting.

"The ones on foot... will they get away?"

"Not unless they have flame throwers and shit." Negan laughed again, "Even then our guys could mow 'em down."

Nicole took a deep breath and he nodded toward her.

"Hey... we got this shit. Okay? Don't worry."

"I'm not."

Negan didn't argue. He smiled at her a moment, attempting to ease her mind a bit but he could see it wasn't working. Neither of them spoke the rest of the way until the RV came into view in the darkness ahead and Simon gleefully leapt out of the driver's seat.

"Didn't think we'd get a brand new car out of the deal." Simon smiled wider than Nicole might have ever seen him and was about to hand the keys over to Negan, who put his hand up.

"Your confiscation, your truck." Negan smiled back, "Where's the prick who was driving?"

"Shitting himself in the back."

"Rick?"

Simon shook his head, "I couldn't catch his name in between the babbling and crying."

Negan's eyebrows raised and a smirk crossed over his face. "Crying?"

"Like a fuckin' baby." He smiled and then glanced at Nicole, "We've got 'em Nic. We got all the assholes who killed our friends at the satellite building." Simon took a breath, "For me... it's fucking personal."

Negan made his way eagerly to the side door of the RV and whipped it open where a handful of their men gathered around the man with weapons in hand. As Simon had described, his cheeks were dirty and tear-stained; lip quivering and eyes swollen from the beating they'd given him.

Nicole followed Negan into the dimly lit space and watched as he squatted down in front of where the man sat.

"What's your name?" he asked, speaking low but with his of arrogant jovialness that practically screamed 'we win, you lose'. When the man didn't immediately answer as he continued to sniffle in, Negan raised his voice, barking the question an inch from his face now. "What the fuck is your name?"

"Eu... eu..." He struggled to catch his breath, "Eugene."

Negan backed off now, smiling wide again to resume his former persona, "Now... was that so fuckin' hard Eugene?" He reached a hand out, making him jump and Negan managed a light laugh. "I'm Negan. Now... we're going to go meet up with your friends in the woods over here and show them a damn good fuckin' time."


	63. On Your Knees

The night was muggy; tense. Nicole stood amongst the group of Saviors beside Eugene, who was wasn't at all trying to hide the horror he was feeling. Tears continued to stream down his face as menacing whistles rang through the night. Looking at him made her wonder how a man like Eugene could have possibly survived in the conditions they had been in for so long. Even moreso, she wondered how he could have possibly played a role in killing so many of their people. On his knees in the dirt with a quivering lip he looked more frightened than a an eight-year-old child.

"Hit the lights!" a voice shouted in the darkness, snapping Nicole out of her daydream as a small bout of organized chaos ensued. Like spotlights highlighting the main characters in a play on stage, cars and trucks from all around suddenly jolted their high beams on, one after the other as scampering, rustling sounds from all around made her hair stand on end.

 _ _Lights. Camera. Action.__

The group of six strangers emerged, terror lingering in their wide eyes and expressions as they were suddenly thrown into the Savior spotlight. The whistling continued in uneven rounds, more hair-raising than a pack of wolf howls.

Nicole noticed the boy first, a teenager. His mouth hung open beneath a hat and bandaged eye. His face pale white in the headlights as he spun around in all directions in an attempt to gage what was happening. Like Eugene, she couldn't help but wonder if and how this boy was involved in the satellite building slaughter.

The wounded person on the stretcher was the next thing that drew her eye. The two men who carried it appeared frozen despite their hulking, manly exteriors.

 _ _What is wrong with him... or her?__ Nicole almost shook her head, unable to identify who laid across it. All in all, the antagonist group was not at all what she was expecting. What Nicole anticipated seeing was a group of weapon-wielding vigilantes with will and desire to kill, or dominate. In the midst of the headlights that provided a center-stage in the favor of the Sanctuary's people, however, the group appeared to be anything but the way she envisioned.

"Good." Simon's voice snapped her head in his direction as he emerged from a dark corner of the wood. He stared directly at one of the men holding the stretcher. "You made it." He donned a wide grin, supporting the calm tone in the way he spoke. "Welcome to where you're going. We'll take your weapons... now." He reached into the holster on his belt buckle and pointed it at the kid, "Now."

Members of their group approached the six newcomers and disarmed them before stepping back out of the spotlight to allow Simon to continue.

"Alright," he went on, "Let's get you all on your knees."

Nicole swallowed hard as she watched them submit, the group eagerly helping the wounded woman, who's face came into view now, off of the stretcher and shakily down onto the forest floor. Her clammy features and hunched over posture made Nicole's stomach turn. She wished she could somehow exempt the woman from whatever was about to happen.

 _ _They killed twenty-something of our people__ , Nicole reminded herself. She had to keep the reality of that notion running through her mind.

A shrill squeaking sound cut through the air next and four more people were paraded out of the back of a truck - two men and two women. Likewise, they were forced to their knees to the right of their counterparts and immediately one of the men's eyes lit up as he stared upon the injured woman already down on the ground.

"M... Maggie?" His eyes were desperate and full of despair as if his entire world had just come crashing down in that one instant.

There was nothing any of them could do - not at that moment. They simply looked around wide-eyed and terrified at one another. Some whimpered, some still appeared shell-shocked.

"Alright!" Simon bellowed with utmost enthusiasm, unphased by eleven people kneeling before them. He backed up slowly toward the RV they had confiscated from Eugene, "Let's meet the man." He gave a subtle knock on the side door, staring down each of the eleven adversaries as they continued to relish in the terrifying uncertainty that loomed over them.

Nicole waited, feeling the blood pumping in her ears in her own anticipating. The slightest puffs of smoke left her mouth with each deep breath, though despite the modest chill the air against her face still felt sticky and warm. When the door of the RV swung open and Negan emerged with the bat on his shoulder, she knew the culmination of the plan he had orchestrated was about to go down.

She studied him now. A glistening sweat highlighted the stern nature of his jawline, cheekbones and forehead. A smile decorated his face and the calm nature of his pace from the vehicle toward the people kneeled before him was eerily confident.

"Pissing our pants yet?" his voice was jovial, "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close." Negan paused and looked around, pointing at random members of the group with his free hand, "Which one of you pricks is the leader?"

"This one." Simon motioned to one of the men who had been carrying the injured woman. His face was sweaty and full of defeat behind a set of wide eyes as his mouth continued to hang open in a sense of disbelief.

Negan approached him with the same even-keeled pace until he hovered above him. "Hi," he said simply, still sporting a grin, "You're Rick right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men."

Nicole took a breath as he went on, feeling the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She could see the people were way in over their head despite the damage they had instilled upon the satellite building.

"Not cool... not fuckin' cool." Negan's voice was low; scratchy. "You have no fuckin' idea how not cool that shit is." Despite the informal sentence structure, the menacing undertones to his voice was enough to send shivers down everyone's spine in the immediate area, Saviors included. "But," he continued, "I think you're going to be up to speed here shortly. You are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes." Negan stared Rick down and then his jubilant smile returned, "Fuck yeah, you are." Another pause. "See Rick, whatever you do, no matter fucking what, you do not mess with the new world order. The new world order is this, and it's really very simple, even if you're fuckin' stupid which you very well may be you can understand it. Here it goes, listen up, pay attention. Give me your shit... or I'll kill you. Now, I know that is a big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you must certainly mother fuckin' will."

Nicole fixed her eyes on the woman again, who tried to hold her posture as one hand clamped down on her stomach.

 _ _Maggie__ , she thought, remembering the man calling out to her by name.

"You ruled the roost," Negan went on, speaking directly with Rick again, "You built something. You thought you were safe, but the word is out. You are not safe. Not even fuckin' close. In fact, you are fucked - more fucked if you don't give me what I want and what I want is half your shit. If that's too much you can make, find or steal more and it'll even out sooner or later." He grinned, "The more you fight back the harder it will be." He paced the line and raised his voice, making direct eye contact with everyone he passed, "So... if someone comes knocking on your door you fucking let us in. We own that fucking door! You try to fuckin' stop us and we will knock it down." He made his way back towards Rick, waving the bat in his direction to make him flinch just slightly.

Negan addressed the group as a whole now. "You didn't think you'd get through this without being punished now, did you?" He twirled his bat, "I don't want to kill you people. I just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me and you can't do that if you're fuckin' dead, now, can you? But... you killed my people, a whole damn lot of 'em, more than I'm comfortable with and for that... well for that you're going to fuckin' pay."

Everyone's eyes were up on him now, anticipating what his next move, or next set of words might be. There was nothing left to the imagination as Negan, in typical fashion, spoke exactly what he was intending on doing.

"Now... I'm going to beat the holy fuck... fucking fuckity fuck out of one of you."

Nicole almost ran at him when he approached Maggie, but she refrained as she stood behind him with a tense posture and balled up fists. She felt the pit of her stomach drop as her eyes widened and eyebrows raised.

"Jesus... you look shitty," he remarked, raising the bat, "I should just put you out of your misery right now."

"No!" The man near the end of the lineup jerked forward, "No!"

Nicole was grateful for his intervention and knew he must have been linked to the sickly woman from the way he called out her name before and now risked his own life by stopping Negan in his tracks.

Dwight tackled him before he could do anything, prompting Maggie to scream out, "Stop it!" amidst a collection of tears. He pinned the man down with a crossbow pointed directly at his face from an inch or two above where he now laid in the dirt.

"Dwight... get him back in line," Negan said calmly, watching as Dwight dragged the man back to where he had been kneeling.

"Don't," he continued to plead, begging for Maggie's life.

Negan smiled for a moment and then went on with his lecture. "Don't any of you do that shit again," he ordered calmly, "I will shut that shit down no exceptions." He glanced at the man who'd lashed out, "First one's free. It's an emotional moment. I get it." Negan approached Rick again, "Sucks don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit." He began to pace the group, addressing each person methodically.

Nicole was thankful he turned his attention away from Maggie, though when he approached the boy her heart stopped again, only to regain a sense of relief when he moved on to another. She knew it was coming - that Negan was about to kill someone kneeling there on the ground in front of them. She knew he must've trained his mind for situations like this one and she wished she could turn that switch on and off the way he could. They weren't just innocent people, despite the desperate looks on their faces and the fear that accompanied it. They had murdered an entire building of their people without so much as an introduction.

 _ _At least Negan is giving them that__ , she thought. _ _And to only kill one person when they killed twenty-five of ours... that's more than fair.__

It was more than fair. Nicole knew it. Still, it didn't make the situation lighter, nor did it settle the flip-flopping nature of her stomach. In all honesty, Nicole didn't want him to choose anyone. She wanted his scare tactics to be enough with simple words and threats, though she knew for a group capable of doing what they did, that might not be enough.

"I've got an idea." Negan's facial features brightened a bit as he paced around in front of the group and he chuckled to himself. The child-like rhyme he proceeded to say, one which Nicole had heard a million times, had never felt so chilling. He pointed the bat at Rick first, before making his way randomly around from one person to the next. "Eenie... meenie... miny... mo... catch... a tiger... by... the toe... if he hollers, let him go..." He paused, "My mother... told me... to pick... the very... best... one."

Nicole held her breath, knowing he wasn't kidding; wasn't bluffing. She held sympathy mostly for the women and for the boy, though she didn't know if that was fair or right. Still, her heart ached as he paced around, seconds from choosing whoever he intended on killing that night.

"And you... are... it."

In those final moments a stillness fell upon their world. The ringing in Nicole's ears all but blocked out Negan's next set of words. It was as if he was miles away and his voice was muddled beneath a collection of pillows. No one moved as he stared down a hulking red-headed man - one of the two who had been carrying Maggie on a stretcher. His willingness to accept his fate as the scapegoat for the sins of his group made her heart lurch out of her chest for him, despite knowing nothing about him. She could tell he was a fighter, but he simply kneeled there waiting as Negan raised the bat high over his head and came down with a sickening blow that left the man sprawling to the ground in a heap.

Nicole couldn't watch - not as the man struggled but succeeded in pushing himself back up into a kneeled position as blood ran down his face stemming from the blow to his head. She turned, moving to the back of the back of Saviors behind where the RV sat and could only listen as the man's friends and family screamed for the sake of his life while Negan's unmistakable beatings continued to be willed upon the man.

She leaned against the metal exterior of the vehicle, now alone in the darkness that was hidden from the manmade stage they had created for such a production. Her breaths were heavy and uneven, her hands shook and she closed her eyes as she could only listen to the sounds from around the corner. It was almost worse just listening, as all of her senses were devoted to the screams, the cries and the despair.

"Get it together," she whispered the words aloud and tried to picture the bodies of her former friends inside the satellite building. It provided her anything but comfort and Nicole put her hands on her ears when she recognized that whatever was happening wasn't over.

More screams ensued and she heard another series of sickening cracks, accompanied by the painful groans of another man. Whatever was happening wasn't over - not by a long shot, she imagined. Nicole pressed harder on the sides of her head, attempting to block out the sounds but nothing could mask the true nature of the situation. It was so intense that Nicole could almost feel it - the pain, the brutality. It left her slumped down on her own knees alone behind the RV and wishing the moment would be over.


	64. Still

Negan could read Nicole's body language. Despite his hard and jovial exterior he took just the shortest of moments to send her back to the Sanctuary, making up some excuse that would assign her an important task far away from where carnage had taken place that night.

She hadn't argued or asked why. She didn't even speak. An adamant nod was the only form of communication that she could manage, touching Negan's arm subtly as she turned to go in the vehicle they had rode in together.

For Negan, the night wasn't even closer to over. He methodically took his time imprinting his message on the latest threat to the people of the Sanctuary.

Two men had died. It wasn't his intention. Still, he couldn't back out on his word and appear like some pushover after the retaliation from a man they called Daryl that left his jaw sore and mouth aching with the metallic taste of his own blood. Negan hadn't seen it coming - the punch the man threw after he'd taken the life out of one of their own. As much as it frustrated him, Negan couldn't deny his liking for the toughness and set of balls on Daryl. It was why he imposed his punishment on another member of the group. A small flicker of hope lingered inside of him that Daryl could become a useful member of the Saviors.

Rick's punishment was worse, in some ways. Negan had asserted his dominance, rendering their leader helpless in a series of tests that lasted until the sun rose beneath a haze of fog the next morning. He wore him down, scared him shitless and then threw the knockout punch that ended with Negan riding away in the confiscated RV with his remaining men while Rick wallowed in the remnants of the punishment that the Saviors had brought down on them for killing their people.

It was a brutal, exhausting evening; but Negan knew it had to be done. If nothing else he was a man of his word and there wasn't a bone his body that would be walked on. The adrenaline-pumping event they had carried out had finally come to a close and by the time he reached the Sanctuary all of those heightened emotions had begun to die down, replacing his body with a fatigue that gnawed at every part of him.

Negan maintained his over-the-top demeanor as he crossed through the courtyard and the main areas of their compound. He expressed joy in the fact that they would soon be getting more supplies and waved Lucille around with a smile until he finally reached the door to his room. It was the only place where he let his guard down, even if just in short increments. Still, it allowed him to refuel and go back to ruling with an iron fist when he crossed back out into the public eye. That's why when he found his room empty there was a slight hint of disappointment that washed over him.

The door that led into the bathroom was half open and no light source filtered out of it. Still, Negan called out for Nicole. When there was no answer he shuffled toward the door, pushing it open fully and then took a moment to glance around the room. The shades were still drawn from the night before and the dark undertones of the room added to the dramatic nature.

With no other option, Negan made his way into the bathroom, undressed and began to wash away all evidence of his encounter with Rick's people. He let his mind wander as dirt rolled off his skin into the bottom of the tub, wondering what was to come from that day forward. The plan had gone off without a hitch, and he was sure his message was received. Still, he had people assigned to protect the borders of the Sanctuary and increased protection at all of the outposts. Their people were ready and alert.

Negan took a deep breath and tried to keep his thoughts quiet so he could enjoy the feel of the water as it cleansed his body. He thought of how much better it would be if Nicole was there to knead her fingers into the muscles of his back and run a cloth down his arms and legs. It was something he had been looking forward to, though her absence now left him feeling more incomplete than he anticipated. Still, the soothing nature of the bath left him feeling as if he could fall asleep right there in the tub.

"Shit..." he let the word trickle out of his mouth as he leaned back against the white marble. For a moment he allowed his mind to be blank - to escape the here-and-now; to put the events of the night so far back in his mind that for just a few seconds it was almost as if they hadn't happened. He focused on the water that he splashed up onto his face and felt a soothing comfort in the control he willed over his mind.

Every bit of it made sense to him. Negan didn't regret a thing. Still, there was a mental price to pay when taking a human life. Each time he was forced to do it, another piece of his humanity was lost. It was one of the many reasons why he felt so dependent on Nicole. She hadn't lost an ounce of her own humanity and each time she gave him an empathic glance, felt remorse or provided comfort to him in some way, he felt a part of his-apocalyptic self return - one that wasn't solely based on survival.

When the door to his room opened and closed, Negan felt a different type of adrenaline shoot through his chest and into his stomach. He honestly didn't have a grasp on where he stood with Nicole and so when she emerged into the bathroom with wide eyes just a moment later he couldn't help but embrace the relief he felt.

"You're back," she said matter-of-factly. "I didn't know when you would be. You were gone all night." Nicole paused, staring into hazy eyes, "Are you alright?"

Negan took his time standing up, letting beads of water fall away from his body before reaching for a towel nearby. He nodded and let out a decompressing sigh before regaining her eye contact. "Are you?"

Nicole cleared her throat and then responded the way he did - with a simple nod. "I was just making my rounds," she explained, "I started to worry when you hadn't come back."

"I just got in," Negan confirmed, nodding toward the main room so they could leave the darker, confined space.

She took in his heavy feet and slightly hunched over posture as he crossed the room to sit down on the edge of the bed. To Nicole, Negan didn't look a man who had just come from a victorious position over the group that had attacked them. He wasn't smiling, joking or boastful. He looked tired, drained and overworked. It was completely the opposite from the last time they had been together out in the woods with everyone surrounding them.

"Did you sleep?" he asked, watching as Nicole took off her shoes and the sweatshirt she had been wearing over a thin, blue cami.

She shrugged. "A little..." Nicole approached where he sat, slowly letting her arms graze his shoulders before running her hands down his bare back as she pulled him close to her.

Negan closed his eyes, resting his head against her mid-section as he arms lazily draped around her. Her simple touch was what he had been craving on a subconscious level. He could have easily fallen asleep sitting up against her in that way.

"Still?" Negan asked.

"What?"

He didn't move, despite feeling that Nicole was trying to look at him. Negan was far too content in the way she ran her hands through his hair and stroked the length of his back. He didn't have it in him to move.

"You still come back?" he specified, "After that?"

"Did you expect me to run?"

Negan let out a breath against her, "I'll never fuckin' put you in the position again."

"Negan, I don't-"

He pulled back to look at her this time, keeping his hands firmly on her waist as he spoke. "You still have your humanity. I'm not going to fuckin' take this shit from you."

"You're not." Nicole insisted, shaking her head.

Negan didn't have the strength or desire to disagree. He was about to lean back against her but Nicole pulled away and began to tug at the covers.

"Lay down," she urged him gently.

He let out a sigh through his nose and obeyed her nurturing request, laying flat with his head on the closest pillow before closing his eyes when Nicole joined him in bed, pulling the covers securely over both of them.

She strung kisses down his shoulder toward his upper back and cuddled herself behind him, letting one hand tuck against his inner thigh while the other continued to stroke his hair.

Negan moaned lightly, feeling Nicole's lips against his shoulder again as one of her bare feet slipped in between his. "Thank you, doll."

Nicole pulled him closer and closed her eyes, resting her face against the top of his back. "Thank you for protecting us." Despite the brutal nature of the evening, she stood by her convictions and thought with logic rather than emotion. She reminded herself of the purpose of the plan they had carried out and now, after the dust had settled, she could find a true comfort in the fact that retribution had been served for killing all of their men at the satellite building.

"Coulda fuckin' been you sleeping in one of those beds at the outpost," he pointed out, "You were there for awhile before we met." Negan cleared his throat but otherwise didn't move, "I had to fuckin' do it."

"I know," Nicole whispered against him.

He sighed again, comforted by the smallest touches in that moment. It was something he knew he had to acknowledge, not just because of Nicole's loyalty but because of his own recognition of the emotional dependence that he was unable to completely ignore. She was the only remedy to a long, intense encounter like the one that had carried on through the night and into the morning. "I fuckin' love you." Negan felt in her body language how much those words meant to her as she both relaxed and pulled him closer.

"I love you, too."


	65. Prove It

Nicole had no idea what time of day it was when her eyes flickered open. The dark gray curtains were pulled over the only windows that gave a view to the world outside. The night before had been a whirlwind of events for Nicole, though she wondered how typical it was for Negan. She couldn't help but notice the exhaustion and the almost melancholy nature of his body language - something that had been absent from his behavior prior to that evening.

She glanced over at him laying beside her looking almost vulnerable in his sleep. Negan laid on his side facing her with his arms partially hugged around his bare chest as breaths escaped through his nose. Despite the events of the night Nicole couldn't see him as a monster. She wasn't at all close to comfortable witnessing his actions though now that the dust had settled and they were back in the comfort of their room and behind the walls of the Sanctuary Nicole couldn't deny the contentment she felt laying beside him.

For whatever reason, she craved seeing Negan so vulnerable. It brought out his human side and seemed to contradict his bold, assertive personality that he mercilessly threw at every other living person that still existed. She was the exception - the only one who got to see behind the curtain.

Nicole ducked in closer beside him so they were face to face and closed her eyes, draping her arm around his waist. Subconsciously she let her fingers gently graze his side, dancing along the muscles leading to his lower back.

Negan let out a breath and Nicole felt one of his feet slip in between hers. He released a quiet moan without opening his eyes. When his nose touched hers Nicole pulled him closer. She loved having him to herself, unguarded and raw without the showy persona that he often put on for the public. With each passing day and with all of the challenges they faced, Nicole's feelings toward Negan never diminished.

He took another deep breath when she adjusted against him and in a sleepy haze let his lips gently connect with hers. Nicole ran a hand up his torso, hugging her arm around his upper back and kissed him back. She hadn't anticipated escalating the moment, though Negan slipped his fingers subtly inside the waistband of her underwear, urging them down as his hand gripped her hip.

Nicole moaned against his lips when he pulled up at the back of her knee so their hips connected. She alternated opening and closing her eyes, though when he never opened his she wondered if he was somehow half-asleep.

"Negan..." she breathed his name in a break in their kiss and finally made eye contact with him for a brief moment.

He responded by running a hand the length of her back before securing his grasp on the back of her leg again and kissing her with a little more persistence.

Nicole hooked her leg around his waist, feeling him enter her a second later. Both of them sighed against one another and she gripped the back of his head as he leaned down to kiss her neck.

Negan pulled at her hip with more force, securing her against him as tight as he could while he moved up into her repeatedly with a sensual, controlled thrusting.

She swallowed hard and bit down on her bottom lip when his breaths landed against her the sensitive skin on her neck and collarbone. When he moaned her name Nicole forced his face back to hers and kissed him in an unconstrained fashion.

Negan returned the more heated embrace for a moment before regaining his original pace, gently taking the center of her breast into his mouth while continuing what he was doing. As much as Nicole wanted to maintain the heated, passionate embrace she had attempted to create, she relished in the more sensual nature of Negan's touches and the intimacy that was created by the face-to-face position they were in.

Nicole willingly allowed him to take the passive lead he had initiated. It was rare in their intimate times that Negan preferred being slow and sensual, and so she tried to savor every second with him. It wasn't long before Nicole found herself completely lost in every purposeful placement of his fingers, graze of his lips and fluid movement inside of her.

The buildup to her climax matched his, and just when she thought he might encourage her to 'let it out' the way he often did, she felt his breathing pick up before he kissed her hard on the lips a final time.

Negan moaned into Nicole's mouth and then almost unwillingly pulled away as he relished in the final seconds of their love-making with another groan as he pushed into deeper another time upon feeling her contractions against him.

Nicole held him firmly against her, chest-to-chest, accepting his final breaths against her face that began to even out when Negan slowly began to come down off the high of the moment. Neither of them moved right away. Negan continued to enjoy the way Nicole held him against her and Nicole relished in Negan's sensual vulnerability.

The silence around them was comforting, particularly after a loud, boisterous and violent evening.

Nicole almost thought that Negan had fallen back asleep in the short amount of time that they laid, still entwined in one another; though when he finally let out a loud, decompressing sigh she knew he was awake.

Negan continued to secure her leg around his waist and then kissed her lazily again. "What fuckin' day is it?" he teased without laughing.

"Mmm..." Nicole couldn't respond in any other way.

He echoed her response and felt her grasp tighten around him again.

"You're my girl," he whispered, prompting Nicole to open her eyes only to find his closed yet again.

"Always," she responded quietly back.

"Thought you might have left." Negan opened his eyes now. "When I came back and you weren't here."

Nicole met his stare a few inches away on the pillow. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Even after-"

She placed a hand gently over his mouth and continued to look into his eyes. Nicole was beginning to get a grasp on her own measure of power she held over Negan when he didn't try to fight off the action. "I'm not going anywhere," Nicole said to him again. "I know you. I understand... all of it."

"Okay," Negan said simply when she shifted her hand to the side of his face. "Because it's going to fuckin' get ugly."

"For them or for us?"

"For them."

Nicole nodded, "I can sleep at night knowing that."

Through her words and actions, alike, Negan could feel her honesty and loyalty. It was something he never questioned, despite knowing Nicole's disdain for killing. He pulled her for another kiss before adjusting so he laid on his back and urged her partially on top of him. "Prove it."

Nicole half-smiled to herself and cuddled herself against his chest beneath the covers. "Just stay alive."

"Just sleep with me."

After a night like the one they'd had, she couldn't deny his request. "Okay."


	66. Murder Plot

In the weeks to follow it was hard for Nicole to keep up with Negan's shifting emotions. He was upbeat and cheery one minute, boasting about the good they were gaining from the new group at Alexandria where Rick and the others resided. The next he was angry and on edge. Nicole could see that since their two groups had crossed paths, Negan never felt satisfied; never felt comfortable.

She wanted to pry into his emotions, though she knew it would be asking a lot. He vented at times, and it was always on his terms. Nicole simply allowed him to lash out, or at other times gleefully bring a box of food and other supplies to their room that their people had confiscated. Regardless of Negan's mood or tone, she could quite literally feel an uneasiness that he tried to keep buried inside of him. It was something that Nicole recognized more prominently as time passed and hadn't existed within him prior to meeting Rick's people. Asking Negan about it would only add to his uncharacteristic lack of confidence that only she noticed, and so she decided she had to go the other route and feed on the feeling that all was well. All in all she didn't have a real reason to feel otherwise.

Nicole wanted to get the people of the Sanctuary subconsciously on board, and so when the latest shipment of materials came in she made her rounds from crew to crew of the workers in different areas of their compound.

"This is the most food we've had in awhile," she commented to a handful of inventory workers. They kept busy, removing items from bags and boxes, scribbling in notebooks what their community now had in stock.

"You can say that again," a woman donning a handkerchief over curly brown hair agreed. She drew in a puff of a cigarette before securing it between her first two fingers.

"Make sure you let Negan know how much we have," Nicole added, "He'll be happy to hear it... maybe throw an extra pack of cigarettes your way if he's in a good mood." She smiled at the woman and then went on her way, having the same nonchalant, small-talk with others. The idea was to lift everyone else's spirits in an attempt to show Negan that what he was doing was working, and that whatever uneasy feeling that was lingering beside him like an unwelcome shadow was simply a figment of his imagination. She hoped that someone, even one or two workers would reinforce that almighty swagger that he threw around in public.

"Good day at the office." Simon crossed into a warehouse area where Nicole stood making her rounds and the two of them shared a smile.

"I'd say so." Nicole walked up to him, "You guys did good."

" _ _We__ did good," he corrected.

"Hey, what do you think of these new people we're dealing with?" she asked, attempting to gain another opinion.

"In what context are we talking about?"

"Can they fight? Are they capable of doing any damage over here if they wanted to?"

Simon let another slow grin spread across his face and then gave a hearty laugh, "Weren't you there the day we took their guns away?"

Nicole shrugged but nodded.

"We have all the fire power right down to the last bullet," he reminded her, "They've got no way to even try to attack, never mind defend themselves if we feel the need to go out there and send a message for some kind of wrongdoing."

"So, we're sitting pretty then?"

Simon chuckled, "I guess you could say that, yeah." He nodded toward her, "Why?"

Nicole had a lie waiting, as she anticipated the question, "Well... they did a lot of damage to our old home over there at the satellite building. I just want to be sure that nothing like that will happen again. I guess I just took it a little personal because that's the place that kept you and I alive... ya know?"

"I hear ya Nicole," he said with a nod, "But, shit, that was well over a month ago and we have these fuckers under our thumb now doing what we want. It's on our schedule."

She knew he was right. "See Simon... sometimes I need to be talked off the ledge."

Simon put his hands out to the sides, "That's what I'm here for."

"He around?" Nicole asked, referring to Negan.

"Monitoring the trucks." He pointed over his shoulder using his thumb and Nicole smiled, making her way by.

"Atta boy!" Negan smiled wide as a man lugged a final trunk full of supplies from the back of a big, black truck. "That all?"

"That's all," the man confirmed. He towed the oversized box with him toward a large bay door that hung open as Dwight waved him in his direction.

Nicole approached where Negan stood and he flashed her a cooler, closed-mouth smile.

"Seems like this'll last awhile," she said.

He leaned an arm against the side of the truck. "Definitely fuckin' should."

"So were good then."

"For a little while."

Nicole raised her eyebrows and folded her arms across her chest. She half-smirked. "It's not like you to be modest."

"Never modest... just honest honey."

Nicole sensed it again - Negan's subtle insecure tone. She wanted to snap him out of it and began to wonder if he knew something the rest of them didn't. Simon still oozed with confidence so she had no idea why Negan was harboring such uneasiness.

"People here are satisfied," she reminded him.

"Plan on fuckin' keeping it that way."

Nicole nodded and smiled softly, feeling him begin to study her with his eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that you have more to say than what you're saying, doll?"

She smiled a little wider, noting how easily he could read her in the same way that she could him.

"Something's fucking wrong," he suspected despite her grin.

"No," Nicole insisted right away, "No, nothing is wrong... at all."

Negan continued to look her up and down with a hint of suspicion.

She approached him and removed a set of keys that stuck out from in between his lightly closed fist. "Just... come with me."

He loosened his grip on the key ring but held his eye contact with her.

"Come on," Nicole gave him a head nod as she began to round the truck toward the driver's side.

"You know," Negan said, "If it's you who tries to fuckin' kill me I'll die of a broken fuckin' heart."

She gave him a look as if to say, 'Are you fucking kidding me?' and almost rolled her eyes as he purposely climbed in the car with an over-pronounced hesitance.

Nicole looked around the immediate area, finding it vacant before hopping in the truck. When she slammed the door Negan was already staring at her from the passenger seat and she finally chuckled.

"I'm not going to kill you, Negan," she explained, causing him to smirk just slightly, "But I do need you to point me in the direction of the most vacant spot here right now." Nicole started up the engine and matched his stare now, ultimately causing a stalemate until he finally nodded his head and pointed across her body.

"If my fuckin' schedules are correct, and they always are, the archery range shouldn't have anyone lingering around."

"This is the first I'm heading of an archery range." Nicole put the car in drive and proceeded to the left.

"Just my own little nickname for the weapons training area." He leaned back, "Straight toward the back fence by the woods doll. What kind of weapon are you using?"

Nicole turned, seeing him smirk as he leaned his head back against the head rest while looking out the front windshield.

"My bare hands," she teased back, easing over a grassy section of terrain toward the more secluded area at the back of the Sanctuary. "Do you have things you needed to do?"

"I always have things I need to do, honey." He turned, "But this little mystery you're carrying out here is tickling my balls just enough to put all that shit on hold."

"I'll try not to disappoint." Nicole smiled to herself and managed to ease the car through a collection of scattered trees that surpassed the woods line though still sat inside the Sanctuary borders.

Negan looked around and chuckled to himself. "From my own personal experiences, this is either a sex or murder plot."

Nicole put the car in park, keeping one hand on the wheel for a moment as she glanced over at him. "Well I told you I wasn't going to try to kill you."

"Is the bed not comfortable enough for you?"

"This isn't about me." Nicole continued to relish in her amusement and reached across to undo the buckle of his belt. "You just look like you've been under some stress..." Her eyes met his a moment before she reached further across to grab the handle that slid his seat back farther.

Negan snickered and scooted back in the seat, allowing her the room to settle herself in front of him on her knees.

"I was thinking about the first time we snuck around," Nicole continued, "In the bathroom at the bar." She unzipped his pants to find him already fully erect as she began to pull his jeans away from his waist. "And I thought it'd be a little fun to... relive that a little."

Negan let in a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes when she leaned forward and took him in her mouth.

Nicole glanced up at him, beginning to stroke him gently as she went down on him.

He swallowed hard and spread his feet wider on either side of where she was positioned between his legs. Negan entangled a hand in her hair and decided to enjoy the moment rather than continue to overthink. It wasn't as if he had a choice while in the midst of getting a blowjob.

Nicole enjoyed satisfying Negan. God knows it worked both ways in their relationship. She loved having the power of controlling his in-the-moment sighs and each subtle buck of his hips.

Negan pushed his jeans down farther toward his knees, prompting Nicole to pull back for a moment. When she immediately latched back onto him he groaned.

"Don't stop," he encouraged her, letting his mouth hang open as his hand secured around the back of her head again.

Nicole loved when Negan was vocal during their most intimate times. It heightened her own arousal and so she gratefully obeyed his request, continuing to pleasure him in all the right ways.

He wanted to make the moment last but the sudden nature of Nicole's seductive game coupled with her ability to take him to unparalleled highs in the heat of the moment had already begun to get the best of him.

Nicole had been with Negan for long enough to know that what she was doing was effectively leading him toward a climax, so when he choked the words out that he was going to come she gripped him just a little tighter with her right hand.

Negan moaned, long past the point of escaping reality under Nicole's generous touch as he let out a powerful release into her mouth. "Fuck," he let the word drag out of his mouth, gripping the handle above the window with one hand while grasping Nicole with the other.

She finished him off, taking a breath herself when he finally settled back in the seat and wiped away the watery sensation from under her eyes.

Negan's chest heaved up and down several times before he finally reopened his eyes as Nicole rested her forearms on his thighs.

"Feel better now?" She asked him.

Negan let out a few breaths and then smiled and laughed lightly. "I knew you had more to fuckin' say when you came out to the truck." He shuffled his pants back up, "But, shit, I didn't think it was that."

"Well... I'm full of surprises," Nicole teased. "And you look like you needed one today."

"I could use one every day," he joked back.

"Well I'm available." She pushed herself up so they were face-to-face and then slowly left a closed-mouth kiss on his lips, making his eyes close again.

"I know." Negan smirked.

"Stop stressing over Alexandria," she whispered. "We have all the weapons... the control..." Nicole reiterated Simon's words from earlier.

"And supplies," he added, still grinning, much to Nicole's pleasure as she felt confidence radiating out of him now.

"That's right." She kissed him another time quick and then crawled back over into the driver's seat.

Negan turned to look at her. "You fuckin' get me, doll."

Nicole winked at him and put the car in reverse. "I know."


	67. Supply and Demand

**Thanks for patience everyone! I am 6 1/2 months pregnant right now so I am going to try to finish this story before the due date, haha! And if anyone is interested in a TWD Season 8 finale video I made go to youtube dot com/watch?v=Pyvn7oxRzkw. It won't let me paste the full link in here. :)**

Demand. Supplies. Demand. Supplies. Demand. Supplies. Repeat.

Things were working heavily in the favor of the Sanctuary. Collections were made regularly. There was never a shortage of food, water and even luxury items.

Nicole had to sit back and consciously think about the number of resource areas, as Simon often referred to the other communities, where they gathered supplies.

 _ _The Hilltop... The Kingdom... Alexandria...__

Despite her overall confidence in the Saviors' routine and Negan's leadership, she could not deny that the three communities certainly could combine their numbers to compete with the high number of Sanctuary residents. One-on-one, there was no competition, though as more time progressed and their community grew richer while the others scampered for supplies, Nicole couldn't deny the possibility of a rebellion of sorts. It was the last thing she wanted to bring to Negan's attention, particularly because of vast lift in confidence after a temporary bout of visibly uneasiness. Aside from that, there was no proof of a reform - just a fleeting, haunting thought that had begun to make itself home in Nicole's mind.

Still, each time Simon came back with a boasting smile or Negan nonchalantly rounded the troops for a successful pickup, plans went off without a hitch. The new world's supply and demand procedure had been heavily in their favor until the one day that Nicole's haunting thought became a glimpse of a reality.

The screeching tires as vehicles whipped back in through the walls of the Sanctuary was what had caught her attention first. The typical run to Alexandria had been anything but typical as a collection of angry and anxious faces stormed out of the parade of cars and trucks that had made their weekly supply run.

Nicole rushed toward the gates, her eyes frantically searching until she saw Negan leap out of the passenger side of a big truck, slamming the door behind him in a mild fit of rage. Immediately her heart's anxious beating steadied just a bit when she saw he was alive and well.

"What happened?" she was firm and direct as she approached him, though was taken off-guard when he grabbed her beneath her elbow and insistently turned her to walk with him toward the Sanctuary's main building.

"Go to the room," he instructed simply.

"What?" Nicole turned and made eye contact, seeing a combination of worry and rage in his stare. "Negan-"

"Fuckin'..." He hissed the word and sucked his teeth, never letting go of her arm, "Just get upstairs."

"Tell me what the hell happened."

Negan stopped abruptly to look at her directly. "They ambushed us."

"What?"

"They fuckin' ambushed us," he repeated, "People are fuckin' dead." Negan sucked his teeth again in frustration, "I don't know if they have other shit up their sleeve but I'm not having you at ground fucking zero to find out." He hardened his stare, "So go up to the room."

Nicole began to shake her head, "Don't act like I'm useless. I know how to use a gun. I know-"

"I know you're not useless," he barked, though immediately calmed his tone, "I know what you're capable of, Nicole but I don't want you in the middle of this if they come back. I want you on the high ground, tucked the fuck away from all this shit."

"I can't do that. Not with you down here on the front line."

"Just fucking do it for me," Negan begged. He lowered his voice, "Please... please honey." He shifted his grip on her arm to rest on the side of her face. "Please... for now until I know what the fuck is going on."

Nicole swallowed hard, wanting to fight him but she could see how adamant he felt. Without another word she simply nodded.

"Thank you."

"If shit hits the fan I can't stay up there and watch."

"You're a stubborn fucking woman Nicole." He shook his head and urged her to keep marching on toward the main building, shouting out demands as he went to men scampering around the property.

"Just... don't leave me out," she told him, "I'll stay upstairs until you know more but after that I'm down here."

Negan turned as they walked, making an extended bout of eye contact with her and then reluctantly agreed with the slightest of nods.

"Thank you." Nicole squeezed his forearm and Negan let a hand drift along the curve of her back before tapping a walkie-talkie attached to her waist band.

"I'll talk to you."

"Okay." She wanted to lean in and give him a kiss but refrained to help upkeep the image she knew he needed to portray, particularly in a time of crisis.

Negan subtly winked instead then headed toward a group of Saviors gathered together, talking frantically.

Nicole watched him go, finally getting a moment to take in the reality that members of their community had been killed and that Negan could have been one of them. He hadn't, and she knew she had to let it go that he could have.

"Got your fuckin' battle boots on?" Simon approached from behind and Nicole whipped around, immediately feeling guilty for not thinking of one of her first post-apocalyptic allies in the midst of the turmoil. Again, relief poured into her body knowing he was safe.

"Simon..." Nicole breathed his name and instinctively put his arms out, accepting a rifle he handed over.

"We got some shit we're going to need to take care of," he informed her.

"I know," she nodded, "What the hell happened out there?"

"Typical run." Simon hardened his jaw as he spoke and scanned the area with his eyes. "They set us up. Kingdom people came in, all lined up with guns... the fuckin' king's tiger damn near sunk his claws into him."

Nicole's eyes lit up from the imagery she had in her mind. "Into who?"

He nodded toward Negan across he front lot. "Fuckin' surreal. Almost didn't make it out."

"Jesus..." She ran a hand through her hair, "What now? The Kingdom and Alexandria joined forces?" Nicole felt like her worst fears were coming true.

"Now... we fuckin' round up the troops, march back in their and make them regret they were ever born." Simon ejected the magazine of his own rifle that was strung across his body. "Need more bullets... bombs... anything and everything to shut these fuckers down."

Nicole glanced down at the gun her hands and wish Negan had been as adamant as Simon was to have her join their potential rebuttal attack. First the satellite building massacre and now the latest ambush. She couldn't say she was surprised, considering the arrangements, though the betrayal made her furious. The fact that Negan's and Simon's lives had been in immediate, mortal danger made it all the more personal and any wishes to find empathy or rationale in the matter were long gone. Nicole felt nothing for Alexandria and the other communities now. They had struck first blood, and now they were going to have to pay for their actions.

"Nicole!" Negan's voice barked across the lot and he pointed toward the building. He shouted Simon's name next and waved him over. "Get everyone you can fuckin' find out on the blacktop now!"

"Negan, let me-" Nicole began but he cut her off more forcefully this time.

"Go upstairs! We had an agreement!"

An argument on a public forum in such a tense situation wasn't something Nicole wanted to do, and she knew it would only make the situation worse. For that, she sucked up her pride and her own wishes to obey Negan's requests. All in all she knew why he was forcing her inside. It wasn't because she was weak, or because she was a woman, or because he thought she was useless. It was because he cared about her. He didn't want to lose her. He loved her. Regardless of his often lack of words for what he was feeling inside, Nicole knew it; she felt it through his actions.

Without another thought she glanced at Simon briefly, then back to Negan who continued to stare at her until she finally hurried inside the building. As she made her way through the building's dimly lit interior she could hear Negan's voice bellowing to the Saviors being gathered, though she couldn't make out his words. When she finally reached their room the what-if game immediately began to play in her mind.

The empty room might as well have been a padded room, because Nicole felt stir-crazy the second the door closed. The set of windows didn't give way to Negan's side of the Sanctuary where he was gathering his most elite men and women. She couldn't spy or snoop or try to gain knowledge as to what was being planned.

Nicole glanced down at the walkie-talkie and sat down on the edge of the couch, placing the handheld device in front of her. All she could do was wait and hope that Negan either gave her the call she was waiting for, or stormed back up through the door to the bedroom.

 _ _I'll wait__ , she thought to herself, _ _but the second I hear gunfire all bets are off.__


	68. War

War was the last word Nicole wanted to hear. It was such a big, intense and intimidating word for having just three letters. War.

Negan was adamant and his confidence was overflowing. The ambush at Alexandria hadn't struck a fear into him the way it did to Nicole. It revved his engine, kept him going and more than anything pissed him off.

It was Gregory's presence, a man Nicole had only met a handful of times though she knew he was the leader of the Hilltop, that allowed her to feel a minor sense of security amidst what felt like an inevitable battle scene to come. She wasn't sure if he had come willingly or had been captured but his words had been adamant in a meeting that Negan assembled with the Hilltop's leader - The Hilltop stands with the Saviors.

"You better not be fuckin' with me," Negan said with a smile. He never broke eye contact with Gregory as a table full of men and women looked on. Nicole was grateful to be a part of it, and as the planning phase of their retaliation progressed, Negan let his guard down with regard to restricting her part in the action.

"If my people take any part in this..." Gregory struggled to finagle a coherent sentence that would hold the weight he wished for, "They're punished... banned... you can do what you want with them."

Negan leaned in closer, his smile returning as he pinched Gregory's cheek. "That's for the permission."

"Oh, no..." He shook his head, "I wasn't-"

"Just get your fuckin' people back on track before I'm forced to do some shit I don't want to fuckin' do."

Gregory nodded.

Negan backed away a few steps and then extended Lucille in his direction. "If shit _ _does__ hit the fan then you, Gregory, will be the first to see the back of end Lucille." He took a half swing, causing Gregory to duck and flinch, much to the amusement of the Saviors surrounding him. Negan then nodded toward Simon, "Get him the fuck out of here."

Nicole watched as Simon nodded toward Dwight and the two of the escorted a visibly shaken Gregory out of the room. She heard him ask, "Where are you taking me?" as they exited, causing Negan to smirk subtly to himself.

"Alright, everyone... get back to whatever the fuck you were doing before Gregory graced his with his presence."

Nicole stuck around, waiting for the others to leave as Negan made his way toward a window at the head of the room. "You think he's on board?"

"I think he'll do whatever the fuck it takes to stay alive." He glanced over as she joined him by the window.

"So is it three against one then?"

"What do you mean?"

"The Hilltop, Alexandria, The Kingdom..."

Negan shook his head. "You were here for this shit." He motioned to the table with his hand.

"And you said he'll do what it takes to stay alive. That means of all three of the communities come to ambush us here and they can overpower us, Gregory will just switch back-"

"No one is going to overpower us." Negan, again shook his head, "Nobody is capable of doing that shit. Three against one they still don't have the fuckin' power to do that." He squinted his eyes, "You tried to convince me of that shit weeks ago and frankly it helped clear my fuckin' head. Why are you questioning shit now?"

"Because of the ambush," Nicole admitted.

"They're going to fuckin' pay for that shit."

She looked down a moment and shook her head.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't want you to die, Negan."

"I'm not going to honey." He smirked and then let out a laugh, "These fucks have nothing. They took their shot and they fuckin' blew it and now we're going to bring everything we have at them. And, shit, I ain't even planning on wiping them all out. I just need to send a harder message it seems like."

"Simon said you almost got mauled by a tiger... never mind the details you told me." Nicole took a deep breath and rested her forearm on the wall.

"Fuckin' right I did," he confirmed, "Like I said they took their shot, they had their fuckin' chance and I could have been killed. I wasn't. They fucked up by not finishing the job."

Simon burst into the room, making the two of them spin around. "We got company."

Nicole made eye contact with Negan and he pointed toward the ceiling as he spoke, "Get upstairs."

"Negan-"

"Now!" He furiously exited the room, allowing Simon to lead him to the opposite side of the building where the two of them peered out another set of windows. Rows of cars lined the area just beyond the gates, each armed with a layer of protective metal.

"They just pulled up." Simon nodded toward the window as the two of them listened to Rick's bellowing voice that demanded the Savior leader's presence.

"Just what the fuck do we have here..." Negan eyed Eugene, Dwight and a few of the others, waving them with him before exiting through a door that led onto a platform to face the collection of assailants. The men poured out one by one and Negan wore a larger than life smile, "Well, shit... I'm sorry," he shouted, "I was in a meeting." Negan's eyes scanned the group and he spotted Rick ducked behind two vehicles, "I'm not seeing a reason to start throwing lead at each other... see, I care about my people. I don't want to march them into the line of fire because I want to play 'my dick is bigger than yours'." He paused, "So, Rick... what the hell can I do for ya?"

Rick motioned to the crew that surrounded Negan, "You five... all the Saviors inside... you all have a chance to survive this... y'all can live if you surrender. I can't guarantee it any time but now... right now."

Negan stared back at him, using his hands as he spoke, "So they surrender... and you and your little piss patrol doesn't kill them. That sounds like a good deal. What about me Rick?"

"I told you... twice. You know what's going to happen."

"I do," he confirmed, "I do know what's going to happen. You don't. You have no idea the shit that's about to go down." Negan paused a pointed a finger in his direction, "Let me ask you something, Rick... think you have the numbers for this fight?" A long moment of silence cut the air like a knife, "You don't."

"Your lieutenants... you have to make up your minds," Rick continued to address the men beside Negan, "This has to happen now. This is the only way."

Negan paced the platform, glaring back at Rick.

"You're going to make me count?" Rick went on, "Fine... I'm counting... ten, nine, eight, seven..." He raise his gun between the shields and began firing, prompting everyone else on his side to follow suit.

Negan hadn't expected such impulsivity on Rick's part and struggled to duck out of the way of the spray of bullets as windows began shattering behind him and the Saviors ran for cover.

From up in a window that overlooked the action, Nicole dropped to the ground, ducking with her hands over her head as pieces of glasses rained down on her from the sniper-like nature of the attack. She waited as long as she could until her own area was no longer under attack despite the commotion going on elsewhere. Immediately and without a thought she darted to the shattered set of window and peered outside.

Gunfire still sounded off in waves and the smell of gunpowder filled the air as she shells danced in circles on the ground as they flew from the collection of weapons aimed to take them down.

Frantically, Nicole's eyes scanned the courtyard for Negan, though all she could do was watch as Rick stormed angrily around the area. When she saw Negan ducked in a corner she screamed out his name, though in the chaos there was no way for him to hear her. When Rick fired bullets in his direction she nearly leaned out the window, not feeling the glass that dug into her arms and hands as she pushed her body partway out.

"Negan!" he was out of her sight now and Rick was still on his mission. When the two men were out of her sight Nicole darted away from the window and darted down a set of concrete stairs, almost falling from the way she heaved her body down them. As she got to the bottom, fully prepared to burst out into the action without a weapon in hand, Simon caught her and immediately began pushing her away.

"You can't!" he shouted, forcefully putting as much distance between the two of the and the attackers.

"Let me go!" Nicole fought him, clawing at his shirt but he continued moving. "Simon!" She shrieked his name but he didn't oblige.

"You'll be killed out there, Nicole!" he picked her up off the ground now, despite her will to get away.

"Let go of me!" The shrillness of her own voice almost shocked her but she continued to pound at his back. "He's trapped out there."

A loud crash made them both halt and Nicole tried to see out the busted up windows. Simon turned them so he faced the front momentarily but then continued his march away.

"Simon!"

"You need a fucking set of guns to go out there!"

"Something else happened!" Nicole tried to continue to shout but she felt a lump develop in her throat and tears began to fall when she realized she couldn't overpower him, "Take me back there, Simon!" she begged, "Take me back."


	69. Hours

There was nothing left of the courtyard near the main entrance of the Sanctuary. The undead coated the blacktop, stumbling around in rabid packs without direction. It was a sea of rotting flesh and inhuman growls, leaving the people of the community trapped inside who had managed to make it out of the attack alive.

Nicole's brain wouldn't fully comprehend the reality of the situation. She had blocked off all logic at the possibility that Negan was dead, though somewhere in the back of her mind the thought ate away at her. Connecting the dots wasn't hard - the undead littered the grounds of the Sanctuary, people fled mercilessly to get behind closed doors. Those who did not get back into the buildings were among the mob of walkers, and the chances of survival were bleak at best. Nicole knew it would have taken a miracle.

She had kept her eyes out windows from all angles for as long as she could, praying for a sign that Negan had gotten out alive. She tried shouting his name and climbing out onto shallow roofs, all to no avail.

As the hours rolled by, people began to question their leader's whereabouts, and it was Simon's claims that there might be new leadership at the Sanctuary that finally forced Nicole to fold and retreat to the room she shared with Negan.

She had blocked out half of his speech to the collection of worried Saviors who packed in a long hallway with fear in their eyes and uncertainty in their expressions. Although she knew it was misguided and unfair, Nicole hated Simon in that moment. She hated the sound of his voice, the way he used his hands to talk and the most of all the logical response he had that Negan was most likely dead. It all felt like a bad dream.

Nicole's legs felt heavy as she crossed through the silence that radiated from the walls of the bedroom. It was typically a blessing - her sanctuary away from the Sanctuary; though she would have taken on the madness that was circulating their once iron-clad community over the peace and quiet if it meant that Negan would be there. She needed him, and the thought of never seeing him again made her feel weak.

She took a breath and laid a hand on the frame of the lone window in the room. Nicole swallowed hard and closed her eyes, only to be visited by nightmarish images of Negan being surrounded by the undead and ripped apart, or shot and killed at Rick's hand before the sea of walkers took over.

Nicole clenched her jaw, a physical pain shooting through her core from the realistic nature of the images her imagination willed upon her. It was then that her thoughts began to spiral, and she reminded herself that hours had passed since she had last seen Negan frantically trying to get away from Rick.

Hours. Nicole let the word dance in her mind in rounds until she almost couldn't take it anymore. Her thoughts soon drifted to her closest friend since they'd be co-operating at the satellite building - Simon. She hated herself for hating him so much at that moment but couldn't help but wonder if she could have done something for Negan if he hadn't swooped in and carried her away. It was with good intentions, she knew, but taking the decision out of her hands was something that sent a fire through her body. One side of her brain reminded her that Simon did what he did to save her life. The other side fought back, tormenting her with all the what-ifs and blaming Simon for Negan's disappearance. Nicole refused to use the word 'death' even in her thoughts.

A light knock at the door would have typically made Nicole spin around, though she continued to face the window, staring out into the abyss of destruction even when the door proceeded to creak open. Her lip quivered, though her voice was stern and rather than attempting to speak calmly she let the torrent nature of her own mind lash out with one sentence of emotional turmoil.

"Get the fuck out." It was an order, and her voice never jumped above it's normal level; though she prayed the coldness sent a message that would leave the visitor, who she presumed was Simon, back out into the hallway without a word. There was no realistic chance of that happening.

"Shit... that's the fuckin' greeting I get?"

Nicole's eyebrows perked up and she felt a hot rim of tears line her eyes as a shot of adrenaline streamlined through her body. She wanted to whip around and run across the room, though her body was still in a state of mild paralysis that disallowed her to move freely. Nicole slowly began to turn, and when she locked eyes with Negan, who stood covered in a bloody mess she couldn't bring it in her to respond. A light baffled laugh-gasp combination left her mouth and the tears that had formed exited the ducts of her eyes and left silent streaks down her cheeks.

He stood just as silent for a minute, though carefully draped his black jacket over the back of a chair, careful not to spread the mess he was covered in.

Nicole let out a deep breath and shook her head in disbelief, wiping more tears away as they ran down her face. "How?"

Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-smile, "I just spent the last few hours of my life in a sweaty confessional."

She began to shake her head, still unaware of what he was speaking about. "I thought you were dead."

"For a second there, so did I." He smiled again briefly and then stripped out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a ball by the door. "The shit you'll fuckin' do to stay alive."

"I tried to go out there after you."

Negan shook his head, "And here I'd be alone in my fuckin' bedroom if you did." He made a face, "This is why you need to fuckin' listen to me." When she continued to take him in in a sense of disbelief he crossed the room and touched her face, "I'm alive, doll." Negan laughed again and Nicole wrapped her arms around him, leaning contently into his chest with another deep breath. "And I'm still half-covered in walker shit so I wouldn't-"

"I don't care." She breathed against his bare chest and whispered again, "I don't care."

He rested his chin on the top of her head, hugging her back for a moment before finally reaching for her hand and towing her toward the bathroom. "Come give me a bath... rub me down... I've had a long fucking day."

Nicole followed a step behind him, still latched onto his hand as if he would disappear if she let go. "I thought you were dead," she told him again.

Negan glanced over his shoulder at her. "I told you... I'm built for this shit." He smirked halfway again and pulled her the rest of the way with him into the bathroom. "You going to take me up on my request, or what?"

She wanted to smile back at him but it was impossible. Like before, her brain couldn't process reality. Nicole feared she was in the midst of a dream she would wake up from only to find Negan still missing. Seeing him alive was still so fresh that wouldn't allow herself to process that what she was seeing and feeling was reality. With a nod she began to fill the tub with water and closed her eyes when she felt Negan's eyes on her as his hand traced the length of her back.

"Honey..." he could see that humor wasn't about to snap her out of whatever she was feeling. When she didn't immediately look at him he spoke her name softly. "Nicole."

Nicole glanced over at him this time and Negan lifted his hand back to her face, grazing her neck as he did.

"I'm alright," he reassured her, grabbing her own hand to touch his chest again. "I'm fuckin' here. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I just..." Nicole swallowed hard, not wanting to cry though she knew it wouldn't be out of place considering the circumstances.

Negan looked her up and down, going back to his comfort zone of humor. "Look, I'll let you touch every part of me honey if it'll snap you back to reality. I don't think you could dream up a dick this big."

She finally managed a smile, making him grin for a moment and then he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "You're okay?" she asked him.

"Not in the fuckin' slightest," Negan admitted before hopping into the tub as the water continued to flow. He let out a sigh and then looked at her, ladling a handful of water over his face. "But a warm fuckin' bath, a rubdown from my woman and a couple hours of sleep will fuckin' help."

Nicole nodded and leaned in to run her hand through his hair before planting a long, closed-mouth kiss on his lips. She closed her eyes and let her lips continue to graze his as she spoke. "Let's go kill this sonofabitch."

Negan smiled and drifted his hand up to rest on the back of her neck as he kissed her again. "That's the fuckin' plan."


	70. Game Face

****Hey all... sorry for the delay. 8 months preggo and counting, plus just wrapped up another school year and finished up my master's degree so I have been busy busy busy! Thanks for continuing to follow the story! :)****

 ** **P.S. - I am looking for an opinion about part of this story. I love Simon and Negan's friendship in the show and was sooo disappointed when Simon turned on Negan. Part of me wants to rewrite that part in this story and keep their brotherhood alive, but I also am very fond of trying to stick as closely to the original plot as possible when I write my stories. What does everyone think? I am torn!****

* * *

Outposts were destroyed. Men and women from both sides were dead. More attacks were being made. The world had become a war zone in a matter of days - something that Negan, Nicole, Simon and the others hadn't seen coming. A rebellion was the farthest thing from their imaginations, though Negan was now convinced that there was a piece to the puzzle he was missing.

Eugene's name had entered his mind time and time again. Was he truly loyal? Could he be fully trusted? Negan felt as though he had the man's true colors down, and had attempted to use the right combination of fear and praise in order to keep his genius bullet maker in line. It had worked - or at least he thought so. Still, there was a lingering feeling that a mole lingered in their crew and had informed Rick's people of their plans, as well as where some of the additional outposts were to attack at their most vulnerable moments. In Negan's mind, Rick's assault on their spread-out community had gone far too well.

 _ _It's not Eugene.__ Negan felt certain on the matter despite his newest member's former allegiance to the enemy. He had a gut feeling and was confident in his read on people to make that near-certain assumption. It was Eugene who had created enough ammunition to clear the walkers from the Sanctuary grounds as he vowed to create more as they wiped out the undead. He had come through in every opportunity when it would have been simply to turn his cheek and let them suffer. Ultimately, Eugene could have lied to Negan or slowed down the process of the bullet-making without being questioned and he hadn't. For that, Negan felt security and his gut was pulling him in other directions.

The other communities had to pay, and Negan already had forces lined up to do what he had never intended on prior to being attacked. Simon was leading the charge to the Hilltop. Others were forming to take on the Kingdom. Negan took it upon himself to lead his own small army to Alexandria. He knew Rick was the mastermind behind the organized battle the communities were now all involved in and for that he took it personal.

This would be it, he knew; the biggest moment and in turn he knew he had to have the biggest, baddest plan and bring all that he had to the table. Guns. Bombs. Men and women in numbers that he knew Rick wouldn't have at Alexandria alone. If nothing else, he would wipe out their community and make them regret ever crossing him and the Saviors; he would turn _ _their__ sanctuary into ashes.

Nicole suited up, despite knowing what Negan would say. With all that was going on she couldn't just sit back this time - not when the lives of her friends, her community and most importantly Negan were on the line. She could contribute, she knew, but what drove Nicole more than anything was the terrible, gut-wrenching feeling of waiting. Not knowing if Negan was alive when the walkers broke through the walls and Rick was peppering shots in his direction was an ordeal she couldn't sit through again.

When Negan entered one of the many stock rooms that were littered with weapons, ammunition and other such things, Nicole looked up to him as she pulled a sweatshirt down over a bullet proof vest.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"Getting ready." Nicole continued what she was doing, giving a shirt a final tug before reading for a rifle perched against the wall.

"The fuck you are..."

She turned to him. "I called you down here for a reason. I'm going, Negan."

"You're not."

"I am." Nicole nodded adamantly and before Negan could raise his voice, as she knew that was what he was about to do, she put up a hand. "I love you... I love more than myself, and I'm not at all afraid to say that to you anymore. But, I'm a strong woman and this is my decision to make. If I was helpless and had no skill in this particular area of survival I would back down. I would be stupid not to; but I am a valuable asset to this community and I'm going with you and your crew to Alexandria."

Negan stared back at her, his eyes locked firmly on hers and he could see how serious she was. He loved and hated her strong will at the same time. Her feisty personality and unwillingness to quit were traits that attracted him to her so deeply; however, now they were working to his disadvantage as he in no way wanted her on the front lines with himself and the rest of the Saviors.

"I want you to stay." It was all he could say, and prayed the sincerity in his voice would lead her to collapse at his mild demand as it had in the past. This time it didn't work.

"I can't." Nicole shook her head, "I'm sorry, but I cannot sit in that room with a walkie-talkie to my ear waiting to hear what may or may not have happened." She held his eyes adamantly with her own. "I'm side-by-side with you Negan. These are my people too... you more than anyone. I'd take a bullet for you if I had to."

"That's why I need you to fuckin' stay."

She slowly walked up to him, though he stayed put as she placed her hands against the top of his chest and left a single kiss on his lips. "This is non-negotiable."

"I'm in charge," he argued softly with no real intention of forcing his will upon her.

"Of them, yes." Nicole found a moment to be playful despite the tension and reached a hand down to grab his groin with the slightest force. "Of me..." She hesitated and let a small smile form on her face when Negan's face twisted in a combination of pleasure, pain and surprise, "Not so much."

"You're a pain the balls, you know that?" he asked, smirking just subtly but quickly regaining a seriousness in his eyes when she released him.

"Yes," Nicole admitted, backing off just slightly, "And that's why I'm going to make a difference at Alexandria."

Negan sucked his teeth and smacked his lips in the slightest hint of frustration that his typical tactics didn't work.

"I know it's not what you want," she went on, "But it's right."

"What can I do to convince you to stay?"

"Nothing."

"What if I threaten to leave you?" Negan smirked so she would fully understand he wasn't serious.

"I'd just lay naked in your bed when we got back." Nicole winked and gave a full smile, "I think that would be a battle I'd win."

Negan tried to fight off a wider smile but couldn't help a small chuckle. "Fuck, woman..." He shook his head and then tapped the bullet proof vest she had on, "Wear more protective gear than this."

"I will." Nicole nodded, "I don't think we'll have a problem against just the Alexandrians."

"All it takes is one well-placed bullet, honey." Negan ran his fingers down her jaw line, ending on the more sensitive area of her neck, "Jugular vein is a death sentence."

"One in a million."

He closed his eyes and shook his head, leaving his hand against her.

"Don't hate me," Nicole whispered.

"I hate your decision-making skills." Negan re-opened his eyes.

"I'm an asset to the community out there."

"I don't care."

"I won't ask again after tonight," Nicole compromised, "I'm in this thing today... and then I'll obey your wishes if there's a next time."

The two of them stared one another down from just a few inches away before he reluctantly agreed, still shaking his head. "Like I have a choice."

She shrugged, "You can chain me to the bed."

Negan smirked again, "You do owe me some kinky shit for putting yourself in danger and driving me fucking crazy in the process."

"Deal." Nicole raised her eyebrows and let them fall, reaching for the rifle again.

"I'm holding you to that shit."

"Have I ever disappointed before?"

Negan eyed her up and down for a moment and then shook his head. "You're already throwing me off. I was fuckin' pissed coming in here and you're making me lose my game face."

"Need me to grab you by the balls again?"

"Yes," he said, "But no...

Nicole smiled again and then let out a breath as reality hit her again with regard to what they were about to do. "Well... I guess it's time then."

Negan's Adam's apple rose and fell as he, too, grew more serious. "If shit gets bad I want you to go... okay?" He moved toward her another inch or two, "Please."

She knew it would please him and so she nodded. "Okay."

Negan studied Nicole's features and glanced at the gun before looking back to her. "I'll see you up front in fifteen minutes."


	71. How it Has to Be

Nicole felt her adrenaline pumping as the parade of trucks made their way toward Alexandria. Leading up to the retaliation attack she had been full of confidence and vigor. When the gates came into view, however, a wave of internal panic washed over her.

Negan was stone cold beside her in the driver's seat and his features hardened even more as the truck rolled to a halt before the gates. When he stepped out of the vehicle Nicole followed his lead, listening to the bugs chirping in the eerie night as her sneakers fell upon the uneven landscape. Despite the Saviors numbers, she couldn't relax and even Negan's voice startled her when he first began to speak aloud into a microphone.

"You brought this on yourself Rick. You see, all you had to do was follow a few simple rules." His voice echoed in the darkness and in turn their small army raised their weapons. "But now... you have got to go."

"He's not home." A young man's voice came from above where they all stood waiting and every gun pointed upward.

Negan let out a surprised yet genuine chuckle. "Ho-ly shit." He looked up, "Everyone hold your fire, it's Carl."

Nicole saw the smile spread across Negan's face even wider as he glanced up at the teenager, still hints of mild surprise in his expression that was accompanied by a heavy dose of amusement.

"Look at you," he went on, "Answering the door like a big boy. Daddy's not home huh? I guess he's going to come back to a big, old smoky surprise!"

"There's families in here," Carl went on calmly, "Kids... my little sister." He stared down over the wall from beneath a hat that covered up his bandaged face.

"That shit just breaks my heart," Negan replied coldly, "There's kids at the Sanctuary. You must've seen 'em. Even had a little baby at one of the outposts, the ones you all attacked. I wonder what happened to her." A stare down ensued and Negan paced the pavement, never looking away. "None of this shit's fair, kid. Hell, you know that. You had to kill your own mom. This shit is screwed up. We need someone in charge to make sure that shit doesn't happen." He opened his arms wide, "Oh wait, that's me."

"That stuff does happen," Carl agreed, "But we can figure this out. We can stop this."

"Oh now you want to talk? You see your dad had it in his mind that I die no matter what. He gave my people a choice... but not me." He paused, "Now we're going to need a new understanding... apologies... punish-"

"Kill me!" Carl cut him off, silencing Negan for the first time.

Nicole watched the expression change on his face as he slowly paced a few steps forward in a sense of awe. He swallowed hard but she was sure no one else was studying him the way she was. She closed her eyes, not wanting the boy to become a martyr, certainly not at the hands of Negan.

"What did you say?" Negan asked.

"If you have to kill someone... if there has to be punishment... then kill me." His voice was soft and Nicole felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck and arms. She stared at Negan again, who still appeared in a whirlwind of confliction.

"I'm serious." Carl's voice interrupted her thoughts and she stared up at the young man.

Negan hesitated before responding. "You want to die?"

"No, I don't." He shook his head subtly, "But I will. If it means things will be different. If it will stop this. If it means things will be different for us, for you... for those kids." Carl took a short breath, "It'll be worth it."

Negan didn't look away as Carl continued.

"I mean was this it? Was this the plan? Is this who you wanted to be?"

Nicole could see that Negan was taken off-guard; moved even. He looked frozen by Carl's words and if she knew him as well as she thought she did she could tell that he felt something deep. Nicole couldn't help but acknowledge that the man she loved _was_ ruthless at times, and even though she was able to justify his actions it wasn't something that could come easy... to anyone. Even someone as hard and survival-oriented as Negan.

Before either of them could say another word a female voice came in over the collection of handheld radios accompanied by the sound of squealing tires and a series of destructive, loud bangs. " Got a convoy out, we're on them!"

Negan glanced back up to the wall where Carl had fled and his features hardened again. "Son of a bitch Carl!" he bellowed, "Was that just a play? I thought we were having a moment you little asshole!" He waved his bat in the air, commanding the Saviors to fire on the community.

Nicole took a breath and joined as streams of fire flew into the air like a fireworks show. Flames immediately decorated the trees and rooftops of the Alexandria Safe Zone and the destruction was now underway. Through the fences she could see the outlines of once beautiful homes being illuminated, and soon nothing would be left of them but ash. It was bittersweet, and while she acknowledged the importance as she always did, destroying something so sound, content and modern, even, in a world of madness left her with a crippling feeling. She began to feel that Negan was right - that she should have stayed back. In some ways he knew her better than she knew herself. Still, she was in too deep to back down and so she continued to rally on with the rest of their people.

No one even entered the community, or crossed into it's gates. The weapons they had were far beyond what Nicole even realized and the Saviors didn't let up. An ungodly explosion that erupted flames sky high over the wall made her jump, and Negan finally grabbed her by the arm, snapping her out of the war-driven daze.

"Go." He nodded toward the truck they had come in.

"N-n-no." Nicole adamantly shook her head but she knew she sounded like a scared school kid.

"Nicole!" Negan bellowed her name now.

"I'm not-"

"Get in the fucking car." He reached into his pocket and firmly but the keys in her hand, closing his fist over hers with a grip she couldn't outdo. "Our job is done here."

There were more explosions, causing her eyes to look away from his just for a moment with the collection of oranges and yellows illuminating the sky behind him.

"Then you're coming too, then," Nicole said back, matter-of-factly.

"Soon." Negan whipped open the driver's side door and rounded up a handful of men who had fully utilized their weapons. "Get in!" He ordered to them, before looking back at Nicole who had yet to follow his order to get behind the wheel.

"Negan-" she began, but he lifted a walkie-talkie off his belt clip and began to speak.

"You fucking hunt them down Dwight!" he ordered, "Don't let those mother fuckers get away." Despite the lack of response he knew his men were on the group that had somehow escaped the confines of Alexandria while Carl's rouse went off perfectly without a hitch. Negan knew he had to give it to the kid - his plan was effective, though it wasn't fool proof or without consequence.

Negan strapped the device back to the waistband of his pants and looked back at Nicole. "Take these guys back to the Sanctuary. I'll meet you there."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll meet you there," he repeated, staring her hard in the eyes before turning and heading toward the main gates.

"Negan!" Nicole screamed his name now, but she knew it would do nothing to stop him from doing whatever it was he was intending on doing. She shook her head, feeling as if she had the worst of both worlds now. First, she was involved in destroying one of the only small towns left in civilization and possibly the families who resided in it. Hearing Carl speak made the task all the more real and personal, and the thoughts of 'this is war' scampered out of her mind. On the same hand, her reasons for accompanying the Saviors to Alexandria was to be a contributor, to defend the Sanctuary and to make sure that Negan was alright. Now, she was being summoned back to the Sanctuary grounds to do what she hated more than anything else - wait.


	72. Distraction

When Negan slowly entered through the door with minor cuts and bruises Nicole was about to rise from her seated position on the couch. He put a hand up, took a breath and shuffled across the dark room, achily reaching for the back of his neck as he joined her.

Negan sighed loudly and placed Lucille down against a small table with his jacket as he sat before leaning his head back against the couch.

"Are you okay?" Nicole finally asked when he slouched down lower, closing his eyes as he did.

"I don't know where we fuckin' stand with these assholes," he grumbled.

"What do you mean?"

Negan sighed again, never opening his eyes. "I don't know where the fuck any of them are. They may be running scared and shit, but I'm a man who likes certainty." He ran a hand across his sweaty forehead, "I got into it with Rick and even he fuckin' disappeared."

"Just now?"

He nodded.

"Were you hurt?" Nicole let her hands wander the length of his torso but Negan shook his head.

"More of an old school black top fist fight." Negan took a breath and finally looked over at her. "I hope this shit was all worth it."

"It was," she said reassuringly.

"No idea where they are."

"Running scared," Nicole reminded him, "Like you said. Dwight saw them run away. Their whole livelihood is gone. There's no way they could have prepared for that and gathered a bunch of weapons to retaliate. They had to bail at the last second."

Negan eyed her up and down a moment hoping she was right. Despite his own similar suspicions of the enemy group he couldn't help but feel a hint of skepticism. Carl's approach felt too organized; too confident despite the circumstances.

"You don't think so?" she asked.

"I don't know." His voice was gravely and quiet as he glanced at a clock on the wall that indicated it was nearly four in the morning.

The two of them sat together in silence for several minutes, communicating with nothing other than sighs and deep breaths as they were each left to their quiet reflections on the evening's events.

When Nicole's hand gently slipped to the back of Negan's neck he wrapped an arm around her lower back.

"These people are going to be the death of me."

"Stop it," Nicole whispered, moving her lips against the side of his face where she left a short string of kisses.

"I'm fuckin' serious."

"So am I." She left her lips against him and whispered again, "Stop it."

Negan closed his eyes, guiding her partially on his lap as she continued to kiss down his cheek until their lips met.

"Could you use a distraction?" Nicole asked him quietly again, continuing to kiss him before he could respond. "Or do you want me to leave you alone?" Her question was genuine. It was late, Negan was physically and mentally drained and things were still up in the air after the attack on Alexandria. She wasn't sure what he was needing or feeling at that moment. When Negan fully pulled her across his lap so she straddled him Nicole rested her hands around the back of his neck and shoulders so they were face to face.

He didn't verbally respond, but gently pulled down at the front of her shirt. Negan kissed along her collarbone before pulling her closer to engulf her exposed breast in his mouth.

Nicole closed her eyes and wrapped a hand around the back of his head while actively undoing his pants with the other. She stopped for a moment only when she felt Negan's hands sliding up her body, aiding her in stripping free of her shirt until she was naked from the waist up. With a moan her lips crashed against his again and the two of them took a moment to enjoy a passionate session of kissing and innocent touching in all of the right places until finally their clothes were scattered on the floor.

Negan rested his forehead against her chest when he felt himself lift up inside of her and Nicole let out a forceful sigh, one that he mimicked and repeated again and again as she moved fluidly on top of him.

Nicole whispered his name, biting down lightly on his earlobe for a brief second when his hands locked on her hips. Despite his typical preference to be intimately verbal, Negan let his pleasure out by not saying anything at all. Rather he returned her gestures by digging his fingers deep into her back, grazing the sensitive skin on her neck with his teeth and letting out the occasional moan he couldn't repress in between deep breaths.

She didn't want the moment to end, so each time she sensed him getting deep into the moment she slowed her pace and simply kissed him.

"Fuck Nicole," Negan finally spoke in a husky whisper and accepted her tongue in his mouth again. When she moaned he grabbed her hips again and encouraged her to ride him harder.

Despite her attempts to make it last, she felt her own impending climax and felt her thighs begin to ache with pleasure. "God..." The sacred word drabbled out of her mouth and she pressed her forehead hard against his before tightening her arms around his upper body. When Negan's strong hands squeezed her and she felt his own body tense against her she moaned with more intensity as a jolt of sexual gratification filtered through her.

Her orgasms almost always triggered his, and Negan held her down more firmly against him so there was no room for her to move as he controlled the final seconds of their intimacy.

Nicole bit down on her bottom lip, feeling a heat rise to her face from the high of the moment and still held Negan firmly as he forcefully lifted himself into her as he came hard with a series of groans. Her lips rested near the top of his forehead and she lazily gripped a fistful of his hair as he panted quietly against her bare chest.

At that moment Nicole expected him to say his typical, "Fuck Nicky," or "Shit, honey... let's go to bed." When he didn't, she decided to let the moment linger, sensing he needed more than just the physical relief that came from having sex. He needed an escape from the world around them.

She gently kissed where his hairline met his forehead and Negan let out a barely-there moan, keeping his arms locked loosely around her.

"Why do you do this with me?" he asked, muffling the words against her.

Nicole let out a tiny laugh, "Because you're good at it," she joked.

Negan leaned his head back with a half-smirk at first but then studied her eyes more seriously. "That's not what I'm fuckin' talking about."

"I know." She leaned down and gently touched her lips against his, letting them linger there for a moment. "Whatever road you're on, I'm on too."

"Why?" he asked again.

"Because I love you." Nicole brushed his hair back.

"How can you?"

"You're a man of fifty questions tonight." She smiled for a moment but could see he was waiting for a response, "I just do." Nicole shrugged.

"You should think I'm an asshole."

"And you should think I'm a homewrecker."

Negan finally cracked a genuine smile and then chuckled.

"We both have our flaws, Negan," Nicole told him. "I love you for yours."

He let out a deep breath and traced her jawline with the back of his fingers. "That's a good fuckin' answer."

"I know."

Negan urged her face gently back to his and kissed her again. "Thanks for the distraction."

"Anytime."


	73. Ambush

Soaking weapons in walker blood - it was an interesting tactic that the Saviors were prepared to carry out. If the hopeful outcome turned out as anticipated then their enemies would surely be in for it.

The intended target? The Hilltop. As Negan explained, they would never know what hit them and in the end they'd be fucked.

Nicole had been there for his speech to the Saviors as they doused their knives, bullets and arrowheads into the flesh of the undead. Negan has been giddy about the idea and provided a whole-hearted demonstration with Lucille as the prime example.

Simon was right on board, echoing Negan's words that flesh wounds would be enough to devastate the members of the Hilltop. If things planned out, their adversaries would be somewhere in between dead and alive, as Negan put it; and they wouldn't know what hit them.

Nicole knew another talk with Negan was coming, so when he waved her with him toward the open front doors by the courtyard she followed.

Negan turned once they were alone a few steps inside, his strong portrayal that he had just a moment before faded. He kept his message short and to the point. "Stay." It was more than a request from Negan to Nicole this time as the Saviors prepared a convoy to head to the The Hilltop.

She wanted to fight him on it but knew he had backed down to her request the last time so she simply nodded once.

Negan's voice was low and gravely. "Thanks doll." He grazed her chin with his fingers and kissed her temple.

"Be careful." Nicole forced him to look her in the eye as he tapped the ground with the bloody end of Lucille.

"Always honey." Negan winked and accepted a kiss as Nicole pulled him toward her by the collar of his leather jacket. "Stay busy. We won't be long."

"Okay." She couldn't speak more than a few words without having the urge to argue over staying, or to beg him not to go.

"Stop worrying." Negan smiles wide to ease her mind. "We got the A-Team out there, full force."

Nicole nodded again, unable to crack a smile.

He looked her in the eye again and removed a walkie-talkie from his belt clip. "I'll radio to you when I'm on the way back. Slip into something that I can easily take off."

Nicole finally managed to crack a half and Negan chuckled.

"I needed to fuckin' see that smile before I walked out the door." He winked again. "I'll be back soon."

"Radio me." She let out a sigh.

"I will." Negan finally made his way back out the door and Nicole hung in the open archway watching as he headed toward a parade of cars barking Simon's name

With a deep breath and a heavy heart she watched as they loaded up the final round of supplies and tried to mentally prepare for a long night.

Simon marched up to Negan as an assembly of cars lined up at the gates of the Sanctuary.

"Send that fuckin' message to our favorite garbage people?" Negan asked.

Simon hesitated but then answered confidently. "Message delivered."

"Good." He glanced at a blood soaked Lucille on his shoulder. "Now let's see if this crazy fuckin' plan actually works." A smile decorated his face, one that Simon returned and Negan gave him a pat on his back as he made his way to a black Dodge Charger.

Simon stood there for a moment with his back to his friend before letting out a deep breath and pressing on to carry out his portion of the operation.

Negan smirked to himself, eager to attempt what they were about to. He slunk into the car and glanced over a bucket of walker blood that was riding shotgun before sliding the barrel end of Lucille into it.

For a moment he just sat there, a giddy feeling fluttering in the pit of his stomach as he intended to send another message that would hopefully end the chaos that had ensued since Rick and his people had rebelled.

Despite his iron-fist ruling and calm demeanor under pressure, Negan was tired. He was tired of Rick. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of the constant rush of uncertainties that forced him out in the middle of the night again and again and again. He wanted to finish it.

Still, he stared admirably at Lucille in the passenger seat and smiled. "You look beautiful, baby." A laugh left his mouth and he put the car in drive.

As far as Negan knew the Kingdom had fallen, Alexandria was in firey shambles and Simon had sent a message to the garbage people to put them back in line. Now, it was the Hilltop's turn.

...

The Charger cruised down the street behind a truck driven by Simon and Dwight. Negan oozed with confidence, hanging a hand out the window with a smirk. For a moment he enjoyed the breeze on his face and let out a sigh. For a half a second the world felt normal, like he and his men weren't about to attack in another episode of the ongoing battle between communities. The moment was a fleeting one at best because all at once the scene violently changed.

Negan felt it without seeing it - the crash. It happened so fast that he didn't have time to process the abrupt change of scenery. The colors were all blended together - the light blues from the cloudless sky, the glare off the glass, a collection of blues and grays in the interior of the vehicle and red... lots of red.

He knew the car had rolled over long before it stopped and skidded on its side to a halt somewhere in the middle of the road.

Negan breathed in heavily, struggling for a moment to catch his breath. Warm liquid poured down the side of his face and he reached a hand up, already aching from his neck down the length of his back. Still, Negan was alive and he knew whoever had barreled into him wasn't about to back off.

"Fuck." He whispered the word to himself, still breathing heavy and felt along his torso to make sure he didn't have any visible injuries and then began his climb out of the side window.

The radios were sounding off from Savior to Savior. With Negan at the tail end of the line of cars it was only Simon and Dwight who had witnessed the sideswiping attack.

"Stop!" Simon commanded into his walkie-talkie. "Negan's car is down."

There was a chorus of confusion on the other end. Random Saviors rattled off responses of "who" "what" and "where".

"Pull off," Simon directed again. "So we can figure shit out."

At the Sanctuary Nicole's mouth hung open as she listened to the discussion on the other end.

Negan's car is down. The one line that echoed in her head. It was Simon's voice, she knew and so after the mass reply from the others settled she held the walkie-talkie Negan had given her up to her lips.

"Simon! What the hell happened?"

"One car attack," he replied.

"And..."

"I don't know shit yet."

"You said Negan's car is down."

"He got rammed by someone. Lone wolf seems like."

"Is he... is he okay?" Nicole stared down at the lines that made up the small speaker she was speaking into. "Sim-"

"We're fucking figuring it out!" Simon cut her off. "I'll be back on once we find him."

Find him? The question left for a hundred wide open possibilities.

Nicole closed her eyes for a minute before slamming the side of her closed fist into the wall next to where she stood.

"Fuck!" She cursed aloud to herself and then held the radio back to her lips. "Simon!" She waited a moment and then shouted his name again. "Simon!"

When he didn't answer she shook her head furiously and cursed again to herself. Nicole glanced around in all directions, not knowing what to do or where to go.

Do I get in a car and go searching for them? Do I stay and wait for Simon? The lines of what she wanted to do and what she should do we're blurry and so for a moment she did the only thing she had control of - venting through a series of cuss words and repeated slams of her fist against the dry wall.


	74. Uncertainty

The minutes felt like hours and as tempted as Nicole was to leave the Sanctuary she didn't know which way to go. When the day faded into night the weight on her shoulders grew greater.

Nicole paced around in the courtyard and despite the attempts from others to get her inside, she remained out by the front gates.

When the first headlights came into view she rushed toward the guards, prepared to tell them to open the gate though they were a step ahead and the doors eased open.

Her eyes scanned the parade of cars for Negan's Charger but it never pulled up. Still, she knew he could be with another group.

All at once the cars came to a halt one by one. Nicole's eyes landed on Simon in the mix of the chaos and she darted up to him.

"Where is he?" She got in his face. "Simon!"

Simon didn't look her in the eye, though answered the question when her hands pressed hard against his chest to block his path.

"He's-"

"He's gone." Dwight finished the sentence and kept walking without hesitation.

Nicole's eyes hardened and she fought back tears that made her eyes glossy. She didn't know whether to run after Dwight or force Simon to talk to her.

"What do you mean gone?" She demanded, turning her head toward Dwight while keeping a hand firmly on Simon's chest.

Dwight stopped in place though purposely took a dramatic pause before turning around.

"His car blew up."

"We tried," Simon added, making her turn around.

"You tried?" Nicole's eyes squinted with disgust. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"We weren't about to dive into a burning car," Dwight remarked, forcing her to whip around again.

"You saw him in the car?"

"He was driving it." Dwight put his hands outward.

"He was hit by someone," Simon added.

"Who?" Nicole wouldn't accept what they were saying.

"Probably one of them."

"So you didn't see shit," she challenged.

"We saw enough," Dwight informed her.

"Enough to assume." Nicole shook her head and stared them up and down. "You guys went to the Hilltop without him," she realized.

"What were we supposed to do?" Simon asked.

"Look for him!"

"We were carrying out his plan," Dwight informed her.

Nicole alternated between looking at the two of them. "Did you see him die?" She demanded again before settling hard eyes on her oldest friend. "Simon..."

He huffed a breath. "No."

Nicole glanced down at a key ring in his hand and snatched the keys to the truck he drove in on.

"Nicole." Simon closed his eyes.

"Where did the crash happen?"

"Nic-"

"I didn't ask you to repeat my fucking name Simon."

"He's not-" Simon halted mid-sentence when Nicole pulled a gun from her waist and pointed it at him. She spoke slowly this time, over annunciating each word.

"Where did the crash happen?"

Simon stared her down. "You're going to get yourself killed." He shook his head.

Nicole cocked the gun back and stared him down harder without breaking eye contact or saying another word.

Simon let the moment linger before finally responding. "The downtown area," he explaine, "Near that pizz place we raided a long time ago. The one-"

"I know the one." Nicole kept the pistol pointed at his face for another second before dropping it and turning to march toward the truck. She ignored Simon's pleas for her to stay and hopped into the vehicle before starting it up and barreling our through the gates.

It didn't matter who might have been out there waiting in the wings to attack. Nicole had no fear - not for the enemy, not for her own life. Her only fear was for Negan, and she refused to believe what Simon and Dwight had told her. If Negan was alive then he was injured and alone or captured. Either option required immediate assistance.

With the pedal to the floor Nicole flew in the direction Simon had pointed her. Her wild adrenaline was the only thing keeping her from drowning in all of the possibilities for what she would find, though she felt it inside of her that Negan was alive.

Negan laid tied down in a dark room and he knew he was fucked. After surviving the crash and a drawn out hand-to-hand combat session with Rick he had been hopeful that a little luck was on his side. That was until Jadis came across him on the street. She was pissed off, determined and now Negan was stuck in a hot, dark space with the smell of garbage stinging his nostrils.

Rick had offered a big reveal during their fight. The scavengers were eradicated; gone. Jadis appeared to be the lone survivor and from what he could tell Simon was behind the massacre.

He replayed his question to his confidant over and over in his mind about whether he had delivered the message to Jadis and her people. It was supposed to be the norm - make an example out of one or two members of the community to scare them back into line. It was a tactic that had worked since he had taken over the Sanctuary.

Negan closed his eyes now and came to terms with the fact that he had no control over the current situation. His only hope was that Jadis had spared his life for some reason, and the sheer fact that he was alive meant something with regard to her further intentions.

He hoped she wanted to talk, because if there was anything Negan was exemplary at it was persuasion. He was a smooth talker and had been his whole life. If Jadis gave him a chance to speak he felt like he would have a better chance at making it out of the garbage pit alive.

The world was completely still, quiet; so when the delicate crunch of footsteps shuffling over sand and pavement sounded off it was unmistakable.

Negan reopened his eyes and stared at the rotted ceiling above him, barely able to make out a series of thick, wooden beams. He braced himself for Jadis and let out a quiet sigh just before a clanking sound accompanied the door being whipped open.

He raised his head just slightly and made eye contact with Jadis, who's icy stare matched her expression. Without a word she reached down and grabbed a rope and began to tow him out of the room.

"What the shit." Negan was looking for a reply but Jadis ignored him and kept going. "No really, what the shit!"


	75. Worry

Questions. Questions. Questions.

Negan's past twenty-four hours had left his former world upside down. There was no more certainty.

Jadis had let him go. There were helicopters flying in the air. Simon had lied to him and wiped out the Scavengers. After the ambush his people never came to his aid. And Rick... where was Rick? Was there another attack on the Sanctuary? Did Simon still lead the charge to the Hilltop?

Negan has managed to get out of the garbage pit alive, though it wasn't without several close calls. Jadis had Lucille standing above him at one point; a gun at another time and then a snapping walker on some contraption she threatened him with. What did Negan get out of it all? Jadis was broken and alone. It was her own vulnerability that he blamed for her releasing him. He couldn't deny that he felt a twinge of pain for the woman but regardless he was thankful to have been sent out of her former place of refuge on two feet and in tact.

The ride back to the Sanctuary left him with more questions. What would he say? What would he do? How would he confront Simon? Would Simon's penalty be death for his betrayal? Did he bail on him in his moment of need or did he really have no idea where he and Rick ended up?

Negan felt heated inside, but he kept his demeanor cool when the gates finally came into view and his men cautiously made their way to greet him with their guns raised. In the darkness he could tell that they had no idea he was behind the wheel of the old clunking vehicle that waited patiently before them.

He glanced to the side and rolled the window down as one of the guards approach. Shock covered his face and he raised his eyebrows.

"Negan... I knew it. I knew you were alive."

He hesitated, maintaining a stern expression for a moment before responding. "Hell yeah I am." Negan was sure now that it had been his top guys who had spread rumors of his demise. It sent a deeper burning in his chest. "But you're not going to say a word you understand? Daddy's home and it's going to be a surprise. Yeah, I have all sorts of surprises to roll out."

He sat for a moment, silently evaluating the man's posture and expression before cruising the rest of the way into the Sanctuary. Negan felt as if his world was brand new as he cautiously parked and exited the car before making his way up to his room, purposely avoiding any and all company. After spending the night tied to a board and fighting for his life he craved silence. He craved the quiet to rationalize his thoughts. He craved Nicole's company.

When he flung the door open he was prepared to toss his coat to the side, lay down on the bed, get a rub down from Nicole and be left to the scattered uncertainties in his mind. What he got was a dark, empty room.

Negan glanced around, a fear for her safety brewing inside of him. For the first time he didn't trust the people inside his walls.

"Nicole..." He called her name as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and hoped by some chance he hadn't seen her curled up sleeping on the couch or something of that nature.

When there was no response he flipped on the lights and looked around, storming into the bathroom to make sure Nicole wasn't in there and then abruptly stormed back out into the hallway.

Negan put his radio to his lips. "Nicole." There was no answer. "Nicole, can you hear me?"

"Negan?" A male voice came on. "She went out."

He stood in silence for a moment and glanced down the long, dark corridor. Butterflies arose in his stomach and at the same time his throat and jaw tightened.

"What the fuck do you mean she's out?" He wanted to scream it, but his quiet question was enough to indicate the serious nature of his tone.

"She's uh... she... uh... before..."

"Out where?" Negan barked. "Where is she?"

"She went out looking for you," the Savior responded.

He closed his eyes and subconsciously let his fingers tighten around the small handheld radio. Negan wanted to unleash his mental anguish over Nicole's unknown whereabouts on the man on the other end of the small speaker but he knew it would do nothing.

Can this fucking day get any fucking worse? The thought had replayed in his mind over and over though now it held even more weight.

Negan was at ends. He didn't know where she might be or if she was safe. Rick's people were still in war mode and he had no idea where half of them were. What he did know was that despite the destruction he had caused them, they were still organized; calculated. Rick was a force to be reckoned with and now Nicole was out there alone amongst the enemy.

"Damn it!" Negan screamed, his voice echoing down the hallway. "Fucking shit!" He looked for something in his wake to throw or smash but there was nothing. With that he stormed down away from his room and back down to the courtyard.

"Negan-" the same guard who had greeted him upon his return was taken off guard when Negan grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the side of the car.

"Why the fuck did you let her leave?" He growled.

"What?" Fear decorated the man's eyes as Negan's hot, angry breaths landed on his face.

"Nicole... you fuckers let her go!"

"I-I didn't... I didn't see her."

"When did she go?"

"I don't know."

Negan studied his face for signs of a lie before finally releasing him and pushing him aside to get back in the car. "Open the fucking gates."

The man nodded and hurried to obey Negan's request. Just as he was about open the gate a set of headlights rolled over the landscape.

"Negan!" The guards waved him over and raised their weapons to evaluate the vehicle.

He sat in the car for a moment and waited before seeing his men allow the car to enter through the gates.

All at once he felt his heart skip a beat and his elevated emotions reside, leaving a comforting warmth radiating through his body as he finally relaxed.

Nicole was behind the wheel of the large truck that pulled up beside Negan. For a moment he stared at her as she was unaware of his presence just a few feet away.

She was flustered and barely able to remove the keys from the ignition in her frenzy as she threw her hair back into a ponytail and stormed out of the vehicle.

Negan followed her lead, deciding not to let her wait any longer after her active pursuit to find him. He was appreciative of her genuine concern and her bravery which is why he was going to attempt to put his anger over her decision to leave the Sanctuary on the back burner.

"Nicole." He said her voice loud enough to stop her dead in her tracks as she had begun to run toward the front doors of the main building. When she turned he could see the relief and emotion that immediately took over her entire body. It was so great that she slumped over, initially putting her hands on her knees before slumping to the ground in a pit of exhaustion.

Negan swallowed hard and walked over to her, ignoring the stares of the guards by the gates.

"Nicole..." he squatted down in front of her and could hear her quiet sobs as she kept her head facing the ground. "Hey..." He discreetly ran a hand down her forearm until she finally glanced up at him.

"You're alive." A smile accompanied her face despite the ongoing flow of tears.

"So are you."

"They told me you were dead."

"Who?"

"Dwight..." Nicole took in a deep breath and dried her eyes. "Simon..." She didn't want to say his name. "I knew you weren't."

"You shouldn't have gone out there," Negan told her, "Especially not alone." He glanced around the area again craving more privacy and held his hand out to help her up from the ground. "Come on."

Nicole rose to her feet and followed him inside. She didn't care if he was mad at her. She was happy that he was home, that he was breathing and that they were together.

Negan led the way to his meeting room, seeing it was the first private place he could think of and closed the door behind them.

"You said you'd stay," he said calmly but seriously.

Nicole took a deep breath again and leaned against the long table in the center of the room. "I only went because they said you were attacked... and they left you."

"Do you know how fuckin' worried I was? I just went through the day from hell and then I get back and you're missing."

Before he could go on Nicole stopped him. "You don't get to do that." She felt her emotion contributing to the elevation of her voice. "No, you don't get to do that." Tears welded up in her eyes again.

"Do what?"

"I sit here night after night worried about you out there... for hours!" Nicole shook her head, "You're pissed at me because you felt that worry for what, five minutes?"

Negan stared back at her for a moment. "There are people out there-"

"There are always people out there," she cut him off, still fired up with emotion. "And fucking jaw snapping monsters. I thought you were dead!" She huffed a few choppy breaths, "Put that into perspective before you tell me that you were worried."

Nicole hurried past him and reached for the door handle, whipping it open and slamming it behind her before he could get a chance to follow her.


	76. Each Other

Nicole stormed up to the room stilled fired up and stood with her back against the door with her eyes closed for a moment.

It hadn't been her intention to lash out at Negan, though the second he tried to compare the worry he felt to hers she couldn't help it.

Her whole body shook as she let out a decompressing sigh and crossed the room toward a bureau in the corner of the room and gripped the back of a chair perched in front of it to look in the mirror.

Nicole stared into her puffy eyes, an effect of crying and exhaustion. She shook her head and let out another breath and started to wish she hadn't yelled at Negan. The fact that he was alive and well should have been enough to keep her at an even keel, and she began to feel guilty.

When the door opened behind her Nicole saw Negan slowly enter in the mirror's reflection and he carefully clicked the door shut behind him.

She didn't immediately make eye contact with him but heard him sigh as he removed his boots and jacket. When he crossed the room to where she stood she was surprised when he put his hands gently on her shoulders and his lips to her ear.

"You're right." Negan left a kiss just below her earlobe and looked her in the eye in their coupled reflection. He sighed against her and repeated himself quietly. "You were right."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Stop." Negan let his hands travel down her sides before wrapping his arms around her waist.

"No really... I didn't intend to yell at you."

"I yell at everybody." He laughed against her neck. "You're the only one I'll tolerate yelling back."

Nicole sighed and held his eyes with her own. She relaxed a bit against him and put a hand over one of his.

"I had a hell of a fuckin' day," he admitted, "And night."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"After today... I don't know who I can even fuckin' trust anymore." His arms tightened around her. "Only you."

Nicole squeezed his hand and then locked her fingers through his. "What about Simon?"

Negan closed his eyes and kissed her cheek. "What did I just say?" He whispered.

"Why do you-"

"He wiped out the Scavengers." They made eye contact again. "No one came to fuckin' help me."

"Someone hit your car," Nicole spoke the sentence like a question.

"Rick." Negan bowed his head and kissed her neck before looking back up. "We almost fuckin' killed each other." He let out a fleeting laugh and then went on. "Jadis picked me up, held me hostage and tied to a fuckin' board. I don't know why she didn't kill me."

Nicole felt frozen by his words and swallowed hard. "Oh my God." She felt a chill run the length of her back and shuddered prompting Negan to pull her tighter against him.

"Simon killed her people. She's alone now."

Nicole didn't know what to say. She felt sick to her stomach.

Negan changed gears in the conversation. "Thank you."

"For..."

"For giving a fuck. I should have led off with that instead of being a dick about you leaving." Negan shook his head and held her gaze. "You're all I fuckin' have honey. And I know you've had your share of hours worrying about me, but shit not knowing where you were, even for ten fuckin' minutes... I don't want to feel that shit again."

"I understand."

Negan kissed her on the cheek again and left his lips there for a moment, prompting Nicole to close her eyes. She relaxed against him again when she felt him trail kisses back down her neck.

Negan stopped when he got to the collar of her shirt and then pulled away but kept a hand locked with hers and pulled her with him toward the bed.

Nicole wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and immediately locked her lips with his as he pulled her forcefully toward her.

He kissed her hard and felt her reciprocate his needy passion as the two of them seemed to battle for dominance in the midst of their embrace.

Nicole moaned into his mouth when his palm pressed firmly against the side of her face and his fingers squeezed her cheek. When he took a breath and moaned back she pulled him back toward her and laid back on the bed.

Negan brought his lips back to hers just as forcefully as before and blindly began to undress her.

Nicole swallowed hard when he worked his way down her body, trailing his mouth the length of her torso before sliding her pants down over her hips. She only looked up when he stopped momentarily to undress himself down to his boxers before settling his face in between her legs.

Her initial moan made him tighten the grip he had around her thighs and he felt his hard-on stiffen even more as she squirmed with pleasure beneath him.

Negan could have kept up with the extensive foreplay but he selfishly craved being inside of her; and so despite her pleas for him to continue he pulled away and refocused his attention on her breasts while sliding his boxers down off his hips.

Nicole moaned louder as he locked his arms under her legs and pushed into her before capturing her lips again with his own.

He groaned, keeping his lips against hers in a firm, closed-mouth kiss for a moment as he pumped his hips.

Nicole's fingers dug into his back. "Negan..." Her verbal appreciation of his actions intensified his pursuit of her body and he reached for her face with one hand, kissing her harder this time.

She subconsciously followed every sigh, grunt and groan he let out with one of her own. Despite every near-perfect intimate encounter with Negan, Nicole had never felt so in sync with him - the intensity of his tongue against hers, her grip on his upper back, his panting in between choppy breaths and her body perfectly molding to his as his stamina allowed the moment to carry on he led her to an orgasm that radiated through the length of her body.

Negan fed off of her final series of moans and buried his face in the nook of her neck as he reached his own climax.

Nicole's open lips pressed against the side of his face as he let out the most primal of groans in the final seconds of their lovemaking. She held him tighter and took a deep breath when he finally relaxed on top of her.

With a loud sigh he gently bit down on her neck and kissed down toward her collar bone before laying his head flat down on the highest part of her chest with his eyes closed.

Nicole traced her fingers over the muscles in his back with one hand and ran her hand through his hair with the other.

"Oh Negan..." she huffed the words out and slunk deeper into the pillow as he wrapped an arm tighter around her torso.

Nicole stared down at him in her arms and continued to rub his back. She could see he had no intention of moving and so she reached down, grabbing a fistful of the comforter and tossed it up over to his shoulders.

She loved when Negan had a rare moment of neediness for her and allowed her to take care of him in almost a nurturing way. For several minutes she laid there listening to nothing but the quiet and was tempted to whisper his name though when she heard his first snores she held him a little tighter.

Everything he had gone through in the recent weeks had him completely exhausted, and Nicole knew he would splurge on more details of his last horrific twenty-four hours. She felt a pain in her chest for the fact that he felt he couldn't trust anyone, and even more so that the people she thought she knew didn't go back to help him when he needed it the most.

Nicole swallowed hard and left a kiss on his forehead before securing her arms around him a little tighter. She would always have his back and knew that the feeling was mutual, and even if Simon and the others were backing out on their loyalty to both Negan and the Sanctuary, Nicole was confident in the fact that they had each other. In the moment, that was all that she needed.


	77. Confrontation

Nicole felt the tense nature that lingered amongst the Sanctuary's main players. Negan sat at the head of the long, gray table and everyone but her seemed to be walking on eggshells.

Simon... what would happen with Simon? Nicole knew they were about to find out.

Janis's people were dead and because of that Negan had almost been - not to mention a potential ally, no matter how wishy-washy, was eliminated. Aside from the rogue behavior of Rick's people, Nicole stayed confidently behind Negan's ability to keep people in line. The fact that Simon had blatantly betrayed him made her furious, though she simultaneously prayed Negan wouldn't hurt him.

"I lack discipline," Simon admitted, "I made it personal. Though I think we may have found ourselves in a similar tactical situation regardless of approach." He kept his voice steady as he stared across the table at Negan from the opposite end, "So I'll own it. I just ask that you give me a pass on this one."

"You know I remember when I took this place." Negan rose to his feet. "When you helped me take this place." They exchanged eye contact. "I didn't know if I was going to keep you on board... but Nicole vouched for you, Simon, and shit I have to say it sticks with me that you and her relied on each other when this thing all started to stay alive."

Nicole tried to equally take in the body language of both men.

"But what you did," he went on, "Killing all those people... some would say it's some psychotic shit. Like that's not someone you want to work with, never mind stand next to. Everything seemed to work out right up to this point." Negan glanced briefly at Nicole then refocused on Simon.

He paced the length of the table and confronted Simon. "I'm going to need you on your knees."

Nicole felt her stomach twist into knots, even more so when Simon didn't hesitate. He rose to his feet without looking at anyone and obeyed, kneeling with his back to Negan who stood menacingly above him holding Lucille.

Simon didn't appear scared; he didn't appear surprised. Nicole wondered if he had contemplated the real nature of this moment when choosing to take the lives of the garbage people.

She didn't want it to happen and felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck when Negan rose the bat and Simon stared unphased at the wall. It was almost as if he was mentally saying, 'Just do it'.

Please don't, Nicole begged in her mind. Her body was frozen, her stomach eating away at itself as the pressure and tense nature of the situation mounted. She felt as if she could hear Simon's heart thudding, though acknowledged it was her own that was beating so rapidly.

Negan's voice cut like a knife. "You gunna make a move... or is that it?"

Nicole swallowed hard and focused on Simon now. "No move to make." His hands were out in submission and he continued to stare straight ahead as if he had accepted his fate.

"No... there isn't." Negan's hands tightened around the handle-end of Lucille and Nicole wanted to jump up. She wanted to beg for Simon's pardon. She wanted to order Negan to stop and she knew he would listen; but her throat suddenly felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls and her body felt cemented in place aside from the shake in her hands.

No... Nicole tried to will the word from her mouth and pressed her eyes shut when it appeared that Negan was ready to take a swing.

The next sentence out of his mouth left her tense, aching body in a state of pleased shock.

"All is forgiven."

Nicole opened her eyes, breathing heavier than Simon and saw Negan was looking at her. He dropped the bat lazily at his side and Simon remained frozen for a moment.

"Get your ass up," Negan said casually, patting him once on the shoulder as he passed him by. "We're good."

Nicole had to actively keep her emotions in check when Simon finally rose to his feet. She didn't know if she could have handled what had almost happened and prayed her friend wouldn't do anything further to screw up.

"I won't let you down," Simon said finally after a brief look around the room.

Negan smiled. "I appreciate the hell out of that." He looked to the others and nodded toward the door. "I gotta think of some shit to do to fix this mess," he confessed. "We'll reconvene later."

Simon stood still for an extra minute as everyone else began their march out of the room. He took a second to look directly at Nicole before passing by Negan without eye contact and leaving with the rest of the Saviors.

When the door closed Negan stared at Nicole, though neither one of them spoke. The quiet was worse than if both of them had been screaming, and so finally Nicole broke the stalemate by slumping down into a chair with a loud, decompressing sigh.

"I wasn't going to kill him," Negan admitted. He could see the uncertainty in Nicole's eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you... not like this."

"Is he safe?"

"I let him go."

"But is he safe?" She asked again. "You said you wouldn't do this to me like this... what does that last part mean?"

"Simon's decision almost had me killed," Negan reminded her, "Was it a bad decision? Fuck yeah... but it wasn't fuckin' intentional." He sighed and drew a hand across his beard, sitting halfway on the table in front of her. "I'm not going to hurt him as long as he doesn't pull some shit like that again."

Nicole stared down at her folded hands on the table as she subconsciously dug her thumb nail into other hand.

"Nicole." Negan's voice drew her eyes upward. "I wouldn't fuckin' lie to you."

She shook her head and snapped out of the daze she had put herself in. "No... I know that Negan." Nicole paused and took a deep breath before looking back at him. "I'm just..."

"Conflicted," he assumed.

She ran a hand through her hair and nodded. "Yeah... I guess. I just... I can't get over it... that Simon could just go out and kill that many people unprovoked."

Negan sighed. As pissed as he was at Simon for going against the plans he'd made, to some degree he understood the dark nature of his actions.

"I can't be too fuckin' judgmental." He spoke honestly though quietly acknowledged that he wouldn't ever repeat the words in anyone else's company. "I've done shit. I've killed men kneeling in submission."

"But with purpose."

"Simon thought he had purpose." Negan took a breath. "I can't fuckin' stand what he did but..." His thought trailed off.

Nicole sighed again and Negan softly ran the his knuckles against her cheek.

"Talk to him for me, doll," he requested. "See what his thoughts are. See where he stands. I gotta know that my top guy is still my top guy."

"Do you think he..." Nicole searched her mind for the right words as she didn't want to make her friend seem like a traitor even if she wasn't wholly sure herself.

"I think he'll be fuckin' honest with you. You two go back to the beginning of all this. You made it work at the satellite building and built your own little community. Remind him of that shit."

Nicole nodded. "Okay." She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"All this shit."

Negan could see the exhaustion in her eyes and pulled her head to his lips. "Go get some rest."

"I will." She leaned against his chest for a moment. "Right after I talk to Simon."


	78. Line In the Sand

"Simon!" Nicole hurried to catch up with him and immediately noticed the scowl on his face when he turned around.

"What?" his voice was hard; angry.

"We need to fix this... whatever's going on we need to fix it."

He let out a sinister laugh and shook his head. "Fix what exactly?"

"All of it... this community... us... our friendship."

"Friendship." Simon spoke the word calmly but shook his head again. "Friendship?"

"Simon we-"

"A friend wouldn't have just sat there and watched their friend take a bat to the head." He stared at her with an honest intensity that gave Nicole a gut-wrenching reality check.

She swallowed hard and tried to justify her actions even though she knew Simon was right. "He didn't actually-"

"He didn't actually go through with it," Simon finished her sentence, hissing the words. "But you didn't know that at the time. Shit, I saw the look on your face and you did nothing to stop him."

"What could I do to stop him?"

"Come on Nicole." Simon huffed a breath. "Don't insult my intelligence. What could you have done to stop him? I'm sure an offer to suck his dick would have worked."

"Screw you Simon!"

"Or maybe, just fucking maybe, a plead for your friend's life would have worked." Simon shook his head another time. "You chose sides... and it ain't mine."

"Sides? Why does there have to be sides."

"Because I'm sick of being treated like a pawn in a fucked up chess game." He paused. "I thought you and I had some real shit."

"We do... we can."

"Nah." Simon shook his head. "A line was drawn in the sand back there and you chose which side of it you wanted to stand on."

"You left Negan for dead out there," Nicole reminded him.

"And you gave me a ration of shit for it, didn't you?" He stepped forward. "What the fuck did you say to Negan in there for putting me on my knees and making me think I was about to take my last breath?" He challenged her. "Huh?" Simon's eyes studied hers and he finally backed away. "Nothing."

Nicole, again, acknowledged how right he was. She should have stuck up for him. It would have been the right thing to do even though she knew he had been in the wrong for leaving Negan outside the walls. A part of her tried to convince herself that she was too frozen in fear to react but she knew it was a lie.

"I want to make things right."

"Well you had your fuckin' chance, now, didn't you?" Simon kept his voice low and cold. Nicole could see he was hurt by her failure to act on his behalf.

"I should have-"

"That's right you should have."

"Why did you kill all those people?" Nicole had to know his motives. She almost whispered the question to him.

"Why did I kill all those people?" Simon smiled and scratched his brow line. "Why? Because that's what people do to survive. Why did Negan kill the widow's husband right in front of her? Did he have a reason better than mine to kill the big ginger? I'm sure you justify that in your mind."

"He-"

"I killed those people because they betrayed us! What Negan wants to wait for them to do it again? So they can kill me, kill our people, kill you?" He shook his head.

"Killing one of them would have worked." Nicole didn't know if she believed that or if she thought it was right. Her morality, like always, was a clusterfuck of consfusion and emotion.

"Just like it worked against Rick's people right?" He said sarcastically. "They just bowed down and backed the fuck off after big, bad Negan bashed a few heads in."

The two of them stared at one another for a long moment, the former warmth and trust that existed between them a distant memory.

"I have to fuckin' go." Simon turned to walk away.

"Simon..."

He turned back to her and Nicole wasn't sure what to say to him. She was conflicted and remorseful but utterly confused with her own decisions. When it came to Simon she had truly done him wrong.

"I'm sorry."

Simon's eyes squinted and he turned back around. "Yeah."

Nicole watched him walk away and felt a heaviness in the pit of her stomach. The bond she had with Simon was forever broken when she failed to try to save his life in the conference room.

She couldn't blame him. If their roles had been reversed she would have felt the same way. It crushed her to know that she didn't have it in her to step up for him. The only thing that made it justifiable in her mind was Simon's callous demeanor when he and Dwight came in without a care in the world for Negan's life.

Dwight... Nicole thought for a moment and a shudder ran down her back. She had suspected for a while that Dwight wasn't happy with the way things were run at the Sanctuary.

Could the two of them be planning something? She wondered.

Nicole wanted to go after Simon again and confront him on her thoughts but she refrained. He was too raw; too infuriated with her over what he saw as a betrayal of her trust.

It was a betrayal, she reminded herself. Nicole hadn't purposely tried to betray Simon and it wasn't until they spoke that she realized it. Wholeheartedly, wrong or right, she was on Negan's side.

The reality was that there really was a line drawn in the sand and Nicole hadn't seen it until that moment. Simon and Dwight, the men Negan counted on the most, might be on the wrong side of that line. If that were true the Sanctuary, the Saviors and everything they had built was in trouble. The future of their community was in trouble.

Nicole glanced in the direction that Simon had walked off in and then back toward the door that led to the conference room before taking the route back to Negan.


	79. Dominant

Nicole re-entered the conference room and was pleased to find Negan still in there alone seeming to contemplate his thoughts. Her chat with Simon had been brief though she felt the message had been strongly sent and received on both ends as to where they both stood at the moment.

"Negan, I-"

Nicole was taken off-guard when he approached her and with mild force pushed her up against the door, locking it behind her with one hand before pinning her arms beneath his above her head.

"I need to not think about all this shit for a few minutes." He closed his eyes as he spoke and let his lips dance along her cheek as he spoke. "I know I told you to go rest, but-"

Nicole cut him off using the only accessible body part beneath his force. She moved her face forward and kissed him, eagerly sliding her tongue into his mouth.

Negan's hands tightened over hers on the wall and he kissed her back hard, feeling a need to be dominant.

Nicole moved her arm to wrap around him when he reached down to undo his pants, though felt a rush of adrenaline when he immediately pushed her hand back when his belt buckle clanked against the ground.

Negan kissed her more intensely and then whispered against her lips. "Let me fuck you in here so the next time someone pisses me off in a meeting I have something hot to think about."

She was immediately engulfed in the moment and when Negan snaked a hand down the front of her pants the night of their first sexual encounter rushed into her mind. "Fuck me," Nicole whispered back, looking him in the eye as her lips brushed back against his.

Negan huffed a breath against her as his fingers glided against the wetness on the front of her panties. "Take your fuckin' pants off." He kissed her again before allowing her to strip down in front of him and then bent her over the edge of the table.

Nicole could tell he was juiced up from the way he breathed heavily without being able to control it and even moreso by the way he manhandled her.

"Remember the first time we fucked in your kitchen?" Negan continued to speak to her in a husky whisper and it sent chills down her back.

"Mmm..." she moaned the response and reached back in an attempt to grab his dick but he swatted her hand away and laughed wickedly before pinning her hands, palms down, on the table. When he repeated the phrase from the time they fooled around in the bathroom at the bar she wanted to giggle and moan all at once from the happily erotic nature of the memory.

Negan leaned over her from behind and put his lips to her ear. "How bad do you want this shit?"

Nicole bit down on her bottom lip and managed a giggle when his beard rubbed against her neck. "I fucking need it Negan." She did. When he got her this worked up it was impossible to think about anything else.

He pushed back and pulled her up off the table before scooping her off her feet with ease and sitting her at the edge. Nicole was about to lean back but he pulled her toward him, kissing her hard again as his fingers slipped inside of her.

When she moaned he used his other hand to hold the bottom of her face, forcing her to look at him. "I love watching your face when I finger fuck you."

Nicole was about to say something back but he pushed deeper into her and angled his fingers in a way that made her eyes shut. Her hands clutched him harder and she tried to suppress another moan.

Negan circled her lips with the thumb of his free hand until her tongue danced around it.

"Do I have to fuckin' tell you to let it out by now?" He purposely kept his voice demanding and forced the tip of his thumb in her mouth.

"Fuck me already," Nicole challenged, making him smirk.

"What this doesn't fuckin' feel good enough?" He pushed into her with more force and consistency, pleased when she moaned louder. "That's it honey." Negan left a sloppy closed-mouth kiss on her lips and then removed his fingers.

Nicole let out a breath and pulled him back to her, pleased when he allowed her to make out with him until both of them pulled back with gasping sighs.

She grabbed the back of his neck and the side of his face as he pushed her legs or wider to the sides. "Fuck me."

Her consistent demands were becoming harder for him to deny.

Negan pushes up her shirt and aided her in ripping it up over her head. He wrapped an arm around her bare midsection and kissed her hard again, pleased when locked her legs around his waist nearly forcing him inside of her.

Nicole arched her neck back when he grazed her neck with his teeth before biting down just enough to make her fingers to dig into his back. A second later he was grabbing her hips, sliding her the rest of the way to him so he could connect himself to her with one firm push.

She let her eyes flicker open to take in his facial expression. Negan let out a sigh, closed his eyes tight and his mouth dropped open for a moment. When he pumped into her Nicole's eyes shut again and a whimper left her mouth as he immediately picked up the pace.

"Fuck... come here honey." Negan pulled her face toward him and kissed her in a raw, sloppy fashion. "I fuckin' love you."

Nicole had to brace herself with her hand against the table when he brought his mouth back to hers with more force. She desperately tried to say it back but couldn't get the words out. Instead she let out a series of moans into his mouth before finally unlatching her lips from his and hugging her chest against him.

She bit down on his ear as he relentlessly thrusted into her. "God..." she moaned. "I love you too."

Nicole hugged him hard as they carried on before leaning back as she sensed he was going to come.

Negan stopped himself, remaining dormant inside of her for a moment to compose himself and pinned her flat on the table so they were face to face.

He started with her lips and then kissed down her chest, teasing with his fingers again as he pulled out of her.

"I want to make you cum," Negan whispered, working his lips back up to hers.

"Okay," Nicole whispered back, grateful for his generosity as her thighs proceeded to shake with pleasure.

He used one hand to pin hers back over her head. "Twice." 


	80. Duel

**Thanks everyone for reading! As always I appreciate the follows and comments. :)**

Nicole was a step behind Negan when he opened the door that led out of the conference room. While their intense, afternoon romp had been the perfect distraction she was immediately reminded of all the brewed around them when Dwight stood a step outside the door.

"Dwight boy," Negan gushed, "What the fuck can I do for you?"

He cleared his throat nervously, glanced briefly at Nicole and then returned his attention to Negan.

"I have to talk to you," he told him. "It's about Simon."

The three of them exchanged glances.

Negan smirked. "Step into my office."

Nicole felt sick to her stomach. While she had stepped away to give Negan and Dwight privacy in their conversation she had gotten all the details of what was happening when he escorted her back to their room.

"It can't be true." Nicole shook her head but had already offered Negan the details of her conversation with Simon. Dwight's claims that he was plotting to kill Negan and take over the Sanctuary complemented the angry, fed-up demeanor she had witnessed.

"I'm going to give him a chance to live," Negan explained.

"What are you going to do?"

He ran a hand across his brow line and looked at her directly. "Well... I'm going to assemble a team to take out the people who are planning on siding with him... and then I'm going to challenge him."

"Challenge him how?"

Negan balled up his fists and looked down at them. "We're going to fight for the leadership position of this place. If he beats me he can fuckin' have it."

Nicole's eyes widened a bit. "No... no way."

"It's not up for discussion Nicole."

"I think it is."

He shook his head. "This is how we're solving this shit once and for all. After today it'll all be over."

"I don't want this."

"Neither do I... but this is what it's fuckin' come to." Negan planted a kiss on her forehead. "Stay up here."

"When is this happening?" Nicole felt a panic rise in her chest.

"Right now."

When Negan left the room Nicole paced for what felt like hours. She hated it when he told her she had to wait while something significant was in the works. This time the stakes were higher... both Negan's and Simon's lives were at stake.

"I can't..." Nicole said the words aloud to herself as she made up her mind to vacate the room. She wasn't sure where things were going down but she knew it wouldn't be difficult to seek out the action.

Her first trip was to the lot by the front gates, though when she found a collection of bodies on the asphalt she continued on her way around the Sanctuary.

Things were getting real. People had plotted against Negan and now they lay dead in the courtyard. When she finally heard a commotion inside Nicole sprinted in that direction.

A crowd gathered like they were attending a sporting event. People were in the floor, perched in the balconies surrounding and Negan and Simon stood in the center of it all as the main attraction. The eeriest part of it all was the sudden silence when Negan and Simon positioned themselves across from one another.

Staring at Negan now made Nicole's heart stop. He stood confident and silent staring across the way.

Nicole watched as Simon rolled up his sleeves, calling to the crowd as she struggled to push through people. Aside from his booming voice you could hear a pin drop. Faces of even the most ruthless of men were awestruck.

"Everyone!" Simon shouted. "After this is done... we get to work! Just know that I didn't want this." He turned more directly to Negan who still stood silently. "But the Sanctuary must stand."

Simon paced the way with his chest puffed out and arms tense until he stood just a few feet away from Negan.

"This is not the man to prosecute this conflict." He looked his former friend directly in the eye before turning away. "I just wanted to say-" Simon whipped back around and landed a punch hard on the side of Negan's face, sending him to the ground.

Nicole jumped and put her hands to her face, wanting to run through the crowd to get in the middle of them but the physical fight immediately grew more violent.

"Stop it!" She shouted as the buzz in the crowd grew louder as they looked on.

Simon kicked Negan in the ribs and landed another two punches before Negan managed to get to his feet to defend himself.

Nicole couldn't watch. It was a lose-lose situation, though she felt sick to her stomach when she came to the realization that only one of them would be walking out of the circle alive. It wasn't just a fight - it was a fight to the death.

She couldn't witness Negan die. Nicole willed herself to the front of the pack and was ready to jump in front of a bullet for him. If Simon got the upper hand then she would insert herself in between them to the best of her ability.

She thought of her recent conversation with Simon and felt with a heavy heart that she would not do the same for him.

He plotted to kill Negan, Nicole reminded herself. Regardless, as she watched the ruthless punch for punch battle unfold, all she could do was pray that the end result would not end tragically.


	81. The Walking Dead

The fight was like a bad car crash - you didn't want to look but you couldn't look away. Nicole felt a deep pain that made her body ache as she watched as Negan and Simon grew more bloody and tired with each punch.

The crowd still appeared in a state of awe at what they were witnessing. The scariest part was that Nicole couldn't decipher who was winning. For each punch Negan landed, Simon landed his own.

This can't last much longer, Nicole knew. She felt her throat tighten and a sick feeling rose in her stomach. She thought she might literally throw up.

Negan breathed heavy as the two men managed to separate. His eyes were focused solely on Simon as if the rest of the crowd was nonexistent. Like two raging bulls they ran back at each other full force in another viscous clash that sent Simon slamming to the cement on his back with a sickening thud.

Nicole's mouth dropped open and she felt her bottom lip begin to tremble as Negan gave in to his most primal instincts and grabbed Simon around the neck, screaming and grunting as he hovered menacingly above him.

"You think you can kill me!" He shouted, nearly shaking himself as he applied more pressure to Simon's neck.

The choking sounds that accompanied Simon's reddening face as he struggled to breath made Nicole turn away. She was distracted for merely a few seconds as she turned watching Dwight whisper to the former Hilltop leader Gregory before sending the man off running with a piece of paper in his hands.

Nicole didn't have time to accurately process the exchange because Negan's voice boomed now as he continued to choke Simon, "And now... I gotta kill of them! Just like I'm gunna kill you!"

What happened next felt like a movie moving in slow motion. She could quite literally feel her heart beat thudding in her ear drums. For a moment it blocked out the sounds all around her as her eyes, like every other man and woman's in the room, were locked on Negan and Simon.

Whatever Negan was saying now was low and muffled, though when he rose to feet hugging and puffing from the adrenaline Nicole knew what that meant. Her eyes stuck now on Simon laying lifeless on the ground, flat on his back in the center of the ring for all of the community to see. His mouth still hung open, blood and welts covered his face from the punch-for-punch battle that he had once been so confident in winning.

Nicole couldn't even call it bittersweet. While she was thankful it wasn't Negan laying there, there was nothing sweet about what had just happened. Like it or not her friend was dead; and while Nicole knew it was a consequence of his own actions she still felt the impact in her chest like a mack truck.

Negan slowly made his way out of the circle and all at once the slow motion stopped and Nicole felt like her heavy and arms and legs were able to move again.

"Stick him on the fence before he turns," Negan ordered and Nicole watched as he disappeared through the crowd.

I should be rejoicing, Nicole thought. She allowed herself to wallow in the relief that Negan was alright. He was breathing, alive and walking out of the room on two legs with only minor injuries. That night he would have dinner with her; lay next to her in bed. They would talk, she would cry and he would explain that what had happened that day was inevitable. Nicole knew it was true, though it didn't make the moment any easier.

She stood there silently in the middle of the group that had collectively snapped out of the daze upon the conclusion of the fight. It was almost as if nothing had happened for them - for any of them, and as they walked past Nicole like a human wave stepping over Simon's body with no regard she felt alone; more alone than she had since the very beginning.

The slow motion returned and Nicole watched as they paraded away without emotion, walking slowly and methodically away. The image sent a chill down her back as she made an eerie parallel in her mind.

They're like the dead, she thought, they're like the walking dead.

The heaviness fell back on her body and as the last of the Saviors surpassed her Nicole was left alone in the empty, gray room unable to walk; unable to move.

It was the two men who stayed to drag Simon away that drove the final push of the dagger through her heart.

His lifeless eyes, still swelling from the beating stared at her with a haunting gaze as the men dragged the body away by his arms. Nicole would never forget that moment - the moment Simon reminded her one last time that she had let him down; her oldest friend and the man that potentially saved her when things had gotten really bad.

Typically it was Negan who made everything better. In a dead world he was her life force; her heart. That day Nicole knew even the man she loved so dearly wouldn't be able to make it better. She needed him and she knew he needed her, but no talk, no reasoning of right and wrong would be able to mend Nicole's shattered emotions so quickly. Simon's death had left her feeling something she hadn't anticipated- numb.

Why did he have to turn on Negan? Nicole thought. What was so bad here for him? Why didn't I recognize it sooner and try to fix things? Now that he was gone she so desperately wanted to ask him when things took such a dark turn. Guilt plagued her mind and she wondered if she hadn't been so wrapped up with her feelings for Negan that she would have known something was wrong with Simon long before it got to this point.

She couldn't even cry. Nicole's body felt like it was made of cement, as if her feet were molded to the floor beneath where she stood. The room seemed to swallow her whole and without another thought she felt an uncomfortable rush in her stomach before keeling over and throwing up.


	82. A Drink

Negan stood on the front platform watching as Simon was placed amongst the collection of walkers. Soon he would be just another dead one blending in with the rest, jaws snapping and arms outstretched in a predatory fashion. He would decay, his hair would become dead and straw like, blood would begin to cover his withering body. A dead one - Simon would be just another dead one.

It's his own fault, Negan told himself. I gave him a fair chance to take me out. It was kill or be killed.

He rehearsed a fake conversation in his mind with Nicole, echoing the collection of thoughts that had just crossed his mind. Would she understand? Would she not? Negan wasn't sure how to let the words spill out of his mouth when they were finally face to face.

"I killed Simon." Negan said the words aloud to himself and spun around startled when a voice unexpectedly responded.

"I know." Nicole slowly approached him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She glanced outward at Simon's body as it hung on the fence with lifeless enthusiasm.

Negan didn't say anything. He took the time to study her for a moment, carefully taking in her body language.

Nicole's eyes were tired. Her arms were folded neatly across her stomach and her shoulders slumped in a state of defeat. What crushed Negan more than he would ever admit was the look in her eyes. There was a sadness that she couldn't mask.

"I didn't want this," he said finally.

Nicole knew he wasn't lying, though it didn't make what had just happened any easier.

"I could've been a bridge between you and Simon," she said. "I should have made sure things were alright with him."

"It's wasn't your responsibility."

Nicole felt her sudden reality hit her. "What are my responsibilities here Negan?" She let out a disgusted laugh. "I don't do shit." When he began to shake his head she cut him off more heatedly. "And don't even sit there a fucking disagree with me. I spend half of my time waiting for you to get back from this community or that community." Nicole shook her head and finally felt tears begin to burn the rims of her eyes. "I couldn't even recognize that Simon was so unhappy and on edge." She repeated her original thought. "What the fuck do I do here?"

Negan swallowed hard and glanced around the empty courtyard. "I, uh..." he cleared his throat. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel that way. I ask you to stay because I worry about you, Nicole." He spoke in a quiet, scratchy voice. "Did you see what just happened?" Negan suspected he already knew the answer to the question.

Nicole simply nodded and tightened her arms around her core. She looked out at Simon again and couldn't help but feel some responsibility.

A silence fell over them and for the first time Nicole could see the uncertainty in Negan's eyes. She knew for a short time she had to be alone but couldn't leave him standing there with doubts about where she stood.

Nicole reached a hand up and touched under his eye where swelling had started and then proceeded to continue on her way.

"Nicole..." Negan's voice forced her to turn back to face him.

"Where are you going?"

She sighed, hearing the defeat in her own voice. "To have a drink."

...

The empty lounge area was depressingly appropriate. Nicole felt like she was feeding into some movie cliche by drowning her sorrows alone at a bar.

Only it's usually an old man drinking scotch, she thought.

Nicole peeled at the label on a bottle of bourbon she had poured neatly in a small glass and rested her other hand on the side of her face as she leaned an elbow on the small, wooden bar the Saviors had manufactured.

She swirled the brown liquid and wondered why of all people it had to be Simon. Was the world punishing her for her love affair with Negan? She began to wonder if it was possible - that this somehow was a big slap in the face for putting the him so far above the rest of the world.

Nicole took a long swig of the bourbon and smacked her lips as it burned down her throat.

She hadn't heard Negan come in, though when he sat down quietly beside her she wasn't at all startled and continued to play with the label on the bottle.

He looked straight ahead rather than at her and folded his arms on top of the bar. "Do you hate me?"

"No." Nicole answered him right away though neither of them immediately looked at one another.

Negan let out a quiet sigh. "You have a purpose here. I fucking hate that you think you don't."

"What's my purpose?" Nicole finally let her eyes drift away from the bottle and she turned to him. She forced his eyes to hers as she wanted an honest answer.

"You're my rock Nicole," he told her without hesitation. "You're the reason I stay sane and can do what I need to fuckin' do. You're my break from all the bullshit and the one person I trust. I fucking need you. I've needed you since the day I met you."

She kept her eyes locked on his and wanted to plead that she should be more; that she should be more to the community, to the world... but the reality was that all that was left of her world was sitting beside her. Negan felt like shit because he knew she felt like shit. Having something so real in a world so dead suddenly made her feel right about it again.

"It's hard to continuing loving things in this shit hold world we live in," Negan went on. His voice grew more gravelly and serious. "And I know that the badass in you might not be able to wholly see the value in that... but think about that shit. I killed a man who wanted me dead and if it weren't for you I wouldn't give two shits. You make me feel something. I feel bad... genuinely bad; and I don't feel bad about anything. You're the heart beat in this dead fucking world honey."

Nicole looked down as he reached for her hand, pulling it away from the bottle of bourbon and set it on the center of his chest.

"I'm sorry," Negan said, meeting her gaze again. He cradled her hand with his own.

Nicole swallowed hard and felt tears stream silently down her cheeks before finally releasing a single sob. She put her free hand over her mouth and tried her hardest to suppress the rush of emotion that followed.

Negan instinctively pulled her against him and cradled her head as Nicole buried the side of her face into his chest and cried.

Despite all of her conflicting emotions and guilt she didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Negan confirmed the justification of her feelings with his words as he held her close and rubbed her back.

"I'm fuckin' sorry baby," he whispered in her ear. "I got you... I love you." Negan hugged her tighter. "I'm sorry."


	83. Vacation

Nicole sat with Negan for the better half of an hour, continually sipping from the bottle despite Negan's quiet suggestions to stop. When she finally stood up from the high chair at the bar Nicole felt the liquor hit her.

"Honey..." Negan reached for her as she braced herself on the bar and Nicole put a hand on her forehead. He scooped her up with ease into his arms and all she could do was wrap an arm around his shoulders.

"I didn't intend on getting drunk," Nicole told him. She leaned her head against his chest.

"I know." Negan headed toward the door, kicking it open and then made the trek up to the room they shared.

Nicole took a deep breath when he set her down in the center of the bed and immediately tried to get up.

Negan sat down and leaned partway over her. "Lay down doll." His voice was gentle and melancholy. Nicole didn't protest.

"Can I have some water?" She asked.

He nodded and retrieved a bottle from a box across the room and then sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"Drink it slow," he instructed.

Nicole nodded and did as he suggested, taking short breaths in between sips. She stared up at him. "Can you help me with my shoes?" She requested in a whisper.

Negan didn't answer. He gently pulled her feet into his lap and removed the sneakers she had on and tossed them to the ground.

"I'm selfish," Nicole said.

"Stop." Negan proceeded to help her remove her pants and then threw the covers up over her.

"I should have led off our conversation with: I'm glad you're alright." Nicole stared up at him through glossy, half-open eyes. "Because that was my only hope as you and Simon were fighting... that you would make it out alive; and then when you did I made you feel guilty for it."

"You didn't make me feel guilty for it," he disagreed. "No I felt bad all on my fuckin' own because I know that Simon meant something to you."

Nicole continued to stare at him for a moment and then placed her hand over his on top of the comforter. "I was a wreck watching that. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been the one walking away."

"You would have jumped in the middle," Negan suspected with a smile that crept in and faded just as fast.

Nicole matched his barely-there smile for just a second. "You know me too well."

He smiled again behind a pair of hurt eyes and then went to stand but Nicole tugged at his hand.

"Kiss me goodnight," she demanded in a quiet voice.

Negan leaned down and touched his lips to hers several times in a row. "You're the least selfish person left on this shit hole planet," he whispered. "So don't fuckin' think for a second you're selfish."

Nicole ran a hand over his cheek and then kissed the area that was bruised. "Okay," she agreed.

"Get some sleep."

"Only if you sleep with me," she told him, suspecting he might be attempting to stay awake, or worse that he might be leaving.

"I'm going to wash up and then I'll be back." He kept his face close to hers. "Save my place."

"Of course." Nicole kissed him another time and then curled up under the covers. She watched Negan enter the bathroom and then slowly drifted off to sleep.

When she awoke a few hours later her eyes drifted to the empty spot in the bed beside her. Before Nicole could say his name she spotted Negan sitting in a chair with his back to her facing the window.

She sensed he hadn't made it to bed yet and knew it was wise for him to sleep after the series of events that had just occurred.

Nicole rose to her feet and slowly made her way across the room, placing her hands gently on Negan's shoulders and making him jump.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, squatting down beside him and glancing up at his face in the dark. When he took in a breath she sensed he was congested and then saw the glimmer of saturation along his cheeks. As Nicole finally made eye contact she could see that his eyes were glossy despite him trying to mask it with his hand.

Negan cleared his throat. "Sorry... I, uh, had a dream that you left me for Eugene."

Right away Nicole knew he was kidding and the two of them shared a brief laugh before she put her hand over his.

"His dick was bigger than mine and everything." Negan wiped away a stray tear and cleared his throat again.

Nicole stood back up and wrapped her arms around him from the back, resting her chin where his shoulder met his neck and then kissed his cheek. She left her lips against him as she spoke.

"You need to sleep."

"Yeah..." he agreed in a groggy voice that verified her statement.

"What's on your mind?" Nicole ran a hand through his hair.

"I just killed a man with my bare fuckin' hands. One of our guys. One of the guys I relied on the fuckin' most... your friend..." Negan sniffed in again and huffed out a deep breath. "This isn't what it was. Shit is continually hitting the fan. We're going to have to kill a lot of people and I don't want to do that. But if we don't then they will kill us that's certain." He paused and shook his head. "Simon..."

"You'll be able to turn this back around."

"If I even have anyone in my fuckin' corner anymore. Shit's falling apart."

Nicole suddenly remembered the exchange between Dwight and Gregory during the fight. A gnawing feeling suddenly pulled at the depths of her stomach and she moved to face Negan again.

"Dwight," she said his name in such a way that Negan already sensed he knew what she was going to say.

"I saw it," he informed her.

"You-"

"With Gregory," Negan went on. "He sent him off with the plan we orchestrated to let The Hilltop and others know what was going on."

Nicole swallowed hard. "What do we do now? After all that planning... and the meeting..."

Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile and a small dose of the confidence that typically radiated out of him returned. "He has a false plan."

"What?" Relief filled her body.

"Dwight is a fuckin' turncoat."

"But I thought he told you about Simon."

"He did," Negan confirmed. "But he's playing both sides and for that he will pay. I wasn't one hundred percent sure until today but now I fuckin' know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to handle it in the morning... then we're going to end this shit."

"And then what?" Nicole asked.

Negan placed a hand on her hip and gave another half smile beneath swollen, glossy eyes. "Then me and you are going on a vacation."


	84. Three, Two, One

With Dwight in a cell Negan felt content, though never satisfied. How could he when his front line was in shambles? The look on Dwight's face was that if utter shock - shock for the fact that Negan knew of his double cross and again for the fact that he wasn't immediately executed.

Fuck all of them, Negan thought. He let his emotions lead him just a little more than normal. After the rebellious actions of his top men sent his typical plans into a tailspin, Negan was forced to eradicate the remaining forces against him. It would make him look like the monster they had him pinned for.

Fuck it... Negan shook his head as he marched down to order the Saviors into battle. They would all be on the front line, himself included; and with Dwight's attempts to betray him that left Rick and his people with the wrong plans, he was sure it would be a walk in the park to lure them right where he wanted them. The Sanctuary's people would be waiting up on the hill ready to fire away and end it all for good.

"Then I'll go back and rub it in Dwight's fucking face," he grumbled quietly to himself as he rounded into the ammunition station where Eugene was barking his typical monotone orders.

"Bullets have accumulated by the masses," the socially awkward, self-proclaimed doctor assured Negan as he approached.

"Enough to take these fuckers down?"

"Affirmative." Eugene looked him in the eye and nodded once.

"Now that is what I like to hear." Negan smiled wide. "It's about fuckin' time someone I count on came through." He patted him once on the back and looked around the room of hamster wheel workers. "Ladies and gentlemen it is time. Round up your weapons. It's time to put these bullets to good use and end this shit." Negan grinned wider and looked at Eugene. "Good work. Now fuckin' saddle up."

When Negan made his rounds around the Sanctuary he wasn't at all surprised when he saw Nicole suited up and ready to take in the other communities. He wouldn't hold her back - Not this time. Her words had eaten away at him when she claimed she didn't have a purpose at the Sanctuary.

"I know what you're going to say," she began but he put his first two fingers over her lips.

"You do whatever it is you feel the need to fuckin' do." Negan leaned in and kissed her once. "I can't keep trying to make your decisions for you."

Nicole managed a small, painful smile. "Me and you?"

"Versus the world honey." He planted another kiss on her lips and then smacked her on the butt as he continued on his rounds, finally leaving Nicole with a big, genuine grin.

She breathed in heavily and then proceeded to the area where carloads of people were getting prepared for the day to come. A part of her held onto the flashbacks of the previous battles while another part of her felt ready to take on the world.

"Here we go..."

...x

Nicole's heart pounded as she sat behind the wheel of her own vehicle. Negan kept his promise in not trying to guilt her into staying but supplied her her own vehicle in case of an emergency. While Nicole appreciated the gesture, riding alone didn't exactly sit well with her psyche. It was easy to play mind games when there was no one to engage in a distracting conversation with.

The stillness added to the tense nature of the situation. Saviors were lined up for what looked like miles behind the cover of a hilltop. It looked like the scene to a battle from the olden days when people were fighting for land with muskets and cannons. Behind the line we're cars and trucks each filled with getaway drivers.

Negan stood in front of her car with Father Gabriel as his safety net. It made Nicole feel secure. She was certain Rick and his people wouldn't open fire with one of their own standing between them and Negan.

This is it, Nicole thought, the end of all of this.

She knew there was no way the other communities were prepared for what laid beyond their sights. They were following the make up of a false plan, accidentally hand delivered by Dwight. They were sitting ducks.

Nicole took another look down the line and took a deep breath. They had removed Dwight from his cell for the occasion and she wasn't wholly sure if it was simply to rub their victory in his face or if his life was in immediate danger. Either way she knew it was time when Negan raised a wallow-talkie to his lips and began to speak.

When the chorus of whistles began Nicole felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck. It was a clear indication that Rick's people had arrived.

"Rick,Rick, Rick..." Negan voice carried through the air, "I ambushed your ambush with an even bigger ambush."

Rick's voice bellowed back from beyond where Nicole could see. "How about you step out and face us!"

"I am everywhere Rick. Pick a direction and run... see how you do. Make it fun for all of us. I brought you some of your old friends." Negan's voice was clear as day. "Remember your old friend Eugene? Well he is the person who made today possible. Same goes for Dwighty boy here. He's a gutless nothing who gets to watch you all die and he has to live with that." He lifted a gun up behind Gabriel's head."Gabriel's gotta go too. We're cleaning house today, Rick. And then... there's you. It never had to be a fight... you just had to accept how things are."

Nicole's hands tightened on the steering wheel as Negan more or less fired the starting gun to their race.

"So..." he smiled, "Here we go." Negan exchanged a glance with Eugene. "Three... two... one!"


	85. To the Death

Nicole's eyes never left Negan as he stood before her. The question went of over and over again in her mind - what the hell just happened?

Was he shot?... No... I don't think so. Her thoughts began to reel in her mind as she witnessed Negan shout aloud in pain as the gun dropped from his hand and blood began to gush.

Down the line the same thing happened in unison as Saviors fell to the ground either dead or wounded as their weapons flew from their arms.

For a moment time stood still and those remaining on their feet looked around at one another.

Nicole's mouth hung open in a state of awe as Negan clutched his hand in pain, glaring over at the bullet-maker as he huffed our angry breaths. "Eugene!"

Before he could land a punch, Father Gabriel lunged for him, landing a blow on the side of his head despite his handcuffed hands sending Negan sprawling to the hood of the car.

When Dwight charged him next Negan managed to push him off, swinging Lucille once before rushing past the line of vehicles as Rick and his people rushed up the hill.

"Get down!" He ordered, pointing at Nicole as he ran by.

She couldn't obey and hopped out of the car, firing her weapon back at the people of Alexandria and the Hilltop in an attempt to cover Negan as he took cover from the mob.

Is it really just the two of us? Nicole began to wonder, though felt a little relief when Saviors approached Eugene with the intent to attack. The relief was short lived as they were gunned down by a woman off to the side and Nicole was forced to take cover.

Her eyes scanned the battle field as the people of the Sanctuary began to drop, one after the other. Whatever Eugene had done to the bullets has left their side severely outmatched.

Rick Grimes snapped Nicole out of her daze as he ran past her with his weapon raised. The sight of him took her breath away - like he was some celebrity of sorts who she was witnessing in the flesh. The way Negan spoke about him left her with a type of high-and-mighty opinion of him. Essentially, he was Alexandria's version of Negan. He was the man the people all looked to for answers and ultimately made the tough decisions.

He's going after Negan, she knew and began to run after Rick as fast as she could. Aside from Lucille, Negan was unarmed after his gun more or less exploded in his hand. Rick held the grave advantage and Nicole knew Negan was wounded and in trouble.

"Stop!" Morgan stepped in her path and immediately knocked the gun from her hands with his stick before Nicole could even react to his presence. "Let this be over."

She stared at him, sensing his peaceful nature from the self control he exhibited and his unwillingness to bring her arm. "Please, I have to go after him."

"There's nothing you can do now."

"Not with you standing in my way," she huffed the words out and tried to rush past him.

"You'll get yourself killed." Morgan blocked her path. "You're lucky you just ran into me and not one of the others."

"I'll take my chances." Nicole went to run again but couldn't get around him. "Move! Please!" Her voice grew desperate. "He's going to kill him... please."

"Negan is-"

"I love him," she confessed to the peaceful stranger before her. "Please give me a chance to save him... please. I have no weapon to hurt Rick or anyone."

"I can't let you do that." Morgan shook his head and Nicole stared off in the distance as she saw Negan duck behind a tree as Rick fired shot that missed.

"Negan!" She shouted his name and couldn't look away. Even if she broke past Morgan she knew she wouldn't make it in time to get herself between the two men.

Morgan followed her stare and the two of them looked on down the hill.

Nicole watched as they fought, punch for punch and flashbacks of the Simon fight entered her mind. This, too, wouldn't surely be a fight to the death and Negan wasn't fully healed from his wounds from the previous fight. He was tired and wounded, though when she saw him knock Rick to the ground her hopes for his survival rose.

Just as soon as Negan held the upper hand Rick knocked him to his back. The advantage flip-flopped back and forth until they were face-to-face huffing and puffing.

"What are they saying?" Nicole asked aloud to no one in particular.

"I don't know," Morgan responded next to her. Both of them simply looked on as a conversation ensued between the two leading men.

Nicole felt her heart rate pick up. Negan and Rick grew closer and closer to one another, both unarmed now aside from their fists and their words. She wished she could hear what they were saying. A part of her prayed for a truce but she knew it was virtually impossible.

What are they saying? What are they saying? The phrase echoed in her mind.

What happened next didn't feel real. It was a sudden turn of events - a storm breaking out amongst a brief period of calm.

Nicole felt her senses implode and she couldn't hear, think or feel. She stared down the hill beneath the tree where Negan reached for his throat and slowly dropped to his knees. Blood ran down the front of his shirt and Rick stood above him.

No, no, no... it's not real. Nicole's brain refused to process what she just saw. It's not real, it's not real. She didn't realize she began repeating the phrase aloud at first. "It's not real... it's not real."

"Come on," Morgan encouraged her to look away but Nicole shoved him away. She wanted to run full speed down the hill but her body felt rooted to the ground.

Negan slumped over now. He wasn't fighting or even writhing in pain for that matter. He was still;lifeless.

As Rick casually turned his back and walked back up the hill Nicole felt her vision begin to go black and she dropped to her knees at the top of the hill.

From somewhere she heard a shrill scream. It was so loud that it pierced her ears and seemed to ripple through her body. For a moment her mind and body shut down and it wasn't until she felt Morgan's consoling hands on her shoulders that she realized that she was the one who was screaming.


	86. Human Beings

Despite the surrender of the remaining Saviors Nicole fought to get out of Morgan's arms as he held her back while he cried and screamed. Her eyes remained on Negan as he laid on the ground, hand clutching his slashed throat as Rick made his way back up the hill.

"Save him," he called out in a voice far too nonchalant for the tempo of the madness that was carrying on around them as he passed by where Nicole and Morgan stood.

She wanted to spit in his face. Worse, she wanted to shoot him, stab him, anything that would suck the life out of him the way he had with Negan.

"Let me go!" She shrieked at Morgan.

"I can't," he told her, "Our doctor is going down there to save him."

Nicole stopped struggling for a second as she watched through blurry eyes as a man hurried down the hill with a bag in tow.

Save him... those had been Rick's words. Nicole couldn't help but wonder why he would draw the blade of his knife across Negan's throat only to try saving him a moment later. Still, he lay motionless on the ground and Nicole couldn't help but think the worst.

"He's dying..." she sobbed, struggling against all of Morgan's force. "Let me get down there... please."

"They could shoot you," he informed her again, "You don't want to die."

"I don't care! Let me make the decision for myself." Nicole turned to look at him. "I'm unarmed. I can't hurt anyone."

Morgan looked into her glazed over eyes and felt a pain in his core. He hated taking away her will to decide for herself what to do. She didn't hold a weapon, she wasn't looking for blood. All she wanted was to be by his side in perhaps his final hour. Morgan wasn't sure he felt okay with denying her that.

When his arms loosened around her Nicole was in shock. She pushed through his arms and took a breath, letting her brain catch up to the fact that he had freed her. Her eyes met Morgan's for a final, brief moment and then she took off running in the direction of Negan and the doctor.

Nicole didn't hear or see anything else. It was like tunnel vision as her feet carried her down the hill, barreling as fast as she possibly could without fear of any consequences.

When she reached where he laid on the ground she felt a gratefulness like nothing she had ever felt in her life.

"Negan... Negan..." she spoke his name frantically over and over, prompting the doctor to look up once as he applied pressure to the wound and prepared to stitch him up.

"Hold this," the young man instructed, reaching for her hand to take his place in attempting to stop the bleeding.

Nicole didn't ask questions. She did as he said and looked Negan in the eye as he struggled to breath on the ground.

He's alive, she reminded herself and tried to ease his mind with a smile amongst the tears.

"He's stitching you up." Nicole's voice cracked as she spoke and she blinked away the salty discharge flowing from her eyes.

Negan couldn't respond but clenched his jaw and closed his eyes a moment before reopening them.

"Okay move," the doctor instructed next as he prepared the needle.

Nicole moved to the side though Negan's eyes followed her as he silently begged her to remain in his line of vision. She gripped his hand with hers and ran the other through his hair.

"You're going to be okay," she assured him, praying her words were true.

Negan's hand squeezed hers and he grunted as the doctor worked on him. Tears escaped the corners of his eyes as pain radiated through his body, making Nicole flinch for him.

"It's almost over." She knew it wasn't, and she knew he knew it wasn't but she had to comfort him in some way.

The moment felt like an eternity. With each pull through of the thread Negan groaned in anguish and it felt to Nicole like she was experiencing that same pain.

The doctor did his best work and Nicole was thankful for him. He focused, never faltering with each pull of the line and secured the wound within a matter of minutes before dressing it with a bandage that wrapped around Negan's neck.

"Is he... is he okay?" Nicole looked at the man who put the finishing touches on his patient and he finally glanced over to her.

In that moment there were no sides, no opponents or foes. There were two human beings engaging in a brief exchange about the welfare of man.

Despite Negan being their biggest adversary, Nicole saw genuine relief in the man's face. "I think so," he said, "I think he's going to be fine in time. The cut wasn't deep and it missed his jugular."

Nicole laughed lightly and continued to cry. She pulled the doctor to her, hugging him hard and whispering, "Thank you," repeatedly into his ear. When she turned back to Negan his eyes were flickering, fighting between sleep and awake. "You're going to be okay," she informed him, leaning closer to face now. Nicole brushed his hair back making his eyes close and was about to kiss him when she felt two hands wrap around her waist and pull her away.

"Stop!" She shouted, watching as Negan tried to lift his head to stop whoever it was that had grabbed her.

"He's safe, its time to go." A man's voice said to her as Nicole flailed around in his arms.

"No! Stop it! Where are you taking him?"

"You has your moment. It's time to go."

Nicole flew her arm back, landing her elbow on the side of the man's face, freeing herself for a moment before feeling him grab her again.

"Knock it off!" He grumbled, "It's over."

"Just tell me where you're taking him. Please... please."

"I don't owe you nothin'."

Nicole looked at the man now as he carried her up the hill with him. Before she could do or say anything else Morgan intervened.

"I'll take her," he offered.

"Put her in the truck with the rest of 'me."

Morgan nodded and took her from his arms, holding her forearm securely. "Let's go." He began to march her up the hill.

"No... you-"

"He's going in the gray car up here. That's the car with Siddiq's supplies."

"Who? Siddiq?"

"The doctor," Morgan replied, "I'll get you to the back of that car but you'll have to live with the consequences when they take you to the Hilltop."

Nicole nodded adamantly. "Okay... Okay..." she huffed a breath, "Thank you. Why are you helping me?"

"Because I have to." Morgan tugged her arm and brought her with him on the trek up the hill.

"Thank you," she replied again, glancing over her shoulder as Siddiq and another woman began loading Negan onto a stretcher of sorts. "Thank you so much."


	87. Do or Die

Morgan forced Nicole into the car with promise that Negan would be loaded up behind her safely within minutes. She listened and trusted him based on his actions thus far. Allowing her to run to Negan's side was a risk she knew he didn't need to take for her, so why would he lie now?

With wide eyes Nicole leaned forward from the back seat and waited intently until Negan came up over the top of the hill being carried by the doctor and another.

As promised the front passenger door opened and the seat was reclined so they could lay him down flat.

"Follow the red truck," the doctor was instructed as he hopped in behind the wheel.

A pair of handcuffs sailed in through the open window and landed in the doctor's lap.

"Lock her up," the same man instructed before hurrying away to deal with a larger group of Saviors.

Nicole watched as the doctor looked down at the steel bracelets in his hands. The item looked absolutely foreign to him as if he hadn't seen a pair of handcuffs before. She switched her gaze to the side view mirror where she made eye contact with Negan.

Despite his dazed expression he managed a wink and Nicole swallowed hard as she reached down her calf into a holster she had strategically placed beneath her pant leg.

"Siddiq?" She forced him to turn around and pointed the gun at his forehead. "I'm sorry... but I'm going to need you to follow my directions. I don't want to kill you... especially now that you've saved Negan's life..." Nicole took a deep breath and knew their situation was do-or-die. "But I need you to back this car slowly out of here or just as if you were anybody else I'll blow your head off."

Siddiq couldn't mask his instant fear as Nicole cocked the gun back and stared him down. "I'm sorry it has to be like this but I'm all out of options," she added.

The doctor took a series of choppy breaths before doing as she asked and put the car in reverse.

Nicole lowered her weapon beneath the view of the windows though kept it aimed directly at him. "If anyone tries to stop you tell them you need to get him back to the Hilltop because he's losing too much blood. Otherwise drive."

"O-okay..." Siddiq stuttered. "The Hilltop is his best chance-"

"No it's not," she argued as they passed by a string of vehicles where a collection of people were gathered. "They'll never let him live amongst their own. They'll kill him or keep him captive."

"I can't deny the second part but he will live," Siddiq assured her.

"Not good enough." Nicole felt a rush of adrenaline as they surpassed the last of the vehicles and began driving down the adjacent back road. "Take this first right."

"You don't-"

"Shut up." Nicole pressed the gun to the back of his head and was pleased when he followed her instruction. "Now this left..." Her idea was to get off the main roads so no one would happen to come across them if they decided to follow. "Turn right here... turn left... straight through the intersection."

"Where are we going?" Siddiq asked finally as they cruised in different directions for miles.

"Don't worry about it... left." Nicole pushed the barrel firmer against him in case he was having a sudden change of heart. As bad as she wanted to check up on Negan she knew she had to keep her focus on their driver for the time being.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Only if you make a wrong turn," Nicole informed him honestly. "Go through the light..."

Siddiq floored the pedal and Nicole eyed a familiar string of shops up the way on the side of the road. "Pull in," she instructed.

Only a handful of walkers roamed the lot as the car came to a halt in front of the stores.

"Now get out," Nicole said.

"What?" Siddiq whipped around only to come face to face with her handgun.

"Get out," she repeated. "Go take shelter in the pizza place. There's some good hiding spots in there."

"You can't be serious."

"I am," Nicole assured him. "Now get the fuck out of the car."

Negan gave the smallest laugh and then groaned in pain as Siddiq was forced out of the driver's seat by Nicole.

"I'll die out here," he pleaded, "I saved him."

She handed over a walker-talkie. "You should still be in range. Call them when my tail lights are out of sight. Not a second before or I will come back and put a bullet in your head as if you were anyone else Siddiq."

The time of her voice sent a chill down his back, though he accepted the radio and stood there as Nicole took his place behind the wheel.

"You'll never find us... so don't try." Those were her last words to the doctor before she put the car in drive and headed full speed out of the parking lot with only Negan by her side.

In the rear view mirror she watched as Siddiq stood there staring at their vehicle in disbelief. Never did he raise the handheld device to lips while they were in his sights and Nicole felt a rush of relief when the string of stores, the lot and Siddiq grew out of her sight. She finally was able to turn her attention to Negan who laid with his eyes closed fully reclined in the passenger seat.

"Negan..." Nicole took a deep breath and felt a rush of relief when his eyes flickered opened just a bit and he smiled.

"You're a fucking bad ass," he grumbled lowly, unable to keep a grin from his face despite the pain.

Nicole laughed lightly and began to cry as she reached for his hand with one of hers. She had a million things to say to him but the emotional nature of the moment got the best of her.

Negan knew what she was thinking just from the way her fingers linked tightly through his. He squeezed her hand and closed his eyes, responding to her non-verbal communication of how she felt for him.

"I know baby... I know." Negan swallowed hard and winced from the pain but said what he needed to say more than anything else in that moment. "I love you too."


	88. Home

Negan only recalled bits and pieces of the ride away from the bitter conclusion to his feud with Rick Grimes. It was like a dream after a night out drinking - fuzzy, blurry with some major elements that were somewhat clear.

He remembered Nicole's voice telling someone to get out of the car. He remembered her voice next to him as they drove away and the sound of squealing tires. He remembered the warmth of her hand in his... after that it was a block of time that he couldn't imagine.

When his eyes reopened he stared up at a white ceiling with a swirling white pattern of brush strokes. The room was dark but the flicker of a candle caught his eye from somewhere in the room.

Negan turned his head to the side and recognized at that moment he was on the floor though blankets cocooned his body and several pillows were beneath his head.

The kitchen table, the marble countertops, the stainless steel refrigerator - it took his brain a moment to realize why the place felt so familiar.

Nicole's house, he thought.

"Hey..." Nicole's voice interrupted his thoughts and he managed a look behind him as she entered the room and squatted down beside him.

Negan reached a hand up and touched her face. "This is where we first met," he said quietly.

Nicole have a closed mouth smile and nodded. She wiped a stray tear away and sniffed in.

"You're fuckin' amazing, you know that?" He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half smile and then closed his eyes. His voice remained low and scratchy. "If I die here I'll die happy doll."

"You're not going to die," Nicole said immediately. "Siddiq said you were okay."

Negan simply squeezed her hand and let out a deep breath through his nose.

"He said the cut wasn't deep and missed your major artery," she went on as if to reassure herself. "You're going to be fine."

"Okay." He swallowed hard and opened his eyes when Nicole began to shuffle through a bag off to the side.

"It's a bag of medical stuff," she informed him when she saw his eyes focus on it. She reached for a small orange bottle labeled generically with the word 'pain killers' written across it in black marker. "Take one of these."

Negan turned his head slightly in her direction and allowed her to slip the pill into his mouth. She was about to offer him water but he managed to get it down dry.

"I couldn't lift you upstairs to get you into a bed," she explained, "So I brought a bunch of blankets down here."

"I like the view from down here." Negan's eyebrows pressed together in pain as he spoke. He pointed toward the kitchen table. "That's the first place we fucked."

Nicole laughed, making him do the same though he immediately reached for his throat. Her expression immediately turned serious. "Don't..." she gently placed a hand over the wound and then up his face and through his hair. "Try to go back to sleep."

"How'd you get us here?"

"I just drove." Nicole continued to sooth him with her hand. "I had to nail a couple of walkers left roaming around here but this house is almost untouched. Just don't open the fridge it smells terrible." She managed a brief laugh and then went on. "I parked the car around back in case someone happened to drive by."

"How far are we from the Sanctuary?"

"I drove close to a half hour."

"Mmm..." Negan swallowed hard again and reached for his throat. "I hope this shit kicks in soon."

"It should." Nicole leaned down and left a kiss on his forehead. "You need to rest," she said again. "This area is a ghost town, there's no one here."

He laid there a moment and then opened his eyes so they met hers. "Nicole... I know you don't want to think about it... but if this is the blow that fuckin' kills me then you need to know how grateful I am for meeting you honey." Negan scanned the kitchen again, "That first night we met right here where I'm fuckin' laying... our bathroom romp at the bar..."

Nicole laughed but proceeded to begin sobbing.

"I knew you wanted me when we were playing darts," he went on. "The night I brought over cookies here when Lucille was sick and I cried like a little bitch. I was scared of losing her... scared of losing you. Scared of losing both of you at the same time... as fucked up as it is." He took a breath, "I felt like life restarted again when we met up out on the street... and you continue to make me feel fuckin' alive like you can't imagine."

"I understand," Nicole choked out.

"No... you would have been just fine without me. You're a survivor and fuckin' fighter but you have your humanity despite all this shit; despite the world putting a big middle finger in our face." Negan reached up and touched her face again. "There would be nothing left of my humanity without you. I'd be fuckin' dead."

Nicole couldn't say anything back. Her throat felt as if someone had shoved cotton balls down it and her stomach twisted in knots. For a long moment she just held his hand and ran her fingers through his hair before finally managing a coherent sentence.

"I'm going to bring a mattress down," Nicole whispered. She leaned down and kissed his forehead again, sending a tear drop falling from her eye to his cheek.

"Give me the real thing baby," Negan whispered back.

Nicole smiles at him and kissed him once on the lips, leaving them against his for several seconds before pulling back to look at him with glossy eyes.

She whispered to him again as if someone could possibly hear them in their dead section of the world. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here waiting." 


	89. In Charge

The air was cool as it blew in from an open window that overlooked the kitchen sink. Negan turned his head noticing the incoming darkness that accompanied the cloudy late autumn afternoon.

The candle that had been burning on the countertop had been strategically placed on the floor and provided enough light without exposing the flicker to the windows.

She's smart, Negan thought to himself with a smirk. He swallowed hard, feeling the pain really begin to kick in as the adrenaline wore off.

For a moment he just laid there and listened. After the chaotic world they had been a part of for so long that was topped off by a type of civil war, the quiet that lingered in the home was almost eerie. Had it been the world pre-outbreak, Negan could have used the word peaceful. He knew even in the best circumstances that the word didn't exist anymore.

"Nicole..." he choked out her name as loud as he could manage and then laid there and listened. When she didn't immediately respond he called out again a little louder. "Nicole!" Negan winced after shouting her name and closed his eyes, struggling to let his other senses take control. When he heard nothing a panic rose inside of him, though he tried to think rational. It typically came easy to him though all of the swirling uncertainties left his mind going to the darkest places. Negan shouted her name again and when she didn't respond he tried to sit up with minimal success.

"Fuck..." he whispered the word aloud as pain radiated down through his neck into his shoulders and chest.

Negan fought through the pain and grimaced as he rolled himself from his back to his stomach. He groaned and laid there for a moment before managing to get himself into his hands and knees.  
Again, he cried out as the pressure mounted in his neck.

Negan ignored it and began to crawl toward an opening that led to the living room. He wanted to shout out for Nicole again but he knew if she was inside that she would have answered.

With each plant of his palm against the tiled floor Negan's eyes pressed shut and his jaw clenched with a new ounce of pain. He tried to set little goals, striving to reach each grout line that separated the tiles as he made his way toward the next room.

The inches felt like miles though he wanted to get a look out the window. Was Nicole in the yard? Out roaming the streets? Was she alive? Taken? He had been out for long enough where he didn't feel comfortable not knowing what had happened in the passing of that time.

Three more tiles, he told himself in his mind as he continued to crawl.

Negan huffed a breath and looked down as he surpassed one of the three. He closed his eyes again when he saw drops of blood decorating the floor beneath him.

A burning sensation clawed as his throat and he groaned again as made it the rest of the way into the living room. He was both aggravated and pleased to see that the shades had been pulled over the large front window above the couch. It was smart, he knew, but now he couldn't look out over the surrounding area if he managed to pull himself the rest of the way.

A trail of blood followed him into the next room and Negan finally reached a hand up to his neck, pulling it back to see red covering his fingers.

"Shit." He grumbled the word and struggled to press on as it grew harder to breath.

Negan's as grew weaker with each attempt to move forward. There were no lines in the living room to strive for - no goals to surpass. It made the task of moving across all the more challenging and with more blood loss he began to feel light headed.

With the incoming darkness he had to know where Nicole was. Walkers wandered the area, Rick's people could be on the prowl and there was always the possibility of new groups emerging from the shadows that they knew nothing about.

The thought of Nicole being out there on her own suddenly made him all the more anxious. He pressed on for a few more strides, only collapsing when the front door opened.

"Negan!" Nicole's voice was enough to make him retreat from his mission.

She rushed over, tossing a handful of items to the ground and dropped to her knees. Nicole rolled him to his back and took his head in her hands before reaching for a blanket and putting pressure on his neck where blood seeped through the stitching.

Negan winced and kept his eyes closed. His chest heaved up and down as he tried his best to breath in air.

"Negan... Negan!" Nicole tapped the sides of his face. "Talk to me, say something!"

Negan swallowed hard but didn't open his eyes as the pain deepened. He reached a hand up and grasped her forearm.

"Don't move," she instructed, trying not to sound frantic. Nicole reached for a pillow from the couch and laid it beneath his head, taking another peek at the wound before reapplying pressure.

Negan fought to remain conscious though as the pain worsened Nicole's voice grew farther and farther away. He felt helpless as the world around him began to slip away until everything went black.

...x

Nicole drew a wash cloth across Negan's forehead and took a deep breath with relief as he finally awoke.

She smiled at him in the darkness and placed a hand on his cheek.

"Where were you?" He choked out. It was the only thought than had been running through his mind.

"Supply run." Nicole began to run her hand through his hair. "And I ditched the other car, siphoned the gas and grabbed another vehicle for us." She gently touched the wound on his neck. "I'm going to give you an order for the first time ever... don't talk anymore and don't move again. When I walked in and you were covered in blood I didn't know what to think."

"I can obey the second part," Negan told her. He took a breath before continuing to verbalize his thought, "But honey I'm a talker by nature so I can't promise to be quiet."

Nicole laughed lightly and shook her head. "You keep reminding me of why I still get butterflies every day I'm with you."

Negan grinned and scrunched his nose. "Don't start getting fuckin' sappy on me."

"Well I've worn out my badass for today... sappy is all I have left." Nicole leaned down and touched her lips to his.

"Don't leave again. You don't know who or what's out there."

"Next time I'll leave a note if I do."

"Nicole..."

"Negan..." she raised her eyebrows. "Until you're better I'm in charge... and then I'll hand the reigns back over."

Negan continued to grin despite the pain. "You just made my dick move a little talkin' like that. You can be in charge all you want baby."

Nicole laughed a little louder and then ran a hand through his hair. She let her smile fade. "I mean it. I want you to get better and you won't if you're army crawling around the house."

He sighed and looked at her more directly. "Fine... I fuckin' submit."

"Good." Nicole kissed him. "Now go back to sleep. That's a fucking order."


	90. Thank You

Happy Walking Dead Day!

* * *

"Do you think I can help you onto these towels?" Nicole kneeled beside Negan with an oversized bucket.

"For you, doll, anything." He shifted his weight over as she helped him off of the mattress she had brought down for him so he laid flat on his back on a collection of towels.

Nicole reached for a pair of scissors and cut off the blood-stained t-shirt that Negan still wore. "I don't think you'll mind but I'm going to take your pants off next." She giggled, making him smile.

"I might literally fuckin' die if you start sucking my dick." The two of them shared a chuckle, "It wouldn't be a bad way to go."

"I was thinking more of giving you a sponge bath... if you'll let me." Nicole grabbed a wash cloth and wrung it out in the water.

"Well shit... my childhood fantasy is about to come true."

She laughed. "I'll try to keep it clean."

Negan smiled wide. "Please don't."

Nicole playfully maintained his eye contact as she unbuttoned his pants and then pulled the zipper down.

"Be careful with that zipper honey. I can take a sliced throat but down there is irreplaceable."

Nicole snickered. "I would hardly call it fragile."

"Fuck no," Negan agreed, holding back a laugh. "My dick is durable as shit."

"I know." She purposely groped him over his boxer-briefs as she pulled his jeans down off his hips.

"Don't get me goin'." Negan couldn't keep the smile from his face. "Even in my condition and how worried you are about my health I'd still be able to talk you into fucking me."

Nicole pulled off his pants completely and briefly looked him in the eye, smirking as she looked away to reach for the hand cloth again.

"See," he chuckled lightly this time. "You can't even deny that shit."

"What did I say about all the talking." Nicole chuckled.

"And I told you I'm talkative by nature," Negan challenged.

"But I'm in charge now."

"Okay then..." he reached a hand over and grazed her thigh, waiting for her to reconnect her eyes with his. "Why don't you shut me up."

Nicole leaned down and kissed him, laughing against his lips when he pulled her back toward him to kiss her harder.

"How did I guess this would go this way?" She asked him.

"Because you know me."

Nicole kissed him once more and then pulled back, shaking her head with a grin when he had a hard-on beneath the underwear he still wore.

"What?" Negan asked. "I can't help this shit."

"I was going more for soothing... not sexual. You just had your throat slashed."

"Yeah that's why you grabbed it when you pulled my pants off," Negan said with a light laugh. "I don't have the energy to fuck but this thing is going to stick around the entire time. I got hard the second you said sponge bath."

Nicole laughed some more. "Just lay back and try to relax. I have another round of pain medicine for you in about fifteen minutes."

Negan closed his eyes and did as she asked. He let his body completely relax for the first time since arriving and allowed Nicole to do as she intended.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"You're welcome." She smiled when he subconsciously let out a quiet moan from the soothing feel of the water over his bare chest.

"I owe you, Nicole."

"No. You've done more than your share to help me and to keep me alive; to protect me." She ran the cloth over his forehead and dunked it again before wringing it out over his hair. "We're together. We do things for each other when it's necessary."

"That's why I love you baby," he said in a low scratchy voice. "I'd probably be locked in some cage right now being tortured if it's wasn't for you." Negan sighed, "You would have made a hell of a cop. You're genuinely brave and shit and you help people."

"I would have failed the polygraph," Nicole told him, grinning as she lathered up his shoulders.

"Why?"

"There was a question about adulterous relationships..."

Negan let his eyes flicker open and they shared a closed-mouth smile.

"Totally worth it," she added.

He reached for her hand and held it for a moment across his chest. Negan held her eye contact for a moment before closing his eyes again.

"There room for two on the mattress?" He asked.

Nicole squeezed his hand. "Yeah."

"Sleep with me tonight." Negan swallowed hard. "I need it."

She smiled and kissed him chastely once on the lips. "Okay."

Negan kept his eyes closed and let a breath out through his nose. "Thank you."


	91. The Girl Next Door

**Sorry for delays with this story. I didn't abandon it... just worked on the Halloween/TWD crossover for a few weeks :)**

* * *

Negan managed to sit up from his supine position on the couch without much of a struggle. The burning feeling that stemmed from the wound on his neck had diminished over the week and he felt his strength coming back. Still, Nicole had continued to insist that he stay on bed-rest, so to speak. It made him uneasy to know she was out on the streets collecting for them on her own despite how strong he knew she was.

A smile decorated his face when he looked down over at a can of Diet Coke perched on a tray next to a package of premade peanut butter crackers. The note Nicole left with it made Negan grin wider.

HERE'S A LITTLE SNACK FOR WHEN YOU WAKE UP. I TOOK THE FIRST SIP OF THE COKE, YA KNOW JUST IN CASE IT WAS POISONED :)

He chuckled and reached for the beverage, taking a long swig and smacking his lips. Negan held the can up in front of his face.

"That's good," he said aloud to himself before proceeding to dig into the crackers.

Negan indulged for a moment before the uneasy feeling he had been accustomed to rose in the pit of his stomach. Dark loomed in the world outside and it added to his Nicole-driven anxiety when she was out after dark. It made the minutes feel like hours.

More than ever Negan missed having radios to communicate. He tried not to let his imagination run wild with all of the morbid possibilities but he couldn't help it. The waiting game didn't suit his psyche well and a part of him wanted to go comb the old neighborhood. He knew he owed it to Nicole to stay put and so despite his stubborn nature and primal need to do things his way he remained indoors.

It wasn't long before the walls felt like they were closing in on him. Negan's eyes landed on the second hand of a clock on the wall as it repeated the same tick over and over again on the same spot in a single, tedious movement.

There was nothing for him to do; nowhere to go. He suddenly recognized openly that he had a true taste of what Nicole went though back at the Sanctuary when he was the one out on missions or collections at the other communities.

This fuckin' sucks, Negan thought to himself. He glanced at the black screen on the flatscreen that hung on the wall across from where he sat with just the slightest tilt - the only imperfection in the whole living room. Nicole's former home had withstood the apocalypse and he suddenly wondered how his own house had fared. Despite his curiosity there wasn't a bone in his body that wanted to venture next door.

A distant male voice caught Negan's attention and for a moment he sat in the dimly lit room and listened. When he recognized the voice wasn't a figment of his imagination he whipped around and pulled the curtain back a few inches on the window behind him.

A car eased down the road with its high beams on and people walked on either side of it with flashlights drawn under what appeared to be pistols.

Negan swallowed hard and tried to make out who the people were. Were they with Rick's group? One of the other communities? People who they had never come across before? Regardless of the answer Negan couldn't sit around and wait knowing Nicole was out there.

He rose to his feet and carefully made his way toward the back door, slipping on a pair of boots in the process. Negan grabbed a gun from one of the drawers and kept it raised as he reached for the handle. He ignored the pain in his neck as he carefully eased the door open a crack and peered out into the back yard.

Negan tried to ignore the unproductive voice in his head that kept wishing they had access to a communicative device. He slowly crept out the back in case there were others nearby and scanned the area again. Out front he could still hear muffled voices and prayed that no one would make their way to the back yard. He knew he was outnumbered and not in the best condition to fight.

For a moment he stood still and it wasn't until he consciously heard the sound of his own breathing that he began to scale the back side of the house.

As he approached the edge that faced his former residence he had a more clear view of the vehicle that continued to patrol the area with utmost patience. Eyes followed the flashlight beams that shined in through windows and he couldn't help but wonder why the group wasn't combing the homes more in depth.

Negan was about to step out around the side under the cover of the darkness but stopped when he saw Nicole attempting to open the back door to his former home. His eyes then landed on the men who paced the streets and a part of him swore one was Daryl. Still, from the distance he couldn't be sure.

"Nicole." Negan whispered her name as loud as he could despite knowing she wouldn't hear him. "Fuck..." He shook his head and contemplated making a quick run for it toward her but ducked back behind the house when a second collection of people joined in on the parade, trailing the first car by about a football field's length.

Negan's eyes traveled back to his house again and he watched as Nicole got the door open and headed inside. On the street he watched as two people from the back group wandered down through the yards, mildly in their direction. He held hope that they would head toward him and not Nicole though soon they crossed through the grass and disappeared by the front of Negan's home.

He gritted his teeth and cursed again, this time making a run for it as the second car eased by. Negan ignored the pain in his neck and kept his eyes on the back door, not caring about anything else in that moment. He didn't know for certain if there were others on the street or if anyone had seen him so he had to hope luck was on his side.

Without hesitation he entered through the back door and felt a surreal sensation when he set foot in his old kitchen. A rush of memories, good and bad, flooded his brain all at once and for a second a struggled to stay mentally in the present. It was only a few seconds before he snapped out of the daze and focused on the mission at hand.

"Nicole..." Negan whispered her name again and began to creep through the house. When she didn't answer he whispered her name a second time and continued on through the open doorway that led into both the living room and the short hallway.

Without warning he came face-to-face with Nicole, who screamed and dropped a box of items she had gathered sending it to the floor with a loud crash.

"Shhh..." Negan put a hand over her mouth and looked her in the eyes, knowing she was about to lecture him about leaving. He looked her directly in the eye, "There are people outside," Negan informed her in a voice just above a whisper.

Nicole swallowed hard and gave a simple nod as Negan's hand drifted away from her mouth. Before she could ask questions the two of them glanced toward the front door as the handle began to turn.


	92. Don't Look Under the Bed

Negan reached down, grabbed the box and pulled Nicole by the hand, whisking her down the hall and out of sight as the front door opened.

He put a finger to his lips again as the entered the spare bedroom, carefully placing the box in the corner before motioning toward the bed.

Nicole pressed her eyebrows together but quickly realized what he was trying to tell her as he guided her down to the floor so she could shimmy under the bed. A moment later Negan squeezed his big body down beside her just as footsteps began to pace the hallway.

The two of them exchanged a glance and Nicole had the feeling of karma coming back to her as she thought of the nights the two of them had spent in that bedroom. She couldn't help but wonder if the place of their adulterous affair would be the same place they would take their last breaths.

Stop it, she scolded herself. Nicole glanced over as Negan's hand covered hers when the strangers entered the room.

They have no reason to look under the bed, Nicole told herself. In all of the places she had scanned for supplies she had never once looked under a bed.

"Shit... you're not going to believe this," a male voice called in from the next room.

Negan watched as the boots of the person in the room switched gears and turned to go. "What is it?" The scratchy voice asked his comrade.

Daryl, Negan confirmed in his mind. The people they were dealing with were, indeed, Rick's people.

When Daryl exited the room Nicole and Negan exchanged another long glance as they listened intently on the conversation in the other room.

"Look at this picture. Is that who I think it is?" The unknown man asked. There was a long moment of silence before Daryl responded.

"You gotta be shittin' me."

Nicole saw a look of despair take over Negan's face but she wasn't sure why until the conversation resumed.

"This was that piece of shit's house," Daryl went on. A second later there was a loud crash and the sound of shattering glass followed. "He's gotta be around here somewhere."

"It doesn't look like this house has been touched," his partner argued. "Nothing is really out of place. The beds haven't been slept in... there are no food wrappers..."

"He's around here somewhere," Daryl said. "Maybe not in here but he's somewhere." There was another loud crash as Daryl destroyed something else in the room. "This is an omen. What the hell are the chances?"

"We've hit a lot of houses."

"Nah... nah this is a sign Aaron." Daryl cleared his throat. "I'm going to get Maggie and Michonne... let them know. We're close. We have to patrol the area."

"I can't believe it..."

"Ain't nothing surprise me no more," Daryl grumbled. He stormed out of the room and barreled down the hallway.

Nicole closed her eyes when she heard more things being destroyed in his path before the front door opened.

Aaron lingered behind, taking his time as his boots lazily scraped across the floorboards. He opened a door in the hallway before entering the bathroom and rummaging through a closet.

Nicole squeezes Negan's hand, drawing a look in her direction. She mouth the words, "We have to get out," but he shook his head. Before she could protest the sound of the front door opening leant all of her senses to their adversaries entering the house.

"Show me." It was Maggie's voice and of all the people Negan knew she was perhaps the most determined to find him. Her presence alone made Negan the most uncomfortable.

"Check out the mantle," Daryl told her.

"He was married." Maggie's voice stung with a loathing hatred. He could almost hear in her voice that he didn't deserve to be married.

"This was really Negan's house." Michonne came to the realization as she lended her gaze to more photographs above the fireplace.

"Is he here?" Maggie asked.

"I don't know," Daryl said. "I don't think so."

"Well we have to look."

Aaron rejoined the group. "No one's here," he explained. "But I think we should patrol the area... see if they show up. If they're around we'll find them."

"How do we know he's not here?" Maggie asked.

"We should check the attic," Michonne suggested. "And the basement. They might not be living on the main floor but they might have something set up in here."

"Alright," Aaron agreed.

"I'll go with you," she offered.

"Maggie," Daryl said, "We're going to find him. If he ain't here he's close. If this isn't a sign I don't know what is."

"I know." Her voice rang with cold certainty.

"If we don't find him here..." he paused. "We torch this fuckin' place." Daryl sighed, "It helped me and Beth."

"What do you mean?"

Daryl cleared his throat. "I'll tell ya later."

Nicole flinched when the ladder that led to the attic slammed against the floor in the hallway.

"After you," Michonne said to Aaron as the house detail was underway.

Negan closed his eyes as Nicole's fingers touched the wound on his neck. He nodded to let her know he was fine and the two of them listened again as the group began a sweep of the house. Nicole linked her fingers back up with his over the cold floorboards and tried to consciously control her breathing. It wasn't easy when their enemies were literally just a few feet away roaming around the dark looking for them.

When Negan's fingers squeezed hers she felt a rush of emotion and feared that this could be one of their last moments together. No matter how bad she tried to fight it the little anxious voice lingered in the back of her mind. Nicole knew there was only one thing they could do at that moment - hope that no one looked under the bed.


	93. Pull That String

The better half of the next hour felt like one long panic attack. It was the last few minutes when Nicole was the most frightened as she waited for that fateful moment when a hand reached down and lifted the cover away to discover the secret hiding spot she shared with Negan on a whim.

It never happened.

The members of Alexandria had whisked through the home taking what they needed, destroying the property and eventually venturing back out into the night to parts unknown. The only element of the entire ordeal that felt like a victory was the sheer fact that they had failed to discover Negan when he was quite literally under their nose.

Nicole had waited for that moment of relief when the front door finally slammed shut and she felt like they could breath again. When she went to climb out, however, Negan immediately tugged on her arm and forced her back with him.

"Not yet," he whispered. It was something he repeated each time Nicole gave him a look. After what she assumed was another hour had passed since the door to Negan's house had closed, Nicole put a hand on his face.

"You have to be in pain," she whispered. "You need to rest. You need water... meds."

"They could still be out there."

Nicole swallowed hard and looked out through the small space that led into the room. "I'll go look around."

"No."

"Negan..." Nicole continued to whisper. "We can't stay here forever. I'll be careful."

"We have to leave the area," he whispered back.

She nodded. "I'll go back to my house and get load up what we need. There's a car I stored in the garage. I'll load it up then I'll come back here, we'll make a run for it."

"If they're out there right now-"

"I'll be stealthy," Nicole told him. She gave a half smirk despite the tense nature of their circumstances. "Don't underestimate me."

He sighed. "It's worry, doll. I don't underestimate you. How could I after what you fuckin' did for me?"

Nicole leaned over and touched her lips to his. She then drew a hand through his hair and pressed her forehead against his. "I'll be back soon." She began to wiggle out from under the bed but he grabbed her arm.

"I don't want you to go."

Nicole squeezed his hand. "I'll be back." She crept the rest of the way out from under the bed and slowly rose to her feet, careful not to make noise. When her first step sent the quietest creaking sound through the room she stopped for a moment before continuing on toward a window that overlooked the street.

A flashback of her parents' car cruising into the driveway the night she slept over there just weeks before the start of the downfall flashed through her mind. For a moment she wondered where her parents were or if they were still alive... or somewhere in between.

"Shit..." Nicole whispered the word when she spotted three people in the front yard lighting a bottle of some sort on fire.

Negan shifted himself partway out. "What?"

A loud crash made him flinch and Nicole hurried to squat down beside him.

"Get back under," he whispered as loudly as possible.

"No." She pulled at his arm. "We have to go." Another loud crash made her jump this time as the smell of fire began to take over the house. "They're setting it on fire."

Negan edged himself out and Nicole helped him to his feet.

"They're in the front yard," she told him. "Let's see if we sneak out the back."

"I got one better for ya doll." He flashed a small smile despite the circumstances. "It may not work and if it doesn't then hey at least we'll die looking cool as shit."

Nicole raised her eyebrows and then glanced into the hallway as smoke began to take over the main level.

"Come on." Negan pulled at her hand. "Put your fuckin' shirt over your mouth." He towed her with him into the hallway and through the house. Flames began to spread in all directions and though it wasn't her home she couldn't help but watch the immediate destruction with a heavy heart. She had no idea if they had been spotted in the windows though with the thick cloud of rising smoke she doubted it.

Like a wave, a trail of orange and yellow covered the floors and clung to the walls of the living room.

Negan whipped open a drawer beneath a stainless steel microwave and started rummaging through until he found an old, wooden cigar box. He hurried to open the small, metal latch on the front and only glanced to the side when Nicole began to cough.

"We're outta here in a second baby." Negan huffed a breath and grabbed a single key, his face illuminating with victory when he held it up in front of his face. "Fuck yeah!" He grabbed Nicole by the hand again and pulled her with him through the smoke. She had no idea where they were going or what the plan was. When they reached a wooden door that she hadn't seen before Negan flung it open, leaving the smoke and flames behind as they stood in the center of a garage.

"Here's what you're going to do." Excitement rose in Negan's voice in between choppy breaths. He ran to the back corner and Nicole watched as he ripped off a large canvas cover that unveiled a black motorcycle.

"Holy shit." Nicole smiled and put a hand on her head, almost forgetting they were running for their lives.

Negan continued to struggle to catch his breath though it didn't leave him short of grins. He wheeled the bike to the center of the cement floor so that it faced the big, bay door.

"You, my dear..." Negan took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "You are going to pull that fuckin' string right there." He motioned to the ceiling above them. "Then you are going to straddle me from behind on this hog and we are going to shoot head first through that open door and wave a big fuckin' middle finger as we wave goodbye to those assholes."

"What?" She shook her head, "I mean okay... fuck yeah... yeah okay."

"Okay." Negan smiled and pulled her face to his forcefully and left a hard, meaningful kiss on her lips. He pulled back with a smile that almost dared her and looked her directly in the eye as he started up the bike with a roar. "Now pull that fuckin' string baby."


	94. Off the Grid

Nicole could've froze if it wasn't for her adrenaline. She felt it in her stomach, in her chest and it made her arms and legs buzz with electricity.

Without fear of consequence she reached her arm high above her head and ripped the rope down with a force that sent the garage door soaring upward with a loud clanking thud. The dark world in front of them was illuminated with an orange glow as the house continued to collect flames.

Negan turned the handle and made the bike roar again, prompting Nicole to hop swiftly on the back as she wrapped her arms securely around his midsection.

"Here we go baby!"

Nicole closed her eyes as the bike streamed forward full speed out the open door. When she opened them a second later they were already at the end of the driveway, leaving the small group of middle-finger waving Alexandrians looking dumbfounded in the middle of the front yard as they watched the flames spread.

Negan let out a laugh and flashed his middle finger back as they took a hard right out of the driveway and down the long, straight road that led away from their former homes.

"Holy shit..." Nicole's stomach felt like it was doing summer salts as Negan barreled faster down the street. She let out a laugh of her own and finally lifted her head completely to peer over his shoulder

"Hold me tighter honey." Negan removed a hand and placed it over hers as her arm wrapped around him more snugly. He laughed again. "That's it."

"Do you think they're following us?" Nicole shouted, squinting into the wind that was caused by the speed of the vehicle.

"Yep," he admitted, "But shit they ain't never gunna catch us baby. This is our home turf remember?" Negan took a left and then a quick right, keeping the bike driving smooth as he changed directions.

Nicole wanted to ask where they were going but she simply rested her head against his back and enjoy the feel of the breeze and rush of the moment. A smile took over her face as she closed her eyes again and squeezed Negan a little tighter. Despite the danger Nicole found herself genuinely enjoying the moment. She almost didn't want the ride to end and hoped the bike would just continue to cruise into the infinite night.

With each bend in the road and new street sign they passed Nicole felt more secure. She opened her eyes on occasion to see trees whizzing by in a blur and old homes looking on from their dark, desolate locations. Walkers were scarce and she didn't at all entertain the idea that they could be a threat at the moment.

"Going off the grid honey!" Negan called out. "Don't lose your grip."

"Okay!"

Negan took a hard right, sending their fast, smooth cruise into a bumpy ride through a path into the woods.

Living in the town all of her life Nicole knew exactly where they were, and assumed she now knew where they were going. Still, she kept her mouth shut and tried to enjoy the thrill. Knowing how quickly their lives could've just ended gave her an immediate epiphany and she knew now that she had to enjoy the little victories and live in the moment.

Nicole gasped as they hit a hefty bump and had to catch her breath but smiled soon after as the wild ride continued. She wanted to shout out loud and let her battle cry echo through the night but her good senses kept her silent and grinning.

"Oh fuck." Negan swerved as a stray walker lunged in their direction but managed to keep the bike under control. "You okay honey?"

"Yeah..." Nicole took a breath and closed her eyes for the remainder of the bumpy trip until finally they cruised to a halt in the middle of the docile woods staring up a steep path that led up a hill.

Nicole still heard the buzzing in her ears from the roar of the engine as they made their prompt getaway from their former homes. Though she never looked back, Nicole was certain that they hadn't been tracked. She still held onto Negan as neither of them immediate stepped off the motorcycle.

A chorus of their combined heavy breathing was all either of them could hear. A sting from the wind still lingered in their faces as they glanced around the woods in the immediate area.

Negan took a series of deep breaths before he glanced partway over his shoulder, only able to see Nicole from his peripheral vision. "You good?" He asked.

"I'm good." She rested her chin on the top of his shoulder for a moment before letting out a sigh and climbing off of the motorcycle.

Negan followed, flipping down the kickstand with his boot to keep the sleek vehicle upright. He stared at the bike for a moment and put his hands on his hips before staring at Nicole. She stared back, looking at him directly in the eye before the two of them let smiles spread across their faces simultaneously.

He pulled her to him forcefully by the waist, completely driven by the moment and planted a hard kiss on her lips, breathing heavy as he pulled back. "What the fuck was that..." He breathed against her lips and smiled wide again.

Nicole sighed and rested her forehead against his, drawing her fingers across his cheek. "That was fuckin' badass." She touched her lips to his again and Negan initiated another, long heated kiss until they were both breathless.

"I'm guessing you know about the little castle?" Nicole kept her eyes closed for a second as they parted.

"I've hiked this shit once or twice." Negan kept her body against his but looked up the rocky hill.

Nicole rested the side of her face against his chest, still breathing heavy from the rush of the moment. She followed his stare. "We gunna go for it?"

Negan kissed her forehead and took another deep breath "No holding back now doll."

"We need shelter... at least for the night."

Negan continued to take in the terrain and then shrugged. "Well... let's fuckin' get a move on then."


	95. Partner In Crime

Nicole had been to the top of the small mountain in her hometown before. She had hiked the woods as a teenager and on-and-off as an adult when home visiting from college. It was a challenge but very doable and once at the top the scenic overlook of the stretch of trees was nature's reward. On top of it all there was a small castle - the hiker's victory for making the rigorous march up the rocky trails. Nicole remembered taking pictures with friends at the top of the stone structure with the sun glaring in the background. It drew tons of 'likes' on her former Facebook page.

Now was different. She and Negan needed shelter, and after their climb to the top the two of them couldn't cruise back to the bottom, grab some ice cream and head back home to watch television. They were quite literally fighting for their lives and Nicole had no idea how bad Negan was hurting.

She reached for his hand, causing him to turn to look her in the eye as they still remained beside the motorcycle staring upward at the trek ahead.

"Are you okay?" Nicole looked at Negan's throat where he had covered the bandages with a red bandana.

"I'm fine doll."

She tried hard to read his expression though knew his poker face was better than most. Negan could hide just about anything, but she could see the slight squint in his eyes as he hoped she believed him.

"We can wait and-" Nicole began but he cut her off.

"Let's hike this fucker," he said adamantly. "I did this shit when I was fifteen pounds overweight."

She smiled but still had her doubts about his current health situation. Still, Nicole knew they needed shelter. Being out in the open was never an option anymore.

Negan took the lead, never wanting to show weakness despite the extensive nature of his injuries. The intense nature of their bike ride, breaking free from the fires and leaving Rick's people in the rear-view mirror had left him with a rush of adrenaline that he hoped would linger just long enough to take him to the top. He tried not to think about the fact that they were left with nothing - no food, no water, no medication. Still, they were alive and that was the first step to whatever came next.

Nicole kept a close eye on Negan as they began the hike, though kept her monitoring nonchalant as she knew he would push himself harder if he thought she saw weakness in him. He never stalled or slowed down, pushing himself up the tough terrain and boulders they had to overtake on the steep incline. It didn't take long for her to realize that her concerns for him not being able to complete the task were a waste of worry. At times if was difficult for her to keep up with him, though Negan waited or reached down and helped heave her up to where he was standing. She had no idea how he was capable of doing it.

"No walkers up here I bet," he huffed as they approached the top. "Fuckers would've fallen off this shit a long time ago." Negan cleared his throat and pressed on, reaching for Nicole's hand as they took the final rugged pathway only to emerge in front of the small castle-style shelter.

For the first time Nicole felt nervous about what might be lingering inside the walls. It was a simple structure with two indoor floors with wide open windows, all made of stones of varying shades of gray. The second floor had a build in fireplace and the top was wide open with a view of the scenery all around them. All in all there weren't many hiding places once inside, though if someone else had taken the place as a permanent residence they could have trouble on their hands.

Nicole put her hands on her knees for a moment as she caught her breath and stared ahead. "Ever been inside?"

"Once." Negan looked around the immediate area and listened for walkers. When he heard none he grabbed Nicole's hand again. "Come on."

She allowed him to tow her toward the old stone castle and felt butterflies pick up in her stomach again. The secure world they had built for themselves at the Sanctuary was long gone and there was no time to breath. Risk-taking was all they had at the moment and this was one of those risks. If nothing else staying put up in the wilderness for a few days to re-cooperate was something they would have to withstand.

We've had to deal with worse, Nicole reminded herself and tried to be thankful they were still alive.

Negan eyed the lone open entrance to the place and stared up into the darkness. Without warning or much of another thought he called out, "Hello..." sending an echo off the old walls.

The two of them waited in anticipation and Nicole swallowed hard as she listened for a response.

Negan turned to her. "You comfortable staying here for a second?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Why? What are you going to do?"

He pulled a pistol from the back of his pants. "I'm going to make sure we're clear."

Nicole was about to plead with him not to but she refrained and allowed him to take the lead without protest.

Negan turned to her in the darkness and tipped her chin up toward him with his first two fingers and kissed her once. "I'll be right back."

She smiled at him. "You're a great partner in crime."

He huffed a laugh. "So are you honey."

Nicole leaned in and kissed him again. "That's why I'm coming in with you."


	96. Tonight and Tomorrow

The castle was clear of any people or walkers. While it certainly wouldn't prove to be a permanent residence it provided just enough shelter for the night. Nicole wished they could somehow fortify the stone-structure as a semi-permanent dwelling but she knew it wasn't practical.

The two of them settled inside the second level, blocking off the entrance with a stack of wood from the trees neighboring the castle and had a clear view of the area through the permanently open windows.

Negan finally managed to get off his feet and dropped down into a seated position with his back to a stone wall beside a built in fireplace. "It's too fuckin' bad we don't have the means here to build a fire." He sighed and added, "It's too bad we don't have shit."

Nicole tried to keep him thinking positively. "We'll figure things out tomorrow. There are houses all around and a local college even right down the road." She shrugged, "There could be a lot of untapped resources."

He wasn't used to being on the bottom of the pecking order and the vulnerable, uncertain nature of their predicament was beginning to weigh in on his psyche as the high from their grand escape began to wear off.

"How are you feeling?" Nicole asked, sitting beside him on the ground. She reached for the bandanna around his neck and was pleased when he allowed her to removed it without a fight.

"I'm okay." Negan closed his eyes as she traced her fingers along the wounded area on his throat. "Wish we had those fuckin' pain meds though."

"Maybe I can sneak back-"

"Forget it." He turned to her and immediately shook his head. "You aren't going anywhere near there again."

"In a week or so-"

"What the fuck did I just say?"

Nicole looked at him more directly. "Negan..."

"Nicole..." He kept his voice stern. "There are hundreds of streets around this town. The last thing you're going to do is go right next door. They probably realized we were staying there by now."

She paused and let out a deep breath. "Fine... I'll search the area around here then."

Negan stared at her for a moment and then softened his eyes. "I don't mean to be such a fuckin' asshole to you." He shook his head. "I just know these people aren't going to just throw in the towel. They're smart. They-"

"I know." Nicole shook her head, "You're right. It wasn't the smartest thought. We'll get back on our feet again. We'll start over somewhere else."

He sighed again. "We might have to get the fuck out of here... way the fuck out of here. We'll need another vehicle... water... a stash of essential shit like you had in a box at my house."

She ran a hand over the top of his head, entwining his thick, dark hair in her fingertips and then kissed him on the forehead as his eyes closed. "We didn't fight for nothing. We're still here. We always manage to find more supplies and get food somehow."

Negan kept his eyes closed as he spoke. "We're going to need people... more people." He clenched his jaw, "Damn it... I wish Simon hadn't fucked shit up. He was my go-to guy."

"Mine too." She swallowed hard and Negan's eyes opened.

"I'm sorry for the way things played out honey," Negan told her, "Not just with Simon... but with everything." He lookee at her more directly knowing that Simon's name still held weight in her heart.

Nicole continued to sooth him. "This life is all about getting back up when you're knocked on your ass. It's how it all started. You survived, I survived..." She took a breath, "Now we have to keep finding new ways to do that... to survive."

He glanced over at her, finding a sudden strength from her words. Negan couldnt find one emotion to stick with. One minute he was thankful, the next defeated. "Yeah..."

She could see the pain in his eyes that still stung with defeat. "We'll beat this too."

"We..." Negan liked the sound of that more than he ever had before. He appreciated it in that moment and knew it was what would keep them going.

Nicole smiled. "We." She kissed him on the lips.

"I am damn glad the house I moved into was right next door to you honey. Shit..." He shook his head. "I really met my match with you."

"I'll never forget the first time I saw you." She smiled in her reminiscing state. "I was staring out my window at you." Nicole laughed, making Negan do the same. Her thoughts reverted back to the present and she spoke with certainty again. "We're going to be fine. I mean it... I feel it. There's no one left with a bond like ours."

"I don't know," he said with a lingering, tired grin. "Rick and Michonne have some heavy shit going on. They're a fuckin' power couple over kn Alexandria." He gave a chuckle and closed his eyes, pulling her toward him so she leaned against him.

Nicole sighed with a smile and embraced the warmth from his body as she, too, closed her eyes. "We could take 'em," she whispered.

Negan laughed lightly again. "Yeah..." he yawned. "Let's just make it through tonight."

She let out a breath and felt her eyes grow heavy in the still of the night that was far above the chaotic world they had grown so accustomed to. "Okay..."

Nicole allowed herself to drift off to sleep against Negan in their stone fortress. She felt his body relax as he dozed off beside her and they knew whatever tomorrow held they would face together in the morning.


	97. Crossing the Road

**Hey all.. thanks for reading as always. I kind of mirrored these last few chapters after the Sleeping Giant Tower trail and Quinnipiac University across the street. Just in case anyone wants to google some pics to get an image (or continue to let your imagination do the work) :)**

* * *

The night felt never ending. Despite the exhaustion that lingered in the minds and bodies of both Negan and Nicole neither one of them felt rested.

"Who fuckin' knew stone wasn't the best shit to sleep on." Negan's voice was groggy as he reached for the back of his neck, arching to one side in an attempt to relieve the stiffness.

Nicole, too, felt like she had been hit by a truck. The lack of sleep and the uncertainty, not to mention the less-than-stellar sleep environment had her completely drained. "I wasn't sure if I dreamed last night or if it was real."

He turned to her and managed to crack a half-grin in classic Negan fashion. "That was pretty badass wasn't it? We might not have it great right now, honey, but shit I can smile knowing that we left those motherfuckers wondering what the fuck just happened."

She couldn't help but smile back at him. "I wish we could have kept driving... just on and on... forever."

"You're a dreamer, doll." Negan continued to smile, "I like it." He pulled her tighter against his chest with one arm and rested his head back against the stone and closed his eyes.

Nicole sighed, "So what the hell do we do now? Where do we go from here?" Her confidence was fading in and out.

"Well... maybe we give it a little time... make sure we weren't tracked out this way... then I say we check out that local college down the road. Might be shit there to eat, supplies... a fuckin' roof over our heads."

"Other people..." Nicole looked up at him and Negan opened his eyes to meet her stare.

"We're going to need people. Gunna have to take some fuckin' chances and hope we meet the right ones." He glanced out the open windows as the sun began to peek over the tree tops. "When the sun goes down we'll head over there. Sound like a plan honey?"

She nodded and followed his stare outward in an attempt to appreciate the beauty of the moment. "What do we have to lose?"

...x

Nicole welcomed the adrenaline rush after a long day of exhausting uncertainty as she and Negan crept through the woods, back down the path they had taken that led them to the small stone castle. All of her senses were on high alert in the darkness, both for the dead and the living. She would rather stumble upon the dead because they were predictable. The living were far more complicated and the uncertain nature of their situation made her stomach ache.

Negan proceeded with an extra dose of caution as the two of them approached the woods end and crept up on the windy back road they had flown down on the motorcycle the night before. He had no idea if Rick's people were nearby, searching or if they had completely lost them in their freedom ride.

"I don't see anybody," Nicole whispered as they scaled the area, emerging just slightly from the shadows. Her eyes scanned the collection of ballfields across the street that appeared as if they could be played on at any minute - aside from the stray walkers that roamed the area.

Negan grabbed her hand and towed her with him, crossing the road in catlike fashion until they were both leaping over a wooden barrier that led onto the grounds of the local college. In the distance there was a small collections of buildings overlooked by a sloping hill of townhouse-style dormitories. Nicole wasn't sure where to start, though the vacant grounds had a welcoming feel that she hoped was genuine.

"Let's fuckin' get up to those houses if we can," Negan huffed a breath and kept moving, drawing nod from Nicole as they went. Low growls were all around them from nearby walkers though they managed to slink through the former soccer field undetected as they approached a small parking lot that separate the field from the fence of the school's baseball stadium.

"Up and over?" Nicole whispered. She looked to the side, "Or do we go around?"

"The fence will make noise." He reached for her hand and nodded toward the end of the fence, scaling it as they crept as slowly as they could. Negan kept a handgun drawn as the familiar walker growls lurked around the corner, beckoning for their arrival. Just as quickly as he'd reached for the gun, he tucked it back into his pants and removed a knife, preparing to quietly silence their walking dead adversaries. Nicole followed suit and removed her own weapon, noting the multiple growls.

Negan edged to the end of the left field fence and carefully peeked his head around the corner, eyeballing the handful of the undead that lingered in their way - the only visible barrier between them and the hill of houses. "Alright, doll, there's five. You ready?"

"Yeah," Nicole whispered back. She took a deep breath and prepared to round the fence with Negan by her side. A familiar, chilling sound made her freeze and Negan turned around abruptly, whipping the gun back out from his hip as he recog the cock of a shotgun that was now pressed against the back of Nicole's head.

"Nicole..." Negan kept the gun raised over her shoulder at the man masked by the darkness beneath a low baseball cap. All at once time seemed to stand still.

She swallowed hard, pressing her eyes shut as a voice in the darkness grumbled a clear command that made her hair stand on end. "Don't move."


	98. Sixteen

Nicole swallowed hard and kept her focus on Negan with her hands in the air. Negan didn't back down in the stalemate, pointing his pistol directly into the unknown assailant's face.

"Drop that shit," Negan demanded.

The man hesitated a moment, staring back for a moment before he loosened up his posture a bit. "Negan?"

"Who the fuck's asking?"

"You gotta be shitting me." He slowly lowered his weapon, immediately causing Negan to grab Nicole and pull her to him. "It is you..."

Negan squinted in the darkness, unable to make out the man's face. He kept the gun raised as he tried to decipher what was going on.

"Skip," the man said, "Football... two-a-days."

He let the information register in his mind and then looked a little harder. "Skip? Coach..."

Skip let out a laugh and removed the baseball cap from his head to run a hand across his sweaty forehead. "Negan... I can't fuckin' believe it."

Nicole looked at Negan, who still held her against him propped a few inches protectively behind his large frame. She was about to ask who the man was but then immediately remembered the name Skip from the night they had all been out drinking at the bar playing darts.

"Holy shit." Negan huffed a laugh. He glanced at him from head to toe, "It only took the end of the world to force you to lose some fuckin' weight."

Skip laughed, "The apocalypse diet... works every fuckin' time."

Both men sighed and Negan looked down at Nicole. "I don't know if you remember-"

"Darts... the bar..."

He kissed her temple and chuckled again. "Fuck..."

"So what the hell are you doing?" Skip asked. "You're alive..."

"A group overran the place we created," Negan explained, not holding back in his share of information, though strategic in his wording, "I was leading a group almost since the beginning of this shit and we ended up in a fuckin' civil war." He bared the scar on his neck, "If it wasn't for Nicole I'd be just another one these deadhead fuckers stumbling around here." Before Skip could comment Negan went on, "I'm going to be fuckin' honest, we're fucked right now. How have you been surviving?"

Skip motioned to the college campus, "You're lookin' at it."

"No walls?"

"Haven't needed 'em." He motioned to the gun in his hands. "We have a solid front line that works through the nights and another crew that works the days."

"What about walker herds?"

"What's that? The dead..." Skip answered his own question in his mind. "We have methods to draw them away." He smiled and patted his old friend on the back, "Come on I'll show ya. Seems like you could use a fuckin' shower too."

...x

The front line that Skip had mentioned was no joke. The group looked like a uniformed army, all in tact and lined up with a strategic purpose that rang with authority. From Skip's easygoing posture and nonchalant hand gestures, Negan could see that his old friend held some weight at the community. The three of them passed through the line without question and trudged up the little hill that led to the townhouses.

"Shit, it's a good thing we didn't run into this fuckin' wall of guards." Negan nodded with approval, "This is some shit you got here."

"We got a good system going," Skip informed him. "Everyone knows their place... like a football team. You got your receivers, your linemen, your runningbacks…"

"Looks like you're the quarterback here."

"We've got a couple of 'em." He grinned and motioned toward one of the houses as they approached the front door. "The two of you can get settled in here. Shower, spend the night, get comfortable... eat something." Skip removed a large ring of keys from a belt loop and searched until he found one that matched the number next to the door. When he pushed it open Nicole felt a sudden rush of relief from the safe, cozy nature of the place.

"Wow." She let out a sigh and looked at Skip. "Thank you so much."

"I'll go meet with the inner circle and let them know you're staying in 16. If you need something come by the field house." He pointed to a large building to the left of the baseball field.

Negan held a hand out and shook Skip's hand. "I can't believe this shit."

He grinned. "It'll be just like old times buddy."


	99. The Moment

Nicole felt a sense of overwhelming relief from the fully stocked little home they had been invited to stay in. After helping themselves to a small meal she had forced Negan to the bathroom to tend to the wound on his neck. It was something that still worried her.

"They have rubbing alcohol... gauze pads... Advil..." Nicole squatted down in front of where he sat on the ledge of the bathtub and gently patted at the slice across his throat. She swallowed hard. "You're lucky this cut wasn't deeper."

Negan watched her a moment before reaching for one of her hands. "Hey..." When Nicole stopped to meet his stare he went on. "Thank you."

She continued what she was doing. "You don't have to thank me. We help each other."

"Yes I do." Negan allowed her to finish what she was doing and then ran a hand through her hair. He rose to his feet and turned on the shower before removing his shirt.

Nicole was about to do the same but he did it for her, kissing her one time on the lips in the process of helping her undress. She followed him in as steam took over the room and immediately locked her lips with his.

Negan wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, almost as if they were slow dancing. "I fucking love you," he whispered, keeping her body pressed up against his.

Nicole closed her eyes and rested her chin on his bare shoulder, squeezing him tighter. She left a tender kiss on neck and traced up to his earlobe and spoke directly in his ear. "I love you too," she hummed against him. Nicole kept her eyes closed as he continued to hold her against him, never attempting to progress the intimacy of the moment.

Negan let out a sigh and then eyed an unopened bar of soap on the ledge. He reached for it, still holding Nicole against him with his other arm and managed to open it before beginning to run the bar gently against her back in slow circles.

Nicole continued to pepper his neck with kisses before resting her head against the top of his chest. She moaned lightly as he continued to lather up her body and felt goosebumps when he kissed her forehead.

"Turn around," Negan instructed, aiding as she allowed him to knead his thumbs into her neck and upper back.

"Mmm..." Nicole swallowed hard. "I could stay in here for hours."

"You're going to cuddle naked with me in a few minutes."

"Okay." She enjoyed the pampering nature of their conjoined shower as Negan massaged her upper body before finding equal comfort in his company as their shower-warm bodies laid bare and entwined beneath the sheets of a bed in the lone bedroom of the house.

Negan cuddled her to him and managed not to worry about the uncertain nature of their circumstances. For the moment they were safe, fed, showered and together. He had faith that Skip's community could prove to be their new home.

Nicole's exhaustion was overshadowed by her need to entwined with Negan. She repositioned herself from his side with her arm and leg draped across him to fully on top of him so they were face to face. Without a word she kissed him once chastely, though let her lips linger against his as the kiss came to a close.

Negan rested his hands on her lower back and locked his fingers together. "You want me, don't you?" He tipped his mouth up in a half-grin.

Nicole couldn't deny it and nodded.

Negan reached a hand up and rested it on the curve of her face before letting his thumb rest on her bottom lip. "You're my girl," he whispered.

Nicole kissed the pad of his thumb and then leaned down and kissed him hard, taking the lead in igniting it and then joined herself to him with ease from the way they were positioned.

Negan's eyes closed and he slid his hands down to rest on her hips.

Nicole leaned forward and touched her lips to his as she initiated their love making session that left Negan initially swallowing hard with a collection of quiet sighs before sending him into a chorus on moans that she contributed to.

The warmth from the shower lingered under the covers as the two of them reconnected in the rawest form.

Nicole let out a breath against his lips, smiling as she did. "Aren't you going to talk dirty to me?"

Negan didn't open his eyes as he let his other senses relish in the pleasure as she continued to ride him. "Sometimes..." He let out another moan, "... you gotta make a little love, honey. And leave the fucking for another time." He sighed and guided her lips back to his.

Nicole kissed him hard and didn't realize she had stopped what she was doing until Negan desperately asked her to keep going. She took his lead and enjoyed the rare tender moment that accompanied their intimacy.

When they finally laid entwined together again, Negan sighed loudly and felt his eyes immediately grow heavy. "I could use a fuckin' cigarette after that one." He kept an arm draped around her, securing her to his chest again.

Nicole moaned lightly and linked her fingers through his on the opposite side of his torso. "I miss this."

He sighed. "We might've hit the fuckin' jackpot here doll. If so we can make up for lost time."

"Sounds good to me." Nicole cuddled tighter against him and left a stray kiss on his chest. She closed her eyes sensing Negan would surely drift off to sleep within the next few minutes. Nicole didn't have the energy to process any of the millions of questions that had raced though her mind since leaving the castle. Instead she enjoyed the security of the moment in the warm bed she shared with Negan.


	100. Four Plates

**Merry Christmas everyone!**

* * *

Skip had come through, vouching for both Negan and Nicole to the extent that Negan was able to work his way into the inner circle in just a short time.

They had been lucky to find the community and even luckier that Skip was one of the men in charge. Life without walls became an adjustment though eventually it was something that rarely crossed their minds. In time Nicole stopped thinking about it and while Negan continued to pitch ideas of how to build them the wall of men and women worked just fine.

To draw walkers away they always had distractions ready at a moment's notice - whether that be sending a firework into the air, sending off mass flares or creating another type of explosion. It worked - all of it worked. The community ran on pure man power and communication. They had no known enemies, casualties were rare and there were enough jobs to go around.

Nicole found herself as one of the main food producers in the wheat field. She learned how to make bread, pasta and oatmeal from scratch. All in all she enjoyed it, thinking how proud her Italian grandmother would be if she could see the skills she had developed. It was a role she had taken on when motherhood had become a new role in her life. It was only then when she agreed to stop volunteering for the human wall's front line and offering to go out scavenging with Negan.

There were stations for making weapons - everything from swords to bullets and even makeshift firearms. Kids played in the fields under supervision of their mothers and guards who were stationed there as part of their civic duty.

Negan's persuasive nature, charm and connection to Skip kept him in the group of decision-makers. People listened to him and both he and Nicole benefited from it.

Initially, Nicole wasn't sure how long they would stay or if the place was safe enough to be permanent, though the weeks led to months and months to years. Their stay in the community had become permanent and there was very little conflict in the grand scheme of things. She wished they had found the place sooner.

Nicole sat on the top step of the dugout on the baseball field and smiled as she watched the children play. It was when her two sons ran into her arms with grass stained clothes that made her heart melt the most. Seeing them smile, each with their father's dimples, was what she had grown to live for. This world was their normal. It was all they knew, and the fact that they were able to kick around a soccer ball in a safe community was what kept Nicole content.

At the closure of their play time she held her arms outstretched to the sides as they ran to her, diving into her arms with such force that she almost fell backwards.

"Are you ready for dinner?" Nicole squeezed them tight and closed her eyes. Both boys answered with fierce a fierce "Yeah!" and reached for her hands as the three of them marched back to their home in the midst of former college campus.

When they arrived, Negan already had a pot of spaghetti boiling and the table was set with four plates. Nicole was always pleasantly surprised when he was the one to prepare dinner and so she greeted him with an enthusiastic kiss after sending their children down the hall to wash up.

"You continue to amaze me," she spoke quietly against his lips.

"This means Daddy's gunna get some tonight right?" Negan kissed her back and smiled as they parted.

"I think I can pencil you in."

"Early bed time for those two tonight."

Nicole laughed lightly and Negan waved her to the stove, picking up the wooden spoon from the sauce pan and brought it slowly toward her lips. "Tell me what you think doll."

She placed her hand over his on the spoon, carefully letting the sauce touch her lips as she gently lapsed it her tongue.

"Perfect." Nicole smiled at him and then brought her lips back to his, parting as the boys ran into the kitchen.

"Slow down," Negan instructed, winking at Nicole when they immediately obeyed his order and slunk into two open seats at the table.

She smiled to herself as Negan joined them and took a moment to cherish the blessings that had been bestowed on her. In a world so dark and from a past so unorthodox came their family and a world of happiness that Nicole didn't know existed.

Despite the horrors that lurked and the so-called apocalypse that loomed around them, Nicole couldn't help but feel as if it was all untrue. What once felt like the end of the world was now a dream come true.


	101. Thanks For Reading

Thanks for reading this story... I'm sad that it is over for now... but I'm thinking up a new one for Negan... I may revisit Negan & Nicole at some point because I enjoy writing them :)

Thanks all for the reviews and for following along!


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